Home of Greg Sanders Slash Fiction
by Buffyangel68
TWO HOURS LATER:
Jim Ellison didn't sing. If questioned, the people who knew him best would reply that he not only didn't sing, he couldn't. Given fly on the wall status in the couple's hotel room, those same people would have had their pre-conceived notions utterly shattered.
Jim lay spooned close to his lover, one arm draped lightly over Blair's ribcage. The hand attached to that arm was tracing slow, random patterns on the smaller man's stomach while Jim sang softly. Blair Sandburg was the only one who'd been afforded the privilege of hearing Jim's surprisingly sweet mid-range tenor more than once and, despite several pleas and entreaties, Ellison was insistent that it stay that way. Still, as much as Blair wished the world could know of Jim's gift, a very small, slightly selfish part of him rejoiced that the precious treasure was his alone.
At the moment, however, nothing in Blair felt like rejoicing. He was swathed in blankets and surrounded by Jim's warmth, but he couldn't seem to stop shaking. Even the intensely beautiful lullaby drifting over him was barely making an impact, when in normal circumstances Jim's singing calmed him instantly no matter what had happened.
" *Good-night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say.
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay.
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep.
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me... * "
For the first time since they'd returned, Blair stirred in Jim's easy embrace and reached out for a tissue on the nightstand, blotting the dampness on his cheeks.
"I love that song... it's one of my favorites..."
"I know. I wish it was working. I hate knowing you're in this much pain... Should I try something different?"
"Maybe..."
"More Billy?"
"Yeah. The home song..."
"That's yours. It's the only one I can get you to sing to me."
"Can I help it if the lyrics fit me?" Blair replied, smiling faintly.
"Guess not. Go on, then. Sing."
"I can't... there's no music in me right now."
Jim repressed the growl of sheer fury that demanded to be voiced. One of the things he loved most about Blair was his feel for rhythm and melody and the way the simplest tune could induce the younger man to move and dance. The thought that anyone, especially his eternally absent mother, could make Blair feel as if his love of music had been driven from him, enraged Jim beyond anything he'd ever felt. Despite this surge of negative emotion, however, he did his best to keep his voice light while still expressing his empathy.
"If she ever comes near you again I'll smack her into next week... guaranteed."
"I wouldn't mind getting in a backhand or two, myself."
"Blair!" Jim admonished gently.
"Hey, I'm still trying to pick my heart and my jaw up off the floor. Gimme a little time... I'll be back to my mostly pacifist ways."
"Sorry. It's just... you always forgive her. I admire that. Forgiveness isn't so easy for me..."
"Yeah, well..."
Jim sighed and snuggled closer to Blair, pulling the other man tighter against him.
"She's finally stepped over the 'last straw' line?"
"I think so. I mean... everything before this I could kind of understand. She interferes and screws with my life, yeah, but... at least she usually had good intentions. Not telling me I had a brother... nothing she can come up with could ever excuse that big a lie."
"At least she did what she could to get you in touch with each other. She made sure you had a relationship, even if it wasn't as deep as the one you would have had if you'd known the truth."
Blair turned in Jim's arms and studied his lover intently.
"Now that you've patched things up with Steven... now that you've really gotten to know him, would you trade that for anything in the world?" Blair asked of Jim's own formerly estranged younger brother.
"No. Nothing except you. I'd give up everything to keep you with me..."
"Same here, big guy. But you understand what I'm saying, right? She stole all the years Greg and I could've already spent as brothers... how am I supposed to forgive that? How am I supposed to even understand it..." Blair whispered, breaking down into heaving sobs. Jim rocked him slowly, murmured comforting words and sheltered him until the tears faded away, finally taking the shivering with them. It coincided, fortunately, with the ringing of Blair's cell phone, but before Ellison could reach out and grab it, Blair spoke up, his voice weary.
"Please don't, Jim..."
"Oh, c'mon. You can't think..."
"It's her. She always knows when I'm upset or hurt."
"You're not ready to talk to her."
"Not even close."
"I have to at least answer it, love. If she doesn't get anyone to pick up she'll come racing back from wherever, find out we're not in Cascade and completely go off her rocker."
"You're right... okay, answer, but I'm incommunicado..."
"Got it. Hello? He's okay. He's around somewhere. No. His choice. I'm sure. No. Good-bye."
When Jim finished and replaced the phone on the nightstand, he looked at Blair to find him smiling grimly.
"You didn't trust yourself not to use dirty words and give her a stroke."
"Damn right." Jim agreed, wrapping Blair up once again. "I know you're exhausted, Chief... why don't you try an' go to sleep?"
"I don't know if I can..."
"Just close your eyes and listen, then okay?
* When the rain is blowin' in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evenin' shadows and the stars appear
And there is noone there to dry your tears
I would hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love... * "
---------------------
SAME TIME PERIOD: GREG'S BEDROOM
Nick stood in the doorway to Greg's room, watching and becoming more and more concerned. The younger man was curled up on his bed, back to the door and Nick was certain he knew he was no longer alone, but Greg hadn't moved or spoken. Finally, Nick's worry ended his internal struggle over whether or not to initiate a conversation.
"Greg?"
"Go away."
"I just wanna make sure you're... you need anything? Anything at all?"
"Privacy."
"Greggo, I..."
"It's not your fault, Nick."
"That's not it."
"Then what?"
"I don't know... I wanna help so bad, but I can't figure out how..."
"I don't know either... that's why I... need time and quiet to think."
"Okay. If... if you get nervous... or if you just decide you wanna talk, I won't be but a few feet away."
Nick turned to go, but he never made it out the door.
"Talking won't help. You don't have... any more answers... than I do."
"I can try."
"Fine. Who should I... be mad at?"
"I don't understand..."
"Who do I blame? My birth mom for... treating me like... a Christmas present that... didn't fit? Blair for being the... one she chose to keep? Of course, I could... hate myself too. Maybe I just... wasn't good enough...to make her want me..."
"Greg, God no..."
Nick strode toward the bed, but halted a foot or so from his goal when he saw fear flash momentarily in Greg's eyes. "Is it... can I hold you... like I did in the hospital? If you say no, it's no, just... damn it, you're hurtin' an I can't think what else to do..." Nick pleaded, desperately trying to keep his voice free of pain or anxiety. Greg had to know he was Nick's priority and only focus and that the Texan's own fears and issues would remain locked firmly away as long as Greg needed him.
Eventually Greg sat up and looked at his friend and protector. Slowly, Nick approached and took a seat on the edge of the bed. After thinking for a moment, however, he changed his mind about the hug and held out both hands palm up instead of opening his arms. Greg quietly sighed with relief and laid his hands on Nick's.
{It's a connection. That's what matters. We're makin' contact an' he's comfortable. I've held him before... the memory of how amazin' that feels is gonna have to be enough to keep me goin'. I can wait for him... I can, damn it.}
Nick smiled, knowing he'd made the right choice, and began to speak softly, but with great emotion. "I want you to listen close, 'cause this is real important. You didn't do this, bud. You an' Blair.. your hands are clean. You did nothin' to make her hurt you like this. It's on her... you get that? It's on her. You were only a baby for God's sake... he wasn't much more than a toddler. You just stick with me, Greggo. I'll see you through all this... however it plays out I'll be at your side... okay?"
"I was getting better... I really was. Now here comes... another rock slide..."
"I know. I won't let it break you... and this'll be the last for a while, I promise. You deserve some peace an' I'm gonna see you get it."
"My hero..."
"You got that right. As long as you'll let me be... or you need me to be."
"Not forever... but don't send your... cape and tights to the... dry cleaners yet."
"Understood..."
---------------------------------------
THE LAB: START OF SHIFT
Though he was also studying a report as he stood by the door to the locker room, Grissom's main focus was on the people strolling in to start work. When he saw Catherine enter, he greeted her cheerfully.
"Cath. Hi."
"Hey."
"Can you spare a minute?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"How much did you manage to collect for the gift fund?"
"A lot more than I was anticipating. Almost a hundred and sixty."
"Impressive." Grissom replied, raising one eyebrow.
"The day shift insisted on contributing even though Ecklie forbid it when he got wind of why I was asking for money. You look excited. You have an idea, don't you?"
"Yeah, but I wanted to pass it by you first."
He grinned and Cath was reminded of a few rare moments when she had seen his childlike side emerge. It hadn't happened in a long time and she was gratified to realize he hadn't let the little boy inside him die. The memories enticed her to return the mischievous smile as she responded.
"Okay... shoot."
"Half on a gift card to his favorite music store."
"Perfect. And the rest?"
"I'm torn between clothes and electronics."
"He probably has more than enough of both..."
"True. Those were my only ideas."
"We'll think of something. Any cases yet tonight?"
"Two. Both look fairly straightforward, but..."
"... nothing's ever how it looks. I know. Which one do you want me on?"
"Warrick and Carleton can handle the hotel DB. You and the other newbie will be with me."
"Oh yeah. Malenson. How's he doing? I haven't had much chance to work with him."
"Personality-wise he's alright. He works hard, he's professional..."
"But he's not Nick."
"He isn't supposed to be."
"C'mon. You miss him, you marshmallow."
Grissom eyed her critically and she tried again. "Oreo cookie? Hard on the outside, sweet and mushy in the middle?"
He shook his head.
"French roll." he corrected. "A little crusty, but warm and tender where it counts."
Catherine laughed. Gil smiled and turned away, heading for his office.
"Meet you outside in ten?"
"That'll do fine." He replied over his shoulder.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TBC.......
The songs are Billy Joel's and Bob Dylan's, not mine... but you knew that.
