With
the presents all wrapped
And
the stockings all stuffed
With
the papers all delivered
And
the quiet morning about gone
I
seek out the refuge of our empty, quiet home
A
moment alone with my heart so sad
And
tears in my eyes, too many to count
A
quiet moment alone before going back
To
our home away from home to face
The
children inside her and inside me.....
To
hear the patter of little big feet and the
Rustle
of paper being torn and strewn
All
I really want is to be alone
Alone
with this pain my heart knows so well
But
why can't I find the words to do tell
From
all the Christmas' past the memories come
To
haunt me and taunt me in more ways than one
The
lights, the candy, the nuts.....
The
thoughts flood my mind with no where to turn
I
want to run, I want to hide, I just want to
go
back inside.....
I
wish I could share the joy that children have
To
laugh and smile and try to play
But
all I feel is emptiness inside
A
feeling that I no longer can hide
I
don't want to make this first Christmas sad
For
her or the children...I don't mean to be bad
She's
trying to make a fresh new start
New
memories that come straight from the heart
I
don't want to spoil them; she needs them so bad
I
really don't mean to be so so sad.
©Jordan 12-25-01