9. One secret service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you
8. Apparently, your flame war with [email protected] is about to turn ugly
7. When you log on, your computer says, "You've got lawsuits!"
6. You're suddenly getting several crates of Spam each week
5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 plus tax
4. You now have 130,000 subscriptions to ClubTop5 and the list moderator is on the cover of Buisness Week
3. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your mom
2. Your wife calls calls you at the office to tell you that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride has arrived
1. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."