| Hockey Jokes |
| One day, Satan was out for a walk through Hell, making sure things were running smoothly. When he got to the Lake of Fire, he saw a man sitting by the lake, relaxing in a lawn chair, and not sweating or looking uncomfortable at all. Perplexed, Satan approached the man and asked: "Young man, are you not hot or bothered by this heat?" The man replied, "Oh no, not at all. I lived in downtown Ottawa and this weather is just like a typical July day in the city." Satan thought that this was not a good sign, so he rushed back to his office and turned up the heat in Hell another 100 degrees. Satisfied with himself, he again returned to the Lake of Fire to check on the young man. When he got there, the man was showing a few beads of sweat, but that was all. Again Satan asked the Ottawa native, "Are you hot and uncomfortable yet?" The young man looked up and said, "No, the temperature is just like a hot August day in Ottawa. I'm coping it just fine." Satan decided that he had to do something drastic to make this man's stay in Hell unpleasant. He went back to his office, turned the heat all the way down, and then turned up the air conditioning. The temperature in Hell quickly dropped well below zero. As he approached the Lake of Fire, he noticed that it was now frozen over. He also saw the young man jumping up and down wildly, waving his arms and yelling into the air. "This looks promising!" thought Satan. Coming closer, he finally made out what the man was shouting: "The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup! The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!" _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ It's Game seven of the Stanley Cup final, Toronto vs Montreal, and a man makes his way to his seat, right down at centre ice. He sits down and notices that the next seat is empty. He leans over and askes his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No" he replied, "that seat shall be empty." "That is incredible!! Who in their right mind would give up a seat like this and miss the final game of the playoffs!?!?" The neighbour says, "Well actually that seat belonged to my wife, she passed away and this is the first game we haven't been together to since we were married in 1967." "Oh I am so sorry, but you couldn't find anyone who would want to take this seat?" "No" the man said, "They are all at her funeral!" _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ There were 4 guys mountain climbing in the rockies all three were avid hockey fans. As they reached the summit, the first guy runs and jumps off of the mountain and yells "this is for the Los Angeles Kings" The second climber runs off the summit and yells "this is for the Detroit Red Wings" The third climber runs and pushes the fourth climber off the summit and who happens to be from Calgary and yells "this is for the Edmonton Oilers" _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The man said, "My dog watches all the Maple Leafs games on TV. Everytime they lose, he lies down and cried his eyes out." His friend says, "That's incredible. What does he do when they win?" The man replied, "I don't know, I'll let you know when it actually happens." _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Why are the Leafs like Canada Post? The both wear uniforms and don't deliver! _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? She fell out of the tree _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ An Oilers fan was driving home from work and he passed by the local priest. He stops and offers him a lift. The priest thanks him kindly and together they proceed to the church to drop the priest off. On the way they pass a man walking his dog on the other side of the road. On closer inspection the man was seen to be wearing a replica Flames sweater. Now, the Oiler fan that was driving just hated the Flames, and he suddenly felt an uncontrollable urge to run his car into him. He put his foot down on the accelerator and tried to hit him. At the last minute the Flames fan jumped out of the way, the driver of the car heard a bang, but he was sure he'd missed him. The two men proceeded to the church in silence. The Oilers fan pulled up and said, "Look Father, I'm really sorry about that incident back there. I don't know what came over me. Can you forgive me, Father??" The Priest replied, "Of course I can forgive you, my son. Don't worry - I GOT HIM WITH THE CAR DOOR." _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a heaf of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that they boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some a-hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Canada, sir" the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked. The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." The boy replied, "No kidding??? Who did she play for?" _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists,breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident,and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" hecontinued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either for the Leafs or Jays fan."What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A child stands in court before a judge. His parents are divorcing and the judge is asking him which parent he would like to live with. "Would you like to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! she beats me every night i dont want to live with her!". So the judge says "Ok, you can go live with your dad then." the child replies "No! he beats me every night as well! i dont want to live with him!" and the judge replies "Well if both your parents beat you then who do you want to live with?". The boy replies "The Toronto Maple Leafs." The judge is puzzled. "why would you want to live with them?" he asks. The boy replies "Because they dont beat anyone!" _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
| The Good Old Hockey Game..Is The Best Game You Can Play... |
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