HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN SMITH!!!
Today is Dictionary Day!
BIRTHDAYS: Noah Webster, 1758; Oscar Wilde, 1854; David Ben-Gurion, 1886; Eugene O'Neill, 1888; photographer Paul Strand, 1890; Angela Lansbury, 1925; Suzanne Somers, 1946; Melissa Belote, 1956; Manute Bol, 1962.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1793 Marie "Let them eat cake" Antoinette was beheaded.
On this date in 1846 the first surgical operation using ether as an anesthetic was performed in Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston.
On this date in 1859 abolitionist John Brown staged a raid on the U.S. arsenal at Harper's Ferry, Virginia.
On this date in 1983 Larry Flynt, Hustler Magazine publisher, announced his candidacy for President.
On this date in 1984 Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa won the Nobel Peace Prize.
On this date in 1987 the stock market dropped 108.36 points, the biggest one-day drop in history.
On this date in 1988 Misha Bear and Mickey Mouse entertained children in Moscow -- back then, that was big news.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A Fiddler's epitaph in Hadleigh, England -- Stephen and time Are now both even Stephen beat time Now time beat Stephen... Wood's Hospital in Kirkton, Scotland, built in 1665 with a bequest by Sir Andrew Wood, for 292 years has accommodated only needy families named Wood... The Kiwi is the only bird in nature with weak eyes. Believe it, or not.
TRIVIA: When (in the Bible) did a ferry boat ply across the Jordan River?
Another birthday ditty: "Pleas'd to look forward, pleas'd to look behind, And count each birthday with a grateful mind." Alexander Pope, 1688 - 1744.
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From our archives -- From "Warm Fuzzy Stories" --
Only A Mother . . .
* Can listen to the same knock-knock joke 27 times without hollering "Nobody's Home."
* Will play Scrabble with a kid who thinks "cookie" begins with "k."
* Will unwind 56 feet of toilet paper so her little darling can have the empty roll to make a Mother's Day present.
* Knows the exact temperature a crayon will melt on the dashboard.
* Will try to hide a leafy green vegetable in a cookie.
* Knows the secret to happy grocery shopping with a toddler... visit the bakery aisle first and plug his lips with a big cream horn.
* Can cherish the 1,000th bleating of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" from a budding violinist.
* Sees a Picasso in those scribbles decorating the fridge.
* Knows all the verses to "This Old Man."
* Can deal out emergency lunch money from the dryer lint filter.
* Is limber enough to wrestle a fitted sheet onto the top bunk bed.
* Invests fifty dollars in stale macaroons to help send the French Club to Disneyland.
* Will attempt to grow hydroponic tomatoes in one night for a last-minute science project.
* Can see across town and locate a missing shoe from her office desk phone.
* Seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
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Thanks to JLH for more: Ways to tell if you are a Redneck
151. Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
152. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
153. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
154. You mow your lawn and find a car.
155. You can spit without opening your mouth.
156. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
158. You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
159. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
160. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
161. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
162. You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest."
163. You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
164. You've never paid for a haircut.
165. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
166. There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
167. You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood."
168. You've ever made change in the offering plate.
169. The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
170. You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
171. You own at least 20 baseball hats.
172. You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
173. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
174. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
175. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
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Thanks to LBS: Out of the mouths of babes...
Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They agreed. After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
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An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
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A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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ANSWER: A ferry boat, in the days of King David -- II Sam. 19:16-18 -- made its way across the Jordan: "And Shimei came down with the men of Judah to meet king David...and they went over Jordan before the king. And there went over a ferry boat to carry over the king's household, and to do what he thought good."
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