Good Morning: It's Saturday
March 3, 2001!
It is NATIONAL ANTHEM DAY, honoring "The Star-Spangled
Banner".
BIRTHDAYS: Alexander Graham Bell, 1847; Ring Lardner,
1885; Jean Harlow, 1911; Julius Boros, 1920; Princess Radziwill, 1933;
Jackie Joyner-Kersee, 1962; Herschel Walker, 1962.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1634 the first tavern in Boston opened
its doors and its taps.
On this date in 1791 the District of Columbia was organized.
On this date in 1849 the U.S. Congress established the
Home Department, which is now known as the Department of the Interior.
On this date in 1861 Czar Alexander II abolished serfdom
in Russia. He decreed that no individual could force another to work
in exchange for life and little else. The feudal system that had
long been synonymous with peasant life was finally dissolved. No
longer enslaved by landowners and nobles, an individual was free to work
whenever and for whomever he chose; and had the right to be paid for the
labor.
On this date in 1931 the "Star-Spangled Banner", originally
called "The Defense of Fort McHenry", by Francis Scott Key was officially
proclaimed the national anthem of the United States.
On this date in 1969 APOLLO 9 was launched to test the
lunar landing module.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Alexander Graham Bell refused
to keep a phone in his study because the ringing distracted him... Don
Ameche was so renowned for his portrayal of Alexander Graham Bell that
"ameche" became a slang for the telephone... Giraffes make it necessary
for the telephone poles in Kenya and Uganda to be much higher than those
to which we are accustomed.
TRIVIA: When Asa (King of Judah) had a disease
of the feet, what was his mistake concerning it?
Here is a good anonymous quote
to set our "bath-day" in order: "Square bathtubs don't have rings."
OK, I know, we all take baths more than once a week, and as for the "square"...
well -- let's just skip it. On to the professional jokes etc..........
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Thanks to G&LR for what sounds very much like a true
story... Glacier
A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of
hearing blonde jokes, and of how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so
she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her
husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple
of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work,
she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and
finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur
coat at the same time. He rushes over and says, "Hey, are you all right?"
She slowly nods her head yes.
"What are you doing?" he asks incredulously.
"I wanted to prove that not all blonde women are dumb,"
she started, "and I wanted to do it by painting the house."
"Well why do you have both a ski jacket and a fur coat
on?" he asks dumbfounded.
"Well," she says, "I was reading the directions on the
paint can and it said: For best results, put on two coats."
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Thanks to G&LR for another good one:
Two men are eating in a diner at the top of the Empire
State Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know last week I
discovered that if you jump from the top of this building - by the time
you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense
that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The waiter just shakes his head in disapproval
while serving their meal.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way
that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he
gets up from the table, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street
below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the
building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator
back up to the diner.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own
eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps
and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries
him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his
friend to try it.
2nd Man: "Well why not, it works, I'll try it."
So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th,
9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the waiter turns to the other man:
---"You know, Superman, that was a pretty dirty trick..."
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Thanks to LBS: America: home of the blame
"Let's see if I understand the state of personal responsibility
in the America of the 1990s and 2000~
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was
holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock
'n' roll musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of
lung cancer your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain
you blame the school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home
drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to
shoot heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean
ones.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you
blame television.
And, if your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you
blame the gun manufacturer.
God bless America, land of the free, home of the blame."
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Thanks to CJ from PA for this one: USEFUL METRIC
CONVERSION
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
1 million billion picolos = 1 gigolo
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickles = 2 paradigms
2 wharves = 1 paradox
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Thanks to AB: HOW HEAVY IS YOUR BAG?
One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic
bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we'd refuse to forgive
in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and
date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can
imagine, were quite heavy.
We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere
for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when
driving, next to our desk at work.
The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear
what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention
to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.
Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated
to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay
for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!
Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other
person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!
So the next time you decide you can't forgive someone,
ask yourself... Isn't MY bag heavy enough?
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ANSWER: He "sought not to the Lord, but to the
physicians" (II Chronicles 16:12).
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