On August 15, 1997 our daughter Jennifer gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She named her Faith Elizabeth Moore-Hilgenkamp. We knew Faith had heart-lung problems, but our hope and prayers would keep her alive, and she did live, she was born crying and later Faith and Jennifer made eye contact. She was baptized immediately. Faith lived five days on life support. Then in her final hour here on earth, Grandma dressed Baby Faith in her lovely peach and white lace "coming home" dress and all the family spent Faith's last hour in a private room to say our last good-byes.
How could anyone spend a lifetime in an hour and a half? I don't know, but right there in front of my eyes, I held her, we looked at each other, my heart and soul was there with God and Faith-there seemed to be angel music in my tears, I asked her to stay, but God had so much much more bigger plans. I could not even begin to imagine how awesome the plans were, but for that moment in space and time Faith and I were bonded for eternity - 20th August 1997 Faith died in her father's arms.
Since 1974 I've been a fan of John Michael Talbot - he is a Franciscan Monk, that sells his music to support his mission, Sacred Faith House of Prayer. He plays guitar and records with the London Philharmonic Symphony and Choir. I have nearly all his works.
In Sept of 1997. JMT gave a concert in Yankton, S.D. I asked Brian and Jennifer to go with Jackie and Me to the concert, but in their grief, they really weren't in the mood to go.
When I sent for the tickets for Jackie and I, I asked that they might pray for Brian, Jen, and Faith. When we received our tickets in the mail, they also returned our check. We were to be their guests.
Finally, on the eve of the concert I asked if it was possible to meet JMT. Much to our surprise, they were all waiting for us. We got a personal welcome and hug from JMT himself. We were asked to join in his personal prayer before the concert. The first announcement on stage was that the entire concert was dedicated to Faith and her family. His first song was "The Prayer Attributed to St. Frances of Asissi, which is Faith.
As the lights were dimmed and John's wonderful voice filled this beautiful church with all it's stained glass windows at sunset - I thought I was in heaven itself. Then it dawned on me-If not for Baby Faith, none of this would have ever happened. This is a personal gift to me from God and Faith. I could not have felt more close to God, it was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me personally in my 65 years. I wished that evening would have never ended.
I thank my Baby Faith. My sweet little girl, so close to her grandpa. I love you so much.
Love from your Grandpa.
I wonder sometimes, the pain and the loneliness, like looking down into a deep well, and the darkness there, am I looking the wrong way? Am I feeling the wrong way? I grieve for myself, loved one, because I love you. I may control my grief, but cannot stop my grieving, for to do so, would mean to stop my loving. Looking up the other way, the light is so bright and I can feel the strength of a thousand angels. For just one joy could scatter a thousand griefs.
The sounds of music I never heard before
The colors so beautiful I never seen before
Love deeper than I ever knew before
I will try and look this way much more and perhaps, through my eyes, filled with tears I'll see you THERE
Where, Who, Why, and Because?
Remember to walk without answers is FAITH
By Grandpa Bear
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