What did I do?  You stand there looking at me with such rage.

You come home - I am asleep - not bothering anyone.
You knock ---- You expect me to jump to my feet, be totally
awake and aware of my surroundings.

Why is it not ok for me to try and get rest when the house is quiet?

Is this your way of dealing with us moving apart?
Letting your rage out on me ~~~~~

I don’t expect you to be totally functional when startled awake
like that.  I don’t even wake you up like that except for emergencies.
Why are you not more considerate of me?

I’ve failed your expectations of me -- all these years -- not just now, in this moment.

The show you put on for your child hurts me -- What do you think
this says to her?  That you don’t care about me, that there is nothing between us?
This is not the first time you’ve done this and I’m sure not the last.

Can you not ask me to come out into the kitchen or at least be
patient with me long enough for me to wake up?

The look in your eyes was like I had just betrayed you or something.
What did I do? Or not do?

I guess someone has to be the one to be dumped on and that person is usually me --

You will come to me later, say you are sorry, I will say “it’s ok”,
EVEN IF IT ISN”T, and not another word is spoken about it.

GAWD, THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES,
shooting, flaming daggers-
WHAT DID I DO?

I’m sitting here in a daze with my heart pounding half out of my chest ~ my usual anxieties arise from such an encounter as they usually do.

I feel violated.

Me, the unsuspecting sleeping person; about to be blamed for who knows what, you blow, you go away and leave me here to try and figure out on my own what has just happened.

I’m left wide awake and reeling from this direct hit while you go to your bed ~ your hiding place ~ close your eyes and go deep inside and forget what just happened has left me here with my hands out saying yet again,

“What have I done?”

My sleep is not that of depression, escape or denial; it is that of exhaustion and body pains.  Do I not have the same right to rest as you?

I see your stress and I feel it too ~ I try hard not to add to it by expecting things of you, or do I?  Am I doing it again?, the thing that I do and don’t know that I am, or at least not on a conscious level.  Not much is done on a conscious level by any of us these days ~ maybe that is our way of preparing for what is yet to come.

You sleep it off while I sit and wait - just when I can’t stay awake
any longer you re-appear.  If I’m asleep already then you get your feelings hurt ~ then it is my fault all over again.

It is so true; We do hurt the ones we love the most.....
Maybe because we know when the storm is over they will still be there with arms open and love to give.