Old Time Orc’n’Troll (to the tune of Old Time Rock’n’Roll by Bob Seger)

Just take those Tolkien books off the shelf

I'll sit and read ‘em all by myself

Eoin Colfer ain't got the same soul

I like that old time orc ‘n’ troll

Don't try to make me read Artemis Fowl

I broke the cipher but I threw in the towel

In ten minutes I'm asleep on the floor

I like that old time orc ‘n’ troll

Still like that old time orc 'n' troll

Harry Potter really soothes my soul

I reminisce about Smaug’s heap of gold

With that old time orc ‘n’ troll

Won't go to buy no Lemony Snicket

A word that here means that stuff just ain’t the ticket

There's only one sure way to get me to read

Give me some wizards and a flagon of mead.

Call me a relic, call me what you will

Say I'm old-fashioned, say I'm over the hill

His Dark Materials lacks logic and soul

I like that old time orc 'n' troll

Still like that old time orc 'n' troll

Harry Potter really soothes my soul

I reminisce about Smaug’s heap of gold

With that old time orc ‘n’ troll