BIRTHDAYS: William Herschel (German-born English astronomer who discovered the planet Uranus), 1738; Georgia O'Keeffe, 1887; Erwin Rommel (German general), 1891; David McCord (children's author and poet), 1898; Judge Joseph Wapner, 1919; Ed Asner, 1929; Petula Clark, 1932; John Coleman, 1935; Sam Waterson, 1940.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1777 the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation. It would take another four years for them to be completely ratified.
On this date in 1806 Pike's Peak was sighted by Zebulon Montgomery Pike. Before he could get to its base to climb it, however, he was arrested by Spanish authorities for trespassing on Spanish territory. He didn't climb the mountain. But Pike's Peak in Colorado still bears his name, and this was the day he first saw it.
On this date in 1864 Union soldiers under the command of General William Sherman burned the city of Atlanta.
On this date in 1896 Niagara Falls was first used to generate power, for the city of Buffalo, N.Y.
On this date in 1907 the "Mutt and Jeff" comic strip first appeared.
On this date in 1920 the League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva.
On this date in 1926 the first radio network, NBC, began broadcasting over 25 stations from New York to Kansas City.
On this date in 1937 the U.S. Senate and House were air-conditioned but, with all that hot air, the system's been fighting a losing battle ever since!
On this date in 1939 President Franklin D. Roosevelt laid the cornerstone for the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.
On this date in 1981 John W. Hinckley, Jr., suffered minor neck injuries during a failed attempt to hang himself with an army field jacket.
On this date in 1988 Massachusetts senator John Kerry told the following joke: "The Secret Service is under orders that if Bush is shot, to shoot Quayle." Not everyone was amused, and he quickly had to issue an apology.
On this date in 1988 also talk show host Oprah Winfrey wheeled out a wheelbarrow loaded with 65 pounds of fat to better demonstrate how much weight she has lost.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Some more biblical measurements -- Hin, 1/6 bath, = 6 pints; Homer, 10 baths, = 90 gallons; Koros, = 114 gallons; Log, = 0.5 pint; Measure, = 9 gallons; Mile (milion), = 1,618 yards; Mina, 50 shekels, = 1.6 pounds; Mite, = 1/8 cent.
TRIVIA: Who prophesied that a pelican and a porcupine would sing together?
May we never be as this man...
"And
I always voted at my party's call,
And
I never thought of thinking for myself at all"
(Sir
William S. Gilbert, H.M.S. Pinafore).
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From our archive -- Thanks to L.M. for this one -- MEMORY
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great."
"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
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Thanks to a friend for these...
Attending Church
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
*****
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
*****
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
*****
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's
Pontius-the Pilot.
*****
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
*****
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
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From a friend:
"I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it." --Steven Wright
***
"Here at First National, you're not just a number - you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number." --Unknown
***
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
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From a friend:
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river.
The following Sunday his widow, all dressed in black, was standing on the church steps after the funeral, receiving condolences, when an old friend of the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your loss," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Zephaniah preached that sermon -- Zeph. 2:14 (R.V.) -- "...both the pelican and the porcupine shall lodge in the capitals thereof; their voice shall sing in the windows;..." The KJV has "cormorant and bittern".
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Good Morning: It's Friday November 16, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: W.C. Handy, 1873; Fibber McGee, 1896; Burgess Meredith, 1909; Jean Fritz (children's author), 1915; Gene Littler, 1920; Bob Gibson, 1931; Elizabeth Drew, 1935; John White, 1946; Harvey Martin, 1950; Dwight Gooden, 1964; Lisa Bonet, 1967.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1532 the Incan empire fell. Spanish explorer Francisco Pizarro took the Incan emperor Atahualpa prisoner and demanded a ransom of gold for his life. The Incas paid the ransom, but Pizarro murdered his prisoner "in the name of Christianity."
On this date in 1864 General William Sherman made his "march to the Sea".
On this date in 1901 an automobile was first driven faster than a mile-a-minute (that is, 60 mph).
On this date in 1907 Oklahoma became the 46th state.
On this date in 1933 the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. established diplomatic relations with each other.
On this date in 1969 moon rocks first went on public display, in New York City's Museum of Natural History.
On this date in 1973 President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill authorizing construction of a Trans-Alaskan Oil Pipeline.
On this date in 1973 the record for the most Bingo Cards played simultaneously was set by Robert Berg, who had 30 seconds between calls to check his 346 cards.
On this date in 1982 the eight-week National Football League players' strike ended. It is estimated that the strike cost the parties concerned about 450 million dollars.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: More Biblical Measurements -- Omer, 1/10 ephah, = 38.5 pints; Pace, = 1 yard; Palm, = 3 inches; Pot, = 1 pint; Pound (litra), = 7.5 pounds; Quadrans, 1/4 cent; Quart, = 1.7 pints; Reed, 6 cubits, = 8 feet, 9 inches.
TRIVIA: In what 3 places in the Bible are peacocks mentioned?
A nice thought -- "Let me tell you I am better acquainted with you for a long absence, as men are with themselves for a long affliction: absence does but hold off a friend, to make one see him the truer" (Alexander Pope, 1688 - 1744).
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From our archive -- From MailBits.com:
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
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Thanks to C.J. Email him at [email protected] to receive the SUSQUEHANNA SENTINEL in your email...
HOW TO HELP YOUR PREACHER
Did you hear about the chain letter, "Are you tired of your preacher? If so, bundle him up and send him to the church at the top of the list. In just two weeks, you will receive 1,206 preachers. Of that number, one or two should be real dandies. WARNING! Do not break the chain. One church did and got its old preacher back."
We can laugh at the above. Yet, churches should realize it is sometimes easier to keep a pretty good preacher than to find another. Many leaders are coming to realize that strong churches are not built by preachers of short tenure. Most members honestly want to help their preacher to do and be better. If you do, here are some suggestions.
ACCEPT HIM AS HE IS. Acceptance is so necessary in the most vital of human relationships. We know we cannot demand perfection in our mate, our co-workers or our friends. Let’s give the preacher the same consideration.
ACCEPT HIS HUMANITY. Probably, your preacher will make mistakes. In fact, there is no way he can keep from it. IF he sins, forgive him. If he offends you or someone else, give him the benefit of the doubt. Forgive him completely if he repents. Don’t treat him on the basis of his past mistakes. Allow him the same benefit of the doubt you allow other people.
PRAYER IS USUALLY MORE EFFECTIVE THAN CRITICISM. Gossip is complaining to someone who can do nothing about the situation. If you have a problem with the preacher, why not talk to him instead of someone else. Above all, talk to God about the problem. If only ten critics would agree to spend as much time praying as they do complaining, how much better would the preaching be?
GENUINELY ENCOURAGE HIM WHEN POSSIBLE. It is easy to adopt the attitude of the old man whose wife complained he never said he loved her. "I told you the day we got married. If I change my mind, I will let you know." Yet, even a dog needs an occasional pat on the head. Don’t flatter, don’t be dishonest, but do encourage your preacher when you can.
DON’T BEGRUDGE HIM AN OCCASIONAL BREAK. Preachers need a vacation. Even if he does some preaching while away, don’t be surprised. It does him good to preach to some different people occasionally. He is your preacher, but he works for the Lord and in a sense he serves the universal church.
DEMAND EXCELLENCE FROM HIM. There is no excuse for unprepared preaching. There is no excuse for a lack of study. If he is not constantly learning, he is dying.
Encourage good preaching and ministry. By approving his excellence, he will work even harder. Sometimes people say, "I believe your preaching is getting better." They should, because every preacher should be constantly improving.
You don’t have to answer a chain letter to get a better preacher. Work with the one you have. --Ancil Jenkins via Market St., Athens, AL
*****
Thanks again to C.J. -- HE PACKED A LIBRARY
A story was told of a young man who was preparing to take a long trip. He told his friend, "I am just about packed I have to put in: a guide book, a mirror, a microscope, a lamp, a telescope, volume of fine poetry, a package of old letters, a few biographies, a book of psalms, a sword, a hammer, a set of books I've been studying."
You can't get all that in your bag said his friend. "Oh! yes, I can he replied," and with that he placed his Bible in the corner of his suit case and closed the lid. --Unknown
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Thanks to Joel Hendon ([email protected]) and his HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH EZINE -- I highly recommend his free publication!
One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you!
Anywhere is within walking distance, if you've got the time.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Don't forget, National Atheism Day: April 1st.
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From LameJokes -- A Dirty Trick
A guy
walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing
at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes
with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts
spraying scent all over them.
His
curiosity getting the better of him, so he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer..."
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Peacocks are mentioned in I Kings 10:22; II Chronicles 9:21; and Job 39:13.
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Good Morning: It's Saturday November 17, 2001!
A Special Happy Birthday to Mary Elmore!
BIRTHDAYS: August Ferdinand Mobius (German mathematician and astronomer), 1790; Soichiro Honda, 1906; Shelby Foote, 1916; Billy Graham, 1918; Rock Hudson, 1925; Bob Mathias, 1930; Gordon Lightfoot, 1939; Martin Scorsese, 1942; Danny DeVito, 1944; Lauren Hutton, 1944; Tom Seaver, 1944.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1534 the Act of Supremacy, which declared Henry VIII as head of the Church of England, was passed by the British Parliment.
On this date in 1558 Elizabeth I ascended to the British throne after the death of Queen Mary I.
On this date in 1800 congress convened for the first time in Washington, D.C.
On this date in 1851 the first postage stamps depicting the American eagle were issued.
On this date in 1855 Dr. David Livingstone came across Victoria Falls along the Zambezi River.
On this date in 1869 the Suez Canal opened.
On this date in 1956 football great Jim Brown set an NCAA scoring record of 43 points for Syracuse against Colgate University. Brown scored six touchdowns and kicked seven extra points.
On this date in 1959 synthetic diamonds were first commercially manufactured by De Beers in South Africa.
On this date in 1966 during a huge meteor shower, 50,000 meteors were observed over Arizona in a 20-minute period.
On this date in 1969 the S.A.L.T. talks began in Helsinki, Norway.
On this date in 1970 the Soviet Union's Lunokhod 1, a solar-powered eight-wheel robot, became the first vehicle to travel along the moon's surface.
On this date in 1993 the U.S. House of Representatives approved the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) by a 238 to 200 vote margin.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: More biblical measurement conversions -- Saton, = 21 pints; Seah, = 13 pints; Shekel (royal), = 0.5 ounce; Shekel (common), = 0.4 ounce; Shekel (temple), 1/2 or 1/3 Shekel, = 0.2 ounce; Span, 1/2 cubit, = 9 inches; Talent (light), 3,000 shekels, = 66 pounds; Talent, 125 libra, = 88 pounds.
TRIVIA: In the Bible, who made 5 golden mice?
Here is an "old saying" with a few miles left on it -- "Many a man saves everything except his own soul." May that never be the case with us. Have a nice Saturday!
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From CLEAN LAFFS (http://www.cleanlaffs.com)
In the news...
During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time -- usually on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge."
***
While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway." [Stolen discreetly from Reader's Digest.]
***
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in money. I read this in his last bill, 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250.'"
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From our archive -- Thanks very much to L.M. for these:
If all the cars in the U.S. were placed end to end it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
A diplomat is one who can tell a man he is open minded when he really means he has a hole in his head.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
The poor, who need money the most, are the very ones that never have it.
When a calf leaves home, does that mean that papa bull and mama cow are decalfinated?
Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows.
It is best to do things systematically, since we are only human, and disorder is our worst enemy.
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
In arguing the shadow, we forget the substance.
My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.
Perpetual Motion: What distinguishes a politician's mouth from everyone else's.
The first of April, some do say, Is set apart for All Fools Day. But why the people call it so, Nor I nor they themselves do know.
If the American people ever lose understanding of the origin, purpose and intent of laws, we will lose our freedom. Abraham Lincoln.
Silence is as full of potential wisdom as the unhewn marble of great sculpture.
Life is like a tin of sardines------We're all looking for the key.
Our Scientific power has outrun our Spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
Common-sense is the understanding that it is the individual committing the crime, that is the criminal, not the gun or the law-abiding citizen.
COMMUNISM: Liberalism taken just a bit too far.
There is no rule worth the paper that it is written on if it is not enforced.
From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.
A "Christian" nation would not permit abortion and forbid prayer anywhere!
When I hear someone say that "Life is hard," I ask, "Compared to what?"
No-fat cookies aren't so bad if you eat five or six at a time.
Three things are good in little measure, and evil in large: Yeast, salt and hesitation.
One golfer to the other, "Just think how well I'd be playing if I weren't to sick to go to church today."
If a man speaks in a forest, and no woman is there to correct him, is he still wrong?
My wife ask; "What's with you anyway? Is it ignorance or apathy?!" I answered, "I don't know and I don't care".
Lessons in Aquadynamics: As watercrafts go, the canoe is about as stable as a Hollywood marriage.
Love is never difficult. When we think it is, we are loving ourselves too passionately.
Even after a bad harvest there must be sowing.
I was futher out than you thought, and was not waving but drowning.
You'll always reap just what you sow, every week the same ol' tale. Some folks sow their bad seeds all week long, then on Sunday pray for their crops to fail.
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Wrong Motives For Worship
Some people regard church only as a place to go to meet their friends, to show off their new clothes, and to become friendly with well-known members of the congregation. They remind me of the story about a woman who lived in Washington D.C., and belonged to a church often frequented by the president. One day she called the (preacher) of (her) church and asked, "Do you expect the president to be in church next Sunday?"
"I cannot
promise you that," replied the preacher, "but I expect God to be there,
and I believe that should be sufficient incentive for attendance."
Author
Unknown
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Thanks to Amy --
CHICAGO - The war on terrorism took a strange and sad turn Friday as airline officials at O'Hare International Airport refused to let a 73 year old grandmother board her plane because she had in her possession two, six inch knitting needles. Apparently authorities were worried that she might knit an Afghan.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: The Philistines (I Samuel 6:1-18) made 5 golden mice.
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Good Morning: It's Sunday November 18, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Inventor Louis Daguerre, 1789; Eugene Ormandy (Hungarian-born conductor), 1899; George Gallup, 1901; Imogene Coca, 1908; Johnny Mercer, 1909; Alan Shepard, 1923; Dorothy Collins, 1926; Mickey Mouse, 1928; author Margaret Atwood, 1939; Brenda Vaccaro, 1939; Linda Evans, 1942; Warren Moon, 1956.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1307, according to legend, William Tell was forced to shoot an apple off his son's head by an Austrian bailiff.
On this date in 1820 U.S. Navy Captain Nathaniel B. Palmer "discovered" Antarctica.
On this date in 1836 W.S. Gilbert, of Gilbert and Sullivan, was born.
On this date in 1865 Mark Twain's first piece of fiction was published in the "New York Saturday Press". It was called "The Celebrated Jumping From of Calaveras County."
On this date in 1870 a piece of "mail" was carried by pigeon from England to France.
On this date in 1883 Standard Time Zones were adopted in the U.S.
On this date in 1894 the first Sunday Newspaper Comic Section appeared in the New York World.
On this date in 1928 Mickey Mouse made his debut.
On this date in 1971 the hunting of animals from airplanes was made a federal crime... go figure.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: In the Old Testament, horse-drawn chariots were used by armies and nobility. Carts drawn by donkeys were used on farms. In New Testament Times, when roads were much better, a variety of chariots were popular. People who could afford it traveled in litters on the narrow city streets. Litters were couches with a framework that had curtains to conceal the traveler. The litter rested on poles which were carried by men or sometimes by horses. (Source: The Everyday World of the Bible, BIBLE ALMANAC).
TRIVIA: Where in the Bible can one read of sea-monsters suckling their young?
With a little reservation, here is a good one... "The man who never alters his opinions is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind" (William Blake, 1757 - 1827).
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"A small town is a place where everyone known everything, but they get the paper anyway to see if the editor got it right..." Unknown
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"There is never a night or a problem that can defeat the sunrise or hope. Never fear shadows; they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere." Unknown
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From our archive -- Thanks to L.M. for these:
Blessed is the man that can say that the boy he was would be proud of the man he is.
Open-mindedness is not the same as empty-mindedness.
The milk of human kindness should never be bottled up.
Peace is not needing to know what will happen next.
Kindness is becoming at any age.
The worst fault of a motorist is his belief that he has none.
The best thing to hold onto in today's world is each other.
A little oil will save a great deal of friction.
Self is the only prison you that can ever bind the soul.
The best time to reconcile is at once.
Everybody wants to live longer, but no one wants to get old.
Giving is an exercise that makes a healthy heart.
We should be content with what we have but never with what we are.
You can not get ahead while you are getting even.
We are measured by what we finish, not by what we start.
See all, overlook much, improve all that you possibly can.
If you can't have what you want, be content with something like it.
It is better to be respected than to be liked.
Success is the ability to get along with some people and ahead of others.
Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.
Just speak the truth and others will seek your wisdom.
If God is with you, you can go far.
There are two things you give your children, roots and wings.
Swallow your pride occasionally...it's non-fatting.
Those long remembered by everyone are not the richest, but the kindest.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in your own sunshine.
Room for improvement is the largest room in the world.
Beauty may fade; but nature never does.
Above all things, give the gift of love.
People who expect the worst usually find it.
You're not a failure if you fall down, but you are if you stay down.
Make as many allowances for your friend's imperfections as you do for your own.
If you fail to prevent, don't fail to repent.
Forbidden fruit, if consumed, puts you in a bad jam.
The hardest part of any job is getting started.
Not everything that counts can be counted.
A ton of regret never made an ounce of difference.
We are all open pages in the eye of God.
It is never too late to be what you could have been.
Lost time is never found.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Most problems are caused by the vocal cords.
Many big losses come from small neglects.
Smart people speak from experience; smarter people, from experience, don't speak.
No one ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.
Sincerity is never a criterion for truth.
That which is beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful.
The longer we carry a grudge the heavier it becomes.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.
Never fear shadows...they simply mean that there is a light shining near by.
A man's character is like a fence...it cannot be strengthened with whitewash.
It seems like income is something we cannot live without or within.
It's not how far you fall, but your ability to bounce back.
Label jars...not people.
To profit from good advice may require as much wisdom as to give it.
The only time you must not fail is the last time you try.
Give not unto others the advice you do not heed yourself.
There's no harm staying youthful as long as you grow spiritually.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could lose our temper and never find it?
Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions... they're easier to handle than dumb mistakes.
Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
If I stop to think BEFORE I speak, I won't have to worry afterward about what I said before.
When
the Bible speaks, discussion is useless;
When
the Bible is silent, discussion ends.
Change the contents of your heart and you will alter the droppings of your mouth.
Do unto others as though you were the others.
GIFTS
TO GIVE
-To
your enemy, forgiveness
-To
an opponent, fairness
-To
a friend, honesty
-To
a customer, service
-To
the depressed, comfort
-To
the aged, honor
-To
the needy, a helping hand
-To
all men, charity
-To
every child, a good example
-To
your spouse, love
-To
yourself, respect
-To
God, your life
Always
drive so that your license will expire before you do.
The only way to settle a disagreement is on the basis of what's right--not who's right.
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ANSWER: Lamentations 4:3 tells of sea-monsters suckling their young -- "Even the sea-monsters draw out the breast, they give suck to their young ones..." RV has jackals.
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