Good Morning:
It's Friday March 2, 2001!
ENON BIRTHDAY: Paula Suggs!
BIRTHDAYS: Sam Houston, 1793;
Dr. Seuss, 1904; Desi Arnaz, 1917; Mikhail Gorbachev, 1931; Tom Wolfe,
1931; John Irving, 1942; Eddie Money, 1949; Laraine Neumann, 1952; Jon
Bon Jovi, 1962.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1836 Texas declared
its independence from Mexico.
On this date in 1877 the Hayes-Tilden
election was decided by a special Congressional commission -- Rutherford
B. Hayes was elected President of the United States.
On this date in 1904 Theodor Geisel
(Dr. Seuss) was born. Kids at schools around the nation are celebrating
it by having his books read to them.
On this date in 1973 the Vietnam
peace treaty was signed in Paris.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Abel and
Baker were the chimpanzees sent into space on May 28, 1959, becoming the
first primates to return to Earth... A rockoon is a rocket and balloon
hybrid used by weathermen to launch measuring instruments sixty miles high...
The Association of Space Explorers is an exclusive 150 member club of space
travelers from eighteen countries who have made at least one orbit around
the earth. If you think you qualify, you can write to them at 35
White Street, San Francisco, CA 94109.
TRIVIA: John Smith was eight
years old on his first birthday. How is that?
Here is
a Jerry Seinfeld (whose program I have never seen all the way through even
once) quote to get us going: 'Nothing in life is "fun for the whole
family'." My sister is scheduled for surgery today, and your prayers
on her behalf would be appreciated. Have a great day! On to
the jokes...
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Thanks to AK for this one:
Heart Surgery
"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon
began, "I'll open up your heart..."
"You'll find Jesus there," the
boy interrupted.
The surgeon looked up, annoyed.
"I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been
done..."
"But when you open up my heart,
you'll find Jesus in there."
The surgeon looked to the parents,
who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your
heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next."
"But you'll find Jesus in my heart.
The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll
find Him in my heart."
The surgeon had had enough. "I'll
tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood
supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."
"You'll find Jesus there too. He
lives there." The surgeon left.
The surgeon sat in his office,
recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary
vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for
cure.
Therapy: painkillers and bed rest.
Prognosis:, " here he paused, "death
within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there
was more to be said.
"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did
You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've
cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The
boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of
My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain,
and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join
him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but
his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart.
He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall
return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with
your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept.
The surgeon sat beside the boy's
bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered,
"Did you cut open my heart?"
"Yes," said the surgeon.
"What did you find?" asked the
boy.
"I found Jesus there," said the
surgeon.
- Author Unknown
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats:
BY ITS COVER
A judge in his golden years decided
that retirement had become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian
at his local library branch.
A week later, his supervisor, a
stern woman in her sixties, called him into her office.
She cleared her throat and said,
"You know, I appreciate that when you were a judge you were stern with
lawbreakers. And you carry that with you to your new job, which is commendable.
But when someone owes an overdue fine, you can't just - "
"I had to throw the book at him,"
said the judge.
"I know," said the librarian, "but
the Oxford English Dictionary?"
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Thanks to JLLH: Texas Talk
1. The engine's runnin' but ain't
nobody driving. (means) Not overly-intelligent
2. As welcome as a skunk at a lawn
party (self-explanatory)
3. Tighter than bark on a tree
(means) Not very generous
4. Big hat, no cattle (means) All
talk and no action
5. We've howdied but we ain't shook
yet (means) We've made a brief acquaintance, but have not been formally
introduced
6. He thinks the sun come up just
to hear him crow (means) He has a pretty high opinion of himself
7. She's got tongue enough for
10 rows of teeth (means) That woman can talk
8. It's so dry the trees are bribin'
the dogs (means) We really could use a little rain around here
9. Just because a chicken has wings
doesn't mean it can fly (means) Appearances can be deceptive.
10. This ain't my first rodeo (means)
I've been around awhile.
11. He looks like the dog's been
keepin' him under the porch (means) Not the most handsome of men
12. They ate supper before they
said grace (means) Living in sin
14. As full of wind as a corn-eating
horse (means) Rather prone to boasting
15. You can put your boots in the
oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits (means) You can say whatever
you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is
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Thanks to LBS: Equation
My niece sent me this:
1 cross
+ 3 nails
________
4 given
Let me try to ADD some meaning.
We don't really know how many nails there were but we can allow 3, BUT,
without our obedience to the words Christ taught, His death becomes meaningless
to us. SO, I would give the equation this way:
1 cross
+ 3 nails
+ 0 bedience
_____________
4 given
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An old one from a friend:
ANSWERS FROM KIDS TO SUNDAY SCHOOL QUESTIONS.......
The first book of the Bible
is Guinness's in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple.
Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt
by day and a ball of fire by night.
Unleavened bread is bread made
with no ingredients.
The seventh commandment is, "thou
shalt not admit adultery."
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle
of Geritol.
Jesus was born because Mary had
an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus were
called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of
the apostles.
Paul preached acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.
David fought the Finkelsteins,
a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
A Christian should have only one
wife. This is called monotony.
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ANSWER: He was born on February
29, 1896. The year 1900 was not a leap year (only centuries divisible
by 400 are leap years) so Smith's first birthday was in 1904.
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