DISCLAIMER: This is not intended to replace actual psychobabble with a certified health care professional charging you BIG BUCKS to chat endlessly about your trivial problems. They have spent years in college and thousands of dollars to get the training required to listen to you whine and then say... UH HUH, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT.
The fine print:License agreement... Click here to SUBMIT... What if you refuse to submit? What if submission is NOT your mission? CLICK HERE to refuse to SUBMIT! Stand up and fight the bastards!...

MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER TO TELL THE ONLINE PSYCHOBABBLE GENERATOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS LOVELY IMAGE... THOSE "ROAR-SHACK BLOTS" TRULY REVEAL YOUR INNERMOST SECRETS... NOT!!!

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For your information. This psychobabble generator was inspired by a computer program called "Elisa" that was written in the 1960s. It simulated a conversation about psychological problems. As a matter of fact it was a VASTLY SUPERIOR program than the one on this page. The concept has been improved over the last 40 years and has evolved into "chatbots" and the programming language "alice"... I'm interested in any improvements and where can I get a copy. Email me info. [email protected]

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My program (ShrinkInABox)was based on a free javascript called "random funny quote". It randomly selects one of 60 answers to your question. My challenge was to write 60 statements that could be valid as an answer to anything that you typed. I found that it helped me define my own philosophy of life. I believe that it is totally useless for actual therapy but IT IS amusing. I find that the same answers appear too often and the illusion of talking to an actual human is destroyed by repetative answers. I plan to improve this program by storing the answers that have already been displayed in an array called "used_answers" and choosing to display answers that are not in that array. Random answers is just not good enough to pass the "Turing test".

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Thanks to Douglas Adams (RIP) for the question about Life, the Universe and Everything. The answer to that question is 42. Read the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy for a detailed explanation.

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More Babbling by me...

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My thoughts about GOD...I don't believe in GOD, but I MIGHT BE WRONG! One of the steps says that "I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity". The Group Of Drunks (G. O. D.) that I joined in AA is clearly a power greater than myself. There are about 50 people that attend meetings in Chico and their combined power is greater than mine. 50 people can easily lift an automobile, but I cannot. 50 people can purchase an entire apartment building, but I cannot. The power of MILLIONS of AA members worldwide is awesome... I listened to what those people said and it worked. This Group Of Drunks has a place for people of ANY faith. Many people get upset when they first join AA because they have had bad experiences with the PEOPLE from the Christian Church. Do not be concerned. AA does not force any one brand name of God on anyone. Buddha, KRSNA, GAIA, Native American, Allah, Thor, Ra, LSD, Yaweh, or "NONE OF THE ABOVE" are all welcome. Relax and choose your own power. That step also specifically says the word "could". The words in the steps were very carefully chosen. For example: If I buy a lottery ticket I COULD win millions of dollars. It is very unlikely that it will happen, but it COULD. I came to believe that my sanity COULD be restored. The future is unpredictable and it COULD happen. That was enough. I opened my mind to the possibility and... My sanity was restored. Some unexplainable things have happened to me. I went with a few of my AA buddies to a Christian / Native American Tent revival meeting. It lasted for 5 days. One night we played the drums for hours and a song formed in my head. Fortunately, I had my guitar with me and I was able to write down all the music and lyrics. The chorus (awaken the giant within) just appeared in my mouth while we were beating the "father" drum. This type of experience is extremely pleasing but rather standard. As a matter of fact, if you DON'T get a spiritual experience when you are playing the drums, something is wrong. What happened the next night is unexplainable. After listening to the preacher man and the music I went up to another spiritual leader and complained to him that other people were having religious experiences but nothing was happening to me. Other people were talking to spiritual leaders and then FALLING RIGHT OVER. They called it being "slain by the spirit". He talked to me for a while and then blew air at me with his mouth. I was knocked to the ground. Under normal circumstances, it would take two strong men to knock me to the ground (or one with a baseball bat). This man did it with his breath. Just a puff of air and down I went. I was aware of my surroundings and awake the whole time. This event really happened. I can't explain it. I don't believe in GOD but I MIGHT BE WRONG ! Maybe GOD knocked me over. I believe that there COULD be a GOD. It is possible. It is extremely unlikely, but... So is the fact that we have LIFE here on planet Earth. There is no sign of life on Mars or the Moon or on any other planet that we can sense, but... here we are... Just Coincidence? Another unexplainable thing that happened was that I gave my crack cocaine addiction to Jesus. While I was living in Washington DC I smoked crack and became addicted. I went to a Baptist church and told the minister about my problem and he suggested that I give my addiction to Jesus. One minister talked to me in English while another talked to me in "tongues" and I asked Jesus to take my addiction. I have not smoked cocaine since. That happened 20 years ago. It is ironic that these two events happened to me in a Christian Church. I believe that Jesus was a man. A smart man, but just a man. He has some GREAT ideas. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Moses had some GREAT ideas, too. So did Spike Lee. "DO THE RIGHT THING". Brilliant! "Ram Dass" wrote a wonderful book (REMEMBER, BE HERE NOW) but only a fool would think that Dr.. Richard Alpert was the SON of GOD. I have taken communion at a Baptist church and was truly disappointed. I drank the wine and ate the wafer and NOTHING HAPPENED. I have gone to other events hosted by other religions but nothing happened there, either. I've played the drums with Buddhist Monks in front of the White House in Washington DC while protesting the gulf war, I've visited a Hindu GURU at an ashram in Virginia, chanted the HARE KRSNA for hours, but NOTHING ever happened. I was raised in a home that believed in reality. Invisible "friends" were dismissed as silly superstitions. Gods that could not be seen, heard, touched, tasted or smelled were obviously nonexistent. We believe that thunder is caused by static electric discharge, not THOR, the GOD OF THUNDER. We believe in CAUSE and EFFECT. Science can explain almost everything. Science still needs to do more basic research because we don't know everything yet. I'm sorry to report that the "tooth fairy" is not real. The quarter that I found under my pillow after losing a baby tooth was placed there by my dad. There is no Santa Claus. If it makes YOU feel good to believe in Allah or Jesus or V***GER (Star Trek), go right ahead. Please don't kill me because I don't bow down towards Mecca. I've BEEN to OZ and there is a WIZARD behind the curtain. He's just a man... Quetzacoatl ? No thanks... I'm a JEDI Knight and YODA is my master... When I was drinking heavily I bowed down to RALPH the porcelain GOD of toilette... I guess that I'm lucky that GOD believes in me.