Good Morning:
It's Friday March 9, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Amerigo Vespucci,
1451; Frank Morrison (Mickey Spillane), 1918; Yuri Gagarin, 1934; Marty
Ingels, 1936; Bobby Fischer, 1943; Brian Bosworth, 1965; "Webster" Emmanuel
Lewis, 1971.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1790 Benjamin Franklin
wrote his creed: "I believe in one God, Creator of the Universe.
That He governs it by his Providence. That he ought to be worshipped.
That the most acceptable Service we render to his is doing good to his
other children."
On this date in 1822 the first
U.S. patent for artificial teeth was issued to Charles Graham of NYC.
On this date in 1844 the U.S. Supreme
Court, in the Amistad incedent, ruled that Negroes are free.
On this date in 1860 Japanese ambassador
Niimi Buzennokami arrived in San Francisco, CA to establish diplomatic
relations with the US.
On this date in 1862 the MONITOR
and the MERRIMAC fought a furious battle in the harbor near Hampton Roads,
VA -- the first battle of the ironclads.
On this date in 1975 construction
on the Alaskan pipeline began.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: U.S. Patent
Office records show that Thomas Jefferson invented the first hideaway bed...
The name James Ritty should ring a bell -- he invented the cash register
in 1884... Nathan Ames invented the escalator in 1859.
TRIVIA: What was the name
of the king who put Vashti away and chose Esther in her stead?
Here is
a real heavy thought from Sanford Mims: "An economic downturn is
when THEY don't have money. A recession is when YOU don't have money
and a depression is when I don's have money." Sounds right...
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Thanks to G&JK:
After Church Services
A friend was in front of me coming
out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door
shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend
by the hand and pulled him aside.
The preacher said to him, "You
need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already
in the Army of the Lord, Preacher."
The preacher questioned, "How come
I don't see you except for Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the
secret service."
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From a friend: Organ Humor
The minister was preoccupied with
thoughts of how he was going to, at the end of the worship service, ask
the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that
the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the
last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service,"
he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after
I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister
paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we are in great difficulty; the
roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute
organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute
became the regular...
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Thanks to AB: For with God
nothing shall be impossible. Luke 1:37
A young man was running a race
and he found himself falling further and further behind his competitors.
His friends cheered him on from the sidelines, but seemingly to no avail.
Then suddenly his lips began to move with great regularity, his legs picked
up speed, and to the amazement and cheers of the entire crowd watching
the race, he passed his competitors one by one...and won the race!
After he had been given a blue
ribbon and received the congratulations of his coach and teammates, he
turned to his friends. One of them asked, "We could see your lips moving
but we couldn't hear what you were saying. What were you mumbling out there?"
The young man replied, "Oh, I was
talking to God. I told Him, 'Lord, You pick 'em up, and I'll put 'em down.....You
pick 'em up, and I'll put 'em down!"
When we do the things we know to
do, live our lives the way we know God's Word commands us, and we are believing
to the best of our ability that the Lord will help us, we are then in a
position to know with certainty what the Apostle Paul knew: "I can do all
things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).
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This is a satiric look at life
today... thanks to a friend... The Dangers of Bread (and all grain products)
1. More than 98 percent of convicted
felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who
grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized
tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually
all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than
50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died
in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza
ravaged whole nations.
4. Every piece of bread you eat
brings you nearer to death.
5. Bread is associated with all
the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have
eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:
99.9%
of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
99.7%
of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months
preceding the accident.
93.1%
of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.
6. Evidence points to the long-term
effects of bread eating: Of all the people born since 1839 who later dined
on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.
7. Bread is made from a substance
called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough
can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread
than that in one day!
8. Primitive tribal societies that
have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's
disease, and osteoporosis.
9. Bread has been proven to be
addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged
for bread after as little as two days.
10. Bread is often a "gateway"
food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut
butter, and even cold cuts.
11. Bread has been proven to absorb
water. Since the human body is more than 80 percent water, it follows that
eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive
food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
12. Newborn babies can choke on
bread.
13. Bread is baked at temperatures
as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult
in less than one minute.
14. Most bread eaters are utterly
unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless
statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics,
we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To
Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on
all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor
any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote
bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free"
zones around schools.
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ANSWER: The king was Ahasuerus,
and the story is in the Old Testament Book of Esther.
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