Good Morning:  It's Saturday September 1, 2001!

IT IS EMMA NUTT DAY, in remembrance of the "world's first telephone operator" who began her career in Boston in 1878.

BIRTHDAYS:  Anna Botsford Comstock (American naturalist known as "the Mother of Nature Education"), 1854; Edgar Rice Burroughs, 1875; Philip Reuther, 1907; Yvonne De Carlo, 1924; Ann Richards, 1933; Conway Twitty, 1933; Lily Tomlin, 1939; Barry Gibb, 1946; Vinnie Johnson, 1956.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1422 Henry VI, at the age of 9 months, became king of England.

On this date in 1730 Benjamin Franklin married Deborah Read.

On this date in 1774 British General Thomas Gage sent troops to Cambridge, Massachusetts, to seize arms and ammunition stored there by the Colonists.  Enraged patriots vowed to prevent a repeat raid and set up a Committee of Safety headed by John Hancock.  Its job was to gather "war-like stores" and sound the alarm should there be any unusual troop movement.

On this date in 1866 James J. Corbett, Gentleman Jim, was born.  He was the man who defeated the legendary John L. Sullivan for the world heavyweight boxing title.  After his days as a boxer were over, he met with success as a lecturer and actor.  He may have been the one who proved that athletics and intelligence are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

On this date in 1875 Edgar Rice Burroughs was born.  He had been in the U.S. cavalry, fighting against the Apache Indians out west until it was discovered that he was under age and he was discharged.  He decided to write "dime novels".  In 1914 he produced his first one:  Tarzan of the Apes.

On this date in 1878 Emma Nutt became the first female telephone operator.  Until then, all operators had been men.

On this date in 1905 the provinces of Saskatchewan and Alberta entered into the confederation of Canada.

On this date in 1914 Martha, the last passenger pigeon, died at the Cincinnati Zoo.

On this date in 1939 World War II began.  It started when Germany invaded Poland and was not extinguished until 2 atomic bombs were dropped upon Germany's ally, Japan.

On this date in 1968 the first school for professional clowns opened in Venice, FL.  Skills taught included juggling, stilt walking, and pantomime.

On this date in 1972 the great chess war ended as Bobby Fischer defeated Boris Spassky for the world title.

On this date in 1983 a Soviet fighter mistakenly shot down Korean Air Lines Flight 007 after it strayed into Soviet airspace, killing 269, including congressman Larry McDonald (D-GA).

On this date in 1985 Ocean Researchers located the remains of the TITANIC, which sank April 15, 1912.  It was resting 12,460 feet below the ocean's surface, 370 miles south of Newfoundland.

On this date in 1987 S. Brian Wilson, protesting American arms shipments to the contras, lost both legs when he placed himself in front of a military train.  He was later sued by civilian members of the train crew for the "humiliation, embarrassment (and) emotional distress" the incident caused them.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  A newly hatched crocodile is three times as large as the egg from which it has emerged... Agnus Benignus Sanrey (1589-1659), a French preacher and theologian, wrote a ponderous volume entitled PARACLETUS SEU DE RECTA PRONUNCIATIONA TRACTATUS -- for the sole purpose of establishing the correct pronunciation of one word -- PARACLETUS -- translated as "Comforter" in the Bible... West Point Cadets wear gray uniforms in honor of the home-spun clothes worn by Gen. Winfield Scott's Buffalo Brigade in the War of 1812.  No dye for coloring the cloth was available at the time.  Believe it, or not.

TRIVIA:  Who (in the Bible) was called a half-baked pancake?

     Ruth Gordon said, "To be somebody, you must last."  Think long-term...  Have a nice Saturday!

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Thanks to LBS:  I WANT TO RESIGN

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy [Unable to display because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.

 I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause.............."Tag! You're it."

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CHAIN PREACHERS:  An elder received a letter that read, "If you are tired of your preacher, send a copy of this letter to seven other churches that are probably tired of their preachers.  Then ship your preacher to the church at the top of the list.  Add the name of your congregation to the bottom.  In thirty days you will receive twenty-one hundred and seventy-eight preachers, and out of this many you ought to be able to choose one to suit you.  Warning!  One church broke the chain and got their old preacher back..."

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FELLOW CHRISTIAN:  A preacher went hunting out in the woods, heard a noise behind him, turned, and there was a big bear reared up on his hind legs.  The preacher cocked his gun, aimed, and pulled the trigger.  The gun only clicked, and the bear started toward him.  He dropped to his knees and prayed, "Lord, save me from this bear."
He looked up and the bear was still coming.  He prayed again, "Lord, let this be a Christian bear."
He looked up again, and the bear was hunkered down praying, "Lord, bless this food for the needs of our body."

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ANSWER:  Ephraim (or, the Hebrew people personified in him) was called a half-baked pancake:  Hosea 7:8 "...Ephraim is a cake not turned."

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Good Morning:  It's Sunday September 2, 2001!

BIRTHDAYS:  Eugene Field (American poet and author of "Wynken, Blynken, and Nod"), 1850; Cleveland Amory, 1917; Bernard Most (children's author and illustrator), 1937; Peter Uberroth, 1937; Terry Bradshaw, 1948; Christa McAuliffe, 1948; Jimmy Connors, 1952; Linda Purl, 1955.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1666 the great fire of London destroyed four-fifths of the city.

On this date in 1789 the U.S. Treasure Department was established.  The Constitutional government had been operating for 5 months or so before the department responsible for paying the bills even existed!  My how priorities have changed!

On this date in 1901 U.S. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt gave his "speak softly and carry a big stick" speech at a Minnesota state fair.

On this date in 1944 Navy pilot the Japanese shot down George Bush during a World War II bombing run in the Bonin Islands.  Bush was rescued but his 2-crew members died.

On this date in 1945 Japanese forces formally surrendered to the Allies aboard the USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The Hundred Years' War lasted 114 years (1339-1453)... Hsu-Hua, aged 42, of Changchow, China, lived for eleven years inside the statue of the goddess Kuan Yin.  She was the mover of a son whose wife was barren.  To obtain a grandchild the would-be grandmother climbed into the interior of the life-sized goddess and remained in it for a period of eleven years -- till her prayer was answered.  She was fed through the idol's mouth, and the eyes and limbs of Kuan Yin became the eyes and limbs of Hsu-Hua till her wish came true... A.M. is P.M. in French.  Apres Midi means "afternoon".  Believe it, or not.

TRIVIA:  In the Bible, who stole shovels and spoons from the Hebrews?

     "A man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth." (The Bible)  Take the time to find the truly important things in life and care less for that which passes away.  May your Lord's Day be a great one!

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SUBSTITUTE PREACHER:  A popular preacher got sick on a Sunday morning, and he called a retired minister and asked if he would preach the service for him.  The substitute agreed but felt inadequate in filling in for such a good preacher.  When he entered the pulpit, he struggled for a metaphor that would express his humility in his task.
"I feel inadequate in taking the place of your minister this morning.  He is such a good preacher and brings light just like the sunlight through a clean pane of glass.  I, on the other hand, am like a piece of cardboard that you have seen substituted for the pane in a window."

He went on and preached a pretty good sermon.  At the door afterwards, a good sister gushed, "Preacher, you're no cardboard; you're a real pane..."

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VAIN PRAYER, BRUTAL HONESTY:  The preacher's little daughter noticed that her father always bowed his head for a minute before starting his sermon.  One day she asked him why.

"Well, I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.

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If all the people who sleep in church were laid out end to end, they'd be more comfortable...

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BORING...  A preacher, known for long and boring sermons (are there really such preachers???), had been into a particularly tedious one for nearly an hour, when he stopped to scold the congregation.

"I know you think my sermons are long, but I've got something important to impart to you.  Now, I don't mind you looking at your watches while I'm preaching, but I want you to know that I resent you shaking them to see if they're still running."

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PERCEPTION:  A mother and her son, who weren't regular churchgoers, went to visit a new congregation for Sunday morning service.  On their way home the mother asked her son what he thought of the service.

"Well, I liked the music, but I thought the commercial was too long."

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ECUMENISM:  The Baptist preacher called a construction company to come and cut a hole in the outside wall of his office for an air conditioner.  He waited, but they did not come.  After a while he got a bill for the job.  He called up to protest.

The voice on the other end of the phone said, "Just a minute."

After a bit he came back and said, "In the spirit of ecumenism, we cut a hole in the Catholic Church."

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MINORITY:  A certain fellow had a habit of going to sleep in church, which irritated the preacher.  One Sunday, he decided to embarrass him.  At the tail end of his sermon, when the offending parishioner was sleeping soundly, he asked everybody who thought they were going to heaven to stand up.  Everyone stood up except the sleeping man.  The preacher smiled slyly, told everyone to be seated, and then in a low voice said, "Now, everybody who thinks he's going to hell" -- he paused, and then shouted -- "STAND UP!"

The sleeping man awoke and jumped to his feet.  He looked around and saw that everybody else was seated, looked at the minister, and said, "I don't know what we're voting on, preacher, but it appears that you and me lost."

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PASSING IT ON:  A young preacher was working with a congregation at which one man, every Sunday, would have something negative to say.  It didn't matter what the preacher spoke on, this man always criticized it.  One Sunday he said, "That's about the sorriest sermon I ever heard."

The next Sunday the man came by and said, "Do you call that a sermon?"

The third Sunday he said, "That is about the nearest nothing sermon I think I ever heard."

The preacher got so upset that he went to the elders and said, "Gentlemen, every Sunday this man has some negative comment to make about my preaching."

One of them said, "Oh, don't pay any attention to him.  He's just a half-wit.  All he can say is what he repeats from other people..."

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FULL OF HOT AIR:  A church, desiring to keep up with the times, removed the paper towel racks in their bathrooms and replaced them with electric hand dryers.  The very next week somebody put a little note on one of the devices that read, "Punch this button for a brief recorded message from our preacher."

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WRONG NUMBER:  One Sunday morning the preacher got up and was looking through the paper, reading the death notices, and lo and behold, there was his name.  He thought, "I wonder if the elders have seen it?"
He got on the phone and called one of them, and said, "Have you read the morning paper yet?"

The elder said, "Yes, sir."

The preacher said, "Did you see my name in the death notices?"

The elder said, "Yes, I did.  Where are you calling from?"

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ANSWER:  The Chaldeans stole shovels and spoons from the Hebrews -- II Kings 25:13-14 "And, the pillars of brass... did the Chaldeans break in pieces, and carried the brass of them to Babylon.  And the pots, and the shovels, and the snuffers, and the spoons, ...took they away."

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Good Morning:  It's Monday September 3, 2001!

BIRTHDAYS:  Violin maker Nicolo Amiti, 1596; Louis Sullivan (American architect who pioneered the skyscraper), 1856;  Alan Ladd, 1913; Kitty Carlisle, 1915; Aliki (full name:  Aliki Liacouras Brandenberg, children's author), 1920; Mort Walker (American cartoonist and creator of "Beetle Bailey"), 1923;  Anne Jackson, 1926; Eileen Brennan, 1937; Valerie Perrine, 1943; Charlie Sheen, 1965.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1189 Richard the Lion-Hearted was crowned king of England (I am not sure, but I think Bobby Roney was at the coronation...)

On or near this date in 1609 Henry Hudson sailed his vessel, HALF MOON, into New York Harbor.

On this date in 1777 the newly adopted Stars and Stripes were carried into battle for the first time as an American brigade ambushed British troops at Cooch's Bridge near Glasgow, Delaware.  George Washington's brief encounter with General Sir William Howe's troops came during the British advance on Philadelphia.  It was the only skirmish in Delaware during the Revolution.

On this date in 1783 the American Revolution formally ended when Great Britain and the U.S. signed the Treaty of Paris.

On this date in 1882 the first municipal electric power station was built by Thomas Edison in New York City (the Pearl Street Station).

On this date in 1888 George Eastman patented his roll film camera and registered his Kodak name.

On this date in 1894 Labor Day first became a legal holiday.

On this date in 1895 the first professional football game took place in Latrobe, PA.

On this date in 1930 the first electric train, one of Thomas Edison's last inventions, began service between Hoboken and Montclair in New Jersey.

On this date in 1939 Great Britain and France officially declared war against Germany.

On this date in 1940 color television was demonstrated for the first time.

On this date in 1970 hailstones the size of grapefruits fell on Coffeyville, KS.  (I used to live near [and still have friends who live in] Hot Coffee, Mississippi).

On this date in 1976 the U.S. Spacecraft VIKING 2 landed on Mars and took the first close-up photographs of the planet's surface -- the little green men must have been away, because they weren't in the pictures.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The GOLD BIRD of Guiana is eagerly followed by prospectors.  Its favorite haunt is always in the vicinity of a gold mine... The Sea urchin walks on the tip of its teeth... The shelters of white-washed stone still built by Italian harvesters in Bari, Italy, are replicas of the cloth tents, which the Saracens erected while they occupied the land over 1,200 years ago.  Believe it, or not.

TRIVIA:  Who (in the Bible) purified drinking water with salt?

     Here is an old French Proverb to start our workweek on a safe note:  "There are more fools among buyers than among sellers."  Buyer, beware...  Have a nice Monday!

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Thanks to Amy for an old favorite:

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:

God is like BAYER ASPIRIN ...He works miracles.
God is like a FORD ... He's got a better idea.
God is like COKE ... He's the real thing.
God is like HALLMARK CARDS ... He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like TIDE ... He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC ... He brings good things to life.
God is like SEARS ... He has everything.
God is like ALKA-SELTZER ... Try Him, you'll like him.
God is like SCOTCH TAPE ... You can't see him, but you know He's there.
God is like DELTA ... He's ready when you are.
God is like ALLSTATE ... You're in good hands with Him.
God is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY ... He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like DIAL SOAP ... Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody  did?

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Thanks to LBS:  INNER STRENGTH

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then you are probably a cat or a dog.

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Thanks to LBS:  Are You a Potato, an Egg, or a Coffee Bean?

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it.  She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.
Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.

After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup. Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?"

"Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.

"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

"Father, what does this mean?" she asked. He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-- the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?" In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

Which one are you? When problems come (and they will) how will we react?

Will they make us weak, hard hearted or will they cause us to change them into something worthwhile?

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ANSWER:  Elisha purified drinking water with salt -- II Kings 2:20-22 "And he [Elisha] said, Bring me a new cruse, and put salt therein.  And they brought it to him.  And he went forth unto the spring of waters and cast the salt in there, ...So the waters were healed..."

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