Heebee Geebee's Transcript --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TEASER Interior - a diner - Jane, Scotty & Dennis are sitting in a booth. Music - Blondie, “One Way or Another” SCOTTY: Hey, you know, it’s a scientific fact, ok? The ability to control it is out of my hands. I’m just laying it on the line - I didn’t make up the rules, ok? You gotta understand that. JANE: So what, you’re saying that I’m not a girl? SCOTTY: I’m sorry, Jane, it’s sad but it’s true, ok? Vaughn and I no longer look at you as a girl, ok? We’ve spent entirely too much time on the road together. We have lived too intimately, we have seen too much. I mean any mysterious femaleness that you ever had has vanished. Jane just smiles and nods with a “Yeah whatever” look. SCOTTY: (leans forward, whispers) We know you go to the bathroom. It’s over. Not a girl, I’m sorry. JANE: Do you know how idiotic you sound? SCOTTY: Yes, Jane, I do. JANE: Dennis, you wanna help me out here? DENNIS: (sighs) No he’s right Jane, you’re, uh, you’re no longer a girl. (Pauses) You’re a lady. JANE: Oh come on, that’s even worse! Vaughn approaches booth as Scotty teases Jane. SCOTTY: A lady! JANE: Come on, guys, come on! VAUGHN: You guys are not gonna believe what I just did. JANE: (turns to him) Ok Vaughn, you see me as a girl, right? I mean, you see me as feminine and sexy, right? Scotty snorts in the background. VAUGHN: Yeah (Scotty looks up at him, surprised). I mean, I think you’re the sexiest girl that I’ve ever known. JANE: Really? Scotty grins up at Vaughn as he hesitates. VAUGHN: (backtracking) I mean, you know that. In a sisterly kind of way. Jane looks down and away. SCOTTY: (knowingly nodding): Oh. There's an awkward pause until finally Vaughn sits, changing the subject abruptly. VAUGHN: I just got us a gig. (Clearing throat) DENNIS: Hey, that’s what I like to see, right there. A little initiative. You guys take notes. Very good Vaughn. Where? VAUGHN: You ready for this? (Pause) Heebee Geebee’s. SCOTTY: Dude. JANE: No way (both in the same awe-struck tone) VAUGHN: Haha, I am not kidding! SCOTTY: Dude! (Hits fists with Vaughn as Vaughn laughs). Yeah! New York City here we come! Yeah! JANE: (claps hands and bounces up and down in excitement) It’s the best opportunity to play our new stuff! Dennis has a strange look on his face. SCOTTY: Oh yeah, totally, but we should definitely start with an old standby, you know what I mean? Like as a wake-up call to let the people know the Problem have arrived, baby. JANE: Oh, "Panic Man" SCOTTY: "Panic Man" JANE/SCOTTY: All right. Totally. VAUGHN: All right, all right rhythm section heard from. (Starts writing on a piece of paper, stops when Dennis talks) DENNIS: Sure you guys want to do this? Everyone stares at him in confusion. SCOTTY: What are you talking about, of course we want to do this. DENNIS: (stammering) Well, you know, playing Heebee Geebee’s is totally - that’s totally overrated, man. It’s - that place is - is ancient history. VAUGHN: (enunciating slowly & deliberately) Dennis. I have been wanting to play Heebee Geebee’s since the day that I picked up a guitar. JANE: Yeah and it’s about time we played a gig in New York, Den. DENNIS: (upset and defensive) Oh yeah, well how the hell was I supposed to know that you guys wanted to play a gig so bad in New York? Huh? SCOTTY: What, you mean besides the fact that we’ve been asking you about it constantly for the past two years? Besides that? DENNIS: All right, ok, where are we gonna stay? Huh? Did you think about that? VAUGHN: Yeah, but you see, that is the best part! They already have this pad set up where the bands can stay from out of town. It’s supposed to be sweet. DENNIS: Ok. All right. Fine, sure. All right. We’ll do it. We’ll - we’ll go to New York. If that’s what you guys want to do, we’ll do it. SCOTTY: Damn skippy. DENNIS: But I’m warning you, you’re gonna see a lot of really sick, weird and twisted stuff in that city. Scotty nudges Vaughn, who’s writing again. He looks up and we get a shot of a cook walking out of the kitchen with his head under his arm. Jane turns to see what they’re staring at and quickly turns back, eyes wide. SCOTTY: (still staring at the ghost) Yeah I think - I think we can handle it. Jane drops her head into her arms, Scotty turns away and faces out the window and Vaughn drops head down to writing and doesn’t look up. DENNIS: Oh, what, are you making fun of me now? CREDITS Shots of New York City as Dennis’ van drives through city. Exterior - sidewalk & street in Manhattan in front of building. They’re unloading the gear. VAUGHN: You didn’t even try to book us at that club, did you Dennis? DENNIS: No, all right? No, I didn’t. JANE: What?! Why? DENNIS: Because I’m afraid of New York, ok? I’m afraid. The one time I was here I got mugged and it freaked me out a little bit and I’m still a little freaked out about it right now. It happened right here in this neighborhood. Oh, that reminds - I got something for you guys. Hold on. He turns and goes back into the van. An old Indian with a bow and arrow comes walking down the street towards them. SCOTTY: Whoa. Scotty and Vaughn put sunglasses on. SCOTTY: Oh man, major dead zone. Dead zone, dead zone. A woman comes down the street the other way in colonial clothes as Scotty talks. Jane’s eyes widen and she quickly puts on sunglasses too. DENNIS: (returns with a box and sets in on a nearby car) Yeah, I got these yesterday. They’re great. (He opens the box and hands something to each) Here - here’s one for you [Jane]. JANE: Mace? SCOTTY: Oh! DENNIS: For you [Scotty] and then there’s - [Vaughn]. No, see it’s pepper spray. SCOTTY: All right, perfect way to spice up any meal! (Starts shaking bottle) VAUGHN: Dennis don’t you think this is a bit alarmist? DENNIS: Look, I’m your manager and it’s my job to take care of you all, right? So just-just keep it, for me, ok? (A taxi stuck behind the van beeps. He turns and makes a motion towards taxi) Hold on one second. (Turns back to the group) CABBIE: Hey, come on, move your truck! Let’s go! DENNIS: (louder) One second, ok? God I hate this town! Look...um...no, um...you guys bring the stuff upstairs to the loft. I’m going to go park the van and I’ll meet you up there, ok, all right? (Cabbie yells in background) Dennis walks back to the van as Cabbie honks horn. CABBIE: Hey, move your truck! Hey buddy, come on! DENNIS: (closing van back doors) One second, huh? Come on! He heads for driver’s seat around other side of van, out of sight. Scotty, Vaughn and Jane are examining pepper spray. They laugh and a moment later three bottles hit the trash can as they gather their stuff to go upstairs. VAUGHN: Ok. SCOTTY: Oh geez (Same time) Interior - hallway of building. JANE: Can you believe how many ghosts are here? We’ve been here for about an hour and seen probably fifty. SCOTTY: I know, that’s New York, baby. It’s like 200 years of people’s dreams being crushed like bugs - it’s ridiculous. VAUGHN: I know. No one makes eye contact on the street here anyway, though, so we should fit right in. Shot of a man bending over at end of hallway - he turns to face them. JUNKIE: Hey, uh, help me out here, huh? VAUGHN: (sarcastically) I’ll get ya later buddy, I gotta break a twenty. He turns to door with key as junkie appeals to Scotty & Jane. JUNKIE: Come on. One of you give me some change or something? I almost got enough. SCOTTY: All right man, listen up, listen up. Here (he reaches into his pocket) I’ll give you this only if you promise to set up shop somewhere else (holds out a stack of coins). JUNKIE: (holding out hand) Sure, whatever. JANE: That’s not going to help him. (Scotty turns to look at her) JUNKIE: No one asked you, Nancy Reagan. SCOTTY: (turns back) Hey, hey. Scotty drops change into junkie’s hand - it goes right through and clatters on the floor as all four of them look down at it for a second. SCOTTY: Well. (To Jane) You’re right, no help at all. JUNKIE: How’d you do that man? That was messed up. SCOTTY: You wanna tell him, Nance? JANE: Shut up. (Gathers bags and moves towards door) Vaughn unlocks the door and almost falls into the room; looks around. VAUGHN: Whoa! JANE: Nice. SCOTTY: Ah haha! (Same time) Scan of room interior - spacious with some furniture, fridge, carpet. Everyone enters. JUNKIE: I had no idea this was in here. This is sweet. Vaughn goes over to window, tries to open it, can’t. Interior - Jane heads into bathroom, where everything is coated in dirt. She sees a leg, moves closer and finds a little girl hiding behind sink in corner. JANE: (crouching down) What are you doing here, honey? LITTLE GIRL: Don’t tell Mr. Giamella you found me. JANE: Who? LITTLE GIRL: My boss. He’s mean. JANE: You have a boss? Little girl nods. JANE: What do you do? LITTLE GIRL: I make shirts. JANE: (understands now) Oh. (Pause) Well you don’t have to worry about that anymore, cause Mr. Giamella’s dead. LITTLE GIRL: He is? JANE: Yeah LITTLE GIRL: Did it hurt? JANE: I don’t know. LITTLE GIRL: (smiling) I hope it did. JANE: (smiling back at her) Come on - just come on. Come out of there now. As she’s talking little girl disappears. Jane smiles, then stands and walks out. Exterior - Dennis is in van still driving around looking for a parking spot. DENNIS: Come on. How hard is it to find a parking spot, huh? God I hate this town - why do people live here? Huh? Oh oh oh oh oh (Jeep pulls into a space ahead of him - he leans on horn) That was mine! That was mine! One spot. (Sighs and groans) Interior - loft SCOTTY: (to Junkie) Hey man, come here, I want to talk to you. Come here man, come here. I got some good news, and I got some bad news for you, which do you want to hear first? Junkie ghost looks at him, confused. SCOTTY: All right, I’m gonna give you the bad news, ok? I’m gonna give you the bad news first. (Pause as he tries to figure out how to say this) You’re dead. JUNKIE: (sighs) God, no. But I’m really hurtin’ man! SCOTTY: No, no man, I mean you’re really - (points up) - like you - He sees the vacant expression on the Junkie ghost’s face and gives up. SCOTTY: Ok, you now what, never mind. Let’s, uh, let’s not start there. How bout this, ok, are you an addict? JUNKIE: Duh. SCOTTY: Yeah! All right...how long has it been since your last fix? JUNKIE: A really long time, man! SCOTTY: Long, right, yeah! Do you get what I’m saying here? Been a long time? Maybe you’re not an addict anymore! JUNKIE: What? SCOTTY: Think about it man. An addict is someone who has to have something in them every day, all the time, right? You’re someone who hasn’t had something in him in a really long time, a really long time. You said so yourself. Sounds to me like you might be clean there, brother. JUNKIE: Me? SCOTTY: Yeah! JUNKIE: No way. SCOTTY: Yeah! Man look at you! You look great, look at you. Look at your back, man, (Junkie ghost looks behind him) do you see a monkey? I don’t see no monkey! That monkey’s gone, you kicked it, brother! Wooo! JUNKIE: So I’m clean? Scotty nods. JUNKIE: Yeah (Straightens coat) Yeah, I feel great. You know, excuse me. I got - I got some things I gotta do, all right? SCOTTY: Yeah, go to it, brother! Junkie ghost turns and disappears. SCOTTY: Whew. VAUGHN: (approaches from behind) Nice work, brother. You should open up a treatment center. SCOTTY: Yeah maybe if all my patients were dead. That’d be cool. They laugh. Exterior - Dennis is parking van in an alley. It’s quickly getting dark out. DENNIS: (Sighs) Finally. (He looks around nervously) Where the hell am I? (Gets pepper spray ready in hand) Interior - inside Heebee Geebee’s with rock music playing. Shots of band playing, people dancing and drinking; finally we see the Problem at the bar watching. JANE: You know I was kind of intimidated at first, but we’re just as good as these guys. SCOTTY: Please, we kick ass on these chumps! Yeah! JANE: I know! All three toast and gulp their drinks. More shots of band playing. JANE: Where’s Dennis? VAUGHN: I don’t know, but you know, I think we should get out of here and check out some other clubs. SCOTTY: Amen, brother, I’m in! The city that never sleeps! Yeah! They turn and leave. Band onstage finishes number. Exterior - deserted street at night Dennis is walking along very nervous and jumpy. He almost sprays two girls that come out of a nearby house and a man who walks by and coughs. He turns a corner and a man’s head pops out from behind a building, then the man follows him. Dennis keeps walking. Everyone he sees seems suspicious and frightening. He keeps clenching pepper spray tighter and tighter. VAUGHN: (off camera) Hey Dennis, where you going man? Vaughn’s hand comes down on Dennis’ shoulder. Dennis screams and sprays him full in the face with pepper spray for a couple seconds. Vaughn falls back against a car as Scotty grabs Dennis from behind and Jane goes to help Vaughn, holding up her hand in case Dennis attacks again. SCOTTY: (still holding Dennis back) Hey, give me the pepper spray, huh? Jane leans over Vaughn then pulls back, waving her hand in the air and coughing. JANE: Dennis, are you insane? Vaughn has hands over his face and is screaming incoherently. COMMERCIALS Exterior - daytime, in an outdoor café on the sidewalk. All four are sitting around a table. DENNIS: Will you stop looking at me like that? I said I’m sorry. VAUGHN: You should be! Psycho! (Scotty laughs) I’m only now starting to be able to make out shapes again! (Jane laughs) DENNIS: Well, you know, it’s not funny to sneak up on people like that. Vaughn just gives him a look and puts his sunglasses on. JANE: (still giggling) Well Dennis, we called your name like five times and you walked away with that weird look on your face. The man following Dennis last night approaches the table. (When he’s standing there talking to them, he’s between Vaughn and Jane, opposite Dennis.) DENNIS: You know, you’re right. This is crazy. I gotta - I gotta pull myself together. This town is not going to get the best of Dennis Budny! MAN (RUDY): You are Dennis Budny! (Scotty, Vaughn and Jane turn to look at him like ‘Who are you?’ Dennis doesn’t look up.) I knew it! Look, look I am so sorry, I can’t even tell you. Please, you have to forgive me. SCOTTY: Who are you? (Dennis looks at Scotty, confused) RUDY: (startled - looks at Scotty) What - you heard me? SCOTTY: Oh crap (lowers his head into his arms - similar reactions from other two) RUDY: Wait wait wait wait - are you - you can actually hear me? VAUGHN: Great. JANE: Ok - this is kind of complicated, all right? Dennis watches her talking to thin air. DENNIS: Who? SCOTTY: Nobody. VAUGHN: Nobody. JANE: No one. DENNIS: (sarcastically) Is there some ghost talking to you? Shot of the blank space between Vaughn and Jane where Rudy is standing. SCOTTY: No not us, actually, he’s trying to talk to you. DENNIS: Oh yeah? SCOTTY: Yeah. DENNIS: Well what’s he trying to say? RUDY: That I’m sorry. SCOTTY: He’s sorry. DENNIS: He’s sorry? SCOTTY: Uh huh. VAUGHN: (grinning) That’s what he said. DENNIS: (still sarcastically) Really? Ok, ok so why would there be a ghost in New York who wants to tell me he’s sorry? Vaughn, Jane and Scotty look at Rudy. RUDY: I mugged him. SCOTTY: (looking back at Dennis) Ooh. JANE: (looking up at Rudy) That was you? RUDY: Yeah. DENNIS: (shot of the blank space between Vaughn and Jane again) What did the ghost say? JANE: Just that...he’s the one who mugged you. Dennis gets a weird look on his face, then gets upset. DENNIS: (suddenly not playing along anymore) That’s not funny. He gets up and leaves. SCOTTY: (calling after him) But he’s sorry! RUDY: Yeah, I am. I’m sor-I’m sorry! (Following Dennis) The other three get up and follow them. Exterior - follows group walking down sidewalk then across street. RUDY: (talking towards Dennis) I can’t apologize enough. Listen, you have to forgive me. It was the biggest mistake I ever made in my whole life. JANE: Just forgive him and then he’ll go away. DENNIS: Yeah, that’s really funny. The ghost of the guy who mugged me. RUDY: Rudy. JANE: His name’s Rudy and he’s begging you to forgive him. DENNIS: (looking around where Rudy might be standing) Well, uh, Rudy, if you’re really here and, uh, you’re really the ghost of the guy who mugged me, you know - GO TO HELL! Enough screwing around - I got work to do. He heads for the subway entrance. RUDY: (following) Slow down - wait - hold on! A sailor walks towards them and makes eye contact with Scotty. The Sailor does a double take and looks again as he passes. Scotty goes “Oh!” and spins away, jamming his sunglasses on but it’s too late. VAUGHN: Oh! You didn’t man! SAILOR GHOST: (comes back) Excuse me, sir? Did you just see me? SCOTTY: Uh, no, shove off Cap’n Crunch. (Vaughn and Jane act oblivious) Scotty walks away and heads for the subway entrance - Vaughn and Jane follow. Camera zooms in on sign: Contlandt St. Station - Church St. Exterior - subway entrance near loft, 8th St. - N.Y.U. Broadway. They emerge from the subway to find the Sailor ghost waiting for them. SAILOR GHOST: Do you see me now? SCOTTY: Yeah, ok, I see you, I can see you, I can hear you, but so can those guys! VAUGHN: Oh! JANE: Thanks chief. (Same time) SAILOR GHOST: Well - you wouldn’t be the holders of the amulet I heard about? VAUGHN: (dripping sarcasm) Oh good, we’re finally famous! JANE: Wait, what do you mean heard about? SAILOR GHOST: Well years ago I heard stories about it, but I always thought it was just a legend. But lately there’s been a rumor going around that there are new Possessors. JANE: Oh, ok so there’s a ghost rumor mill? SAILOR GHOST: Well ma’am, word does spread about things from time to time. SCOTTY: Well what, did you hear it through the ghost vine? SAILOR GHOST: Yes, sir. Greaser Ghost walks by during conversation, does a double take and turns around and comes towards them. Vaughn notices him as he approaches. VAUGHN: Oh here we go. GREASER GHOST: Yo - are you - are you actually talking to these guys? SAILOR GHOST: Yes sir. These are the Possessors of the Amulet. GREASER GHOST: The what-ulet? SAILOR GHOST: The amulet. It allows them to see us. SCOTTY: Yeah but - shhh - yeah but that’s that...that’s something we prefer to- JANE: Keep under wraps, please. SCOTTY: Yeah. VAUGHN: Yeah, it’s actually kind of more of a secret. Can you keep a secret?!! GREASER GHOST: (cupping hands around mouth) Yo everybody! These guys can see us! (Yelling) They can talk to us! Come here! Right here! Vaughn, Jane and Scotty look around as ghosts all over the block start in their direction. There’s got to be like 50, from all different time periods. JANE: (pulling the guys away from the oncoming crowd) Ok here’s the plan. The plan is to walk away. VAUGHN: Good plan. SCOTTY: Ok, listen. Let’s scatter, ok? We split up, the ghosts have to split up too. Oh geez, ok, everybody’s responsible to ditch the ghosts that are following them, all right? We meet back at the loft in an hour, all right? Ok, scatter, go go go!! He runs off to right. Vaughn and Jane look at each other, then Vaughn runs in the opposite direction and Jane runs to right. The ghosts split up, running after all three. Exterior - on another street/sidewalk with Rudy and Dennis RUDY: I - I was desperate. I made a horrible, horrible mistake and for weeks I didn’t eat or sleep and finally I got a job painting billboards on high rises. And...well as crazy as it sounds, I was going to find you. And I was going to pay you back, I swear. But I...fell off the Chrysler Building. [They stop at a sidewalk food vendor and get in line.] I know you can’t hear me, but I’m sorry, I am. DENNIS: (to vendor) Yeah, I’ll take one of those pretzels please? RUDY: (worried) Dennis, you should watch your salt intake. You seem like a candidate for high blood pressure. DENNIS: Can, uh, can you break a 50? VENDOR: No. DENNIS: Come on, man, it’s all I’ve got. VENDOR: Come on buddy, read the sign. DENNIS: (reads) Aw man! A man (Henry) has been leaning on a nearby car watching and he approaches now with his wallet. HENRY: Hey, hey, let me get that for you. Give me two of ‘em. I got you covered. DENNIS: I...no I-I...really I...that’s not necessary. HENRY: It’s all right. I like to do things for out-of-towners. Makes ‘em feel like New York isn’t the big bad city they think it is. DENNIS: Well - who says I’m from out of town? Henry looks at him and laughs, looks towards vendor, who joins in laughing. DENNIS: Right. Ok. Henry gives Dennis the pretzel. DENNIS: I appreciate the kindness and everything, but I really want to pay you back, so - if you have some change for this...(holding out fifty). HENRY: Tell you what. You really wanna pay me back? Why don’tchu buy me a cuppa coffee and let me show you a little bit of this great city. Then we can call it even. DENNIS: Uh...well...I...uh... HENRY: Hey. Don’t insult me. RUDY: No, don’t do it, Dennis, don’t do it. DENNIS: Uh... HENRY: Come on. Whatsa matter wit’ you? I ain’t gonna bite you. Whadda ya got to be afraid of? Interior - a video store. Zooms to shot of a man standing at the doorway, watching people pass on the street. Scotty runs across street putting on his sunglasses. He stops, looks in store and pushes past man in doorway SCOTTY: Uh...excuse me! VIDEO MAN: What?! About ten, fifteen ghosts run by, past the store. Scotty re-emerges, looking around with a smile. VIDEO MAN: They’re gone. SCOTTY: (still breathing hard) Wha? VIDEO MAN: (tentatively) They went that way? SCOTTY: (taking off sunglasses and staring at the other man) You saw them? VIDEO MAN: Oh! Help me! SCOTTY: Oh no. No no no no. VIDEO MAN: No no no no no no - I really need your help. Please! SCOTTY: No, I can’t, ok? I - I got - I... VIDEO MAN: I need you to rent a videotape. Please! SCOTTY: You know what, I’d love to help you...guy...but I’m not a...member here, ok? VIDEO MAN: Please! (Yelling after him as he runs away) Lives depend on it! Interior - Vaughn and Jane in hallway trying to unlock the door to the loft. VAUGHN: Come on, did this guy give me every freakin key he owns or what? JANE: Think we lost them? SCOTTY: (comes running up panting) Man, ghosts are stupid! Vaughn unlocks the door and opens it to find a room full of ghosts. He makes a strangled noise. SCOTTY: Hi. Vaughn quickly closes the door and they turn around to find another group of ghosts coming up the hallway towards them. SCOTTY: Ah haha! JANE: Oh...oh. They back up and Vaughn re-opens door. All three go inside loft. OLD WOMAN GHOST: Excuse me, can you help me find my poopsie? Ghosts come in from behind, blocking them in. GHOST #1: And me! GHOST #2: Please! GHOST #3: And me! All the ghosts start talking and shouting at once. JANE: (yelling) Wait a minute! SCOTTY: (yelling) Just...one at a time, ok, one at a time, please! Ghosts continue to talk and shout over them. VAUGHN: This is definitely not good. Ghosts continue making noise until Scotty finally pulls Amulet out of his pocket and lifts it up over his head. SCOTTY: Behold! (Silence falls instantly) The Amulet of Sauryn! Ah ha ha! Yeah! You see that?! They look around in the silence that follows. VAUGHN: Ok. I think we got that covered. JANE: Nice one. SCOTTY: Ok, now that we’ve got your attention, let’s get a couple of things straight! Ok?! We will try to help you, all right, but first you gotta help us, and we will do so in an orderly fashion, understood?! Crowd makes affirmative noises. JANE: The first rule: anyone who poltergeists - again - will go to the back of the line. CROWD: Whatever. Oh. (Laughing) JANE: No fireballs, no flying objects, none of it! VAUGHN: (mutters) Excellent rule. JANE: Thank you. SCOTTY: All right and here’s another one, ok, just to save ourselves a lot of precious time and energy: No, and I repeat, no we do not know where you go after you leave here, so don’t ask, all right?! CROWD: Aw. Oh. JANE: But if it’s nice, you could put in a good word for us. Interior of loft - ghosts are milling around in center, talking to each other. There are three lines in three different parts of the room, where Jane, Vaughn and Scotty are. Zoom in on Jane JANE: I don’t know where you’re gonna find a spelling bee today. Why don’t you just try spelling out a couple really tough ones, like...erythromycin. Come on, sound it out. Zoom in on Vaughn VAUGHN: No telegrams, one phone call per ghost, thirty seconds max. If it’s long distance...I’m calling collect. Zoom in on Scotty SCOTTY: All right, ok, I think it - it was - the deal was if I remember it right...you got twelve albums for a penny, I think, and then you have to buy four more over the course of the next year. I think that was it - was it? Do you guys remember that? VIDEO MAN: (approaches Scotty) Excuse me. Can you help me? SCOTTY: (ignoring him) Get in the back of the line, pal. (To other ghost) Yeah so your estate’s on the hook for two more albums, I think, and then...uh...they’ll just keep sending them every month until you send a card back, which kind of sucks, but... VIDEO MAN: I really need your help, now. SCOTTY: Hey. Did you not hear the rules? You-you didn’t hear the rules. Do you transcend the rules? NO! Get in the back of the line, no cutting, look at all these people waiting here! VIDEO MAN: (lowering voice) I saw you first. At the video store, remember? SCOTTY: (Pause) That was you? VIDEO MAN: Yeah. I need to rent that video. SCOTTY: Oh for god’s sake. VIDEO MAN: Please! It’s a matter of life and death. SCOTTY: (incredulously) A video? VIDEO MAN: Yeah. I need you to rent the video, and I’ll be out of your hair, and you can come right back here, right back here. I’m not going to the end of the line. I’m not moving from this spot until you rent that video. Scotty makes a face and groans. Exterior - Scotty and Man come around the corner on the street. SCOTTY: Whoa, whoa, hey, hold up we just passed a video store - why can’t we just go in there? VIDEO MAN: It has to be this store - it’s a very special video. SCOTTY: Special - why does everything always have to be so special with you dead people, huh? Ok what’s the movie, man? VIDEO MAN: What? SCOTTY: The movie, what’s the special movie we’re renting? VIDEO MAN: It’s called Who’s the Mayor. SCOTTY: Who’s the Mayor? The one with...uh...with Jarrod Paul and he’s an escaped mental patient and everybody thinks he’s the mayor? VIDEO MAN: That’s the one. SCOTTY: That movie blows. VIDEO MAN: Tell me about it. Interior - video store, Scotty is searching shelves with Man. VIDEO MAN: (as Scotty stands and gives up) Dancing in the Sunset... SCOTTY: Ok. VIDEO MAN: No no no no no keep looking. SCOTTY: Wha - I checked every shelf, all right, it’s not here. Movie store clerk is watching Scotty talk to nobody. SCOTTY: Ok, hey I’ll check in the drama section. You remember that part where the...the goat dies? That’s sad, right? VIDEO MAN: (intensely) I need that tape. I need that tape! SCOTTY: Ok, fine, take it easy, just give me a second. (Turns to movie store clerk) Hi, excuse me, can you help me for a second? CLERK: I doubt it. SCOTTY: What do you mean? She gives him a look - he gets it and turns and glances at the blank space where the ghost is standing. SCOTTY: Ha ha, no...uh...I’m looking for a movie called Who’s the Mayor. CLERK: That movie is terrible. All right, Jarrod Paul - he’s good when he gets kidnapped, it’s scary. SCOTTY: Yeah, so-so it’s here? You have it? CLERK: I’m sure, no one ever rents it. SCOTTY: Ooh. Ok ah - good, can I please have that one? I’ll take that. CLERK: (checks computer) Someone just checked it out. Man turns away and says “No” through his teeth like he’s in extreme pain. SCOTTY: Ok, thank you, thanks. (Goes over to ghost) Hey sorry pal, I guess we’re gonna have to come back and try tomorrow or something- VIDEO MAN: No, I need you to find who rented it. I NEED THAT MOVIE! SCOTTY: Why it’s just a movie! VIDEO MAN: It’s a bomb! SCOTTY: (Pause) What? VIDEO MAN: There’s an explosive in the video tape. SCOTTY: How do you know that? VIDEO MAN: Cause I put it there. SCOTTY: Oh my god. So you’re telling me (swallows) that the movie is a bomb? VIDEO MAN: It’s a bomb. SCOTTY: (yelling) It’s a bomb?! CLERK: Yes, it’s a bomb. Even Joel Siegel hated it. Scotty turns and smiles at her - the ghost behind him is not visible. COMMERCIALS Interior - movie store - Scotty is crouched in corner w/ ghost SCOTTY: What the hell is the matter with you?! Are you insane?! He glances over his shoulder at the movie clerk, who is watching him have a one-sided argument with himself. VIDEO MAN: Six months ago, I get this notice from them that their copy of Who’s the Mayor that I rented is overdue, and I owe them twenty bucks. Here’s the thing: I never rented it! And they kept giving me this crap about how their computer says I rented it and I owe them the money. Well, to hell with them. I’m not paying them for something I didn’t do. SCOTTY: So you went Unabomber over twenty dollars?! Clerk glances over at him again. VIDEO MAN: Just...just hold on a sec. The next thing I know, I’m getting calls from collection agents. They’re hassling me at work. And...and they cut my credit - I can’t even buy a car, a house! I’m screwed because of some stupid computer! SCOTTY: Well that’s a drag, I agree, ok, but that does not justify murder! VIDEO MAN: I didn’t mean to murder anyone. It’s set for midnight - after the store closes. I planted it in the morning. I come home, there’s a letter waiting for me from the main office saying that the whole thing is their fault, it’s a big mistake, they’re willing to fix everything - and they even were going to throw in free rentals for the year. SCOTTY: All right, of course, and then let me guess on your way back here you got hit by a cab. VIDEO MAN: Double-decker tour bus. Scotty makes a face and stands up, hitting his arm on some videos. He approaches the counter. SCOTTY: Ok, listen, I need to know who rented Who’s the Mayor right now. CLERK: I’m not allowed to tell you that. SCOTTY: Yeah, well I got 17 bucks that says that...uh....you can tell me, how about that? CLERK: I can’t, I’m sorry. SCOTTY: Ok, well listen (reaching into his pocket) my grandma would kill me, but (displays amulet) since you’re so beautiful and so nice, what do you think? (Puts amulet on top of money) She picks it up and studies it. SCOTTY: (pulling at his goatee) Go out and buy something nice, make yourself even more beautiful. (Smiles) She considers it. Interior - loft - Vaughn and Jane are still in the middle of the massive ghost counseling session. Zoom in on Vaughn VAUGHN: (writing something) You always wanted to marry her, and? Young Man Ghost hesitates VAUGHN: AND??? (No answer - Vaughn sighs) You’re not ready. (Stands and announces) People, please, if you want us to write you a letter, have your text ready in your head!! (Quieter) And remember, all letters are going out postage due. Zoom in on Jane JANE: I don’t understand. The dummy was never alive, so how could it be a ghost too? Ventriloquist’s dummy spins to face the ventriloquist. Zoom in on Vaughn VAUGHN: All right, look, you know what? If we can’t help you, don’t worry about it because one blessed day we’re all gonna die. And then some other suckers will find the amulet, and by then...you know, there may be the technology. Zoom in on Jane JANE: (standing and announcing) Do we have any dead psychiatrists here? Old man with beard and glasses in suit peeks his head out of line and raises a hand. JANE: Oh yeah? Come up here and help me please? (Announcing) Ok, anyone with mother issues? Over here. Zoom in on Vaughn VAUGHN: (as a soldier bows his head and walks away) Just a friendly little reminder, people!! If you have been dead for over a hundred years, so are YOUR KIDS!! OK?! Exterior - street at night. Scotty is running after Man. VIDEO MAN: Come on, hurry up, hurry up. Right here. (Goes down steps towards a door) Hurry! Come on! SCOTTY: Ok, whoa, what is the rush? I thought you said the bomb won’t go off until midnight. (Panting) VIDEO MAN: Yeah, but if someone plays the tape first it’ll detonate the bomb. (Pause, panting), (Shrugs) Didn’t I tell you that part? (Motions to door) SCOTTY: (staring at him) You’re an idiot. (Rings door) You are such an idiot. (Rings bell again) Come on, answer your door! VOICE: Yeah? SCOTTY: Oh, hi, uh...uh...Mr. Sczerbiak? VOICE: Yeah? SCOTTY: Yeah, hi...uh...I was wondering, did you-did you happen to rent Who’s the Mayor from the video store tonight? VOICE: Why? SCOTTY: Oh, well, because I’m from the video store and...uh I’m afraid we’re gonna have to take that video back, sir. VOICE: Why, what’s wrong? SCOTTY: Because...uh...it’s-it’s defective. It’ll-it’ll ruin your VCR if you play it. VIDEO MAN: (whispering) Nice one. SCOTTY: (whispering) Thank you. VOICE: I don’t have it. I rented it for my uncle Phil. They’re having movie night down at the Veteran’s Hall. Man turns and groans. SCOTTY: Uh...uh...where is that, sir? VOICE: 9th and Henry. SCOTTY: 9th and Henry, ok thank you very much. Have a good evening. (To ghost) You’ve endangered veterans now! VIDEO MAN: It’s Who’s the Mayor. I didn’t think anybody was gonna rent that thing! SCOTTY: Well...they did. Come on, let’s go. Hurry up, come on. They run off down the street. Exterior - very nice sidewalk café at night, jazz music playing - Dennis and Henry are sitting at a table, Rudy is standing behind them. A waiter comes over and puts their check down. DENNIS: (as both reach for the check) No no no no no - no no no no. HENRY: No, come on Dennis, give me it. DENNIS: Let me get this. You’ve been a great ambassador to the city. The-the tour was amazing. I had no idea that the Statue of Liberty was so...uh, you know...statuesque. (Gets his wallet out) You’ve proved to me that, uh, not everyone in the city is a-is a cold hearted bastard who is out to get me. RUDY: (hopefully) Ri-and so you forgive the guy that mugged you. DENNIS: Just the guy who mugged me. You know, he’s a cold hearted bastard. (Rudy sighs) HENRY: (dropping wallet on table, leaning over and clasping Dennis’ hand) I just wanna say - the pleasure was all mine, kid. (Laughs) They stand. DENNIS: You’re, you’re something. I’m gonna tell you that right now, you are something. I thought I was gonna die with that one. (Picks up wallet off table and puts it in his pocket). HENRY: (stops laughing abruptly) Hey. What are you doing? DENNIS: What? HENRY: (reaches into Dennis’ pocket and pulls out wallet) This. This is my wallet! DENNIS: Oh. (Looks down on table) You know I put mine in, and I thought that was-I made...my mistake, sorry about that. HENRY: Yeah, sure. You been scammin’ me this whole time, haven’t you? DENNIS: (suprised) No. No, no, no. HENRY: Boy I must have been very naive to believe you. DENNIS: Henry, come on - I grabbed the thing and- HENRY: You thief! Thief! Thief! Out of towner thief! (Pointing at Dennis and shouting) DENNIS: No...Come on... Dennis finally gives up and runs away with Henry’s shouts following him. Rudy follows. Interior - loft, where the ghosts are sorta mingling around more informally now. Jane is standing with an older African American man in a tux (Joshua) JOSHUA: I’m telling you, it’s the truth, damnit! JANE: I believe you. You invented jazz. But what am I supposed to do about it? JOSHUA: I just want my due. JANE: (thinks for a moment) Ok, how’s this. (Turns to crowd and raises voice) Excuse me, everybody? Excuse me, everyone? This is Joshua “Jelly Jar” Johnson. He invented jazz. The ghosts start clapping and cheering and Joshua basks in their applause. JOSHUA: I’ll take it. I didn’t make any money at it anyway. He turns and disappears as ghosts keep clapping. Suddenly Dennis bursts in the door, out of breath, with Rudy close behind. He sees Vaughn standing against one pillar about five feet in front of Jane, who’s facing another pillar. They’re both gesturing as if they were talking, though they’re not looking at each other. Other than that the room’s empty. He makes a “hold on one minute” sign and takes a quick look out in the hallway. Rudy advances further into the room, staring at all the ghosts. RUDY: Wow. Talk about your day of the dead. DENNIS: (coming back in and shutting the door, breathing hard) What have you guys been doing, huh? I hardly saw any fliers on the street. He finally notices that Jane and Vaughn don’t seem to have noticed him at all. They ignore him now and keep talking to the empty room. DENNIS: Hello? VAUGHN: (to ghost) It’s not like I hate ghosts, it’s just that I don’t like seeing ghosts, or talking to ghosts... JANE: (rolling neck as if she’s tired) Ok, what do you want? (Same time) ***From here on the scene alternates between showing a room full of ghosts and hearing the crowd murmuring (full) and the quiet, empty space that Dennis sees with just Jane and Vaughn (empty)*** (Empty) DENNIS: (tries again, louder) Helllooo?! (Full) JANE: (thinks she hears him, looks around) Dennis? Is that you? Vaughn looks around too. (Empty) DENNIS: (in disbelief) Yeah. JANE: Dennis?! Helloo?! (to invisible ghost) Can you hold on one second? VAUGHN: (sees Dennis) Hey Dennis. Hold on. (to invisible ghost) Excuse me. They start making their way through crowd - which, of course, Dennis can’t see. (Full) Jane and Vaughn move around people, saying “excuse me,” “excuse me” etc. (Empty) Jane and Vaughn move towards door as if there are people in their way saying “excuse me,” “can I get past,” etc. DENNIS: (staring at them) Are you guys tripping? Jane makes her way the last few feet behind Vaughn, who has arrived at Dennis. DENNIS: Did you trade in your flyers for some acid or something? There’s a brief silence as Vaughn and Jane look at each other like, “What do we tell him?” DENNIS: Please tell me you’re not. VAUGHN: (finally) We’re not. JANE: We’re having a really weird day. VAUGHN: (with emphasis) Oh yeah. DENNIS: (sarcastically) Well, yeah. (Changing subject) Well - where’s Scotty? It’s-we’re late. We gotta go-go load in for the gig. VAUGHN: You know what, I haven’t seen Scotty since he went to the video store. As Jane looks around behind her to see if maybe he came back without them noticing the room becomes full again. (Full) DENNIS: He’s just gonna have to meet us there. This is ridiculous. (He picks up a couple things and heads downstairs). Let’s do it. Vaughn is left motioning towards the crowd behind them. He looks at Jane, they both shrug and turn to face the ghosts. VAUGHN: (announcing) Uh...attention, ghosts? We gotta go to work, so...uh...no...more help for today, ok? CROWD: (various noises of dismay) “What’s wrong?” “You can’t go now,” “No” etc. VAUGHN: Yeah, I guess you could come with us. (Dryly) I’m sure ghosts get in for free. CROWD: (approves) “All right” “Ok” “Why not” etc. JANE: (as Vaughn grabs some things and heads downstairs) I don’t suppose any of you have developed any special powers to help us load our gear? CROWD: (laughs) “Nope” “I ain’t got no powers” “Uh...no” “I got a bad back.” JANE: (as she grabs her stuff) Of course not! It’s just take, take, take. Exterior - Society of New York Veterans. Interior - men are scattered around the room playing cards, watching TV, etc. MAN #1: (in walker, showing other man the movie) Who’s the Mayor. Man #2: (in armchair) Who’s the Mayor? Yeah sure put it in. Scotty and Video Man burst through doors. SCOTTY: Excuse me! All right, everybody, listen up! There’s a bomb in the building - it’s inside a video- VIDEO MAN: Look! Man #1 in walker is making his way towards the VCR. SCOTTY: (running towards him) Oh no! As he runs three men overturn the card table and hunker down behind it, the rest of the room takes cover under other tables. SCOTTY: (vaulting a couch) Uncle Phil, Uncle Phil! (In slow motion) Give me that! They wrestle, the video goes flying, both fall to the ground and Scotty catches the movie just before it hits the floor. SCOTTY: Aah! He lays on the ground panting for a few moments as the veterans peek out from their places. SCOTTY: (sees Uncle Phil looking at him in shock) This movie really sucks. VIDEO MAN: Ja-Jarrod Paul was good. COMMERCIALS Exterior - street at night, outside of Veteran’s Hall. Video Man emerges, then Scotty. SCOTTY: (emerging backwards and calling inside) No, no, no, he...if it was broken, he wouldn’t be able to move it at all. Just put some ice on it, he’ll be fine. Video Man and Scotty are exhilarated, coming off the adrenaline rush. VIDEO MAN: Aaah! SCOTTY: Ha ha! We did it! VIDEO MAN: We did it! SCOTTY: All right, so it’s in safe hands. Safe hands. VIDEO MAN: You. SCOTTY: Yes. Ok. So...what should we do with it now? VIDEO MAN: Ah. Well, we got time...um...the river. SCOTTY: The river? VIDEO MAN: The river! Throw it in the river! SCOTTY: Throw it in the river? VIDEO MAN: Absolutely. SCOTTY: Can we do that? VIDEO MAN: Just throw it in the river! It’s water...no people...100% safe! SCOTTY: All right. The river. VIDEO MAN: The river! SCOTTY: All right. VIDEO MAN: I gotta thank you. SCOTTY: No, don’t mention it, all right. Somebody had to do it - not so glad it was me - but somebody had to do it, so...all right, throw it in the river? VIDEO MAN: Absolutely. SCOTTY: All right (turning away, then back) Oh, hey man, where’s the ri- Turns back around to see the Video Man disappearing. SCOTTY: No, no, no, no, no! (Spins in a circle frantically) Hey wait a minute. Oh, no. (Starts running down the street) No! Where’s the river? Do you know where the river is?! Huh?! Interior - bar in back of Heebee Geebee’s where Jane and Vaughn are waiting for Scotty so they can play. Vaughn is lying on a couch with a beer, Jane is sitting in a chair at his feet with another beer bottle near her. It’s obvious they’ve been waiting for a while. JANE: He’s been gone for over an hour. What if he’s dead in a ditch somewhere? VAUGHN: He’s not dead. JANE: How do you know? VAUGHN: Because if he was dead, he’d be a ghost, and then he’d be back by now for sure. So, worse case scenario, he’s probably been kidnapped or something in which case we’ll just play the set acoustic and find him later. JANE: Yeah, good plan. Door opens and guy in charge of music comes in. MUSIC GUY: Hey. You can tell time, can’t you? VAUGHN: Yeah, we can tell time. MUSIC GUY: Then why weren’t you on stage twenty minutes ago? VAUGHN: (yelling) Cause we go on stage when we are good and ready, man! (He sits up and throws beer bottle towards Music Guy. It smashes against the wall by his hand.) MUSIC GUY: (calmly) You trying to impress me, you’re gonna have to do better than that. (Jane looks at Vaughn and starts laughing) You got ten more minutes. (He leaves) VAUGHN: Crap. Exterior - Scotty is walking down a street at night, carrying the video very carefully and talking to it under his breath. SCOTTY: Ok....don’t blow up...(to people staring at him) Listen, I gotta...take this video back. (Keeps walking). Oh, don’t blow up...just wait for the water, baby. Just wait for the water. Don’t blow up. Don’t blow up. MUGGER: (jumps in front of Scotty and pushes him back) Hey! SCOTTY: Sorry, a little busy, man. MUGGER: (points gun at him) Really? SCOTTY: Whoa, god! Ok not that busy, I’m not that busy. MUGGER: Give me your wallet! SCOTTY: All right, all right. MUGGER: Hurry up! SCOTTY: Here, take it, take it, take it. MUGGER: Come on! Hurry up! SCOTTY: Take it, take it, take it. MUGGER: Come on! SCOTTY: Ok, here. Let me go, I have to go! MUGGER: Yeah? What’s the movie? SCOTTY: What? MUGGER: The video, what is it? SCOTTY: It’s...uh...Who’s the Mayor. MUGGER: Is it any good? SCOTTY: Yeah, it’s got some funny parts in it. You know, it’s this guy-about an escaped mental patient. (Laughs nervously) You know. MUGGER: (smiling back) Who’s in it? SCOTTY: Uh - Jarrod Paul. MUGGER: Really? SCOTTY: Yeah. MUGGER: Give it to me. (Motioning with his hand) SCOTTY: No, no you don’t want this! It’s a bomb! MUGGER: Hey, I’ll be the judge of that, come on. They struggle over it for a few moments, then Scotty lets go and jumps back when the mugger points his gun at him. MUGGER: Hey! SCOTTY: Oh, oh, oh, ok, don’t! MUGGER: Yeah? SCOTTY: No, no! MUGGER: Yeah?! SCOTTY: No! (Mugger runs away) No, no, dude I mean it’s a bomb, like, it has- (yelling after mugger) The tape is a bomb! Interior - Heebee Geebee’s back bar - Jane and Vaughn are trashing the place, and they seem a bit plastered for the beginning of this scene, Jane more than Vaughn. DENNIS: (coming in with Rudy behind him) Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell are you guys doing?! JANE: (throwing her arms up) Just getting all psyched up to play Heebee Geebee’s, man! DENNIS: (advancing and looking at the damage) Well are you actually gonna play - I thought you’d be on by now. VAUGHN: Scotty’s not here yet. DENNIS: Where is he? VAUGHN/JANE: We don’t know! DENNIS: No. Come on, this is...I can’t take it. (He collapses in a chair) RUDY: These kids! And all you’ve done for them! VAUGHN: Dennis! I realize this is a sore subject for you, but would you please forgive Rudy so he can...do his ghosty thing? Because, you know what? It’s a little distracting trying to hold a conversation with him here. RUDY: Listen, don’t browbeat the guy. Can’t you see he’s very upset? VAUGHN: Shut up, Rudy! DENNIS: Vaughn! Enough already, huh, enough! Damn, I gotta go move the van! JANE: (as he heads for the door) Wait, you’re going out - alone? It’s getting kinda late. DENNIS: (turns back) Yeah. So? JANE: I just thought you were terrified of New York. DENNIS: Well, uh, Jane, I don’t really have a choice now, do it? Besides, by the time I find a parking place, it’ll probably be morning, and...I just hope you guys have played and we can get outta here. (He leaves) RUDY: Don’t worry, I-I’ll keep my eye on him. (Follows Dennis out) JANE: Great! Now we have to figure out what songs we can play without a drummer! Exterior - street at night - Scotty is on a pay phone. SCOTTY: Hi, hi, is this the bomb squad? Hi. No! No, no don’t put me on hold - I’ve been on hold for like an hour! (Pause) I’m sorry. Ok, no, no I’m calm. I’m calm, ok?. I would like to report a bomb. (Pause) Yeah. Somewhere in New York. No, no, no don’t-don’t hang up, don’t hang up! I can be more specific, ok! It’s-it’s somewhere in New York in a video tape. (Pause) Of a movie, yeah. (Pause) No, a movie. (Pause) A movie. (Pause) Yeah. Who’s the Mayor. (Pause) Yeah, you know it’s all right, it’s got some funny parts, it’s kinda-you know, the story falls apart near the end, but it...hello? Hello?! (He hangs up in disbelief) Screw it. (Sighs and adjusts his hat) I tried. I guess that guy’s gonna blow up. Exterior - alley where Dennis parked van, by now it’s dark. RUDY: (as they walk along) Sure, why don’t...uh...you just move the van, Dennis? That’s fine with me. Yeah, I don’t want to go to the bar and pick up girls or anything. Same Mugger jumps out and points his gun at Dennis. MUGGER: Hey, hey, give me your money now. (Dennis doesn’t react) I am not kidding - do it now! (Dennis still doesn’t do anything) What’s the matter with you, huh?! RUDY: Do what he says, Dennis, do it! DENNIS: (suddenly laughs sorta crazily) Sure. Why not? MUGGER: Look, I am not gonna tell you again. You give me your money, you got it? DENNIS: And I-I’m not gonna tell you again to bite me! RUDY: What are you saying? Do what he says! MUGGER: Do you have some kind of death wish? DENNIS: No, no - do you? Dennis suddenly shoves mugger backwards into pile of trash by the wall. Mugger quickly gets up with a look of angry disbelief on his face. RUDY: Listen, leave him alone. MUGGER: (approaching Dennis) Oh, ho...no... RUDY: Hey, I said leave him alone! A wind kicks up in the alley. Small papers and things start flying around. RUDY: (upset) Leave him alone, I’m telling you! Rudy glows gold for a second and wind grows stronger. Dennis and Mugger are both looking around, confused. RUDY: (yells) Leave him alone!! He shimmers in and out of focus then Mugger is thrown backwards into wall. He drops gun and Dennis quickly picks it up and points it at him. MUGGER: (getting up and backing away, terrified) Ok...it-it’s cool... He runs away. Dennis realizes what just happened and his legs go shaky. RUDY: I guess we’re even now Dennis. DENNIS: Oh god. (He tosses gun into a nearby dumpster and leans over) RUDY: Best of luck to you. (He disappears) Dennis picks up his keys and notices something where the mugger fell. DENNIS: What’s that? (Goes over and picks up a movie) Who’s the Mayor (Turns movie over) Oh, Jarrod Paul rocks. Oh. Interior - back bar at Heebee Geebee’s VAUGHN: (writing on a legal pad) Ok so let’s just skip the drum beat on “Head Rush” and go straight to the bridge, and we won’t even play “Panic Man” (Jane is nodding) and it’ll be the Problem unplugged. Jane shrugs as door bangs open and Scotty enters triumphantly. SCOTTY: Daddy’s home! Yeah! VAUGHN: Where the hell have you been? SCOTTY: Oh, dude. (He’s still breathing heavily) JANE: How long does it take to find a video? SCOTTY: You have no idea, ok, all I know is if there’s an unexpected explosion somewhere in New York tonight, (taking off coat) I had nothing to do with it, all right? I didn’t know anything. JANE: (shrugging) All right... SCOTTY: I’m serious. Ok. Ready to play? Let’s do this! You guys ready?! VAUGHN: All right! JANE: Woohoo! (Same time) SCOTTY: Heebee Geebee’s, baby, yeah! DENNIS: (entering) Hey. So you guys gonna play here or what? SCOTTY: Hey, Dennis, man, I’m sorry, ok- DENNIS: Don’t worry about it, ok? Go play, have fun, huh? (He comes over and pats each of them on the arm, smiling.) BAND: (confused) What? Huh? DENNIS: (murmuring fondly ) You guys. Jane. VAUGHN: (carefully) Dennis. Are you ok? DENNIS: Yeah, I’m fine. Why? SCOTTY: Nothing. You just...uh...you just seem a little different, that’s all. JANE: Oh...where’s Rudy? SCOTTY: Oh! VAUGHN: Yeah! (Same time) DENNIS: (turning around) Oh, he’s gone? Huh. What do you know, huh? Oh! Hey listen, I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you something. (He turns around and gets something from his coat) have any of you guys, uh, seen this one before? (holding up Who’s the Mayor) Vaughn and Jane are shaking their heads but Scotty leaps forward and grabs the movie. SCOTTY: Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god! This is a bomb! This is the bomb, this is the bomb! ***From the moment he realizes what movie is till they get out of the club Scotty starts talking and moving frantically, really, really fast. The others imitate him, so this whole conversation goes quickly.*** DENNIS: No, but-but Jarrod Paul is in it- SCOTTY: (putting it down) No, I know, I know, no it’s a bomb, it’s a bomb! (He grabs Jane by the arm and tugs her towards the door, then lets go and spins back to Dennis) Oh! What time is it, what time is it?! DENNIS: It’s...uh...I don’t know, 11:58? SCOTTY: Oh my god!! (He runs out the door towards the stage) JANE: (following) Ok. Let’s go play. DENNIS: Are you serious? They all exit. Interior - shot of stage from inside club - we see the other side of that door. Scotty comes running out, trips and falls flat on his face, then pops up and grabs the microphone. The others follow him. SCOTTY: (on mike) Hi, I’m Scott - I’m the drummer for the Problem. Crowd starts to clap and cheer SCOTTY: No, no, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!! No, shut up, listen to me! There is a bomb in the bar! I need everybody to get out of here right now! (He pushes Vaughn ahead of him and Vaughn grabs Jane. They force their way through the crowd, who starts running and screaming, towards the exit.) SCOTTY: (as they run) Out, go, go, bomb, bomb!! MUSIC GUY: (as he moves towards exit) Watch his-watch his hands! SCOTTY: Evacuate before that bomb explodes! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb! Go, go, go!! Exterior - shot of front of club from street. Crowd comes pouring out, still screaming. VAUGHN: (yelling above crowd) If this is a joke, it’s really funny! SCOTTY: (yelling back) It’s not a joke!! Behind them the building suddenly explodes. Fire comes pouring out of the broken windows. The people closest to the building (including the band) all duck and look back as more windows blow out and alarms go off. VAUGHN: Whoo! JANE: Oh...I hope there was nobody in the bathroom. Scotty just gapes, looking as shocked as the other two sound. ***This dialogue is interspersed with shots of the burning building.*** VAUGHN: We were so close, man, and now we’re never gonna get to play Heebee Geebee’s. SCOTTY: Well, at least we can say we were the last band to book a gig at Heebee Geebee’s, right? I mean, that’s gotta be worth something. VAUGHN: Uh-huh. DENNIS: All our gear was in there. VAUGHN: (goes over to Music Guy) That’s a drag, man. (Guy nods) Pretty punk rock, though, right? (Guy turns and stares at him) SCOTTY: (looking around) Oh...time to go. (Nudges Jane, who’s still staring at flames) Come on, come on. Let’s go. VAUGHN: (comes over, then turns back to Dennis) Dennis? Dennis, come on, time to go! SCOTTY: (as he helps Vaughn pull Dennis away) We have to go now! They pull him away; Jane finally turns and follows. Camera pans up and back and we see them running down the street and around the corner. Jane turns and takes a last long look at the club before following the others. Shot of cars driving across bridge out of city. Stay tuned for scenes from next week’s all new Dead Last: Vaughn and Scotty enter a warehouse type building with flashlights. VO: Next Tuesday, on an all new Dead Last...Seeing ghosts is never as frightening... They approach some cardboard and pull it back. There’s a flash of fur and teeth as they jump back screaming. GIRL: I need you to dig up my body! Shots of Jane and Vaughn’s reactions. VO: ...As hearing what they have to say. Scotty opens a door, sees a man in a pilot uniform sitting in the airplane bathroom. SCOTTY: Oh! Man, I’m sorry. He closes door, turns around and jumps back because Pilot Ghost is standing right there. PILOT: You just saw me, didn’t you? Scotty reacts. (New scene) PILOT: This plane...is going to crash. (New scene) Scotty is in pilot seat, Pilot Ghost in co-pilot seat. Scotty is fighting to keep control of the plane as they approach runway. SCOTTY: Oh my god!!! VO: Dead Last.... Title shot of Dead Last VO: ...All new next Tuesday on the WB. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: All episode transcripts are copyright ©2001 the WB network and the writers and producers of Dead Last. I don't own any of it, and I'm not claiming that I do. undefined undefined More... [Close] [Close] Find Old Friends