I think my husband is going to ask for a divorce. I will not ask for one no matter how miserable I may get. I do not want another failed marriage. If he asks for one however, I will not deny him. I do love him, but if divorcing me will make him happy, then I will give it to him. There is no PASSION in our marriage. We are both very sexual people, but he has made me so self-concious I don't even want him touching me. I am so tired of him looking at the skinny girls and making comments about them, or saying, "Oh man...she is nasty!" If he sees a "normal sized" woman even partly nude on tv....KNOWING that I'm twice as big as I should be. He doesn't make me feel special. He would argue of course saying that he MARRIED me and that in itself makes me special. But I want to be the only woman on the planet for him, and I know he's just not attracted enough to me for that to be. I want long deep kisses, he has NEVER EVER french kissed me...and I almost just want to go grab a stranger and stick my tongue down his throat. When we have sex he wants me to "service" him, but he never has returned the favor. Then he just rolls over and pops it in....and after about 2 minutes he rolls off and that's it. No PASSION. He talks about wanting to do "nasty" stuff, ie...he wants me to be naughty...but that isn't ME....so we are just totally incompatible sexually. But I KNOW he used to do things FOR and WITH his previous girl friends...so why not with me? I should be more special than any of them, after all...it's ME that he married, right?
And he has no communication skills. If he gets angry, instead of talking about what ever is wrong, he just clams up for DAYS at a time. I am the opposite. I want to talk about it, get it all out in the open and take care of the problem...not sweep it under the rug. When he does that he just forgets about it...ME on the other hand...it sits inside my skull until it festers, and then resurfaces itself in future arguments. He also wants to have children and I will not be able to give him that. I found out about 6 months ago that I will not, even with surgery, have anymore children. I need to tell him, I think I will tell him today. We talked last night about some stuff, about why each of us are unhappy in various ways....It is only fair that he knows the truth to help him make the decison I know he is struggling with.
Off to do laundry and clean....he will be awake in a few hours, and I know the talks will begin. |
