by Stephen Gray
Dear All,
I have some very sad news, our great leader, The Little Guy has decided to leave us. I don�t know how we will manage without him. There is one consolation though, he said he will stay for 18 more months. This should ensure some political stability and give The Little Guy some time to figure out what kind of legacy he wants to leave with us. We heard him tell a big gathering of people that he would sign something called The Kyoto Accord. He wants to stop pollution and intends to cut emissions here in Loonie Land. A cynical person said if he wants to stop emissions he should keep his mouth shut.
Some people are complaining he will kill thousands of jobs, but at least he will leave a legacy called unemployment. Our dollar is sinking faster than a submarine with a hole in it, but there are more important things than money. Parliament is set to discuss some very important issues, such as legalizing marijuana and something called same sex marriage. The debate on legalizing marijuana should be interesting, somebody said it will be dopes discussing dope. And I don�t think it will be too long until we see two men marching down the aisle one bearded and in a white dress and the other one dressed in a tuxedo taking their vows in "holy matrimony." Or two women doing likewise or any other combination that can convince a judge they are being "discriminated" against. We are a land of "rights" and new rights are being created every day. It is a good job we have "human rights commissions" to keep track of all the "rights" otherwise things could go wrong.
There was a bit of a scandal the other day, it seems a cabinet minister awarded a contract to a friend for work that was never done. The opposition in Parliament got a bit upset about this, they seem to forget that this type of scandal is nothing new in Loonie Land -- after all what are friends for. One of the leaders of the opposition has also said he will leave but that remains to be seen. This guy has spent his whole life in politics and possibly could suffer some type of withdrawal symptoms without a platform to run off at the mouth. Perhaps somebody could buy him a podium and he could continue his pompous ramblings from home.
Now that The Little Guy has decided to leave, it is expected that his former finance minister will be our new leader. He is a fiscal conservative they say, owns a shipping line and registers some of his ships in a foreign country to avoid paying taxes in Loonie Land, some people have all the luck.
There was a national emergency the other day. Loonie Land�s national TV broadcaster did not renew the contract of one of the hosts of Hockey Night in Loonie Land. It seems there were thousands of emails sent to the TV station in support of the host. Who said the people were apathetic? Even the media were totally engrossed in this story. Let no one say that investigative journalism is dead. However the host is now back and all is well and the puck doesn�t stop here.
The Queen visited us for a few days, a nice lady who has spent her life serving her country. A politician was quoted as saying "we could have a uniquely" Loonie Land "institution" instead of the Queen. Some people thought some politicians should be in an institution preferably in strait jackets -- then their hands would be immobilized from the peoples money.
Another opposition leader is leaving soon, this one has only been in the House a few years but even she might get homesick for all the perks. Still, she should have a pension for life and she is not of retirement age. Politicians don�t have to wait until they are sixty-five years of age like us peasants.
We also have some well travelled politicians in the House that belonged to one political party. Then they left that party to form another one, I think they called it DRC. Then they decided they wanted to sit beside another party and form a coalition. Then their original party got a new leader and they decided to come back home. It is all so confusing for some of the populace, they don�t know who they are voting for at times. Somebody said this kind of moving around is known as covering your posterior for the next election.
There is talk of war in the air and some theories on the cause of violence. The Little Guy said people blow up buildings and kill people because of poverty. He said something like the proof is in the proof when it is proven. He has a wonderful way with words, too bad he doesn�t make sense. Maybe that�s why he is in politics. He�ll certainly be missed when he leaves, but no doubt he�ll get plenty of offers in other fields, perhaps even a teaching job at a university.
There has been some articles in the newspapers about terrorists and criminals residing in Loonie Land. It seems some of them claimed refugee status here. This all came about because a Supreme Court judge said that anyone who lands on Loonie Land soil or enters our waters can be covered under our Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I know we are a "tolerant" and "just" society but this seems a bit much. However, one must not discriminate; after all, terrorists and criminals are people too.
The country�s foremost abortionist has surfaced again. He is not a happy camper, it seems a couple of provinces are still not paying for his abortion business. He is threatening to sue them. Meanwhile the media keeps telling us there is a "low fertility" problem. They should consult our abortionist -- he doesn�t seem to have a problem with "low fertility;" he�s still in business.
I believe they have passed or are going to pass the "endangered species" act in Parliament. We are very worried about whales, spotted owls, fish, trees and numerous other non human entities. Meanwhile we carve up, poison, dismember and suction out the child in her mothers womb--we call this "choice."
The "Free Market" is in a free fall and there is much wailing and moaning from many "financial advisers." Many are being laid off but this should not be too hard on them; they can put their knowledge to work, hopefully they will do better than some of the clients they "advised." It is said that the "market" will come back and that one�s strategy should not be to panic but to hang in there. Many who did now feel like taking these words literally. Many say the downfall of the market has been because of sleight of hand accounting. It seems some of the big boys were cooking the books. Moral of the story is never trust an accountant who cooks or a corporate head who enjoys their cooking.
Well I must close for now, although it�s always possible to go on further about the happenings here in Loonie Land. Have a nice day and don�t forget to vote-- that little X you place on your ballot enables politicians to continue to raise your taxes, limit your freedoms and coddle criminals.