�Twas the day before Christmas and all through the mall
Every child was screaming and running down the hall
Hundreds of children were waiting in line
Their faces were glowing, their smiles would shine
To the front of the line all the children pressed
To sit on my lap and make their request
Each child took forever in fear of what they might miss
But I could only think of how bad I had to piss
The pain in my side grew worse with each child
Until I thought castration would be mild
Then when the pain became to intense
I broke a cold sweat, I lost my good sense
I threw off the child and I hurdled the line
If I could make the bathroom all would be fine
I ran through the halls clinging to my crotch
The parents were speechless as they stood there and watched
I could hardly see through the flashes of pain
My sweat was falling like drops of rain
Dropping my pants, I burst through the door
Tripped over a purse and crashed to the floor
Scrambling for a stall I was a fraction to slow
The sensation began there was no stopping the flow
When at last I was done, I looked up to my surprise
an old lady ran out, covering her granddaughters eyes
I was ashamed and degraded and soaked with piss
I was sure that nothing could be worse than this
Then came the cops and one said �its time to play�
When I saw their clubs I remembered I was in L.A.