Good Morning:
It's Wednesday May 09, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Abolitionist John
Brown, 1800; author James Barrie, 1860; Mike Wallace, 1918; Candice Bergen,
1946; Billy Joel, 1949; Tony Gwynn, 1960.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1783 the first
Purple Hearts were awarded to Sergeants Daniel Bissell, William Brown and
Elijah Churchill.
On this date in 1914 President
Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the designation of the first national observance
of Mother's Day.
On this date in 1923 Judge John
C. Knox struck down a law that prevented doctors from prescribing more
than one pint of liquor for each patient every ten days. The New
York Times said that there was "...no reason why a physician, in the legitimate
exercise of his discretion should not hold a man needed a highball or a
glass of wine or beer as a stimulant after a hard day's manual work or
nervous strain."
On this date in 1926 Lt. Commander
Richard E. Byrd flew "near" the North Pole.
On this date in 1944 the first
"eye bank" opened.
On this date in 1961 Newton N.
Minow referred to the quality of television programming as a "vast wasteland."
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Umbrellas
have a life span of two and a half years... Early watches had only one
hand which indicated the hour... Candice Bergen, television’s "Murphy Brown",
was once offered a slot on "60 Minutes".
TRIVIA: What was the shortest
month on record?
Here is
a Dave Madden quote to serve as a warning to us all: "My uncle's
funeral cost five thousand dollars so far. We buried him in a rented
tuxedo." To be forewarned is to be forearmed...
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB: How it really
began...
An old, bearded shepherd with a
crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, "And lo, it came to
pass that the trader by name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young
wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman,
broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot
Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel
far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever
leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as
though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said,
"How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns
and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and
they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale
can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided
he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang
out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he
had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But his
success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret
himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich
Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish
with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one
noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother
William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And
indeed did insist on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother
Gates' drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham,
what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham
looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay," he
said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied,
"Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "Whoopee!" said Abraham.
"No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com...and that is how it all began. It wasn't Al
Gore after all.
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB for another good one:
Some thoughts on Political Correctness
The bible says drunkard. PC says
alcoholic.
The bible says Homosexual. PC says
alternative lifestyle.
The bible says Fornication. PC
says Common Law Marriage.
The bible says Adultery. PC says
having an affair.
The bible says Baby. PC, thanks
to the feminists, says Fetus.
The bible says Murder. PC thanks
again to feminists, says Abortion.
The bible says Jesus is the Way.
PC says in the name of tolerance, there are many ways.
The bible says Love Thy Neighbor.
PC says if you show love, that is sexual harassment.
The bible says Love the Lord your
God. PC says that is a violation of the separation of church and state.
(There is no mention of this in the Constitution, by the way.)
The bible says if you commit a
crime you must be punished. PC says if you commit a crime you must
have been abused as a child
The bible says Christians are the
salt of the earth. PC says that Christians are the only people who should
not be tolerated.. Betty Jo Mings
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Cute story
A little boy came home from Sunday
school and could not remember the name of his new teacher, "But she
was Jesus' grandmother," he added, startling his parents.
"How do you know that?"
"Why," he explained reasonable
enough, "she talked about Him all the time and she kept showing us
those big pictures of Him!"
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend:
A little old man was escorted into
the witness box. After being sworn in, the lawyer asked him to explain
what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the
events leading up to the incident, he finally got around to the meat of
the case, saying "...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."
"Surely that couldn't have caused
you any serious injury?" said the lawyer.
"Are you kidding?" exclaimed the
old man. "It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table!"
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: Live for today
Have you ever wished, when a day
went wrong
a wish that's quite in vain
that it were only possible
to live that day again
You'd start out in the morning
with the prayers you should have
said
and through the days your actions
with tolerance be led
The many little instances
that tried your patience, true
if only you could start again
you'd know now what to do
You'd kneel and say your evening
prayers
and thank the lord above
for all the pleasant hours past
your heart at peace with love
But since this is a wish in vain
and never can be true
there's only one alternative
just one thing you can do
To live today in such a way
that when tomorrow comes
the memories of yesterday
will all be cherished ones.
--By Nita Wheeler
*******************************************************
ANSWER: September, 1752 --
During the switch from the Gregorian to the Julian calendar, eleven days
were dropped from the month. That means absolutely nothing happened
between September 3 and September 13 of that year. That would also
make 1752 the shortest "year" on record.
*******************************************************
Back
To Gradowiths Homepage!