Here is a story about a wedding with a difference, a very special one! We flew out from Johannesburg on Monday 14th May 2001 - we were booked to fly on Wednesday 16th but were just "lucky" to find out a week before, that El Al had decided to cancel that flight! We were re-booked on the Monday flight, but nobody had bothered to tell us. As our apartment was only booked from the Wednesday night, we had no accommodation in Jerusalem for the Tuesday night. On arrival we took the sherut (a taxi-bus) to Greg and after a warm welcome from him, Andi and Marc (Greg's flatmate), and a cup of coffee, he got busy and found us a one-roomed place across the road.

But we moved over, went shopping for food and managed to entertain Greg, Andi and Marc on our patio, for breakfast the following day, Wednesday.

After lunch we taxi'd our luggage to our beautiful two bedroomed, two bath roomed apartment at 51 Ussishkin. This we had reserved when we were in Jerusalem a month earlier. It was airconditioned and had a large combined lounge/diningroom that served us well for the entertaining that was required of us. The dining table seated six but could be extended on either side to seat 12 comfortably. The apartment was well located for shopping at both the Mahane Yehuda Shuk (Market) and King George and Ben Yehuda Streets. So, after unpacking, we set off to the Co-op in King George to do a food stock-up. Our fingers and hands complained at carrying the plastic bags full of goodies - we are so used to our motor-cars at home.

On Thursday we attended a shiur (study session) with Greg at his Yeshiva on "An Open Letter to a Reform Rabbi" by Rabbi Professor David Hartman, from one of his books, "A Heart of Many Rooms". This was led by Rabbi Einat Ramon, the woman Rabbi who would be marrying Greg and Andi. Rabbi Hartman is an Orthodox Rabbi, who is widely published and apparently well respected, and who has new and modern views. One of his dreams is to attend a dinner after the service on a Friday night, at which he can sit down with members of Reform, Conservative and Orthodox congregations, who would all be able to discuss the way in which their respective Rabbis had dealt with the Torah portion that evening, in an open minded manner. And at the end of the discussion, just maybe, they could agree that some one else's Rabbi had made a better job of it.
After that we went home for some lunch and then back to the Yeshiva where we had arranged to meet Marc. He walked us down to the German Quarter, to a little deli - called "take me home". Here we bought homemade vegetarian dishes for the Shabbat supper that we were hosting; two potato dishes, two different types of latke, balls of wheat rolled around mushrooms, savoury rice wrapped in cabbage leaves, rice stuffed into baby marrows and gefilte fish. At a bakery next door we got two rather delicious looking cakes, and chalas. Marc offered to make sweet potato-soup, an offer that we accepted with alacrity, and quickly bought all the ingredients for him.After lunch we went to the shuk and bought kosher wine and watermelon (they were in season and delicious) and some dried rose buds to decorate the table for the King & Queen (bridal couple). With the liquor we had brought with us we were now prepared for the Shabbat dinner. Andi and her parents & grandmother (a very fit 91 yr. old), together with her aunt and her cousin, as well as a contingent from Moshav Shafir, arrived after shul. It was an interesting meeting. Andi's mother, Agnes, spoke limited English, and her father, Josef, very little. Her aunt, Eva, and her daughter, Yudit, (Andi's cousin), spoke very well. The cousins from the Moshav, Elad and Ofer Greenstein, arrived in a bakkie laden with food, which you will hear about in the next paragraph. Greg felt that it was one of the most meaningful Shabbats of his life, "with translation and lots of smiling and laughing we shared our stories as much as we could, sang, ate and generally felt our way towards each other". A fascinating evening, trying and managing to bond, was had by all.

Saturday morning was the ufruf. This was held at the Conservative Yeshiva. The study room had been converted into a shul, and this is how Greg described it: "our ufruf at the yeshivah - wow! More than 70 people crammed into our small bet midrash to davven (pray), with singing and dancing, and Andi and I were called up to read from the Torah (aliyah). Also, both our Dads were given aliyot, as was Yoni, another student at the yeshivah who is getting married in Vancouver in August. So it was all round dancing and mazal tov-ing and siman tov-ing, and it was just so beautiful. And then we all sat down to a great lunch together - a large part of which had arrived on Friday morning with two of Andi's cousins from a moshav in the centre of the country. They drove in with a car loaded with trays and trays of borekas, kugel, cakes and pies to feed a small army, which I guess we were. In order to avoid using disposable plastic cups, Andi and I, and my long-suffering Mom and Dad, had hand painted 125 small glasses with pictures and our initials, and we invited people to take them home and bring them back on Wednesday to drink a l'chaim with us - if everyone takes us up on that, we might not see the end of the evening!"
One of the Rabbis of the Yeshiva, the director, gave the drosha and a dvar torah, which included a "eulogy" about Greg and Andi. He also told us that the Yeshiva had been a "wedding factory", as he called it, for the past few weeks and that the notice board had contained only memos, invitations and messages about this wedding! The Yeshiva students, including the readings from the Torah, conducted the entire morning service. Afterwards, the chairs were moved out whilst tables were moved in, and then were put back again, for the excellent lunch, catered for by the students and the Greensteins. We were introduced to all the hierarchy of both the Yeshiva and the Conservative Centre. All gave glowing reports of the joy they had had from having Greg as a student. They have four Rabbis running the learning centre.

Saturday night we had the reading of the "t'naim" at Greg's' apartment. Seating was limited so many sat on cushions. All the family were present, as well as friends from Budapest, London, Jerusalem and South Africa. We made havdallah and they lit two candles instead of one, as a symbol of the fact that havdallah is the separation between kodesh and chol, between the sanctified and the not yet sanctified, and as this was the last time that they would be making havdallah as single people. Then Greg and Andi read and discussed their "t'naim" document,

Monday morning both families assembled at the Yeshiva for another shiur, led by Greg, on the wedding ceremony. Andi's sister, Koti, had arrived and we met her and her eldest, Shoshana, (9yrs.) and youngest, Nechama, (1yr.) They live in the States and speak perfect "American" English, as well as Hungarian and Hebrew. Koti's husband and their two boys, stayed at home. The girls were delightful, Shoshana very friendly and chatty, and Nechama very shy, but angelic - just smiling and laughing all the time. Greg and Andi had done a great deal of research in order to prepare their own special wedding ceremony, embodying items from historical Sephardi and Ashkenazi precedents, and modified to be egalitarian!!! Oh yes, this wedding was going to be unique as well as different.

On Tuesday morning we took Debbie to the Old City as she has not been in Jerusalem since she was ten; first to the wonderful museum in David's Tower and then for a stroll through the various quarters, doing the odd bit of shopping. We lunched at a pavement café in the Jewish Quarter, near the remains of the Cardo (the original main street of the old city), and then went on to the Western Wall. Dave arrived that afternoon from a few days holiday in Turkey, and our immediate family was now complete!
Tuesday evening was "batchelor" party and Mikvah (ritual bath)[see Greg's wedding journal 2 for more]. Peter, Dave and Greg's friends took him to an old Arab spring for this. This was in Lifta - an old Arab suburb before they were removed in the 1940's. The spring has a built pool that serves as the Mikva and is used by many Jerusalem residents. It is down at the bottom of a steep valley - on a slippery, stony/sand road - and quite a climb back up to the main road again. After the ceremony the guys took a taxi to the "night club" district. The "kuskus" restaurant was the first choice, but as it wasn't open that night, the bachelor dinner took place at a Yemenite one. It was a good evening for Greg and his friends. Both the Dads were supposed to join them, but as Josef did not turn up, only Peter went with them.
It was "batchelorette" and Mikvah evening for Andi as well. It was wonderful! It was attended by all their female friends and family. It was held in the apartment of one of these friends, Elaine, and although it was on the 6th floor, we clearly heard the happy group returning from the Mikvah, singing and dancing down the road. Once upstairs there was more singing and dancing before settling down on chairs and cushions for a light supper. When we had eaten, someone produced a basket of mixed beads and some wire, and this went around the room with each person choosing a bead to put on the wire and then reading a poem or something from a book, or just telling a happy wedding story. This went on until there were enough beads to make a necklace, and somebody put on the clasps. Then a Moroccan friend brought out a whole selection of eastern dresses and headdresses, and when many had dressed up, she brought in the Henna that she had been making in the kitchen. After more relevant singing and dancing, she settled down to paint feathery patterns on Andi's feet and hands, whilst the rest of us put it in the palms of our hands. We all had orange palms for the wedding and a week afterwards. This ceremony is apparently done all over the Middle East and Asia. It was great fun, apart from the complaints from the man who lived below, about the noise and his vibrating ceiling!! Debs and I taxied home at midnight, feeling quite exhausted! Peter and David were fast asleep.

Wednesday, THE BIG DAY! In the morning, everyone was busy getting ready for the wedding. This took place in the beautiful gardens and various courtyards of the HUC (Hebrew Union College) that overlook David's Tower and the Jaffa Gate, next door to the Hilton Hotel. A more perfect venue would be hard to find. From 16h00 guests started to arrive. Most women went to the courtyard reserved for the bride's "tish" (table) and most men to the groom's "tish". Food and drinks were available at both and men and women could attend either, or move between the two.
Greg & the men davvened Mincha, overlooking the Old City when we arrived. The Dads and his friends joined him. Their friends had made velvet covered thrones for both of them, so when they were finished, Greg went and sat on his whilst everyone around the table laughed, joked, told anecdotes about his past, drank, and laughed some more.
At Andi's tish her friends took her into one of the nearby classrooms to davven Mincha and then they came dancing out to join everyone else. Carol's cousins, Moira and Ruth Kay, who were visiting family in Ranana, came to spend the night in Jerusalem so that they could attend the wedding, - yay, more family!
At about 18h00 the fathers danced Greg to the b'deken, followed by the other guests who had been at Greg's tish, all singing and dancing. Those of us who were at Andi's tish at the time heard them coming and it sounded great! The b'deken is the verification that the bride is indeed the chosen one, (so he could not possibly have the problem that Jacob had getting Leah first instead of Rebeccah). It was the first time Greg had seen Andi since the t'naim, and was very moving. He just stood in front of her and gazed at her adoringly, and his Mother, and many others, shed lots of happy tears! Having confirmed that it was his beloved, he covered her with the veil, hinting at the comparison between the bride and the sh'chinah (God's presence), both hidden and revealed. Andi put a new kippah that she had crotcheted on Greg's head and Rabbi Ramon blessed them both.

The bride and groom were then danced to yet another pretty courtyard. This had been set up for the signing of the "ketubah" and the "t'naim" documents. Only the immediate family, the best men, and the witnesses who signed the documents, were present. Greg and Andi designed their own ketubah, with Rabbi Ramon's assistance, and it was hand painted and written by the mother of one of their South African friends and is very beautiful. It is, of course, twice as long as any other ketubah as it had to be completely egalitarian. After the signing, everyone present took a turn to give the couple a special blessing, including the families and the Rabbi. Whilst this was happening, all the other guests had gone to take their seats at the chupah. (The ceremony took place under a canopy, symbolising their new home, open on all sides like the tent of Sarah and Abraham, and surrounded by their family, teachers and friends.) Their chupah was made of four poles covered by the new talit (prayer shawl) that Andi had given Greg for their wedding.

After the signing, we each took an arm and led Greg to the Chupah. This was below the site of Greg's "tish", overlooking the Old City. The pole holders were cousins Michael and Yudit, and very close friends. A few minutes later, Agnes and Josef brought Andi to the chupah to join Greg. The ceremony started with Andi circling Greg three times and then Greg circling Andi three times, and the seventh circle they did together. (The idea of circling evokes the exclusiveness and intimacy of their relationship, traditionally marked by the seven circles that the bride walks around the groom. They decided to keep the number seven, symbolic in Judaism of divine completion but did the circling "their" way). Rabbi Ramon then blessed the first cup of wine, Birkat Erusin, the blessing of betrothal, which was passed to Andi by me and to Greg by Aggie. She then led them through the traditional "ring" ceremony. This represents a financial agreement that accompanies betrothal and must be witnessed for the marriage to be legal. They each gave the other a ring, symbolising not only the agreement, but also the circles of commitment they have made to each other, in the hope that it will be rounded and whole. After that Rabbi Pesach Schindler (Greg's Rosh Yeshivah) gave a beautiful d'var Torah. He talked about Gidon and Devorah (their Hebrew names) appearing in the same book of the bible. Rabbi Ramon then spoke about the ketubah and the t'naim, both of which were held up for all to see. I then wrapped the young couple in the colourful talit that Greg gave Andi for the wedding and the ceremony moved in to the Kidushin. Standing with their fingers entwined and wrapped in Andi's talit, they listened to the seven Sheva Brachot being sung by seven different people, Rabbis and friends, so beautiful, more tears! These are prayers to Adonai, blessing him and asking him to bless the loving couple with happiness. At some stage we had a second glass of wine and then the two glasses were poured into one for the third cup. They both then stamped on and broke two glasses simultaneously, remembering the destruction of the Temple, and that they live in an imperfect world and hoping that they will live to see a better one. After that there was much mazal tov-ing, hugging and kissing, and lots more tears!!

The married couple then went to spend their first intimate time together in yichud by themselves, completing the formal ceremony, and the rest of us went through to the main courtyard to begin the eating, drinking and dancing bit. Here we found round tables with dark green cloths and white serviettes - seating for 250, and carpets for those that could not find a seat. There were crudités and chips, and chumus, tachina and avocado dips on the tables. Waiters and waittresses brought around trays of tasty finger items all evening, and later there were big bowls of fresh fruit and trays of desserts put on every table. Wine and water on the table and a bar for other drinks. An excellent 7- piece band got everyone dancing and dancing and dancing!
The married couple were danced out of the yichud room and separate circles were formed of men and women dancing. Then the circles merged and Greg and Andi were lifted up on chairs while everyone danced around them. When everyone was exhausted, the married couple were seated on their thrones and entertained by acts of juggling, magic, acrobatics, eastern dancing, Russian dancing, balloon blowing and twisting etc. The parents were seated on either side of them to enjoy the performances. Then there was more dancing, and Greg and Andi had to try and skip over a handkerchief tied rope and then hold a maypole whilst everyone took streamers from it and danced around them. One of his bigger friends put Greg on his shoulders and joined the dancing! What was so palpable at this wedding, and what so many people remarked on, was the love. Not just between Greg and Andi, but from everyone else for them. It made it just so special and moving! We were continually bowled over by the trouble and effort put in by all of their friends, to make this the wonderful experience that it has been for the young couple and their families.
At last there was a break from the dancing, and Mark, the Master of Ceremonies, called on Steven and Dave, the Best Men, to propose the toast to the bride and groom. After that the happy couple took the mike and thanked everybody before cutting the "cakes". A friend of theirs makes a wonderful fruit and nut filled cake with a syrup drizzled over it, that they love, so they asked her to make four for their wedding. We sat at tables for all of Greg's family, and all of Andi's family sat together. This worked well in view of the language problem. We were joined by Michael & Helen Paiba, Moira & Ruth Kay, and Rabbi Dick & Bella Hirsch. An exhausted Alexander family caught taxis back to the apartment and collapsed into bed at 02h00.

Thursday was a sleep late and recuperate day until it was time to meet at our apartment to take a taxi bus to Moshav Safir (50 kms. out on the way to Tel Aviv), where the Hungarian resident family were hosting the first Sheva Brochot. They farm peaches and nectarines on an intensive basis. Greg and Andi, and Helen and Michael (so super having them) came with us, and Andi's family went in another taxi. We had kosher meat (braaied), the first meat since our arrival in Israel, and wow, did we enjoy it! Dave had to leave early as he was flying home at 23h00. Our taxi bus fetched us at midnight. On the way back the driver, listening to his radio, heard and relayed to us, the shattering news of the collapse of the wedding venue in Jerusalem - where 23 had died and 80 had been injured. It was a sad end to a lovely evening.

Friday was a "free" day, which was just as well, as I was not feeling too bright and was happy to just relax and watch the tennis on TV. Sheva Brochot were at Marcie and Julia's apartment that night, but we gave them a miss and had an early night. Debs went, and had another lovely evening.

Saturday we went to Elaine's apartment again for lunchtime Sheva Brochot after a delicious lunch. That evening we joined Michael and Helen Paiba for dinner. They walked to us and then we all walked to Anna Ticho House, a very nice restaurant that they knew not far off Yaffo Street. It was in a very old house, the first residence built outside the Old City. A quartet of Russian string musicians provided great background music to a most pleasant dinner. We left at about 22h30 and walked back to our apartment, and the Paibas to their Hotel. The next morning we saw on the TV that a car bomb had exploded within a couple of hundred metres of the restaurant !!!!

Sunday Andi left for Hungary. She had been invited to deliver an address on Shavuoth in Buda Pest. Greg decided to stay with the family and experience his first Shavouth in Israel. We spent the day running around shopping as we suddenly realised that it was our last chance - Monday would be a holiday. Greg came to us for supper. Shavuoth is one of the Pilgrim Festivals, a dairy festival and one on which we are expected to study all night! It celebrates the giving of the torah. So, at 20h00, the three of us walked to the Hartman Institute where Rabbi Professor David Hartman presented an interesting address, mainly dealing with pluralism in Judaism - the need for Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Rabbis to recognise and respect each other. He spoke very well, but we could see that Greg was battling to stay awake. At 00h30 we decided to go home, but Greg went on to another shiur. It is traditional to study all night and then meet at the Kotel at 04h30 to daven Sachrit as the sun rises. This was Greg's intention, but he did not make it this year - went home to fetch something and the next thing he knew he woke up on his bed, fully clothed still, on Monday morning!!

Monday we rose late and stayed put until lunch time. In the afternoon we went to a tea party at the apartment of Rabbi Dick & Bella Hirsch, old and dear friends. They had been in Russia on business and came back early for the wedding. There we enjoyed delicious cheese cake - a requirement for Shavuoth. There were 15 of us for tea. One of these was Moshe Raviv - a former Israeli Ambassador to the UK. He is still very close to those in power. He gave us all a most interesting talk on the current situation with the Palestinians and why Israel can no longer trust Yasser Arafat. He told us that Egypt and Jordan were very upset with Arafat for not accepting Barak's proposals. He said that within the next 2 - 4 days there would either be serious peace discussions or all out war. One of the other guests asked about the use of the F16 attack planes and he said that Israel deeply regretted using these (sourced from the USA) in the Gaza Strip. Tension in Jerusalem was very high and both CNN and BBC World were having regular broadcasts on the flashpoints. That evening Greg and some friends came to dinner and afterwards we had to go through hundreds of photos from his photographer as Tuesday was the only chance we would have to make copies.

Tuesday saw us packing up the apartment - we had to be out by 10h30. Our charming landlord, Yair Ben Solomon, very kindly took Peter in his car to find a place that would make reprints for us in a few hours. While they were doing that Debs and I moved our luggage across to Greg's apartment in a taxi. One mentions taking a taxi, as Jerusalem is a city of walkers and we were no different. We spent the morning helping him to pack up his things as he was going off to join Andi in Hungary for two months. Peter took us, and Marc, out for lunch. We had very nice salads at a pavement café, with fresh lemonade, and to give you some idea of the cost of living in Israel, it cost him just under R600 for the five of us. We returned to the packing and finished most of it before our sheroot taxi arrived at 18h00 to take us to Ben Gurion Airport. Peter talked El Al into inviting us to use the Business Class Lounge and we were therefore able to spend a very comfortable couple of hours, eating and drinking, until it was time to board. I managed to get three seats to myself and Debbie & Peter each had two, so some sleep was had. We arrived at Johannesburg at 06h55 - an hour early - we had been given Israeli time and they are now an hour ahead. We came through at 07h45 and phoned our dear friend, Mary Campbell, who girded her loins and left immediately to fetch us. Dave was giving an early lecture at Midrand.

NOW we need time to relax after two emotionally and physically draining weeks at a wedding of a lifetime!