Bill Gates invokes National Security
(c) April 4, 2001 Greg Utrecht

In a letter to the appeals court judge today, Bill Gates says Microsoft is
an important part of National Security, and not a monopoly. "It's a little
known fact that Microsoft has been working closely with the government since
1991," said Bates.

Gates enclosed a copy of a memorandum from National Security Council
President Stan Lowenbill to substantiate his claim. In an interview with
Lowenbill we learned that the NSA position was to deny Americans the use of
powerful computers that could be used in "encryption, espionage,
counter-espionage, counter-counter intelligence, counter-intuitive espionage
intelligence, or laser guidance systems." Mr. Lowenbill said we should call
him Stan the man, saying "everybody around here does."

The assistant to Mr Lowenbill Katherine T McGoogle explained that the
benchmark for American computers was that they should be no more powerful at
problem solving than a 1986 IBM XT with a Prodigy subscription. "We are
very proud of Microsoft and feel their computers are the Model T of
operating systems. Hard to drive, uncomfortable for most people and they
break down a lot." Miss McGoogle also said that the NSA feels a 1986 IBM XT
with Prodigy is good enough for government work. "Most people making a
living in the IT world have never seen a Sun or Silicon Graphics computer
and we like it that way," McGoogle said.

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too subtle for many people, this parody is about Katherine Harris and Jeb Bush. There is no direct evidence that corporate control
of the United States government is as great as this story implies