So you want to know more about Jewish weddings?

Or Andi and Greg's? Here are some quickies to whet your appetite:

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Chupah times:

We have been trying to work out what time to start the wedding, as we wanted to have it around sunset time,
stars and all. The problem with that is that before the wedding you have to have a etubah (marriage contract)
drawn up which includes the Hebrew date. Now Jewish days change at sunset, so it's pretty tricky to know
when to date your wedding - ours is either the 1st or 2nd of Sivan, depending which side of sunset the wedding
takes place, but we want it to be on Rosh Chodesh, the first of the month. So, we need to find out exactly at
what time the 1st becomes the 2nd (seems to be around 7:25pm) and then we needed to find out exactly how
much of the wedding ceremony needs to have been completed by that time, which seems to be up to the signing
and receiving of the ketubah. So if at some point in the ceremony everyone starts to look nervous and sing
really quickly, you'll know why.

Sheva brachot:

In the fine tradition of Jacob (twice) and Samson, the Jewish wedding does not even think of stopping the night
of the chupah itself. For seven days afterwards, the bride and groom do not separate or go back to work
(or off to Mauritius), and the community jumps in to provide meals and minyanim (a minimum of ten for
saying the sheva brachot - see next week for more on these) for the couple. It's a time for them to become
part of their community as a couple, to surround themselves with family and friends and new friends too.
Helping to keep the spontaneity of the celebration, it is a requirement of each meal during the week that there are
two panim chadashot - new faces, that is people who were not at the wedding itself - invited to be
b'simcha (rejoice) with the couple. They are there to add to the celebration and make sure that things stay fresh
and fun for the whole week. The only meals during the week that panim chadashot are not required is those
that fall on Shabbat, where the Shabbat herself is the new face!

Glass breaking:

Most people associate Jewish weddings with the breaking of the glass - so where does this come from?
The Talmud (Ber.30b) suggests that bimkom gilah, sham t'hei r'adah (where there is rejoicing, there should be trembling)
and relates the story of Mar, son of Ravina who made a wedding feast for his son, and when he noticed that
some of the rabbis were a bit out of hand, he broke a very expensive cup in front of them. This killed the party!
The Tosefot (French Rabbis of 12th century) took this as the origin of the custom of breaking glasses at weddings.
Another interpreter (Kol Bo - 14th Century) saw it as a memorial to the destruction of the Temple. Either way,
what seems to be called to mind is that the world is not perfect, there are shattered pieces of glass all around,
and even thought this moment of the wedding is a joining of two pieces, there is still much work to do.

Fasting:

Although it's not recorded in the Talmud or Mishna, there is a strong tradition for the bride and groom to fast on the
day of their wedding until after the chupah, (well, until that taste of wine) eating their first meal in their yichud
seclusion after the ceremony. The day is seen as a kind of Yom Kippur where the chatan and kalah are considered as
pure as angels who don't have any bodily needs, like food. This is emphasised by wearing white and the custom
of including the confessional prayers of the vidui and al chet in the afternoon mincha prayer. Our wedding falls
on Rosh Chodesh, the first of the month, when it is forbidden to fast because of the joyousness of the day, so in
honour of the day we may eat or drink something small. However, most authorities agree that you should still
stay the al chet and vidui.

The first ever wedding:

The ketubah (the marriage contract) begins with the letter bet, the same letter that the Torah itself begins with
(b'reishit, in the beginning.) There are several midrashim that have the first wedding as not being that between
Adam and Eve, but rather that between God and Israel, and thus the ketubah would be…tadaaah…the Torah!!
Ah, so maybe I should inform the SA embassy that I HAVE been married before…

T'naim:

T'naim (lit. the conditions) used to announce that two families had agreed on the terms of the wedding, and a document
would be drawn up that included a penalty paid if one of the parties backed out of the marriage. In Ashkenazi
(Eastern European) traditions, a plate or valuable dish was then broken and the deal was done. There are examples
of Jewish courts who not only imposed fines on, but even excommunicated those who broke their contracts. Today,
since it is no longer the way of the world to have families arrange marriages and tie each other to written agreements,
the t'naim have been reinvented as a chance for a couple to write in all those things which will not be included
in the ketubah - who's going to do the money management in the relationship, job and living decisions, raising
children, who's going to stop reading the newspaper at breakfast, who will make sure the dishes don't sit in the sink
for a week etc. All of these can get included in a t'naim document along with mutual declarations of love and
commitment. If you want to get a living example of one, then be around a few days before the wedding when
we do ours.

Night or day?

Wedding fact: (the Torah portions at the moment are all about building the mishkan, the sanctuary, so here's some
words on sanctuaries:) Although most synagogues of all denominations allow it, some communities won't allow
the chupah (the wedding canopy) to be raised inside the synagogue itself, as the association of the chupah
with the marital bed was seen as inappropriate for a place of sanctity. The Rema, (Moses Isserles, a 16th century
Polish halachist, famous for commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch), encouraged the placing of the chupah outside
under the stars in the evenings, as a reminder of the blessing to Abraham (check it out - Gen. 22:17, just after
the akedah - the binding of Isaac) that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky (it also says and
as numerous as the sand on the sea shore, but you don't see a lot of synagogues offering a wedding beach service, now do you?)