Aaron says something very strange to me. He says "man, you have nothing to worry about with Pilar, she absolutely idolizes you", 'trust me' on this." How the hell would he know? I ask myself later. Months later, when I put it all together, I think he did it to see if I had told Pilar about his father, good thing I didn't.
One Friday night I'm at home and Pilar is coming over later to watch some movies. I'm feeling very up tight about my business and how it's not going as well as anticipated. All along and for as long as I could remember I always felt like some thing wasn't right with me. Like some thing was "wrong" but I just had no idea what it was or where this feeling was coming from. ALL OF A SUDDEN I REMEMBERED THAT I KNOW SILVA MIND CONTROL! I had totally forgotten about it. Like out of the blue it was like a revelation. I guess I just hadn't thought about it for years. So I relax, and go to my level. I'm having a great session, feeling totally relaxed and comfortable. I open my eyes and Pilar is sitting on the floor next to me with this look on her face like she is seeing the devil possessing someone. I ask her how long she has been there? She says to me "What the hell were you doing?" And I tell her all about the Silva method and about going to different "Levels" of your mind. She says to me "you never told me you could do that!". "I FORGOT I COULD" I say. I asked her if I looked funny, and she tells me that she almost freaked out when she saw me. "Why?" I asked her. "Your eye balls were flurrying left and right at a million miles an hour. I thought you were possessed or something. Then I called your name and you wouldn't answer. So I sat down and watched." "How long were you watching me" I ask. About 15 minutes she answers. What does she say next? "TEACH ME". So she downs three glasses of wine and we spend the rest of the night doing Silva mind control.
What happened, however, is that the next time we went to Aaron's
apartment, Pilar, wanting to be involved in some of the intellectual
conversations Aaron and I had, starts talking about how I taught her the
Silva method and how she went down to the different levels of her mind and
the whole thing. The next day I go over to Aaron's to watch movies, I
remember him getting up and locking the door. AFTER THAT DAY, AND TO THIS
DAY I CANNOT GO TO MY LEVEL. IN MY MIND, I JUST CANNOT PICTURE AN ELEVATOR
SHAFT IN MY MIND. I TRY AND I TRY BUT I JUST CANNOT DO IT FOR SOME REASON.
I guess Aaron didn't like the idea of me romping around in my own mind and
somehow "rigged it" so that I cannot enter. It's sort of like being locked
out of your own mind. Very scary!
March 1997-
WHAT WAS THE "EVENT" THAT TRIGGERED THE RECALL OF MY MEMORY? HERE IT IS.
Aaron is a 5'-10" muscular, balding Italian man, who, if he could, would
spend his entire life walking around in his "flip flops" with a short sleeve
shirt unbuttoned down to his belly button and in a baggy pair of shorts
hanging out at the pool all day everyday. We would still do things like
go to concerts, the home depo, occasionally a movie. Things like that but
nothing that ever required too much planning or usually too much physical
effort (except working out). One rainy march evening I get to Aaron's, and
he has a sudden burst of energy and decides that he wants to go BOWLING.
"Bowling" I say. As it turns out, Aaron is an avid bowler. He even has
his own ball (which he stole form a bowling ally in Rochester NY). No bag,
just the ball. He says he hasn't been in a long time and he somehow got a
"wild hair stuck in his ass". This was a big venture for him because Aaron
actually had to go into his closet and dig out his sneakers and a pair of
jeans to go to the bowling ally.
We go, we walk in and get our lane and our shoes from the front desk. We turn to the left and start walking to our lane. As we walk, the lanes are on the right and the pro shop and bar is on the our left. Aaron is ahead of me, about 3 steps (the fastest I have ever seen him walk, I guess he was excited to be bowling or something). As we walk we pass the door to the pro shop there is a life size cutout of a man in a rhinocerous suite. He is standing there holding a bowling ball (it was a very elaborate life size 3-dimential marketing display with a real bowling ball in the guys hands). The display said something like "Bowl with the best, Bowl with what the professionals use, Bowl with 'RHINO BALLS'."
And as I walk by I start laughing. "BOWL WITH RHINO BALLS" I yell ahead of me. AND THEN IT JUST CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I SAID IT "THEY USED TO CALL ME 'THE RHINO' ONCE!" and Aaron drops his bowling ball and IMMEDIATELY AND I MEAN IMMEDIATELY turns around, walks back and gets right in my face and says "WHEN DID THEY CALL YOU 'THE RHINO�', WHEN DID THEY CALL YOU 'THE RHINO'! WHAT GOT ME WAS HE SAID IT TWICE. I was caught off guard by his actions and I blurted out "In high school" I said. They used to call me "the rhino" in high school, it was my football nickname. I will never forget the look in his eye as he was examining me, studying me. The thing is I LIED, they NEVER called me "the Rhino" in high school. "The Rhino" was actually a friend of mines "nickname" and he was on another team. My "nick name" in high school was "B A" for "Bad Ass".
The moment after I said "They used to call me �the Rhino." What "popped" into my mind was not some high school football game. What "popped" into my mind was ME, STANDING ON A ROOF TOP, LOOKING DOWN, AND YELLING AT THE MAN WITH THE WHITE HAIR "BECAUSE I'M WEARING MY NIKE�S", AND THEN I WATCH AS HE TRIED TO CLIMB THE WALL THE WAY I JUST DID. HE COMES REAL CLOSE (COMES UP 3-4 FEET SHORT) AND SLIDES BACK DOWN. AND AS HE SLIDES BACK DOWN, I'M LOOKING RIGHT AT HIS FACE, RIGHT IN HIS EYES. AND HE IS LOOKING RIGHT INTO MINE. AND I REMEMBERED THE GIRL THEY HAD JUST KILLED WHEN THEY RAN HER OVER. But that was it. Each of those memories were about 5 seconds long and somehow I knew there was more but I just couldn't put my finger on it. But I had punched a hole in their "alternate reality" and some memories had dripped through.
THAT'S WHAT BROUGHT IT BACK! A PROFESSIONAL BOWLING BALL. WHO'S BRAND NAME IS "RHINO", THE "RHINO BALL", THAT WAS THE EVENT WHICH TRIGGERED MY MEMORY. THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBERED, THE MAN WITH THE WHITE HAIR, JUST AFTER THEY RAN OVER THE GIRL.
I lied to Aaron not out of fear. It just flew out of my mouth. I didn't even think about it. I just told the story about it being a high school "nick name". As we began to bowl, I could tell Aaron was not himself, nervous, anxious, and he asked me about "the Rhino" again and again. "Are you sure that's when they called you "the Rhino?" He asks.
As I'm about to bowl I turn to him and say "Pretty f*cken sure asshole! Watch this," and I pictured myself throwing a strike, I start on my approach and I whizzed that ball down the lane and I threw a strike. I had just taken a crash course in acting. Because I lied again. At that point what was going through my mind was the girl, the man with the wooden blocks, the trial, Brian talking to Mr. Green, the lab. And as I'm bowling all these things are rushing into my mind. "Put it out of your mind" I say to my self. "Think about it later" and I played it down. I got away with it because I hadn't made the "Aaron connection" yet so I wasn't in the least bit nervous. I honestly just wasn't going to tell my best friend, out of the blue, that the Rhino was the term they used to call me when I was back in college and involved with the government, and mind control experiments, and how I was a unstoppable super assassin who possessed superhuman abilities! That would fly over like a lead balloon. So I kept it to my self.
We bowled several games and consequently drank several pitchers of beer. As we left and drove back to Aaron's he asked me to come in, several times. I said "nah man, I'm beat, I'll call you in the morning." He pushed it to the point to where I said something about it. "What's wrong with you man? I'll call you in the f*cking morning." And I managed to play it down again because I wasn�t afraid of Aaron. That night, I didn't literally sleep at all (and I really haven't slept a single night since and it's been over a year). As I sat on my couch and thought about the "Rhino ball" I remembered being on the roof again. Then I remembered the girl. I then back tracked to the parking lot, running up the stairs, the girl, the roof, the jump. Going back that night and seeing the men in yellow, going back in the morning. Brian and the steroids. Him and Gwen, the lab, everything! But the memories are all like a 5 second flash of a 10 minute movie all with no sense of time order. Clear but then suddenly stops and it's all very confusing.
I'm even so clueless and lost in confusion that I ask Aaron "Aaron, did you ever have any Army men over your apartment?" He of course want's me to immediately come over. I go, we hang out, I watch some TV, I come home and go to bed. As a mater of fact "I have a very pleasant evening." In the morning, as I sit on the couch on the coffee table there is a legal pad with all kinds of stuff written on it in my hand writing. The Rhino, Rochester, 90 degree vertical climbs, DID AARON LOCK THE DOOR??? WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU DO AT AARON'S? CAN YOU REMEMBER? At that moment is when it all came together, but still it was only as clear as a dream, only it was a bad dream and I was awake.
I start thinking about college, and the thing is I couldn't remember college, I didn't remember most of my life now that I thought about it. I remember being at the University of Rochester, but the more I thought about it, I couldn't remember anything specific. I don't sleep at all now, and more strange things start happening.
The next night it is 3:30 in the morning and I'm up thinking about all this. I see head lights illuminating some of the parked cars in the parking lot, but after they were on for about five minutes. So I go out onto my porch to see what is going on. There is a full size puck up truck parked in front of the Bell South phone box which is the main board for the whole complex (a big gray thing about 4 feet high and 5 feet wide). A man has the box OPEN and is doing something while the pick up truck is left running. What exactly he is doing I have no idea, but the whole thing is making me extremely paranoid. I think to my self "for God's sake Aaron has the key to my apartment." So for the next three months I would lay my golf clubs between the front door and the closet door to act as a "wedge" so if anyone tried to get in while I was sleeping the front door would only open about three inches.
The next day I decide to call my father from a pay phone. And let me tell you NOTHING is ever really real, until you tell your parents. I gather my courage and I call my father. I ask him "Dad, Do you remember going to Annapolis?", and he answers "Only when I'm awake! Why?" "Because I don't remember college I answer. "I have memories of attending the University of Rochester, but I don't remember being there!" I then proceed to tell him the whole story about the mind control experiments, the girl who was run over, the lab, everything but it's all in bits and pieces. I said "either I have just gone totally insane or my entire life since the 6th grade has all been a lie. Either way I need to get some serious physiological help!" He has become quite serious now and says "I'm extremely glad that YOU said that!"
Through a friend of a friend I get the name of a good psychologist, he subsequently works with a psychiatrist, as it turns out I start seeing both of them.
Aaron is aware that I am seeing a psychologist, he is very interested in what medication the doctor has given me and what is going on. I tell him that I am going for therapy for the government mind control thoughts going on in my head. He follows very carefully what's going on and is satisfied with the fact that the doctors think that I am either "crazy" or "chemically imbalanced" and they don't believe me.
For the next several weeks I remember going over to Aaron;s apartment and there was a lot of missing time. What I would do was leave notes to my self. One on the car seat, and one on my bed. Both saying the same thing: Did Aaron lock the door? REMEMBER Rochester, the lab experiments, Aaron is controlling you REMEMBER!!! And I would sign it to my self. As I would get into my car after going over to Aaron's to watch movies I would find this note in my own handwriting on the seat and I would read it and I became even more confused.
But from somewhere inside me I would somehow never let go of the few memories that had broken through and every time that I would read the note it would somehow bring it back.
After a while Aaron found out about the note I was leaving to my self in the car because he kept on asking me (when he had me in the trance and I was under his control) how the hell I keep getting out. And I would be forced to tell him. The thing is, I would only tell him what he asked me. So since he never asked about the "other" note I was leaving to my self on my bed I never told him. And this game went on for weeks. After every night I would come home and try and piece it back together again. As the weeks went by I finally put the Aaron connection together, but I had to play along like there was nothing wrong. But what happened was that Aaron eventually found out that I knew in my real and daily life what he was doing to me. He tried to keep plugging the holes in the dam (if you will) but my subconscious would not be stopped, it was fighting to come out and there was nothing that he could do about it. We had a falling out and didn't speak to each other from that moment on. I believe that Aaron knew that I knew that he knew that I knew and we simply stopped talking to each other for the final six weeks that he was in Atlanta. Mostly because he feared for his life that he could no longer control the memories that were coming back to me.
May 1997-
Aaron finally leaves to go to help his father, and never said good by, he
just left. Which only reinforces my suspicions.
July 1997-
After about 18 weeks, thousands of dollars, and two different "sets" of
psychologists, and psychiatrists. The third psychologist I go to, who was
referred from the second one after he said "I have no idea how to help you
or what to do with you!" because I was not "chemically imbalanced" and in
spite of all of the drugs and attempts to simply make these "memories"
simply go away he referred me to another doctor, and he was vice a president
of the psychology department at Emory University hospital in Atlanta. The
third guy finally had a good idea. He says to me with a very egotistical
demeanor "If you believe that your problem can all be solved using hypnosis
why are you here in my office?" I laughed and thought about it and said
"you know, your GOD D*MN RIGHT!" I got up and walked out of his office.
All along, my parents, especially my mother are very very concerned for my well being. My mother especially seems to want to know EXACTLY who I am seeing, and EXACTLY what medications they are prescribing to me. And of course I tell her as she is threatening to come down and stay at my apartment until I get through this.
August 1997-
On the second, I had made arrangements to go and see a hypnotheripest.
For the initial appointment I had inquired as to if he had ever heard of
the Silva mind control method, and he responded that he did and "was even
aware of the technique and was fluent in it's applications." I specifically
did not mention anything about the government or the experiments. When I
went in with Pilar, all I told him was that for some reason, that I, no
matter how hard I tried, could not go down to my level using the Silva method.
I didn�t know why but I thought it was just because I was under a lot of
pressure at work or something. He tries to put me under and I keep for
some reason coming out of it. He said "this is like trying to keep a rubber
duck at the bottom of a tub of water when all it wants to do is keep popping
back up to the surface." He then gave me his professional opinion. This
is what he said "the mind is a funny thing, and we are not even close to
begin to under stand it. Of all the functions in the mind, 95% of what
occurs, occurs in the unconscious, and only 5% of the mind functions in
the conscious. There is DEFINETLY something blocking you in some way.
What's happening is this, your unconscious is what really control�s your
mind. I suspect that something happened in your past, something that is
so agonizingly painful your unconscious JUST WILL NOT let it come to the
surface. Like a "clenched fist" it will not let it go. At that point I
knew that he knew I was lying about why I really came to see him. He was
a nice guy and I liked him, but I had already made my plans to move back
home, so I didn't want to get started with a new "therapist" and then have
to start all over again when I moved, so I never went back to see him.
He didn't even charge me for the session.
August 18th-
My roommate from college and one of my best friends is getting married in
Oswego NY. I flew into Newark NJ and drove up to upstate New York. Oswego
is located about 50 miles or so North of Syracuse, with all this going on
in my head I didn't make a plane reservation until the week before. The
airlines wanted $1,200.00 to fly into Syracuse directly so I flew from Atlanta
to Newark for $199.00 and borrowed my mothers car and drove up. It was good
to see my friends and we had a great time. On my way home, since I was
already up there I got on the New York State thruway and went to Rochester
as opposed to coming directly home, more specifically the University of
Rochester. I was only going to one place and one place only. The building
where I scaled the wall and the girl was killed. The building where I
remember seeing men in yellow suits working at 3:00 in the morning "fixing"
everything. The building where I went back in the morning and found the
crack in the block, and where the railing had been replaced with a "new"
one but the cement was a different color.