Good
Morning: It's Wednesday March 27, 2002!
Today
is Betty Taylor's Birthday!!!
BIRTHDAYS:
Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen (German physicist who discovered X-Rays), 1845;
Edward Steichen (American photographer), 1879; Gloria Swanson, 1899; Sarah
Vaughan, 1924; David Janssen, 1930; Cale Yarborough, 1940; Michael York,
1942; Randall Cunningham, 1963.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On
this date in 1512 Spanish explored Jaun Ponce de Leon first sighted Florida.
On
this date in 1703 Czar Peter the Great founded the city of St. Petersburg.
On
this date in 1794 President George Washington signed an act to build a
U.S. Navy.
On
this date in 1884 the first long-distance telephone call was made between
Boston and New York.
On
this date in 1899 Guglielmo Marconi sent the first radio signals across
the English Channel.
On
this date in 1912 Washington, D.C.'s first cherry trees were planted along
the Tidal Basin.
On
this date in 1914 the first successful blood transfusion on record took
place in Brussels, Belgium.
On
this date in 1917 the U.S. wrested the Stanley Cup from the Canadians for
the first time ever as the Seattle Metropolitans defeated the Montreal
Canadians (NHL, you know).
On
this date in 1955 the first coast-to-coast color TV broadcast took place.
On
this date in 1964 North America's most severe earthquake (8.4 on the Richter
scale) struck Alaska.
On
this date in 1968 Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, died when he crashed
on a routine flight.
On
this date in 1980 Mt. St. Helens started to erupt after 123 years of inactivity.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: The average person spends five years of their precious time
on Earth waiting in lines... There are more telephones than people in Washington,
D.C.... In his lifetime, the average person will drink 23 glasses of champagne
(of course, averages are made when some go "way beyond" and others fall
"way short"...)
TRIVIA:
What do approximately one million people drink as their beverage of choice
at breakfast each day?
"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding"
(Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955).
*******************************************************
I
must agree with M/M Riverrats -- This is a good one... (Remember,
this is a joke list).
An
Irishman with a bad leg hobbled into a restaurant one afternoon. He painfully
sat down at a booth and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The
Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee
too.
The
next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled
over to a booth and asked the waitress for a glass of hot tea. He
also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot
tea too.
The
third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck. He swaggered over
to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang, how about gettin'
me a cold glass of Coke?!" He too looked across the restaurant and asked,
"Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said
to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke too. As Jesus got up to leave, He passed
by the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Irishman felt the strength come back into his leg and got up and danced
a jig out the door.
Jesus
also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness,
you are healed." The English man felt his back straightening up and he
raised up his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out
the door. Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumps up and
yells, "Hey man, don't touch me......I'm drawin' disability!!!!!"
*******************************************************
Thanks
to a friend: Senior Moment
There
were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number
of years.
One
evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These
two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After
about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, Yes,
I will."
The
meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective
places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With
trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained
to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed
the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired
of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you
say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I
will' and I meant it with all my heart."
Then
she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember
who had asked me."
*******************************************************
Thanks
to M/M Riverrats -- Words Of Wisdom
Some
of these pearls you have probably heard before. But there were a
few I hadn't heard yet so I thought I would pass them on.
1.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3.
If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
4.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't
trust me so much.
7.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8.
We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our sails.
9.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
10.
Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by again?
11.
If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
12.
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
13.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
14.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a car.
15.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
16.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
17.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
18.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
19.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
20.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
21.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
22.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
23.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
24.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
26.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change
places.
27.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
28.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before
you need it.
29.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
30.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
31.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
32.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
33.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to
make them all yourself.
*******************************************************
ANSWER:
Did you think coffee? Perhaps orange juice? No -- the answer
is Coke. The Coke Company estimates that about $237 million of the
Real Thing is guzzled at breakfast every year. The frightening thought
is that someone actually pours it over his Sugar Frosted Flakes.
*******************************************************
Good
Morning: It's Thursday March 28, 2002!
Happy
Birthday Larry Kirkland!!!
BIRTHDAYS:
Jan Amos Komensky (Czek educational reformer), 1592; Maxim Gorki, 1868;
Edmund Muskie, 1914; Pearl Bailey, 1918; Dirk Bogarde, 1921; Freddie Bartholomew,
1924; Byrd Baylor (children's author), 1924; Zbigniew Brzezinski, 1928;
Ken Howard, 1944; Reba McEntire, 1954; Byron Scott, 1961.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On
this date in 1787 Pennsylvania elected Ben Franklin as a delegate to the
Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia.
On
this date in 1797 the first washing machine patent was issued -- it was
granted to Nathaniel Briggs of New Hampshire. It would be more than
a century later before electricity and human ingenuity produced the laborsaving
device on which we now depend.
On
this date in 1895 construction of America's first subway system began in
Boston, MA.
On
this date in 1922 the microfilm reading machine was patented.
On
this date in 1930 the Turkish cities of Constantinople and Angora became
known as Istanbul and Ankara.
On
this date in 1969 Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President and WWII general,
died at the age of 78.
On
this date in 1979 Three Mile Island, a reactor complex near Harrisburg,
PA blew its cool and came close to a core meltdown.
On
this date in 1995 14 wolves were set free in Yellowstone National Park.
They had been nearly eradicated because of their attacks on buffalo in
the 1920's.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: Spencer Tracy was once given an Academy Award engraved to
"Dick Tracy"... Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen (and his dummy, Charlie McCarthy)
received the only wooden Oscar... The story most often made into a movie
is "Cinderella", no less than 58 times.
TRIVIA:
Did you know that in 1658 the very first book written exclusively for children
was published? Who wrote it and what was it called?
"No one would be foolish enough to choose war over peace - in peace sons
bury their fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons" (Croesus of Lydia).
*******************************************************
From
a friend -- The Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Left Home
10.
Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Why, thank you".
9.
Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some
are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are
there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
8.
Never give yourself a haircut.
7.
When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste...when
eating, take time to enjoy it.
6.
Be more concerned about your character than your reputation... because
your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely
what others think of you.
5.
You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
4.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize"
and "You are right."
3.
When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow
while it's still warm.
2.
Learn to pick your battles; Ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from
now? How about one month? One week? One day?'
1.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! --
Author Unknown
*******************************************************
Thanks
to M/M Riverrats -- 21 Thoughts
1.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
3.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
4.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
5.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
6.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
7.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
8.
Things are more like they are today then they have ever been before.
9.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
10.
Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
11.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
12.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
13.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
14.
If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
15.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
16.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
17.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
18.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
19.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
20.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21.
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
*******************************************************
Thanks
to M/M Riverrats -- Groaners
1.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."
2.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became
a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser
of two weevils
3.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it, too.
4.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man
who shot my paw."
5.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?” they asked, as they moved off." Because," he said,"I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8.
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.
9.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced
an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10.
And finally, there was a person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.
*******************************************************
ANSWER:
Jan Amos Komensky's VISIBLE WORLD OF PICTURES was the first book published
just for children. It was a pocket-sized book, filled with woodcut
illustrations, and it was designed to help young readers remember words
by looking at pictures.
*******************************************************
Good
Morning: It's Friday March 29, 2002!
Happy
Birthday Callie Kilgore!!!
BIRTHDAYS:
John Tyler (10th President of the United States), 1790; Cy Young, 1867;
Eugene McCarthy, 1916; Sam Walton, 1918; Eric Idle, 1943; Earl Campbell,
1955; Kurt Thomas (American gymnast), 1956.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On
this date in 1812 the first White House wedding took place when Lucy Payne
Washington married Supreme Court Justice Thomas Todd. Lucy was First
Lady Dolly Madison's sister, so it seemed only right that the presidential
couple host her wedding to a member of the highest court in the land.
On
this date in 1848 an ice jam formed in Lake Erie that was so bad that Niagara
Falls actually ran dry for a full day.
On
this date in 1858 Hyman W. Lipman patented the pencil with an attached
eraser.
On
this date in 1867 the British North America Act established the Dominion
of Canada.
On
this date in 1886 Coca-Cola was invented by druggist John S. Pemberton.
On
this date in 1932 Jack Benny made his radio debut.
On
this date in 1958 the St. Louis Hawks won the first NBA Championship crown.
On
this date in 1961 Washington, D.C. residents won the right to vote in the
Presidential elections with the passage of the twenty-third amendment..
On
this date in 1973 the last U.S. prisoners of war and armed forces left
Vietnam.
On
this date in 1974 the U.S. spacecraft MARINER 10 transmitted the first
close-up pictures of Mercury.
On
this date in 1974 the New Jersey State Appellate Court ruled that the state's
Little League teams had to accept girls as well as boys.
On
this date in 1989 the Pei Pyramid, a 70-foot-high glass structure, was
opened as the new entrance to the Louvre Museum in Paris.
Today
is Vietnam Veterans Day.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: A grasshopper has over 900 different muscles. A human
has 792... Bees and wasps are deaf... A pullicologist is an expert of fleas.
TRIVIA:
In the Bible, what king fell out of his bedroom window?
"Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many
monuments to unveil" (Kin (Frank McKinney) Hubbard, 1868 - 1930).
*******************************************************
Thanks
to M/M Riverrats -- (You figure out which one - Mr. or Mrs. - sent this
one in...)
LIFE
AS A FEMALE BEAR
If
you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before
you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with
that, too.
If
you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who
bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could
deal with that.
If
you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that
you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. I could deal with that.
When
you awake from hibernation, you have lost 60 pounds. I could deal with
that. I wanna be a bear.
*******************************************************
Thanks
to Amy -- Parents, Are We Doomed or Blessed?
Is
there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their
own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become
detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their
life," and feel nothing?
When
I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for the doctors
to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop
worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident
stage." My Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When
I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard
how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class and was
headed for a career making license plates. As if to read
my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry. They all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My Mother
listened and said nothing.
When
I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring,
the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're
trying to find themselves. Don't worry in a few years, you can stop worrying.
They'll be adults"
By
the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle.
There was nothing I could do about it. I continued to anguish over
their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their
disappointments. My friends said that when my kids got married
I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe this, but
I was haunted by my mother's wan smile and her occasional, "You look
pale. Are you alright? Call me the minute you get home.
Are you depressed about something?"
Can
it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern
for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties
and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?
One
of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where
were you? I've been calling for 3 days and no one answered.
I was worried." I smiled a wan smile. The torch had been
passed.
*******************************************************
Thanks
to LBS: It Figures
Attitudes
are contagious....Is yours worth catching?
When
NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that
ball point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that
writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface
including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The
Russians used a pencil.......
*******************************************************
Thanks
to LM: THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME
Bob
and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing
Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero,
and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to
watch as a batter stepped up to the plate whose name was Love. Love swung
at the first pitch and hit a single, because Love never fails. The next
batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with
Love.
The
next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first
pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more
pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at what
Satan throws. The bases were now loaded.
The
Lord then turned to Bob and told him He was now going to bring in His star
player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Bob said, "He sure doesn't look
like much!" Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he
had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock
of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen. But Satan
was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by. He went up for
the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and
sent him crashing on the ground; then it continued over the fence for a
home run! The Lord's team won.
The
Lord then asked Bob if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get
on base but could not win the game. Bob answered that he did not know why.
The Lord explained, "If your love, faith, and wisdom had won the game you
would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get
you on base but, only My Grace can get you Home.
*******************************************************
ANSWER:
Ahaziah -- II Kings 1:2 -- "And Ahaziah fell down through a lattice in
his upper chamber that was in Samaria, and was sick..."
*******************************************************
Good
Morning: It's Saturday March 30, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:
Francisco Jose De Goya (Spanish painter), 1746; Anna Sewell (English author),
1820; Vincent Van Gogh, 1853; Sean O'Casey, 1880; McGeorge Bundy, 1919;
Peter Marshall, 1927; Richard Dysart, 1927; John Astin, 1930; Warren Beatty,
1938; Eric Clapton, 1945.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On
this date in 1840 Beau Brummell, famous French designer, whose name was
synonymous with style and elegance, died penniless in France.
On
this date in 1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first recorded operation
using a general anesthetic.
On
this date in 1843 the egg incubator was patented.
On
this date in 1858 Philadelphian Hyman Lippman patented the first pencil
with an attached eraser. The patent was granted to H.L. Lipman of
Philadelphia.
On
this date in 1867 Secretary of State William H. Seward completed the negotiations
for the purchase of the Alaskan territory. The price was $7,200,000.
Critics at the time called the deal "Seward's Folly". We can only
hope for such follies now...
On
this date in 1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union following the Civil
War.
On
this date in 1870 the fifteenth amendment to the Constitution, guaranteeing
the right to vote regardless of race, took effect.
On
this date in 1886 J. Ricks patented the horseshoe.
On
this date in 1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly solo across
the Atlantic Ocean.
On
this date in 1942 a law was passed to conserve cloth during WW II.
Men's suits were then made without cuffs and pleats.
On
this date in 1981, while I was in Biology class at Piggott (AR) High School,
John Hinckley shot and wounded President Ronald Reagan in Washington, D.C.
Today
is Doctor's Day -- try not to need one...
Today
is Seward's Day -- your guess is as good as mine.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: If the coils of the French horn were straightened out, the
instrument would be 22 feet long... A clothes designer in New Jersey once
designed a jacket with 89 zippers... The White House is the most visited
home in the U.S. Second is Graceland, the former home of Elvis Presley,
in Memphis, TN.
TRIVIA:
In the second year of Darius the king, in the sixth month, in the first
day of the month, came the word of the Lord by (me) unto Zerubbabel, the
son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Josedech,
the high priest... Who am I?
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when
you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you" (Fran Lebowitz)..
*******************************************************
Thanks
to M/M Riverrats --
Memories
- Information Please
When
I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood.
I remember well, the polished old case fastened to the wall and the shiny
receiver on the side of the box.
I
was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination
when my mother would talk to it. Then I discovered that somewhere inside
the wonderful device lived an amazing person and her name was "Information
Please" and there was nothing she did not know. "Information Please" could
supply anybody's number and the correct time.
My
first personal experience with this genie-in-a-bottle came one day while
my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in
the basement. I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible
but, there didn't seem to be any reason in crying because there was no
one home to give me sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing
finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone!
Quickly,
I ran for the footstool in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information
Please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and
a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information, I hurt my finger"
I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an
audience.
"Isn't
your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's
home but me," I blubbered.
"Are
you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No,"
I replied. "I hit my finger with a hammer and it hurts."
"Can
you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could.
"Then
chip off a piece of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After
that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help
with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me
with my math. She told me that my pet chipmunk, which I had caught in the
park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then
there was the time Petey, our pet canary died. I called "Information Please"
and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual thing grown
ups say to soothe a child. But, I was inconsolable. I asked her, "Why is
it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families,
only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She
must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul, you must
remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow, I felt better.
Another
day I was on the telephone. "Information Please".
"Information,"
said the now familiar voice. "How do you spell fix?'" I asked.
All
this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine
years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very
much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and
somehow I never thought of trying the tall, new shiny phone that sat on
the table in the hall.
As
I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never
really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall
the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient,
understanding and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A
few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle.
I had about half-an-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so
on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then, without thinking
about what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information
Please."
Miraculously,
I heard the small clear voice I knew so well. "Information."
I
hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell
me how to spell fix?"
There
was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess our finger
must be healed by now."
I
laughed, "So it's really still you," I said. "I wonder if you have any
idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
"I
wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never
had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her
how often I had thought of her over the years and asked if I could call
her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please
do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three
months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, "Information."
I
asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes,
a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm
sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part
time in the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before
I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Are you Paul?"
"Yes".
"Well,
Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let
me read it to you."
The
note said, "Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll
know what I mean."
I
thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never under estimate
the impression you make on others.
*******************************************************
ANSWER:
I am Haggai (1:1).
*******************************************************
Good
Morning: It's Sunday March 31, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:
Rene Descartes (French philosopher), 1596; Franz Joseph Haydn, 1732; Robert
Wilhelm Bunsen (German chemist and inventor of the Bunsen burner), 1811;
Cesar Chavez, 1927; Gordie Howe, 1928; Shirley Jones, 1934; Herb Alpert,
1935; Richard Chamberlain, 1935; Gave (Kotter) Kaplan, 1946; Al Gore, 1948;
Rhea Perlman, 1948.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On
this date in 1840 President James Van Buren established a ten-hour work
day for government employees as a means of bettering their working conditions...
On
this date in 1854 the Treaty of Kanagawa, which served to open Japan to
U.S. trade, was signed.
On
this date in 1870 Thomas Peterson Munday became the first black to vote
following the ratification of the Fifteenth Amendment.
On
this date in 1889 the Eiffel Tower opened for business in Paris.
On
this date in 1893 Whitcomb Judson patented the "hookless fastener" -- an
early form of zipper.
On
this date in 1918 Daylight Saving Time was first instituted as a wartime
fuel-saving measure.
On
this date in 1923 Alma Cummings won the first American dance marathon in
New York City. She danced 27 hours straight.
On
this date in 1925 Congress authorized the Mount Rushmore Memorial in the
Black Hills of southwestern South Dakota.
On
this date in 1933 the U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation
Corps.
On
this date in 1949 the province of Newfoundland entered into the confederation
of Canada.
On
this date in 1959 the Dalai Lama fled China and was granted political asylum
in India.
On
this date in 1963 Edward J. Dwight, Jr., became the first black man selected
for Astronaut training.
On
this date in 1985 Harry Lee Welch did a record-setting 100 consecutive
one-finger push-ups.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: The Eiffel Tower was built for the Paris Exhibition of 1889,
which celebrated the 100th anniversary of the French Revolution.
At 300 meters high, it remained the tallest structure in the world for
several years... Daylight Savings Time does not make the day longer, nor
does it make the day shorter... Had he not dropped his last name, entertainer
Ray Charles would have been popularly known as Ray Robinson, the same name
as famous fighter "Sugar" Ray Robinson, who, had he not changed his name,
would have been known as Walker Smith.
TRIVIA:
This famous inventor was one of the original founders of "National Geographic".
Using the pen name H.A. Largelamb, he also wrote for the magazine.
His real name ought to ring a bell... Do you know it?
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value too us"
(Western Union internal memo, 1876).
*******************************************************
An
old favorite from a friend -- 2 Sisters
Two
sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately,
after just a few years, they are in financial trouble and need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The
brunette tells her sister that she is going to a certain ranch where there
is a bull for sale and that if she decides to buy it, she will contact
her sister so that she can drive there to haul the bull back.
The
brunette arrives at the ranch, likes the looks of the bull and buys it
for $599. After paying for him, she drives to the nearest town to send
her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph
office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that
I've bought a bull for our ranch and that I need her to hitch the trailer
to our pickup truck and drive out here so that we can haul it home."
The
telegraph operator tells her that he will be glad to help and that it only
costs 99 cents per word. Unfortunately the brunette only has one dollar
left after paying for the bull, which means she can only send her sister
a single word.
After
thinking for a moment, she tells the operator to send a telegram with the
single word "Comfortable." The operator shakes his head and asks "How is
she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup
truck and drive out here to haul the back to your ranch if you send her
just the word "Comfortable"?
The
brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it
slow." (Com-for-da-bul").
*******************************************************
From
a friend (a joke...) God has a sense of humor..
A
man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed
at home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear
Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays
at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade
in our bodies".
God,
in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure
enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed
their lunches, drove them to school, came home; and picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay
the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone
company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away
the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then
it was already 1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry,
vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school
to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework,
then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At
4:30 PM he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads, breaded
the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned
the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put
them to bed.
At
9:00 PM he was exhausted and though his chores weren't finished, he went
to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through
without complaint.
The
next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being
able to stay home all day.
Please,
O please, let us trade back". The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied,
"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though.
You got pregnant last night"!!!
*******************************************************
Thanks
to LBS:
A
little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it.
What
he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama,
look what I found," the boy called out.
"What
have you got there, dear"?
With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear!"
*******************************************************
ANSWER:
His real name, the unscrambled version of H. A. Largelamb, is A. Graham
Bell. Alexander Graham Bell.
*******************************************************
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