Good Morning:
It's Thursday May 3, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Mary Astor, 1906;
Earl Wilson, 1907; Pete Seegar, 1919; James Brown, 1934; Gerry Dorsey (Englebert
Humperdinck), 1936; Frankie Valli, 1937; Doug Henning, 1947.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1469 Niccolo Machiavelli
was born. Born in Florence, Italy, Machiavelli wrote that morality
had to yield to political power.
On this date in 1765 the first
U.S. medical school was founded. It is now called the University
of Pennsylvania.
On this date in 1898 Golda Meir
was born.
On this date in 1907 U.S. Chief
Justice Evans Hughes said: "The Constitution is what the judges say
it is."
On this date in 1933 Nellie Taylor
was sworn in as the first female director of the U.S. Mint.
On this date in 1979 Margaret Thatcher
became England's first female Prime Minister.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The white
shark has a perpetual appetite. No matter how much it eats, it is
always hungry... A jellyfish that has been dead for months can still sting
you if you walk on it in bare feet... The lobster always burrows tail first.
TRIVIA: Can you guess the
famous names of the following folks? A. Ellis McDaniel; B. Krekor
Ohanian; C. Edward Bridge Danson III; D. Shelton Lee; E. Sarah Ophelia
Colley Cannon.
Birthday-boy
Earl Wilson provides our quote this morning: "For the parents of
a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings."
Judging from the way some of those parents behave in the stands, I might
agree... On to the real stuff.
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend: The Silversmith
Some time ago, a few ladies met
to study the scriptures. While reading the third chapter of Malachi, they
came upon a remarkable statement in the third verse: "And He shall sit
as a refiner and purifier of silver..." (Malachi 3:3a).
One lady decided to visit a silversmith,
and report to the others on what he said about the subject. She went accordingly,
and without telling him the reason for her visit, begged the silversmith
to tell her about the process of refining silver. After he had fully described
it to her, she asked, "Sir, do you sit while the work of refining is going
on."
"Oh, yes ma'am," replied the silversmith;
"I must sit and watch the furnace constantly, for, if the time necessary
for refining is exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."
The lady at once saw the beauty
and comfort of the statement, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of
silver."
God sees it necessary to put His
children into the furnace; but His eye is steadily intent on the work of
purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner
for us. Our trials do not come at random, and He will not let us be tested
beyond what we can endure.
Before she left, the lady asked
one final question, "How do you know when the process is complete?"
"That's quite simple," replied
the silversmith. When I can see my own image in the silver, the refining
process is finished."
*******************************************************
Thanks to M/M Riverrats:
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do
anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a
lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother
doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally,
Mother doesn't know anything.
16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother?
She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman?
She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might
know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide,
let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom
would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could
talk it over with Mom
*******************************************************
From a friend: Ten Step Guide
To Being Handy Around The House
1. If you can't find a screwdriver,
use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An
audience is rarely any help.
3. Above all, if what you've
done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever
you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close
to the refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get
a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old.
6. Stay simple minded: Get
a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try
turning the switch "on" ; or just paint over it.
7. Always take credit for
miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart
and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
8. Regardless of what people
say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level,
it is level.
10. If at first you don't succeed,
redefine success.
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB:
What is the shortest chapter in
the Bible? (Answer - Psalm 117)
What is the longest chapter in
the Bible? (Answer - Psalm 119)
Which chapter is in the center
of the Bible (Answer - Psalm 118)
Fact: There are 594 chapters before
Psalm 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after
Psalm 118
Add these numbers up and you get
1188
What is the center verse in the
Bible? (Answer - Psalm 118:8)
Does this verse say something significant
about God's perfect will for our lives? The next time someone says
they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they
want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His
Word!
*******************************************************
Thanks again to AB: The Wet
Rabbit
A woman walks into a vet's waiting
room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want
to be there. "Sit, Fluffy," she says. Fluffy glares at her and sopping
wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said 'SIT'! Now there's a good
Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats
in the middle of the room and pees. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts,
"Darn it Fluffy, will you be good?!" Fluffy then starts a fight with a
Doberman and pursues it out of the office.
As the woman leaves to go after
it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says,
"Pardon me, I've just washed my
hare and I can't do a thing with it!"
*******************************************************
Thanks to M/M Riverrats:
The magician and the parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week and he did the same tricks over and
over again. One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once
he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's
not the same hat! Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table.
Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades? The magician was furious
but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then
one day the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood
in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They
stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on
for a day and then another and then another. Finally on the fourth day,
the parrot could not hold back: OK, I give up. Where's the ship?
*******************************************************
ANSWER: A. Bo Diddley; B.
Mike Connors; C. Ted Danson; D. Spike Lee; E. Minnie Pearl.
*******************************************************
Back
To Gradowiths Homepage!