Good Morning:  It's Tuesday March 5, 2002!
ENON BIRTHDAY:  Norma Deal!
BIRTHDAYS:  Gerardus Mercator (Flemish geographer and cartographer), 1512; William Oughtred (English mathematician and inventor of the slide rule), 1575; James Ives (American lithographer who with Nathaniel Currier published a pictorial record of American History), 1824; Rex Harrison, 1908; Jack Cassidy, 1927; Dean Stockwell, 1936; Samantha Eggar, 1939; Mem Fox (children's author), 1946; Eddie Hodges, 1947; Eugene Fodor, 1950.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1749 Benjamin Franklin installed a lightning rod on his Philadelphia home.
On this date in 1770 the Boston Massacre took place.  5 men were killed when British troops fired into a crowd of American protesters.
On this date in 1923 Montana and Nevada enacted the first old-age state pension laws.
On this date in 1924 Frank Caruana became the first bowler to score two perfect games.
On this date in 1934 the first Mother-in-law Day was celebrated at Amarillo, TX.
On this date in 1946 Winston Churchill coined the famous phrase "Iron Curtain" in a speech in Fulton, Missouri.
On this date in 1953 Soviet Premier Joseph Stalin died in Moscow.  His funeral was one of the largest affairs in Russian history.
On this date in 1979 VOYAGER 1 transmitted photos of Jupiter's four largest moons.
On this date in 1981 Scott Hamilton, who overcame Schwachman syndrome by taking up ice skating, won the men's figure skating championship.
On this date in 1988 Super Frosty, the largest snowman ever built, was completed in Anchorage, Alaska.  It stood 63 1/2 feet tall.
This is Newspapers in Education Week!
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  In the writings of Arthur Conan Doyle, at no time did Sherlock Holmes utter the phrase, "Elementary, my dear Watson"... There are no photographs which show Abraham Lincoln smiling... Fremont, CA was founded by the Spanish in 1769.
TRIVIA:  We have heard, no doubt, of the Boston Massacre, but most are surprized to learn that only 5 people were killed in the massacre.  Do you know who the first man to be killed was?
     "...I watched those in the room with me and was lonely within myself, for there was in me a great reaching outward, a desire to be and to become" (Louis L'Amour, in BENDIGO SHAFTER).
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My grandmother, Beatrice Smith, the subject of this poem, was born on March 5, and every year about this time, as I think about her and miss her, I usually write some verse in her honor.  Perhaps there is someone you miss also, and perhaps these lines will bring a smile to your face or a warm feeling to your heart as you think about whoever it is... if so, I am sure my grandma would have been glad.  Tim
..........Grandma..........
 
The oak trees used to be much taller,
My childhood home was much larger, too;
The cares of life seemed so much smaller,
How I miss those old times, friend, don't you?
Recalling those old times brings pleasure,
Just thinking of loved ones now long gone;
It would bring me joy beyond measure
To go back home ere my life is done.
How I'd like once more to romp and play,
I'd like to feel grandma's sweet embrace;
It'd mean so much more than I can say
If I could look once more on her face.
To hear her laugh, and see her sweet smile,
Let me know that ev'rything was well;
But she's been gone for such a long while,
Oh, when she left how our spirits fell.
No more can we her lovely voice hear,
Or stop for lunch and have a visit;
It felt so good when she drew us near,
Oh, Grandma's house, how much we miss it.
Yes, life goes on, and I must go too,
No matter how much I miss the past;
The mem'ries I have to see me through,
And I know that the mem'ries will last.
This world is poorer now without her,
Her lovely smile and her silver hair;
It does us good to think about her,
In this old world filled with strife and care.
A precious mem'ry through the ages
Of innocence in the days gone by,
I like to turn back to the pages
Of my life ere Grandma had to die.
The oak trees used to be much taller,
My childhood home was much larger, too;
The cares of life seemed so much smaller,
How I miss those old times, friend, don't you?
 
..........H. L. Gradowith..........
02-28-2002
Compliments of Gradowith Poems.  To see the H. L. Gradowith Poem Archive visit --
http://www.geocities.com/gradowith/SpecialPoemLinks.html
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS, retired law enforcement officer --
A Cop On the Take
First he takes ..  the oath.
Now look at what else he takes:
He takes ..  it in stride when people call him pig.
He takes ...  his lousy pay check realizing he'll never be rich.
He takes ...  a second job sometimes to make ends meet and support his family.
He takes ...  time to stop and talk to children.
He takes ...  your verbal abuse while giving you a ticket you really deserved.
He takes ...  on creeps you would be afraid to even look at.
He takes ...  time away from his family to keep you safe.
He takes ...  your injured child to the hospital.
He takes ..  the graveyard shift without complaint because it's his turn.
He takes ...  his life into his hands daily.
He takes ...  you home when your car breaks down.
He takes ..  time to explain why both your headlights have to work.
He takes ...  the job no one else wants -- telling you a loved one has died.
He takes ...  criminals to jail.
He takes ..  in sights that would make you cry. Sometimes he cries too, but he takes it anyway because someone has to.
He takes ...  memories to bed each night that you couldn't bear for even one day.
He takes ...  time to explain to his family why he can't make the ball game his child is in and why he has to work on the holiday when other parents are off.
Sometimes ...... he takes a bullet.
And yes, occasionally ...  he may take a free cup of coffee.
If he is lucky ..  he takes retirement.
Then one day he pays for all he has taken and God takes him.
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH for a hilarious one --  WALKING IN THE LIGHT
 A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland.  They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks."  Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking:  "I didn't think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking:  "I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face.  He thought to himself:  "Life is good.  When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!"
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Crispus Attucks, a former slave who became a sailor, was the first man killed by the British in the Boston Massacre.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Tuesday March 5, 2002!
ENON BIRTHDAY:  Norma Deal!
BIRTHDAYS:  Gerardus Mercator (Flemish geographer and cartographer), 1512; William Oughtred (English mathematician and inventor of the slide rule), 1575; James Ives (American lithographer who with Nathaniel Currier published a pictorial record of American History), 1824; Rex Harrison, 1908; Jack Cassidy, 1927; Dean Stockwell, 1936; Samantha Eggar, 1939; Mem Fox (children's author), 1946; Eddie Hodges, 1947; Eugene Fodor, 1950.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1749 Benjamin Franklin installed a lightning rod on his Philadelphia home.
On this date in 1770 the Boston Massacre took place.  5 men were killed when British troops fired into a crowd of American protesters.
On this date in 1923 Montana and Nevada enacted the first old-age state pension laws.
On this date in 1924 Frank Caruana became the first bowler to score two perfect games.
On this date in 1934 the first Mother-in-law Day was celebrated at Amarillo, TX.
On this date in 1946 Winston Churchill coined the famous phrase "Iron Curtain" in a speech in Fulton, Missouri.
On this date in 1953 Soviet Premier Joseph Stalin died in Moscow.  His funeral was one of the largest affairs in Russian history.
On this date in 1979 VOYAGER 1 transmitted photos of Jupiter's four largest moons.
On this date in 1981 Scott Hamilton, who overcame Schwachman syndrome by taking up ice skating, won the men's figure skating championship.
On this date in 1988 Super Frosty, the largest snowman ever built, was completed in Anchorage, Alaska.  It stood 63 1/2 feet tall.
This is Newspapers in Education Week!
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  In the writings of Arthur Conan Doyle, at no time did Sherlock Holmes utter the phrase, "Elementary, my dear Watson"... There are no photographs which show Abraham Lincoln smiling... Fremont, CA was founded by the Spanish in 1769.
TRIVIA:  We have heard, no doubt, of the Boston Massacre, but most are surprized to learn that only 5 people were killed in the massacre.  Do you know who the first man to be killed was?
     "...I watched those in the room with me and was lonely within myself, for there was in me a great reaching outward, a desire to be and to become" (Louis L'Amour, in BENDIGO SHAFTER).
*******************************************************
My grandmother, Beatrice Smith, the subject of this poem, was born on March 5, and every year about this time, as I think about her and miss her, I usually write some verse in her honor.  Perhaps there is someone you miss also, and perhaps these lines will bring a smile to your face or a warm feeling to your heart as you think about whoever it is... if so, I am sure my grandma would have been glad.  Tim
..........Grandma..........
 
The oak trees used to be much taller,
My childhood home was much larger, too;
The cares of life seemed so much smaller,
How I miss those old times, friend, don't you?
Recalling those old times brings pleasure,
Just thinking of loved ones now long gone;
It would bring me joy beyond measure
To go back home ere my life is done.
How I'd like once more to romp and play,
I'd like to feel grandma's sweet embrace;
It'd mean so much more than I can say
If I could look once more on her face.
To hear her laugh, and see her sweet smile,
Let me know that ev'rything was well;
But she's been gone for such a long while,
Oh, when she left how our spirits fell.
No more can we her lovely voice hear,
Or stop for lunch and have a visit;
It felt so good when she drew us near,
Oh, Grandma's house, how much we miss it.
Yes, life goes on, and I must go too,
No matter how much I miss the past;
The mem'ries I have to see me through,
And I know that the mem'ries will last.
This world is poorer now without her,
Her lovely smile and her silver hair;
It does us good to think about her,
In this old world filled with strife and care.
A precious mem'ry through the ages
Of innocence in the days gone by,
I like to turn back to the pages
Of my life ere Grandma had to die.
The oak trees used to be much taller,
My childhood home was much larger, too;
The cares of life seemed so much smaller,
How I miss those old times, friend, don't you?
 
..........H. L. Gradowith..........
02-28-2002
Compliments of Gradowith Poems.  To see the H. L. Gradowith Poem Archive visit --
http://www.geocities.com/gradowith/SpecialPoemLinks.html
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS, retired law enforcement officer --
A Cop On the Take
First he takes ..  the oath.
Now look at what else he takes:
He takes ..  it in stride when people call him pig.
He takes ...  his lousy pay check realizing he'll never be rich.
He takes ...  a second job sometimes to make ends meet and support his family.
He takes ...  time to stop and talk to children.
He takes ...  your verbal abuse while giving you a ticket you really deserved.
He takes ...  on creeps you would be afraid to even look at.
He takes ...  time away from his family to keep you safe.
He takes ...  your injured child to the hospital.
He takes ..  the graveyard shift without complaint because it's his turn.
He takes ...  his life into his hands daily.
He takes ...  you home when your car breaks down.
He takes ..  time to explain why both your headlights have to work.
He takes ...  the job no one else wants -- telling you a loved one has died.
He takes ...  criminals to jail.
He takes ..  in sights that would make you cry. Sometimes he cries too, but he takes it anyway because someone has to.
He takes ...  memories to bed each night that you couldn't bear for even one day.
He takes ...  time to explain to his family why he can't make the ball game his child is in and why he has to work on the holiday when other parents are off.
Sometimes ...... he takes a bullet.
And yes, occasionally ...  he may take a free cup of coffee.
If he is lucky ..  he takes retirement.
Then one day he pays for all he has taken and God takes him.
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH for a hilarious one --  WALKING IN THE LIGHT
 A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland.  They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks."  Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking:  "I didn't think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking:  "I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face.  He thought to himself:  "Life is good.  When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!"
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Crispus Attucks, a former slave who became a sailor, was the first man killed by the British in the Boston Massacre.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Thursday March 7, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:  Luther Burbank (American horticulturist), 1849; Piet Mondrian (Dutch painter known for his geometric style), 1872; Maurice Ravel (French composer), 1875; Anthony Armstrong-Jones, 1930; Janet Guthrie (American race car driver who became the first woman to qualify for the Indianapolis 500), 1938; Daniel J. Travanti, 1940; Michael Eisner, 1942; Franco Harris, 1950; Ivan Lendl (Czechoslovakian tennis star), 1960; Joe Carter, 1960.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1843 America's first minstrel show opened.
On this date in 1854 the sewing machine that could stitch buttonholes was patented by Charles Miller of St. Louis, Missouri.
On this date in 1876 a patent was granted to Alexander Graham Bell for his version of the telephone.
On this date in 1897 the first bowl of Corn Flakes was served by Dr. John Kellogg to one of his patients at a mental hospital in Battle Creek, Michigan.
On this date in 1911 the coin-operated locker was patented.
On this date in 1926 the first transatlantic radio-telephone conversation took place between New York and London.
On this date in 1936 Germany violated the Treaty of Versailles by occupying the Rhineland.  One single act led an entire nation to war. 
On this date in 1945, the U.S. Ninth Armored Division captured Germany's Remagen Bridge and went on to victory in WWII (with the help of the Allies).
On this date in 1962 OSO 1, the first orbiting solar-observation satellite, was launched.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Little Lulu's last name was Moppet... "Guess Who?" were the first words spoken by Woody Woodpecker and later became his trademark... Popeye's sailing vessel was named Olive after his girlfriend, Olive Oyl.
TRIVIA:  To whom is the following quote attributed:  "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore"?
     "There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits on the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder" (Ronald Wilson Reagan).
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS:  Food for thought...
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
a. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
b. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
c. Glock: The original point and click interface.
d. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
e. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
f. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
g. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
h. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
i. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
j. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
k. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
l. The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the others.
m. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
n. Guns only have two enemies: rust and liberals.
o. Know guns, know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor safety.
p. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
q. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
r. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
s. Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.
t. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
u. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
v. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
w. Enforce the "gun control laws" we have, don't make more.
x. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
y. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
z. "...a government of the people, by the people, for the people..."
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Thanks to JLH:  ANOTHER SENIOR MOMENT
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.  He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.  These two were at the same table, across from one another.  As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered.  "Yes, Yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled.  "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember  Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
 With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."  Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
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Thanks to AB:  Words Women Use (And What They Mean)
FINE  This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES  This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING  This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)  This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH  This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY  This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO  This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS  A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT  This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  That would be Yogi Berra.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Friday March 8, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:  Oliver Wendell Holmes, 1841; Kenneth Grahame (children's author who wrote the classic THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS), 1859; Joseph Lee (pioneer in the development of children's playgrounds), 1862; Sam Jaffee, 1891; Tula Finklea (Cyd Charisse), 1923; Charley Pride, 1938; Lynn Redgrave, 1943; Monkee Mickie Dolenz, 1945.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1765 Great Britain's House of Lords imposed the Stamp Act.  The Americans retaliated by boycotting all imported British goods including sugar and tea.  This first direct tax placed on the fledgling colonies was supposed to pay for military defense during the French and Indian War. 
On this date in 1834 a dog named hero saved 2 boys from drowning in the Thames River in London.
On this date in 1849 President Zachary Taylor appointed Thomas Ewing as the first Secretary of the Interior.
On this date in 1855 a train first crossed the suspension bridge at Niagara Falls.
On this date in 1894 bureaucracy caught up to man's best friend as New York City passed its first dog licensing law.
On this date in 1917 the Russian Revolution began.
On this date in 1950 the U.S.S.R. declared that they had built an atomic bomb.
On this date in 1965 the first U.S. combat troops arrived in Vietnam.
On this date in 1968 a 6-year-old golfer named Tommy Moore, of Hagerstown, MD., made the first of 2 holes-in-one he would score on the same hole during the year.
On this date in 1979 President Jimmy Carter went on a Middle East peace mission.  It didn't do everything they hoped it would...
Today is Aunt's Day!  It is also International Women's Day! 
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  There are 100 counties in North Carolina... The area of N.C. is 48,718 square miles... According to the latest census, N.C. has a population of 7,650,789.
TRIVIA:  In the Bible, in what city did a wall fall on 27,000 men?
     "If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim" (Lyndon Baines Johnson).
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Thanks to LBS:  Advancement of Kuwaiti Women
This is a heartwarming tale of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world. Several years ago, before the Gulf War, Barbara Walters did a piece for her weekly television show on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted at the time that the women customarily walked about ten feet behind their husbands. Returning to Kuwait recently, she observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous, Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this remarkable reversal of roles?" "Land mines," said the Kuwaiti woman.
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2 from M/M Riverrats:  Football
A huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
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Thanks to MAK:  The Bandit
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll shoot you."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.
The Ranger asked a local to translated his message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger anxiously
The local answered, He say, "He no afraid to die!"
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Thanks to LBS:  Wierd Things
Butterflies taste with their feet.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH".
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
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Thanks to LBS:  Telling A Blonde Joke
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Aphek -- I Kings 20:30 -- "But the rest fled to Aphek, into the city; and there a wall fell upon twenty and seven thousand of the men that were left..."
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Saturday March 9, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:  Amerigo Vespucci, 1451; Frank Morrison (Mickey Spillane), 1918; Yuri Gagarin (Soviet cosmonaut who became the first person to orbit the earth), 1934; Marty Ingels, 1936; Bobby Fischer, 1943; Brian Bosworth, 1965; "Webster" Emmanuel Lewis, 1971.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1790 Benjamin Franklin wrote his creed:  "I believe in one God, Creator of the Universe.  That He governs it by his Providence.  That he ought to be worshipped.  That the most acceptable Service we render to his is doing good to his other children."
On this date in 1822 the first U.S. patent for artificial teeth was issued to Charles Graham of NYC.
On this date in 1844 the U.S. Supreme Court, in the Amistad incident, ruled that Negroes are free.
On this date in 1858 Albert Potts received a patent for the mailbox.
On this date in 1860 Japanese ambassador Niimi Buzennokami arrived in San Francisco, CA to establish diplomatic relations with the US.
On this date in 1862 the MONITOR and the MERRIMAC fought a furious battle in the harbor near Hampton Roads, VA -- the first battle of the ironclads.
On this date in 1864 Ulysses S. Grant was made commander-in-chief of the U.S. Armies.
On this date in 1929 America's Eric Krenz became the first man to throw the discus over 160 feet.
On this date in 1954 the first color commercial was televised.
On this date in 1959 the Barbie Doll was introduced to the public.
On this date in 1961 SPUTNIK 9's Blackie became the first canine space traveler.
On this date in 1975 construction on the 789-mile Alaskan pipeline began.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The Civil War Ironclad Ship battle between the Monitor and the Merrimac lasted over 4 hours... The discus throw of Eric Krenz was 163 feet 8 3/4 inches... Over 500 million Barbie Dolls have been sold by the Mattel Toy Company (and that doesn't take into account all of the knock-offs).
TRIVIA:  I was an Italian navigator. I was born in Florence. In 1495 I took over the business of a merchant in Sevilla, Spain, who had furnished supplies to ships voyaging to the West Indies. I later set out for the New World myself and left accounts and maps of four voyages. Most scholars agree that I explored a large section of the northern coast of South America during an expedition led by Spanish soldier Alonso de Ojeda in 1499 and 1500. Most also believe that I might have explored part of that continent's eastern coast on a subsequent voyage. German geographer and cartographer Martin Waldseemüller, who translated my narrative in 1507, suggested that it might be proper to name the new continent after me, using an adaptation of the my given name. Applied first to the southern continent, the name gradually came into use as that of the two western continents after it appeared on a planisphere published by Waldseemüller in 1516.  Who am I?
     "A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but a photograph always remains the same. How nice to look at a photograph of mother or father taken many years ago. You see them as you remember them" (Albert Einstein).
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In keeping with the quote for today, here is a poem by H. L. Gradowith --
..........A Picture..........
 
A picture holds within it
    The power to remind
No matter what is in it,
    A lesson you may find.

It brings to life our loved ones
    Who long have passed away,
It gives to death a summons:
    Set free our dead this day!

It takes us back to childhood
    And let's us go once more
To see the floating driftwood
    Lying on youth's pure shore.

It tells of time and changes,
    It proves that time moves on,
It warns us of the dangers
    That come with each new morn.

As in it we are shown then,
    As we did look one day,
We all must give attention:
    We change along the way.

Do we, as captured therein,
    Stand still unchanged this day?
Have we now failed to listen?
    To what it has to say?

It tells us to awaken,
    It bids us look around;
The fears in us are shaken,
    Though it makes not a sound.

As on that picture we look
    It sits there to remind
Us of the toll that life took:
    The price all pay in time.

May from each picture all learn
    To take some time each day,
Life's stones to leave not unturned,
    Lest time should fade away.

In ev'ry life some trouble,
    With ev'ry day some rain,
We must our strength redouble,
    We can o'ercome our pain.

Be not deceived my brother
    Time passes, then you die;
On Christ, and on no other,
    You safely may rely.

Graying hair and wrinkled brow,
    The tired and weary eyes,
We look upon ourselves now:
    The mirror seldom lies?

The picture stands to remind
    Of how life used to be,
Of days now left far behind,
    When we were young and free.

The mirror shows us today,
    A lesson let us learn:
Long gone is our yesterday,
    We need not for it yearn.

The past is ours in mem'ry,
    The picture helps recall;
But we live today, you see,
    Tomorrow comes to all.

What tomorrow brings our way
    Today we cannot know,
Take pleasure in yesterday
    But ever onward go.

A picture holds within it
    The power to remind
No matter what is in it,
    A lesson you may find.

Each day take time to reflect,
    Take pleasure in your past;
Be sure you never neglect
    The shadow your life cast.
 
..........H. L. Gradowith..........
06-14-01 (revised)
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Thanks to my sister -- an old favorite --  The Golden Phone
A man in Mesa, Arizona decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to Washington DC, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read $10,000 a minute." Seeking out the preacher he asked about the phone and the sign. The preacher answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the preacher and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in NYC, Chicago, Minneapolis, Kansas City, Denver, Albuquerque, and around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each preacher. Finally, he arrived in Arkansas. Upon entering a church, behold he saw the usual golden telephone.
But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the preacher. "Preacher, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have  been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call."
The preacher, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Arkansas......now....it's a local call.
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ANSWER:  Of course, I am birthday-boy Amerigo Vespucci.
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Good Morning:  It's Sunday March 10, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS:  Barry Fitzgerald, 1888; Heywood Hale Broun, 1918; Jack Kent (children's author), 1920; Pamela Mason, 1922; Chuck Norris, 1940; Austin Carr, 1948; Prince Edward, 1964.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1785 Thomas Jefferson was named U.S. Minister to France, succeeding Benjamin Franklin.
On this date in 1848 the U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended the Mexican-American War.
On this date in 1849 Abraham Lincoln became the first U.S. President to apply for a patent.
On this date in 1862 the first (official) paper currency in the U.S. was issued -- a $5.00 Hamilton, $10.00 Lincoln and $20.00 Liberty certificate.
On this date in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell transmitted the very first telephone call to his assistant, Mr. Watson.
On this date in 1913 American abolitionist Harriet Tubman died.
On this date in 1946 Italian women voted for the first time.
On this date in 1961 Wilt Chamberlain became the first basketball player to score 3,000 points in one season.
On this date in 1971 the U.S. Senate passed a law lowering the voting age to 18.
On this date in 1974 a Japanese soldier who had spent nearly 30 years hiding in the Philippine jungle, unaware that WW II had ended, was discovered by a Filipino.
On this date in 1975 Carla Hills became the third woman appointed to a cabinet position, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  After escaping from slavery herself, Harriet Tubman repeatedly risked her life by returning to the South and leading other slaves to freedom.  She and her followers traveled at night via what became known as the Underground Railroad -- a network of hiding places, or "stations," through which the slaves were guided north... The Japanese soldier discovered in 1974 was named Hiroo Onoda...  When Onoda returned to Japan he was given a hero's welcome.  But he hardly recognized the world.  He had, after all, been out of circulation since 1944!  Imagine the changes that had taken place in the period of time he was gone.
TRIVIA:  In the New Testament, when did an iron gate open of its own accord?
     "My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?" (Erma Louise Bombeck, 1927 - 1996).
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From our archive -- Thanks to LBS for:  A Day In The Life Of A Teacher
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.  He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"  He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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Thanks to CRJ:  Loaves & Fishes
The young preacher was delivering his first sermon to a new congregation.  In referring to the miracle of Jesus, he said dramatically, "Consider the scene where the Master with 5,000 loaves and 2,000 fishes fed five people."
A murmur of amusement ran through the assembly and one old fellow near the front laughed out loud.  The poor preacher was so humiliated that the following Sunday he decided to regain the ground he'd lost, by using the same miracle in another sermon.
"Now, consider the scene where the Master with five loaves and 5 fishes fed 5,000 people," he said.  Then, leaving over the pulpit, he spoke to the old gentleman who had laughted at him.  "You couldn't do that, brother."
"Oh, yes I could," said the old fellow, "if I had what was left over from last week."
Clarence Johnson's homepage: http://clarencejohnson.freeservers.com
Susquehanna church of Christ web page: http://susquehannachurchofchrist.org
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Thanks to CRJ:  HOW TO KILL THE LOCAL CHURCH
* Don?t come.
* If you do come, come late.
* When you come, be a grouch.
* At every service, ask yourself, "What?s in it for me?"
* Never accept responsibility. It is easier to sit back and criticize.
* Visit other congregations about half the time to show that you don?t feel any obligation to the local church.
* Sit as far back as possible and never sing.
* Never purpose to give as you prosper. Just drop in your loose change.
* Never compliment the preacher or class teacher. If you like a lesson, keep mum about it. (Many a teacher has been ruined by flattery).
* It?s good to tell your preacher?s failings (and those of other members) to any strangers that may happen in. Otherwise, they might be a long time finding them out.
* If there happens to be a few zealous workers in the congregation, make a tremendous protest against the church?s being controlled by a clique.
* When everything is harmonious, call it apathy or indifference or lack of zeal or anything under the sun except what it is. --author unknown
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Thanks to DS: 
Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself, instead of talking to yourself!
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Thanks to PW:  Piece of Cake
A young man is telling his Grandma how everything is going wrong.  School problems, friend problems, family problems, financial problems, severe health problems, etc..
Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.  She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, he does.
"Here, have some cooking oil."  "Yuck" says the young man.
"How about a couple raw eggs? "  "Gross, Grandma!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Grandma, those are all yucky!"
To which Grandma replies:  "Yes, all those things seem bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!  God works the same way.  Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times.  But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good.
We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!"  God is Crazy About You.  He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.  He can live anywhere in the world, and He chose your heart.
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ANSWER:  The iron gate that opened of its own accord is mentioned in Acts 12:10 -- "When they were past the first and the second ward, they came unto the iron gate that leadeth into the city; which opened to them of his own accord:  and they went out,..."
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Good Morning:  It's Monday March 11, 2002!
It's my mom's birthday!!!
Today is Johnny Appleseed Day.  On this date in 1847 John Chapman, famed as a planter of trees and an early environmentalist, went to the Big Apple in the Sky...
BIRTHDAYS:  Wanda Ga'g (children's author and illustrator), 1893; Dorothy Gish, 1898; Lawrence Welk, 1903; Harold Wilson, 1916; Ezra Jack Keats (children's author), 1916; Ralph Abernathy, 1926; Rupert (Fox) Murdoch, 1931; Sam Donaldson, 1934; Dock Phillip Ellis, 1945; Bobby McFerrin, 1950.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1302, according to Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet were married.
On this date in 1779 the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers was first established.
On this date in 1818 Mary Shelley's thriller FRANKENSTEIN was published.
On this date in 1850 Women's Medical College in Philadelphia became the first Medical School for women.
On this date in 1861 the Constitution of the Confederacy was adopted in Montgomery, AL.
On this date in 1888 the "Blizzard of '88" struck the northeast and became the greatest storm of the century.
On this date in 1930 William Howard Taft became the first U.S. President buried in the National Cemetery at Arlington, VA.
On this date in 1941 the Lend-Lease Law was signed by FDR.  It authorized the shipping of war supplies to England and other nations fighting Nazi Germany during the Second World War without physically involving the US.
On this date in 1942 General Doublas MacArthur left the Philippines, vowing:  "I shall return."
On this date in 1953 an American B-47 accidentally dropped a nuclear bomb on South Carolina. It failed to go off due to 6 safety catches.
On this date in 1959 A RAISIN IN THE SUN, by Loraine Hansberry, became the first play by an black woman to open on Broadway.
On this date in 1986 men marked the passing of One Million days since the traditional founding of Rome (April 21, 753 BC).
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  "Frankenstein" was actually the doctor who created the monster in English author Mary Shelley's book -- the monster never had a name... Arlington National Cemetery is located across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C.... The cemetery covers 612 acres and encircles the home of Confederate general Robert E. Lee.
TRIVIA:  What is the most visited site in Arlington National Cemetery?
     Let's have some George Washington quotes --
Occupants of public offices love power and are prone to abuse it.
Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.
Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men, any more than fine feathers make fine birds. A plain, genteel dress is more admired, obtains more credit in the eyes of the judicious and sensible.
Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone, and let your hand give in proportion to your purse.
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The following is a heretofore unpublished poem of H. L. Gradowith and was written in honor of his mother's birthday.  It was one of the first poems he ever wrote.
Shades Of Night
 
When amid the shades of night
     My soul can find no rest,
My heart seeks times of sunlight:
     Those times I loved the best.

It takes me back to those days
     When I was but a lad;
When ev'ry boy and girl stays
     Safe home with mom and dad.

I revel in the mem'ry
     Of days spent out at play,
Conscience our only sentry,
     Pleasure our hope and stay.
I find there friends who've long gone
     To live their lives elsewhere;
(I find that some have gone home...
     They're in the Land that's fair.)

In mem'ry dwells my brother
     So young and strong and free,
There dwell my dad and mother,
     My sister there I see.

In that land dwells my Grandad,
     In life he was my guide;
If times were joyous or sad,
     He never left my side.

These things I see, passing by,
     Glimpses of yesterday;
Such thoughts live on, never die --
     Nor shall they fade away!

Life was spent in hot pursuit
     Of villains, as we played,
Ghosts and goblins, Captain Hook,
     Of these all -- unafraid.

We knew not then our future,
     Nor cared we what it held;
We had our Mother's nurture,
     She all our fears dispelled.

When sickness came and then death,
     To others, Oh, so dear,
We had our Mother's calm breath
     To draw us safely near.

Our days were filled with play then,
     Our nights were filled with rest;
If only we could hasten
     Back to our Mother's nest!

It's nice to go again there
     E'en though we wonder why...
Our lives so well began there,
     Why did we let them die?

A picture jolts our mem'ry,
     A letter brings to mind;
A time of joy "aplenty",
     A time so warm and kind.

May that time never leave us,
     As here we press along,
When cares and strife bereave us,
     Its presence makes us strong.

When amid the shades of night
     Your soul can find no rest,
When your heart seeks the sunlight:
     Find times you loved the best.

A mother's love, kind and true,
     A Father's hand to guide,
Brother, sister, there with you --
     All standing side by side.

An anchor for the soul there,
     A stay through life's dark storm;
Where day doth always rise fair,
     And breaks one peaceful morn.

It will not make life's troubles
     Go running through the night;
But it will your strength double,
     And fill your soul with light.
 
H. L. Gradowith
03-06-1997
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Thanks to CRJ in The SUSQUEHANNA SENTINEL -- to receive it in email form, free of charge, email him at [email protected].
AN ARTIFICIALLY CONTRIVED RIVALRY -- Beware of loaded questions! The definitive depiction of the loaded question is the scenario wherein the lawyer interrogates the witness: "Are you still beating your wife?" The poor defendant is "set up" whether he answers, "Yea," or "Nay!" His guilt, past or present, is pre-supposed. The theological professionals have their loaded question, "Is salvation by faith or by works?" The question presupposes a rivalry between faith and works, presupposes that each are mutually exclusive.
This rivalry between faith and works is artificially contrived. Jesus Himself called faith a work. "This is the work of God, that ye believe on Him whom He hath sent" (John 6:29). The conflict is not between faith and works, but between the work of God -- what God wants us to do -- and boastful works of human choice. The conflict is not between salvation by belief or salvation by baptism, but between believing or disbelieving Jesus when He said, "He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that disbelieveth shall be condemned" (Mark 16:16). -- J. Princeton Simons
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ANSWER:  The most visited site in Arlington National Cemetery is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which is guarded at all times.  The soldier on guard paces off 21 steps in front of the tomb, stops, waits 21 seconds, then retraces his route.  He continues this routine until the changing of the guard.  People who visit the tomb are always quiet and respectful.
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