So I screamed, and Billie and Mike told Tre to behave and he did after that, even though I said I thought they should tie him up or something until the next show, but Mike said a lot of drummers are like that, their brains just get rattled around too much from all that pounding.
Then you know what? I saw Billie and Mike drinking out of BEER BOTTLES!! I was shocked because they're not even 21, in fact they're only 18, so I asked them what was the big idea, but Billie took me aside and whispered, "Listen you've got to keep this a secret, but there isn't really beer in these bottles."
"There isn't?" I asked.
"No, it's really milk. Everybody in Green Day likes milk best of all, but the thing is we drink it out of beer bottles because if we don't people will make fun of us and say we're sissies."
Then I understood and felt sorry for the boys. Peer pressure is such a horrible thing.
At the show I even got to stay backstage and everything, but just when the boys were getting ready to play there was a knock on the dressing room.
"It must be our deli try," everyone said, but it wasn't, it was the POLICE!
OMIGOD!! I jumped in front of the officers and said "Wait, don't arrest Green Day, it's not beer in those bottles, it's really just milk!"
He looked at me and said "Is it now? And your name wouldn't happen to be Laurie would it, little lady?"
And I said, "That's my name don't wear it out."
"Then we'll have to ask you to come with us."
"What do you mean?" I screamed, "Are you crazy? Green Day is going to start playing any minute now!"
But he said "sorry, can't be helped," and they took me to the back of the police car and handcuffed me and everything, then I thought, oh god, I wonder if this has anything to do with my parents?
Sure enough it did. The stupid pit bull dragged one of my dad's collar bones into his house and his owner found it and called the police. So I didn't get to see the rest of the tour, and I had to go to court and everything and now I'm in jail, and I might not get out until the year 2019.
Oh well. Everyone's pretty nice here and they let me listen to my Green Day tapes. But they all ask me, was it worth it? Killing your parents just so you could go on tour with Green Day?
And I just smile a deep knowing smile, because I've seen and done things they'll never experience, not if they lived to be 100, and I say "Of course it was. After all, everyone gets TWO parents, but there's only one GREEN DAY."
