BIRTHDAYS: O. Henry, 1862; D. H. Lawrence, 1885; Hedy Lamarr, 1915; Tom Landry, 1924; Alfred Slote, 1926; Bob Packwood, 1932; Brian DePalma, 1940; Lola Falana, 1943; Anthony Browne (children's author), 1946.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1783, shortly after the Treaty of Paris was signed,
wrote to a friend, "There was never a good war or a bad peace."
On this date in 1847 Stephen Foster sold the rights to "Oh, Susanna" to a bartender for a bottle of whiskey so he could celebrate the song's first public performance.
On this date in 1857 Frederick Law Olmsted was appointed superintendent of Central Park in New York City.
On this date in 1862 Sydney Porter was born in Greensboro, North Carolina. Under his pen name, O. Henry, he became a famous author. One of my favorite books, given to me by my mother, is a 1923 First Edition of "Postscripts by O. Henry".
On this date in 1875 the first newspaper cartoon strip, called "Professor Tigwissel's Burglar Alarm," was published in the New York Daily Graphic.
On this date in 1936 The Story Of Ferdinand was published.
On this date in 1981 Nancy Reagan defended her decision to spend $209,508 in donated funds on a 4,732-piece china set. "The White House badly, badly needs china," she explains. "It's badly needed."
On this date in 1985 Pete Rose broke Ty Cobb's long-standing record by getting his 4,192nd base hit.
On this date in 1987, furious over a CBS decision to delay his newscast
to show the end of a women's semi-final tennis match, Dan Rather -- in
Miami to cover the Pope's visit -- walks off the set, causing the network
to "go black" for six minutes after the final set. This same 'journalist'
called the American Public 'spoiled' 'cry-babies' when the Republicans
took the majority in Congress a few years ago.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The Thanksgiving Chapel, aka The Chapel of
Lannelou, near Montauban-de-Bretagne, France, was built by a poor farmer
to mark the spot where he found a spring of water, as he and his cow were
dying of thirst. 21 relatives of the farmer labored with him each
night for 2 1/2 years to build the chapel, and his cow provided enough
milk and butter to feed them all... The Chapel of Oberndorf, Austria was
erected to mark the site where on Christmas Day in 1818 "Silent Night,
Holy Night" was first sung... Jeffery Hudson (1619-1682) served as a captain
of Cavalry in the British Army on combat duty -- yet he was only 18 inches
tall! Believe it, or not.
TRIVIA: Who (in the Bible) slept on an iron bedstead over 13 feet long?
"Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter" (African proverb). Be careful to get both sides of the story before forming any lasting opinions... Have a nice Tuesday!
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"Fainthearted animals move about in herds. The lion walks alone in the desert. Let the poet always walk thus" (Alfred Victor Vigny, 1797 - 1863).
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"Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody's heart" (Anthony J. D'Angelo).
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From Packy Humor -- (We have seen some before, but I enjoy these).
Top 35 Oxymorons (33 after editing) --
35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. Amtrak schedule
19. Military intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
And the No. 1 oxymoron...
1. Microsoft Works
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"It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life" (Sister Elizabeth Kenny, 1880 - 1952).
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"The human heart is vast enough to contain all the world" (Joseph Conrad).
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From a friend: Perspective
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented:
"These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said:
"That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
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"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep" (Woody Allen).
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Here is a Gradowith Poem from May 16, 1997 -- so far as I know, it has never appeared anywhere before. I suppose political correctness was bypassed totally in writing this one, as the words betray a definite stereotype...
Betrayed
Alas,
me gal, me knows not why
Ye left
me here in pain to die
Amid
the squalor of the land
With
vile and wretched beasts to stand.
Ye tore
from me me very heart
In pieces
now 'tis torn apart
To ridicule
ye held me up
And
beat me as a naughty pup.
Me friends
have seen me weeping now
Each
time we meet me head I bow
'Twill
never be the same again
Me life
I'll live in constant pain.
H. L. Gradowith
5-16-1997
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"Without a rich heart wealth is an ugly beggar" (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
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ANSWER: Og, King of Bashan, slept on an iron bedstead over 13 feet long -- Deuteronomy 3:11 -- "For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of the giants; behold, his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man." The common measures of the early Jews are easy to remember, for they are all taken from a man's hand and forearm, literally the handiest sort of measure. Four fingers made one palm; three palms, one span; two spans, one cubit. The finger's breadth was 3/4 of an inch; the palm, three inches; the span, nine inches; and the cubit, eighteen inches. The span was the distance from the tip of the thumb to the tip of the little finger when the hand was stretched to its limit. The cubit (latin, cubitus, elbow) was the distance from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. A bedstead nine cubits long would then be thirteen and a half inches long.
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Good Morning: It's Wednesday September 12, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Richard March Hoe (American inventor of the rotary press used in modern newspaper printing), 1812; H. L. Mencken, 1880; Jesse Owens, 1913; George Jones, 1931; Linda Gray, 1941; Peter Scolari, 1954; Deron Cherry, 1959; Timothy Hardaway, 1966.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1732 Benjamin Franklin began publication of his POOR RICHARD'S ALMANACK under the pen name of Richard Saunders. Among the "scraps from the table of wisdom" that he offers his readers are these adages: "Never put off till tomorrow that which you can do today," and "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
On this date in 1846 English poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett were married.
On this date in 1866 THE BLACK CROOK premiered in New York City. It was the first American presentation to feature beautiful 'showgirls'.
On this date in 1910 Alice Stebbins Wells, the first woman police officer in the United States, was sworn in by the Los Angeles Police Department.
On this date in 1940 the Lascaux Cave Paintings in France were discovered by 4 boys and a pet dog.
On this date in 1953 Nikita Krushchev became the First Secretary of the U.S.S.R.'s Communist Party.
On this date in 1959 the USSR's LUNA 2 was launched. It became the first space probe to land on the moon.
On this date in 1974 Shirley Temple, former child movie star, became U.S. ambassador to Ghana, West Africa.
On this date in 1976 53-year old Minnie Minoso of the Chicago White Sox became the oldest player in major league baseball history to get a hit in a game.
On this date in 1984 President Reagan, campaigning in New York, said: "The main difference between us and the other side is, we see an America where every day is the Fourth of July, and they see an America where every day is April 15th."
On this date in 1988 Steve Friedman, producer of USA TODAY: THE TELEVISION SHOW -- a daily TV version of the newspaper, said: "We're taking television into the next decade. Twenty-five years from now, people will look back at this show and call it one of the most influential shows in television." They may, but I don't even remember watching one episode!
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Tita Piaz (1879-1948), famed Alpine guide of Cortina, Italy climbed the forbidding Winkler Tower -- 9,000 feet of sheer rock -- with his 5-year-old son strapped to his back! Piaz -- who had climbed steep Vajolet Tower 300 times without a mishap -- died in a fall from a bicycle... The following epitaph appeared on a tombstone in Storrington, England -- "Here lies my poor wife, Without bed or blanket, But dead as a doornail, Heaven be thanked"... The largest market place in Erupte is located at Treuburg, Prussia. It covers 17 1/2 acres! Believe it, or not.
TRIVIA: Where (in the Bible) is manicuring commanded for a bride?
Here's one to think about: "What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road" (William Least Heat Moon).
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We have seen something similar to this one from Packy Humor: You Might Be In A Redneck Church If...
People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"
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"It does no harm just once in a while to acknowledge that the whole country isn't in flames, that there are people in the country besides politicians, entertainers, and criminals" - Charles Kuralt, 1934 - 1997).
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Thanks to JLH: I hate my job..
When you have an "I hate my job" day try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.
You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip." Be very sure that you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,
"I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company."
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"The road to a friend's house is never long" (Danish proverb).
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A heretofore unpublished Gradowith Poem --
My
Thanks
Oh,
how kind was she
To send
a card to me
To brighten
up my way
On this
my special day.
Long
will I remember
Her
kind words, true and tender,
'Tis
the thought that counts', they say,
Her
thought hath made my day.
H.
L. Gradowith
05-05-97
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And the wind shall say: Here were decent godless people. Their only monument the asphalt road. And a thousand lost golf balls" (T. S. Eliot, 1885 - 1968).
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From KleanLaughs:
Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the podium and, gathering the entire crowd's attention said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife."
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother." The crowed burst into laugher and he gave his speech which went over well. About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy for him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years in my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
His congregation gasped. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to remember the second half of the joke, he finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
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ANSWER: Deuteronomy 21:11-12 "And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;" -- The word translated "pare" means (in Hebrew) "make" or "dress".
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