Created: Jan 5th, 2005
Anyway, if anyone out there is directing any more movies based on plays, let me give you a few free pointers on how to make your movie based on a play not suck:
#1: Don't make anyone act like Batman: Schumacher, the director of this movie, also directed Batman & Robin and Batman Forever. That explains why the Phantom of the Opera oftentimes makes his escape by swooshing his Batman-style cape. No more of this, please.
#2 No more Organs that play Techno in the late 19th century: What the hell? All the costumes, voices, atmosphere said "19th century", and then the Phantom whisks his girl away into his lair. Cue the overblown orchastra... but wait, what do I hear? Synthesized drums in the backbeat? Is this like some dance mix or something? Why not go all out and throw in some triple kicks?
#3 Don't 'hide' blemishes that don't exist: Okay, you're probably wondering what the hell I mean. Well, near the end of the movie, the Phantom's mask is removed and his scars are revealed. Earlier in the movie, though, he had only his hand blocking his face... you could see his face pretty clearly and there were no blemishes at all. Do the scars only appear when they are totally unobstructed?
#4: Don't overact every.... single ... LINE!: yes, this is a problem with the play too, but not as bad as the movie. At one point the Phantom is singing and one line goes like "Silence........ Silence..". Then the main actress of the movie does the same thing a little later... "Silence...... Silence..". What's better than this movie? Silence......... Silence.
#5: Don't make someone sing while being choked to death: Was this in the play? I don't remember anyone singing while being choked. If the play had this, then they should have fixed this oversight when they made the movie. The whole crowd burst into laughter when this happened.
#6: Don't rip off Shindler's List: In what I have to say was an all right idea, the new movie has a few vignettes of the future with an old guy who bought a music box that the phantom kept. These vignettes are done in black and white, and as soon as you see black and white you know they're going to put something in colour (like the Phantom's trademark rose) just to piss you off.
If you watched the play, then you'll probably watch the movie just to see how cool they pulled off the chandelier dropping scene. Well, it was boring. The chandelier swings, causes fire. I was hoping the chandelier would fall on whoever said "let's make a film adaptation of this play", but alas, it did not.
How bad is this movie? Let me put it this way: I don't like my site anymore. I haven't posted to it in many months. Basically, I decided to stop posting rants all together. And still I post this. Phantom of the Opera the movie is that bad.
