Good Morning: It's Saturday
March 31, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Rene Descartes, 1596; Franz Joseph Haydn,
1732; Cesar Chavez, 1927; Gordie Howe, 1928; Shirley Jones, 1934; Herb
Alpert, 1935; Richard Chamberlain, 1935; Gave (Kotter) Kaplan, 1946; Al
Gore, 1948; Rhea Perlman, 1948.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1840 President James Van Buren established
a ten-hour work day for government employees as a means of bettering their
working conditions...
On this date in 1854 the Treaty of Kanagawa, which served
to open Japan to U.S. trade, was signed.
On this date in 1889 the Eiffel Tower opened for business
in Paris.
On this date in 1933 the U.S. Congress authorized the
Civilian Conservation Corps.
On this date in 1949 the province of Newfoundland entered
into the confederation of Canada.
On this date in 1959 the Dalai Lama fled China and was
granted political asylum in India.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Herb Alpert's son is named after
the first notes on a musical scale -- Dore.... Tuesday Weld was born on
a Friday... Had he not dropped his last name, entertainer Ray Charles would
have been popularly known as Ray Robinson, the same name as famous fighter
"Sugar" Ray Robinson, who, had he not changed his name, would have been
known as Walker Smith.
TRIVIA: This famous inventor was one of the original
founders of "National Geographic". Using the pen name H.A. Largelamb,
he also wrote for the magazine. His real name ought to ring a bell...
Do you know it?
Here is a bit of practical advice
for a Saturday morning: "He who has sharp tongue soon cuts own throat"
(Anonymous). Now that makes sense...
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Thanks to a friend: A Child's Ten Commandments
to Parents
1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection
whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short;
please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have;
please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.
3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for
a short time, please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful
world and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my
needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your
inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.
5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as
God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me
guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy
on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing
me.
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions
concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes.
Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kinds of decisions that life
requires of me.
8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that
makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations.
I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me to my brother or sister.
9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend
together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations
from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage
is very special.
10. Please take me to church regularly, setting a good
example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God. AUTHOR
UNKNOWN
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: What If???
What if, GOD couldn't take the time to bless us today
because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday?
What if GOD decided to stop leading us tomorrow because
we didn't follow Him today?
What if, we never saw another flower bloom because we
grumbled when GOD sent the Rain?
What if GOD didn't walk with us today because we failed
to recognize it as His day?
What if, GOD took away the Bible tomorrow because we
would not read it today?
What if, GOD took away His message because we failed
to listen to the messenger?
What if, GOD didn't send His only begotten Son because
He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin.
What if, the door of the church was closed because we
did not open the door of our heart?
What if, GOD stopped loving and caring for us because
we failed to love and care for others?
What if, GOD would not hear us today because we would
not listen to Him?
What if, GOD answered our prayers the way we answer His
call to service?
What if, GOD met our needs the way we give Him our lives???
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Thanks to LBS: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to
the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom
Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of
accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment
of all employees. Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established
for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given
twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.
Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms
are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer-
linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each
employee must provide two copies of voiceprints (one normal and one under
stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition
station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month.
Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches
zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice
until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are
being equipped with time paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied
for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after
the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet
will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied
your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board
located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three
times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this
policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions.
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Thanks to a friend: The New Alphabet for Older
People
A is for arthritis
B is for bad back
C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline
E is for eyesight--can t read that top line
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I d rather not mention)
And other gastrointestinal glitches
H is high blood pressure
I is for itches
J is for joints that are failing to flex
L for libido--what happened to sex?
Wait! I forgot about K for bad knees
(I ve got a few gaps in my
M-memory)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis
O is for osteo-
P is for porosis
Q is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu?
R is for reflux--one meal becomes two
S is for sleepless nights counting my fears
T is for tinnitus--bells in my ears
U is for difficulties urinary
V is for vertigo
W is worry
About what the
X --as in X ray--will find
But through the word terminal
rushes to mind, I'm proud, as each
Y year - goes by, to reveal
A reservoir of undiminished
Z zeal---
For checking the symptoms my body's deployed,
And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.
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ANSWER: His real name, the unscrambled version
of H. A. Largelamb, is A. Graham Bell. Alexander Graham Bell.
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