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I. Pornography –
it’s a matter of life and death
C'mon, life and death?... Let's take a look.
A. The danger
1. It’s a trap
Traps keep you from going anywhere
What happens when caught in the trap? Eventually
you die.
2. It's addictive
• If you can’t stop, it’s
an addiction.
Reading other magazines or viewing other web content isn't addictive,
but this is harder to kick than cigarettes.
3. It changes your brain
• changes the way you think. Changes
the chemicals in your brain. For example: your mind becomes hostage
and your ability to remember changes
• changes the way you think about women.
4. It's progressive
• seek heavier stuff. And heavier stuff.
Then “live” stuff. Then...
This happens over time. The trap is patient. You're not leaving.
5. It changes your behavior – that’s the dying process,
you’re rotting from the inside.
• anger and violence.
• you become incapable of healthy relationships
• the way you treat women. Rather than
caring for her, you begin to disrespect, even hate her. Rather than
protecting her (remember what it means to be a man?) you begin hurting
her. Ever seen that? A husband hurting his wife? A guy hurting his
date? Make no mistake… pornography is involved.
• language - Just as there are warning
signs of disease, so there are warning signs of the weakening and
dying from being held in this trap. Language is a big sign.
OK, I see the dangers, but life and death?... Let's examine.
6. Where is it taking you? That's the question
• If it was just addictive... so you're
hooked on something.
• If it was just progressive... you
could get out.
• But you can't get out, it takes you
deeper, it changes your nature.
• Where is it taking you?...Perversion,
uselessness, crime, and ultimately, death
This happens over time. The trap is patient. You're not leaving. Take
a hard, honest look at yourself. Chart your descent. Find section
“III. B.” below.
B. Why is it so addictive
1. It starts with truth:
• Women are beautiful. Women’s
bodies are beautiful.
• Desire is waiting to burn in everyone.
• Humans are sexual beings.
• Women want to be desired.
2. Men hide in it. What does that mean? One of a man’s deepest
fears is to be found out as an imposter, not a real man - that he
doesn’t have what it takes and will disappoint people. “Do
I belong in a world of danger and responsibility? Can I handle what
I will face? Can I handle caring for a woman”. He avoids the
possibility of that discovery with pictures. But it’s a piece
of paper or a bunch of lights (on a screen). She’s not real.
She's not thinking of you. It's a lie.
3. Men don’t know who they are. They have been denied their
true heart and don't even know it. “If a man does not find those
things for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to
live for them from his heart, he will look for them in some other
way. Why is pornography the number one trap for men? He longs for
the beauty, but without his passionate heart he cannot find her or
win her or keep her. Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he
does not know how to fight for her or even that he is to
fight for her. Rather, he finds her mostly a mystery that he knows
he cannot solve and so at a soul level he keeps his distance. And
privately, secretly, he turns to the imitation. What makes pornography
so addictive is that more than anything else in a ... man's life,
it makes him feel like a man without ever requiring a thing
of him. The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a
real woman, the more vulnerable he is to porn.” (John Eldredge,
Wild at Heart) And the deeper he gets trapped in porn, the
more his confidence and comfort with women dies. Sometimes a man needs
to fight. He needs to struggle for a woman, for truth, his family,
his strength. A man's addictions are the result of him refusing his
strength.
4. “Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe
for men? Certainly there’s the fact that a man is visually wired,
that images arouse men more than they do women. But the deeper reason
is because that seductive beauty reaches inside and touches that desperate
hunger for validation as a man you didn’t even know you had.
This is deeper than legs and breasts and climax. If you can feel like
a hero sexually, well, then, you must be the hero. Pornography is
so seductive because what is a famished man to think when there are
hundreds of beauties (pretending to be) willing to give themselves
to him?” (Wild at Heart) . But it's not real, she’s
not thinking of you. But when he’s alone with the pictures,
he can pretend. And get further trapped. It’s unbelievable how
many movies center around this lie - get the girl, get her in bed,
and you are da man. No wonder so many young men get trapped. Who’s
telling them the truth?
Getting woman after woman won't make you a man, it won't prove your
manhood... because it can't. A woman is unable to bestow manhood because
she doesn't have it. She can inspire, arouse, and encourage manhood
- and she should - but she cannot give it.
“A woman is a captivating thing. More captivating than anything
else in all creation.”(Wild at Heart) But a woman
cannot bestow masculinity - she can’t give it because she doesn’t
have it. When a man tries to get his manhood by getting women, it
results in addiction.
C. How can you get out of the trap?
1. Face the facts. Be honest with yourself. You might as well - your
life is at stake.
2. Tell someone. Someone who can help.
• People who won't help: someone who
will freak out, the person who supplies you
3. Turn around
• Have to turn away. You can’t
do it facing the same way. (Illustration: facing the magazine). Choose
other activities: sports, design, an instrument, dj-ing, a job, get
involved.
4. Get far away from the trap. If you don't want to slip, don't go
where it's slippery.
• get rid of your collection - don't
just move it, ask friends to quit sharing – tell them what you
know, get rid of internet access at home
5. For you men, get your manhood from the real source. Believe that
you have what it takes. Read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge,
and Iron John by William Bly. Read this
article on confidence.
Places you can't get manhood: possessions, women, posers
Places you can get masculinity: your maker, yourself, a good example
(father, grandfather, uncle, teacher, coach, mentor, boss, any man you admire who is a good example)
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| Here is the great secret of pornography: it
is a fight for your strength.
The fight to stay out of the trap is not “I must be good
and follow the rules” or “I must stay clean”.
The real fight is “It’s after my strength. They’re
trying to steal my strength.” So, I invite you to fight; for
the most important thing – your strength, your masculinity. |
| He sees a woman across the room,
knows immediately that he must get her. He drops the relationship
he has, pursues her, feels excitement and feels he has finally proven
his manliness. After a few weeks, the fear and uncertainty return.
He is confused and puzzled. Then he sees once more a beautiful woman
across the room, and he's certain this is it.
adapted: William Bly, Iron John |
| Anyone notice that many men are
angry?
A while ago, I was driving down I-5 and realized the exit I need
was right there. I quickly cut in behind a car in the right
lane. As I exited, the car I got behind swerved and exited too.
When we reached the stop sign at the end of the off-ramp, the guy
got out of his car and came back to my car. I rolled down my window
as he approached but before I could say “hi”, he started
in. “You &#$*ing punk!” His voice trembled with
emotion, his face was beat read, and his hands were shaking. “I
oughtta drag you out of that car and leave you in the ditch for
dead.” He had lost it because I cut in behind him. He continued
like this for a while and eventually stomped back to his car.
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| “Even if I marry a beautiful
woman, I will always know there is an even more beautiful woman
out there somewhere. And I'll wonder- could I have won her.”
But it's a lie. It's a search without an end because a man does
not go to a woman to get his strength, he goes to offer it. |
| watch your thoughts, they become
your words
watch your words, they become your actions
watch your actions, they become your habits
watch your habits, they become your character
watch your character, it becomes your destiny |
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