A Sirius Tale Full Length Movie Trailer
In a darkened night bus, camera flashes onto Sirius, calmly trying to reassure Frodo. Use of blue color filter. No music. Shot of Sirius�s calm features, night flying by the bus windows outside.
Sirius: [Trying to sound calm] Well, I can�t be frightened of something I can�t see, now can I?
Frodo: [In a voice not his own] You should be frightened of something you can see.
Camera zoom into Frodo�s eyes as he speaks in voiceover.
Frodo: [Voiceover] And be terrified of things you cannot.
Flash to burning Nazgul, a flaming Knight Bus crashing onto Weathertop, Balrog roaring, Cave troll and orcs of Moria.
* When Gandalf the Grey makes a deadly mistake . . . *
Camera flash to Gandalf raising staff; awesome light erupting about it and a silhouetted Sirius backing from the light, gasping.
*A Certain Someone is sent to Middle Earth.*
Camera flash to Adhara, facing an unseen Aragorn on the Hogwarts Astronomy tower, shocked.
Adhara: [Gaping, a whisper] Who are you? Appearing here all of a sudden?
*A Certain Someone who does not belong,*
Sirius meets Boromir, Legolas standing off to the side, both elf and Man stare intently at him, as Sirius sputters, shaking his head.
Sirius: [gasping] But I�m Sirius! I�m really Sirius!
Camera zoom into characters, in a slow circular rotation, fixating on their eyes, and once finished lines, the space between characters in a fast, dizzying blur.
Boromir: [with a growl] Of course you are serious. Well, even though you are Aragorn, you can at least bend down from your high post and greet me like an old friend, eh?
Sirius gasp is heard. Zoom into Legolas, grinning widely, eyes flashing, with bow drawn.
Legolas: If I hadn�t suspected from the start, I would have shot you!
*And he is about to find out the hard way.*
Camera flash to Legolas rolling his eyes and Boromir bored, both reciting in a monotone in the middle of a grassy plain. Sirius stares pointlessly at both of them.
Sirius: [bewildered] So I�m . . . who?
Legolas and Boromir: [In bored monotones] You are . . . Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, rightful heir to the throne of Gondor, foster son of Elrond, fianc� of Arwen, Ranger of the North, Strider, Wingfoot . . ."
Zoom onto Sirius�s face as he pales and recognizes who he truly was supposed to be as Legolas and Boromir continue.
Flash! In the Prancing Pony Inn, Sam looks frustrated and down at his feet, blubbering.
Sam: [Sputtering] But of course he isn�t! He�s just pretending!
*What�s more, he�s expected to save their world from the power of the One.*
Council of Elrond, fall leaves falling delicately in swirls and Lord Elrond begins to speak. Camera zooms into the One Ring Frodo is fiddling with between his fingers.
Elrond: [Voiceover] YOU ARE ALL DOOMED!
*And the Fellowship isn�t making his job any easier.*
In a field, hobbits sitting about, smugly happy after �selling� the One Ring, but Legolas jumps up from the ground where he has been sitting, boot and sock flying from his hands. The elf pulls violently at his bare foot, and at the little golden band, jumping up and down all the while. Overhead shot.
Legolas: [hysterical] EEW! I have the ONE RING on my TOE?
Flash! At a darkened concert of rocks, Legolas is wearing Gimli�s spare pair of dwarf pants and the dwarf angrily confronts him. The entire Fellowship is gathered around, camera zooms in on the tiny writing on the pant�s hem reading: These are the Pants of Gimli son of Gloin.
Legolas: [Choking] GIMLI! Why did you vandalize my pants by writing your name on them?
Gimli: [Screaming; gesturing to himself] I didn�t vandalize your pants! They�re MY PANTS!
Legolas: [The elf checks his fingernails again] Yes, I still need a manicure. [Turns casually to Gimli] Do you have a belt I could borrow?"
*Then again, his Fellowship is hardly what was expected.*
After a confrontation in Moria, Legolas finds himself bound in a full-body bind spell, and is still furious at Frodo. Elven magic has allowed him to free his little fingers as the rest of the Fellowship threatens to leave him behind.
Legolas: [With a grunt] I�ll see if I can get the rest of myself unfrozen from that STUPID spell, then I can OUTRUN you all, OUTSEE you all, OUTLIVE you all, and even OUTPRETTY you all!
*In short . . . *
By a merry stream, Sirius stares hard at Legolas who pelts a very burnt hunk of burnt lembas at his head which is also towards the camera.
Legolas: [hollering] This really . . . SUCKS!
*From the Cast and Crew who first brought you the epic Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Harry Potter, here comes a stunning clash of the two which can only mean one thing . . .*
Flash! In a jail cell, Aragorn peeks his head out and gestures down the hall to the guard on duty.
Aragorn: [Loudly, but politely] Excuse me? We have a problem.
Guard: [Gruffly] You have a problem.
*Starring Viggo Mortensen . . .*
Before the stone steps descending into the Bridge of Khazad-dum, Gandalf and Aragorn rush down the stairs, Gandalf suddenly pushing Aragorn forward. The Balrog is close behind.
Gandalf: [With a sense of urgency] Lead them on, Aragorn!
Aragorn: [Frowning] Well, actually I can�t do that. You see, it is in my contract that I am your rearguard. Because I am the best, of course, naturally, with a sword. Waves sword around to illustrate the point. Silence.
Aragorn: [Suddenly] And of course, then, I would have to cover your skinny little rear ends from the mean orcs. Resume music.
*Nia Vardalos . . .*
On top of London General Hospital, Aragorn is holding what he thinks is a moth in a cupped hand, but actually, is a bee. With a squeeze, the little bug dies, and Aragorn holds it out to Adhara.
Adhara: [Softly, civil.] Aragorn? Um, that�s a bee, Aragorn. And you don�t try to swat bees because they sting. [Growls] And it seems this one stung you. [Brightens, but then trails off] Luckily you�re not allergic to them or else . . .
Aragorn: [Scratching at a red spot on his neck] Or else what? [Suddenly, gives a gasp] I can�t breathe!
Adhara: [Moaning, clapping hand to forehead] Oh no!
*And Academy Award Winning Sir Ian McKellen . . .*
On the narrow bridge of Khazad-dum, Gandalf tosses aside his staff in frustration, as Boromir stands over him, looking interested. Intense music, sense of urgency. Camera zooms in on Gandalf, brows knitting.
Gandalf: [Screaming] Flame! I need flame!
Boromir: [Smugly] You need flame?
Camera flies into a backwards pan, the duo quickly filling the screen as Boromir takes a step backwards and gestures with a bow and a wave dramatically behind him.
Boromir: [Ever dramatically] I give you . . .
Camera continues to recede, and finally, the entire balrog fills the screen, and unfurls its fiery wings with a mighty roar. As voiceover plays, camera flies directly into the flames and is consumed.
Boromir: [Voiceover] FLAME!
Deadly silence.
Voiceover: *One movie to rule them all.*
From blackness flashes the title wrought in gold;
** A Sirius Tale � Or Back and There Again **
Along the bottom;
**Fall � 2004**
Fades with another flash of fire.