Good Morning:
It's Monday March 19, 2001!
This is the day the swallows return
to San Juan Capistrano, CA.
BIRTHDAYS: William Jennings
Bryan, 1860; Earl Warren, 1891; Irving Wallace, 1916; Ursula Andress, 1936;
Glenn Close, 1947; Bruce Willis, 1955.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1918 Congress authorized
the "Time Zones" and approved Daylight Savings Time.
On this date in 1920 the U.S. Senate
rejected American involvement in the League of Nations.
On this date in 1931 I bet you
don't know that Nevada legalized gambling.
In 1977 the final episode of "The
Mary Tyler Moore Show" aired.
On this date in 1995 Michael Jordan
returned (after a short retirement and attempt at playing pro baseball)
to play basketball for the Chicago Bulls.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The only
mammal that can fly is the bat... Roadrunners are a member of the cuckoo
family... A duck has three eyelids. That way he can open it just
a quack... (sorry).
TRIVIA: The last name is
Buonarroti. What's the first name? A - Madonna; B - Michelangelo;
C - (Tiny) Tim; D - Favio.
Here is
a quote from Anonymous, and it makes a lot of sense -- "A bird in the hand
can be an awful mess." On to the real ones.
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Thanks to DS:
Six-year old Angie and her four-year
old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and
talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed
to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing
by the door?
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From JokeOfTheDay: TRUTHS
ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM BAD '80s COMEDIES
Smart people wear thick glasses,
button-down shirts, and slacks. Dumb people wear football uniforms.
Your dog is way smarter than you.
France is populated entirely by
attractive young women and Gerard Depardieu.
Every Southern town has a fat redneck
sheriff named "Smokey."
Mexico is populated entirely by
vacationing frat boys.
Parents always come back from vacation
a day early.
It's only possible to win any sporting
event in the last three seconds of the game.
Cheerleaders hate having their
shirts on.
The best way to escape your enemies
is to drive on the wrong side of the road.
A student who's failing every class
can still rig up an elaborate device to answer his phone when he calls
in sick.
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"Knowledge has to be improved,
challenged, and increased constantly, or it vanishes." Peter F. Drucker
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Thanks to JLLH & LBS:
READ THE INSTRUCTION BOOK
If you are TC (technologically
challenged), you'll be the able to sympathize with some of the problems
below. The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal
article:
1. Compaq is
considering changing the command "Press
Any Key" to "Press Return Key"
because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. A Compaq technician
received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word
processing files from his old diskettes. It was found that the customer
had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type
the labels.
3. An AST customer
was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a
letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
4. A Dell technician
advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close
the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting
the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his
room
5. Another Dell
customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man
was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "send" key.
6. A confused
caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the
technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user
had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated
caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer
to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician
asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response,
"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot
pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. An IBM customer
had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first
disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had
some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk
- I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert
Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
9. Another customer
called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work.
She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes
waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she
pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
It seems to me a lot of these
problems could have been solved by looking in the instruction book (What?
You don't read it either?). And not to even know where the power
switch is! We're not much different spiritually. So many of our times
of confusion are caused by not spending enough time with our "instruction
book" (the
Bible) and not knowing the source
of our power.
When the Sadducees asked
Jesus a question about the resurrection, he rebuked them with these words,
"You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God." (Matthew
22:29)
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"Wealth is an inborn attitude of
mind, like poverty. The pauper who has made his pile may flaunt his
spoils, but cannot wear them plausibly" Jean Cocteau.
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From Warm-Fuzzy Stories:
Secret Ingredient
When I begin to feel sorry for
myself, I sometimes think of Wendy Stoker. In high school, she placed third
in the Iowa girl's state diving championships. She practiced for two hours
every day for four years to become an accomplished diver.
Then, at the University of Florida,
Wendy worked even harder and earned the number two spot on the varsity
diving team. At the same time, she carried a full academic load and found
time for bowling and water-skiing. But perhaps the most remarkable thing
about Wendy Stoker is her typing. Would you believe forty-five words a
minute -- with her toes? You see, Wendy was born without arms.
Wendy is motivated by a secret
ingredient; one of her greatest assets -- desire. With it, one can succeed
in spite of overwhelming handicaps. Without it, one is handicapped in spite
of overwhelming ability. Desire is a major ingredient in a life which strives
to be whole and happy. Author Unknown
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ANSWER: B.
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