Right now I think I'm angry at life and what it has dealt me.
Not just this latest physical stuff with my knee, but with everything.
But I heard someone say on a radio show this morning that sometimes
God tells us that we just have to carry what He gives us.

There is some purpose for why we have gone through all the crap in
our lifetime.  We may not see it right now, and maybe not even tomorrow,
but I think before we die it will be reveled to us.
Maybe there is a certain number of people in the world that has to be sick
in order for a certain number of people to be well.  Only God knows all this
kind of stuff.

Right now I am feeling really physically helpless.  Now if I really stopped and took a long look at that I would see that I'm not helpless, maybe bit delayed but eventually I get where I have to be.
I do feel crippled, I feel like I have had the best part of my life ripped right out of my hands.  I only want to do things that are not only enjoyable to me but also that others can enjoy as well.  I feel like now that I can't go hiking off the side of a mountain and photograph a waterfall, or get down on my knees to get a close up of the most beautiful flower anyone has ever seen, somehow I'm not living; and if I'm not living, I'm not sharing.

Maybe none of this makes any sense to anyone but me, but really after all, I'm the only one who it really matters to in the end.

©Jordan  4/9/2002