All of a sudden 5 or 6 guys leap on the both of us and they pry his neck from my hand. The man with the white hair immediately jumps in and tells me to stand up and not to f*cking move. They start arguing again, all of a sudden one of the men with the white haired man from the original group from the back yells "HOLD IT" and he walks over, picks up my shirt, takes the pin off of my shirt and pins it on the elastic band of my underwear. "NOW ARE YOU HAPPY" he says to me. "NO" I say. Why he asks? "IT'S NOT RIGHT" I say. "WHAT'S WRONG" he asks. I look down to the pin on my hip, and I turn it so the gold side is flat on top. "THERE" I say. "WHAT WAS THAT?" He asks. "IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE SUNNY SIDE UP!" I answer. "Are you happy now" he asks. "I'M VERY HAPPY NOW" I answer, as a chorus of laughter erupts as I stood there and could not move.
They then had me perform some simple strength tests (squeezing things, the squat rack etc). That was my first visit to the lab with the military doctors there. I assumed all along that they were military "doctors" (and I use the term "doctor" very loosely because a "Doctor" of what these guys were I have no idea).
I could see out of the corner of my eye the conversations that were going on. From the tones and mannerisms I could tell that the head lab instructor was the man running the show, the expert in the field. Adolph turned out to be my "coach" if you will. But it was very apparent that the man in green was the authority in the room. He would sort of stand off to the side with Adolph all the time. But when something went wrong or he wanted something repeated, I could not see him, but I would hear his voice come from some where in the room. And when he spoke everyone reacted.
What this does for me however, is we can now date this event. I was a pledge in my fraternity, freshmen year from October of 1988 through February of 1989. So these events must have happened somewhere in that time frame!
As a lab rat
After that, when I entered the lab, the head man with the baby blue lab
coat was the one I hated, I mean I wanted to kill this guy. He was about
5'-8" or 5'-9" with wavy brown hair, brown eyes, and thick brown rimed
glasses. He had a medium build and seemed only focused on "the results".
He didn't care how bad the pain was or if I died right there on the spot.
I believe he was a Nazi scientist who did their work in the most basic and
horrific concentration camp type fashion. All he cared about was the data.
This guy was the most inhumanly cruel son of a bitch that I think ever walked
the face of the earth. From the things that he did to me, the experiments
that followed, the impression that I got was that he was so removed from
any emotion or any pity within his work that he basically thought of me as
nothing more than, literally, a piece of shit. With no more regard for my
life then one would give to a lab rat.
"The Juice"
Now with the new head
man the experiments seemed to have increased in their viciousness. Now it
was back to the table where they would strap me down and began giving me the
shock treatments again. They would hook me up with electrodes and give me
"the juice". Giving me shock through my genitals, through a needle in my
ear. They were on, in, and all over my body. The man in the blue lab
coat instructed me to "to turn off" all of my nerve endings at the main
junction box in the blue room in my mind. I remember looking at the ceiling
and then this sort of tickling or numbing sensation comes over me. As it
continues to increase I start to "switch". "Hold it back" I am saying to
my self "hold it back!" until finally I just cannot and begin to start
screaming as I am now violently shaking on the table. Everything is black
for a while, but then is see my body. I am floating upward and I see my
self with people all around me and they are trying to restart my heart.
Then everything goes black again and I "flash" into the blue room in my
mind. I am dragging myself toward the healing pool as I am hurt badly and
I struggle over the short wall and "flop" into the pool. In my mind I close
my eyes and submerge under the green bubbling water and just think "Heal
yourself! Heal yourself!" When I open my eyes again I am back in the lab.
Laying on my back on the table looking up at the ceiling again. I struggle
to sit up and the lab is now empty and I fall back on my back again. I try
and swing my legs over the edge I do and I fall off the table and hit the
floor. I try to get up but my legs cannot support me and I fall to the floor
again. "GET UP" I am saying to my self "GET UP!!! YOU F*CKING SON OF A
BITCH, STAND UP AND WALK", it was like being hit in the head with a base ball
bat when you are extremely drunk. The world is spinning, but somehow your
instinct takes over and all you want to do is get away. I head for the door
as fast as I can. Which turns out to be not very fast as I am trying to
walk but cannot, it was more of a crawl. I make it to the door, and turn
down the hall way, within moments they are all around me. Astonished that
I'm first of all alive and secondly that I have moved at all, like I am even
less than a lab rat, they stand around and start discussing me, as I'm trying
to crawl with every ounce of strength I have. I am collapsed in a ball on
the floor with my face stuck in the crack where the wall meets the floor.
And as I hear them talking I cannot help my self and I start to cry
uncontrollably "PLEASE! PLEASE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" I beg. And the bastard
in the blue lab coat says "get him back in the lab now!" And they pick me
up and bring me back, and strap me back onto the table. But I don't remember
anything after that.
Another time they put me in a tank of water and sealed the top, to see if I could breath under water. The first few times I managed to escape before I drowned to death. But then they finally got a tank that I could not break and had a sealed top. I remember violently trying to get out but could not. I drowned and I black out, I see my body again, as I am floating above it again. This time they are pumping my chest trying to get the water out of my lungs. I see my face, my eyes and my mouth are open. And again I flash to the healing pool and flop myself in (at some point I don't know exactly when I had added a little "handicapped" ramp to the pool so I wouldn't have as much trouble when I had to enter the pool) but again when I opened my eyes I am looking at the ceiling again.
I would always try to get up and try to run down the hall and they would always tackle me before I could escape. The dimensions of how far I was actually going were very unclear. Very blurry and hazy around the edges. It seemed to take forever to get anywhere, and they seemed to move much faster than I could. But each time I got a little further down the hall and I was a little stronger when I came out of it.
I remember this happening several times. With both the water tank and the electroshock experiments. The dying and coming back to life. Just like with airplane to get the funding. Seeing my body and then automatically going right to the healing pool. And the healing pool would always somehow bring me back.
They were trying to see what I was capable of doing. They were obsessed with asking me if I could move object with my mind. If I could float in the air. If I could make objects float in the air. What they were trying to do was to place a suggestion in my subconscious and then see if I could do it. See if I really believed that I could do it. Like telling me that I could breath underwater and then locking me in a tank until I drowned and then revive me again. Telling me that I could fly, and then push me off a ledge. Things like that. Here is the limitation as to what I could do and what I couldn't do as best as I can figure out. You see I had already learned as a child that humans physically cannot breath under water, and humans physically cannot fly. I already knew this and it was embedded too far in my thought process to be removed. So even with their hypnosis and conditioning somewhere deep down inside me I knew that I could not do these things. So naturally I could not do them when they asked me to. However what they could do is "fool" my mind. Telling me things like I had an egg in my hand and to crush it when in reality it would be a tennis ball or a can of soda. Fooling my mind into thinking that everything I jumped off of was only as high as a footstool. Fooling my mind into believing that I could run as fast as a cheetah and be as agile as a gazelle. Fooling my mind into believing that when I shot a gun I was a computerized robot that shot with pin point accuracy.
It is more difficult for an adult to learn a foreign language than it is for a child because the adult mind is already "structured" in may ways. Adults already seem know the limits of their capabilities and potential, and most NEVER strive to be anything more that what the parameters of the society in which they belong to and have grow up in bind to them. Take for example inner city blacks, most truly believe that they will never escape the grasp of the getto, so most accept this as a fact and don't even try to escape through some other avenue. Such as trying to do well in high school and trying somehow to get into college, or by learning a trade or high paying skill, or by some other "legal" avenue. They simply enter into a gang where the odds of then being shot and killed is vastly higher that anywhere else. They do this because they TRULY BELIEVE this is their fate. If you ask the average 40 or 50 year old adult if they have achieved their goals in life and what they dreamed of becoming as a child, 95 percent would say "no". And then you ask them "why not?? What's stopping you?" Most would give some economic reason or they would say "I'm too old".. or "I missed my chance!" "WHY CAN'T YOU GO AFTER YOUR DREAM!.. WHO SAYS.. THAT YOU CANNOT DO IT! YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD AND IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!" I say and I believe. Life all boil's down to fear, and whether or not you really have the courage to find out what you are really made of! That's why most adults find themselves in a job they really aren't happy with and yet they don't diverse into anything else, or they stay in an unhappy marriage for years and years. Why? Because of fear! The fear of being alone, fear of making changes, fear of taking risks, fear of failing. Earlier I had talked about how the coaches told me that I wasn't running as fast as the 40 times indicated, and after a while I started to believe them, and as a result I unconsciously slowed down. This is what I mean. By the time someone becomes an adult they have already stated to "slow down". Society has already set up the parameters of their fate, and they have mentally accepted it. But as children, none of these restrictive parameters apply. A young mind is like a damp sponge ready to absorb any information you drop on it. I had already absorbed the fact that I could not breath under water, and this fact could not be "undone", therefore when they put me in the tank and sealed the lid, I drowned. It would however be a very interesting experiment to see what would happen if you took a child as a baby and raised them in a world where they did not ever learn the "parameters" of this world. The restrictions and the laws of physics. How would they turn out? This is basically what they are doing, with the small oversight that they are doing it with the youth of America, WITH the written consent of the United States Military/Government.
After each shock episode when I regained consciousness, I would try to escape. Each time I would get a little farther down the hall, and after each time I seemed to be a little stronger. One time as men are grabbing me I threw a few of them off me and Adolph grabs me. I could not break his grasp, and we fell to the ground. As he is holding me he said "Rhino, it's me, your safe, Rhino I�m your father!" I specifically remember I said "Your not my father, my father lives in Connecticut and get your hands off me you f*cking asshole" and I spit right in his left eye. As we were struggling, someone stuck me in the ass with a syringe and I blacked out.
One time I remember waking up and now in the lab are several men. I get off the table and I am standing. They try and force me to the ground. "NO" I scream and all of a sudden it was like I had the strength of ten men. I threw those two to the ground and then three more grab me and I am wrestling with them three more grabbed me. Some around my waist some around my body and they are trying too get me to the ground. I am freaking out and fighting back with all my might. I would throw them off me like they were the size of 5 year olds but like ants they kept swarming on me and no matter how many I threw off more were always on me. There were at least six guys on me and they thought I was spent, but I had paused for that exact reason. Then in one burst I was driving with all my might towards the man in the blue lab coat. I got to only a few feet away when they wrestled me to the ground and stuck me in the ass again with the syringe. Just before they stuck me, and then after but before I blacked out again. I remember the men screaming "hurry up.. and just stick him anywhere". Then as the drugs disabled me to move I could still hear them for a minute or two. It was black but I could still hear then talking and one guy said "Jesus! that was like trying to wrestle a bull for Christ sake" and the other guy says "I don't know about a bull but how about a Rhino."