Good Morning:
It's Thursday May 10, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Composer Dimitri
Tiomkin, 1894; Fred Astaire, 1899; David O. Selznick, 1902; pediatrician
T. Berry Brazleton, 1918; Nancy Walker, 1922; Ara Parseghian, 1923; Gary
Owens, 1936; Rony Seikaly, 1965.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1869 the Golden
Spike was driven in Promontory, Utah to complete the first transcontinental
railroad.
On this date in 1933 a group of
fanatics thought they could kill some ideas by burning some books.
The German Nazis burned all the books of which they disapproved -- some
20,000 of them.
On this date in 1940 Winston Churchill
became Prime Minister of Great Britain.
On this date in 1994 Nelson Mandela
was sworn in as South Africa's first native-African president.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Fred Astaire
was allergic to feathers... Ivory soap babies who went on to big things
include Brook Sheilds and musician Dr. John... Josephine Esther Mentzer
underwent a cosmetic name-change to Estee Lauder.
TRIVIA: Walt Disney received
one big Oscar and seven small Oscars at the 1938 Academy Awards.
What were they for?
Birthday-boy
Fred Astaire said, "The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners
without seeing any." Give it some thought...
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Thanks to a friend: Travel
Agent Stories
The following are actual stories
provided by travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle
seat on the plane so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near
the window.
A client called in inquiring about
a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked "Would
it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted
to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the
passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make
you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make
her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts,
Capetown is in Africa." Her response...click.
A man called, furious about a Florida
package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He
said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not
possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied "Don't
lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked
"Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said "No" He said "But they
look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if
he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed
he had a 1 hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent
a car, he said "I heard Dallas was a big airport and I need a car to drive
between the gates to save time."
A nice lady just called. She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am
and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an
hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time
zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked "Do airlines
put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs
to who?" I said "No, why do you ask?" She replied "Well, when I checked
in with the airline they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute
while I looked into it (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained
the city code for Fresno is FAT and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a
man who asked "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly
he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these planes have numbers on them."
A woman called and said "I need
to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant
to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said "Yeah, whatever"
A business man called and had a
question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After
a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one
of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and
every time they have accepted my American Express!"
A woman called to make reservations
"I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at
a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name
of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After
some searching, the agent came back with "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked
up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere"
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
offered "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big
animal" was the reply.
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Thanks to LBS: Company Policy
Start with a cage containing five
apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before
long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.
After awhile, another ape makes an attempt with the same result -- all
the apes are sprayed with cold water.
This continues through several
more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs,
the other apes all try to prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water. Remove
one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the
banana and wants to climb the stairs.
To his horror, all of the other
apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he
tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original
five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs
and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with
enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new
one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes
that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs,
or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
After replacing the fourth and
fifth original apes, all the apes originally sprayed with cold water have
been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.
Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it, and that's the
way it's always been around here.
And that's how company policy begins.
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From Joke-du-jour: "You A
True Elementary School Teacher If..."
1. Do you ask guests if they have
remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?
2. Do you move your dinner partner's
glass away from the edge of the table?
3. Do you ask if anyone needs to
go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?
4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone
who sneezes?
5. Do you refer to happy hour as
"snack time?"
6. Do you declare "no cuts" when
a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line?
7. Do you say "I like the way you
did that" to the mechanic who repairs your car nice?
8. Do you ask "Are you sure you
did your best?" to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?
9. Do you sing the "Alphabet Song"
to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?
10. Do you say everything twice?
I mean, do you repeat everything?
11. Do you fold your spouse's fingers
over the coins as you hand him/her the money at a tollbooth?
12. Do you ask a quiet person at
a party if he has something to share with the group?
* If you answered yes to 4 or more,
it's in your soul--you are hooked on teaching. And if you're not
a teacher, you missed your calling.
* If you answered yes to 8 or more,
well, maybe it's *too much* in your soul--you should probably begin thinking
about retirement.
* If you answered yes to all 12,
forget it -- you'll *always* be a teacher, retired or not!
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ANSWER: "Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs".
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