"We�re in an Italian restaurant," Elsie grinned, "And you want a steak?"
"Well, can I get a steak pizza?" I asked and the waiter positively glared, "Okay, never mind then. Do you take special orders?" He nodded, "Well, wrap up the steak in wax paper and slide it into a doggy bag. Bring the battered mushrooms here." My stomach rumbled, "Two baskets, then."
"Very healthy." Zoe rolled her eyes and asked for lasagna, "I suppose the steak is for the doggy."
"That�s why it�s a doggy bag." I sniffled as Elsie asked for something fancy sounding, "I�m sure that sounds good. It sounds like a mouthful."
"No it�s not." She corrected, and slowly pronounced the words, I shook my head. "Too complicated."
"How was the plane food?" Zoe asked suddenly, and I picked up the silverware to examine it for water marks (there were none), "And can you set that down?"
"Plane food tastes like plastic." I made a face, "And that stupid plastic cutlery! What were they thinking! Stupid September 11th and those stupid terrorists! I can�t even get a decent meal in first class these days! Or business class, whatever they call it."
"Mmm." Elsie pulled what seemed to be a brochure from thin air and spread the colorful fold out of some tropical island onto the table, with a seemingly too fancy cruise ship floating in a sparkling blue sea, "I have taken the liberty of making reservations for us."
"Taken the liberty?!" I squeaked and wondered what my budget looked like (I was planning for hamburgers and chop-suey, definitely not Italian restaurants), "What kind of liberty is that?"
"Mmm." She muttered again, and gave me a steely look, "If you are going to look for surf buddies, you need to have somewhere to surf. This cruise liner makes the most surf-able local stops in Australia. Or at least that�s what my travel agent told me."
"Very, very true." Zoe rolled her eyes behind Elsie�s back, "Teachers don�t exactly make as much as engineers at this time in the year."
"Mmm." It was starting to get annoying, but Elsie ignored my rather mean look and grinned triumphantly, "In my firm, they were awarding certain incentives for perfect attendance, and last month, the prize was a family trip for four on a two week cruise. Complete package, with spending money and hotel reservations. We even have a car booked for our stopovers!" She looked up from her brochure, "I seem to be three tickets over. You two owe me big for this."
"You could go four times." I tried, and Zoe glared at me, "Do they allow dogs? I�m not going if I can�t bring Elf!"
"I don�t owe you anything." Zoe snarled, "Remember when you first got here? Whose apartment did you stay in? Certainly not Heath�s! MINE!"
"Okay, okay!" Elsie grinned, and turned to me, "Well, you owe me big for this one."
"Well, come visit Alberta and you can HAVE my little cabin for as long as you want!" I squeaked, staring at the colorful pictures, not really willing to believe my good fortune, "This winter!"
"Mmm." Elsie thought for a moment, "What about lunch with Graham?"
"In your dreams!" I growled, and we burst out laughing, to the annoyance of a bespectacled older gent sitting in a corner booth with two teens and a woman whom I assumed to be his wife. Although his hair was no longer as dark as I remembered and he no longer had the volleyball coach physique, it was not hard to identify who it was. I squeaked, "Oh no."
"I move to the OTHER SIDE of the world and I can�t enjoy a decent meal without three physics students giggling over there?!" Our former, but not forgotten physics teacher screeched, "This is insane!"
"It is only a coincidence," I tried soothingly, "And we were not giggling."
"You were too giggling!" He looked around frantically, and slouched down in his seat, whispering, "Are Shannon and Lauren around?"
"No, Mr. DeGroot!" Elsie laughed, "You�re pretty safe there!"
"Thank goodness!" He hurried and finished his meal, explaining to his two teens who were staring angrily at us for disrupting their dinner.
"Well, any how." I turned back to the situation at hand, "You�re not kidding, Elsie? We�re going on a cruise? In Australia? For two weeks?!"
"Calm down," She returned, but was obviously amused, "Yes, around Indonesia, stop over in Hong Kong, goes as far as Japan, swoops back down to New Zealand and . . . I forgot to mention the bonus." Zoe and I exchanged an excited look. "I have heard from inside sources that it is a very particular cruise, and there are to be certain individuals on board." Zoe looked so excited, and Elsie continued, "The very famous, and very funny looking . . ." She paused for drama, "John Manley, Prime Minister of Canada!"
"THE WHAT?!" Zoe and I hollered, and DeGroot shot us a very dirty look, "Oh, Elsie!"
"Well, what?" She sniffled, "Isn�t that great?" The waiter had returned, balancing our three plates in his hands, but was careful not to speak. Elsie�s plate of little noodles bathed in some kind of white wine sauce caught the nose of DeGroot who studied the plate hungrily, although he had just finished his own dinner. "Aren�t you excited?"
"Oh yeah." I muttered, picking up a far too hot mushroom, "Ouch!"
"Mmm. Two weeks on the high seas." Zoe laughed, "I wonder if you�ll get seasick!"
"I always get seasick." I growled angrily, "And we are bringing Elf."
"Of course we are," Elsie replied, soothingly, "I�m sure that he can stretch his paws on our private promenade."
"What kind of cabins do we HAVE?" Zoe frowned, "Do I have to sleep on the cot?"
"I GET THE COT!" I howled and everyone in the darn restaurant turned to give me a dirty look, "I always get the stupid cot."
"It�s a suite. Three bedrooms." Elsie thought for a moment, and turned to me, "I suppose that Elf could have the bed, then."
"Well, or we could wheel it out to the promenade and pitch it into the ocean." I mimicked in a high squeaky voice, "But sir, there�s no splash!"
"There are no such thing as pirates." Zoe replied logically and dug into her lasagna, "Let�s talk more about this tonight, back at my place. We could rent some movies or and if we�re hungry, we can pick up a cake or something on the way back!" She smiled, "Let�s watch . . . Dirty Dancing!"
"OH NO!" I squeaked, and nearly choked on a mushroom, "Lord of the Rings all the way!"
"Mmm." Elsie interrupted us quietly, "I do not believe there to be time for this delay."
"What should we be doing then?" I recalled, "I haven�t unpacked, and I haven�t walked Elf and I haven�t . . ."
"Don�t bother unpacking." Elsie laughed, "We�re leaving . . ." She whipped out tickets and slid them slyly across the table (DeGroot was giving us a weird look), "Right away. You guys only have a few weeks before you have to report into . . . WORK." She laughed again, "And don�t you think we should enjoy the last few days?"
"Elsie, this is a difficulty." Zoe replied, "I can�t leave tomorrow at noon! What about my apartment! Someone has too look after it!"
"Elf just had his shots!" I squeaked, "That should be alright . . . I have been saving up every scrap of money for a good time in Australia, I hardly believe this though!"
"I know!" Elsie replied, finishing her meal with a touch of a fine white wine, "Potentially meeting the Prime Minister of Canada is so exciting!"
"Mmm." Zoe looked at her nails, "But this will mean I�ll have to go shopping and . . ." She looked ready to scream, "How could you do this to me, Elsie? I don�t swim!"
"I don�t either." I grinned, "Elf does."
"And . . ." Zoe started frantically biting her nails and drew all over the check, "No skinny dipping!"
"OH!" Elsie flushed horribly and DeGroot, who was starting to leave walked over to our table. "Hello, Mr. DeGroot. You wouldn�t happen to know the answer to multiple choice number four, do you? I seem to have gotten that wrong."
"As if I�d remember." DeGroot muttered, "But what�s this about a cruise? What ship?"
"The Shadow Warrior," Elsie conferred, "A bit different, eh?"
"NO!" He screamed, "NO! You can�t go on that cruise!" Everyone stared at him and the host began moving towards him, "I�m going on that! I�m canceling reservations RIGHT NOW!" He elbowed his way past the host (the man went flying into a potted palm) and stormed out of the restaurant.
"Wow." I whispered, "We make very firm impressions on some people!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Aww, Elf, you�re so cute," I murmured, patting my dog who greeted me happily as soon as I came through the door, planting his paws firmly on my shoulders. Elf was no longer small and I nearly pitched backwards, into Elsie who scowled, "Aren�t you my little poochy-poo?" The dog wagged his tail and his tongue, which faster, it was hard to tell.
"Could Elf excuse me?" Leading my dog away, Elsie squeezed into the apartment, and I grabbed the door behind us. Zoe had already emerged from the kitchen, holding a delicious looking fruit flan and Elf was about to pound over to sample the whipped cream, but I slid the steak out for him into his large stainless-steel bowl, and he seemed to be content with that. "Ah, I have a cat."
"Oh." I plugged the disk we finally agreed on (an old Heath and Orlando flick, �The Kelly Gang�) into the player and looked around for the play button (it was labeled �play�), "Elf enjoys the company of cats." At the sound of his name, my dog perked up and with raw steak hanging about his jaws, he looked as though he was about to EAT any cat which even dared to draw close. "He will be well fed."
"Mmm." Elsie gave me a little suspicious look, "Are you sure about that?"
"I�ll bring kibble." I looked at my dog, and then at Zoe, "Where is the nearest supermarket that is still open? I need to get sacks of kibble." Every time I mentioned �kibble� Elf�s ears went up.
"Kibble?" Elf�s ears perked again as Zoe repeated after me, "I suppose you could try the one over on the corner. It�s quite large and I suppose you could go and take Elf with you on his walk." Elf was one intelligent puppy. His ears perked at �walk� as well. "Hurry back, though. Shall we wait to start the movie?"
"Oh, no." Elf had finished his meal and gave a little doggy burp, and I fed him a biscuit which he lapped up happily, "I think I�ll be heading off now." I looked out at the already darkening sky, "I don�t know my way around here at night, but I think I can manage." The dog�s ears perked up as soon as I reached for the long leash which I had hung on one of Zoe�s key pegs, "I never noticed. His ears perk up a lot."
"Mmm." Elsie sipped at some coffee, "That�s probably why you call him Elf."
"Far too obvious." I muttered, and started the movie before leaving Zoe�s cozy little apartment for the warm Australian �January-summer,� wondering if supermarkets here accepted Visa. But they had to. After all, wasn�t Visa all you needed? "See you in a bit."
"Enjoy yourself." Zoe called out behind me, "And try not to get run over by a car."
"I suppose that is meant to be funny." I mused, and although extremely eager to explore the new scents of Australia, Elf did not tug, but waited for me, tongue hanging about and dripping doggy drool all over the hallway. Zoe winced. "At least you don�t have to clean it up."
"Just as long as I don�t slip . . ." She cautioned, and I had a feeling that if she did, Elf was going on a one way trip back home to Canada.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feeling like a stupid bag lady with my stolen shopping cart, it was naught more than half an hour later when I was starting back towards Zoe�s, having bought two gigantic sacks of doggy kibble and various other items which as a sum, filled up my entire cart. I had no idea how I was going to drag all this stuff back, so I had to use my quarter (which I couldn�t get back) to purchase a shopping cart and load everything on to it. Unfortunately, the shopping mall needed cash, and I only had a few pounds on me. The rest, I needed to show my Canadian passport and the cashier screeched, "CANADIAN! CANADIAN!" And finally, I was permitted to use Visa. As if it wasn�t obvious that I WAS Canadian with maple leafs stamped all over my backpack.
As we waited at a stop sign for some very inconsiderate driver to speed on by, Elf was being surprisingly well behaved, even for himself, not stopping even once to sniff at the nearest lamppost. Must be those Australian lampposts. You smell one, you�ve smelt them all. Or perhaps he knew that I had bought the more expensive kind of kibble I normally wouldn�t have bought, in celebration of our Australian landing. Darn kibble. Cost almost as much as people food.
"Come on, Elf." I looked both ways and pushed the stupid and rickety shopping cart down the curb, feeling every jar and bump through the lack of suspension. Elf looked up at me, as though grinning and thinking this was so fun. I scowled, "If you weren�t around, I wouldn�t be sneaking away with a grocery cart full of my purchases of dog food. Twit." The dog waved his tail. "Oh, Elf, what would I do without you?" The dog waved his tongue. Seemingly all he could do.
The sweet sense of tranquillity on a summer evening of one, out walking their dog, pushing a cart full of doggy kibble (okay, maybe that should be out of the scenario), was one worth remembering. A snapshot. A fragment of time worth preserving. Ah, summer in January! What every Canadian needed! Elf slowed his pace and hung about my heels, although I did not have to pull him along, and I glanced back at the animal, blending in with the approaching night. There was a little predator left in him, albeit a predator which ate dry doggy kibble. Kibble. What a funny word. I grinned to myself.
I was totally unprepared for the sudden and terrifying screeching of a car�s brakes, nor the slamming sensation which took the shopping cart right out of my hands. Luckily, the vehicle was not going quite that fast, and the heavy cart in combination with the brakes had managed to stop it. Elf was growling angrily at the black predator of steel, and I glanced angrily at fifty dollars worth of doggy kibble rolled down the street.
"HEY!" I screeched, tapping loudly on the tinted glass of what appeared to be a limo, "ARE YOU DRUNK OR SOMETHING?!"
"No!" The power window slid slowly down, "Are you alright? I am sorry I disturbed you."
"No I am not alright. Fifty dollars worth of doggy kibble is running down the street right now. You propose I go pick it up?" I scowled, "Stupid flimsy bags, I suppose they�re not used to being smashed into by a car!" Sarcasm dripped from my voice and other doors opened, passengers getting out to survey the damage. The limo was unharmed, and the pushing cart pushed to who knows where.
"Oh no." One elbowed the other, "This is not good."
"I know." The other laughed, "Doggy kibble all over the street. Is this a usual occurrence in Perth?"
"Not usually." The driver growled and handed over some bills, "That should be enough for damages. Dollars? Where are you from?"
"HMM." I snarled, pointing to my flag on my backpack, "Canadian and PROUD OF IT!"
"No offense. Just a taxi driver." He held up his hands and barked at the two, "Come on! You�re going to be late for that press conference!"
"Okay, alright!" They snarled, almost as bitter as I, but gave me a wave, "Glad you weren�t hurt."
"Observe stop sign next time. Stop. Halt. Not that hard." I shrugged, "I suppose it could have been worse." If I was in Canada, I wouldn�t let this go, but since I was in a foreign country, I decided to. "Farewell." I shrugged as they drove off, thousands of kibbles crunching under the tires. Oh well, their fault.
Elf obviously thought eating off the street was quite dirty, so I turned around and bought some more dog food, but this time requested delivery. On the way back to Zoe�s, Elf and I stopped at an ice cream parlor for some cookie and cream ice cream to celebrate not getting run over. The dog lapped up a banana split so quickly, he seemed to have inhaled it, but barked happily and let me wipe at his jaws with a napkin. We took a different route back to Zoe�s, and it was a nice walk. I was quite glad I did not have to see another kibble, but intercepted the delivery truck on the way there, and handed over some pounds, and pocketed the change. Quite a bit of change. Maybe the driver was just glad I didn�t sue him.
"Glor!" Elsie gasped as I walked through the door, "We were starting to worry about you!"
"Mmm." I growled, "Nearly got ran over by a car."
"Told you." Zoe sighed, and was flipping through the channels, "You�d never believe it, I don�t . . . but there was this one report of thousands of doggy kibbles bouncing down the street! Right by our place! Can you believe it?"
"Oh, I believe it!" I snarled and turned to the kitchen where I stashed my bags of kibbles, "That�s it. Next time I�m getting goldfish. Fish food is so much simpler to cart around."
"OH!" Zoe suddenly exclaimed, "Come look! Quick! A press conference," She stood in front of the television, "OUR SURF BUDDIES! WE�VE FOUND THEM!"
"Oh." Elsie and I peered in to the television to find both Orlando and Heath apologizing that they were delayed on the way to the conference.
"It wasn�t our fault." Heath pointlessly scowled, "We hit a stupid bag lady who had a million tons of dog kibble in a cart."
"We didn�t hit the bag lady," Orlando corrected quickly, "We hit her cart."
"BAG LADY?!" I screeched, "YOU SPILL MY KIBBLES ACROSS PERTH AND YOU CALL ME A WHAT?!"
"What is a Canadian bag lady doing over here, I have no idea." Heath concluded and turned to reporters, "We figured that we were going to do a little bit of traveling. Since we are starting to produce our new movie directed by ourselves, a remake of Rush Hour, later on this year, we are going to take a break and see more of the Pacific . . . . and what better way to do it than by cruise?"
"You got ran over by . . ." Zoe brightened up, "Lucky you!"
"LUCKY ME?" I moaned, "This is horrible! My doggy kibble is all over Perth by now!"
"Maybe if we go out and find some," Elsie suggested smugly, "They�d autograph it."
"Oh be quiet!" I scowled and slammed the door to my room, nearly catching Elf in the process.