DailyHumorMarchFourFiveOOne

Good Morning: It's Sunday March 4, 2001!
Sorry this is so late, we had connection trouble this morning...
BIRTHDAYS: Prince Henry, 1394; Antonio Vivaldi, 1678; Casimir Pulaski, 1748; Knute Rockne, 1888; John Garfield, 1913; Paula Prentiss, 1939; Catherine O'Hara, 1954; Kevin Maurice Johnson, 1966; Chastity Bono, 1969.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1936 the Hindenburg took its first flight.
On this date in 1789 the U.S. Constitution went into effect.
On this date in 1801 Thomas Jefferson became the first president to be sworn in at the nation's capital.
On this date in 1861 Abraham Lincoln stood where Thomas Jefferson had stood 60 years earlier and said: "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revoltuionary right to dismember or overthrow it."
On this date in 1933 FDR stood before the nation and proclaimed: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" and called for "action, and action now."
On this date in 1952 Ronald Reagan married Nancy Davis.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept in the yard and not in the house... Washington, D.C. has the highest ratio of lawyers per resident: 1 for every 19 people... It's against the law for a woman to dress as Santa in Minnesota.
TRIVIA: I followed the good king Jehoshaphat as king of Judah, beginning my reign when I was thirty and two years old. I reigned eight years in Jerusalem. My wife was the daughter of Ahab, and but for the promise of the Lord to maintain the house of David as kings of Judah, my family and I would have been destroyed for the sins in which I walked. On my watch, the Edomites revolted. Libnah revolted and God allowed them to go because of my wickedness. I made high places in the mountains of Judah and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication. God sent a plague, as we learned from Elijah the prophet, on the people because I led them in wickedness. The Lord stirred up the Philistines and Arabians to come to my house and carry away my riches and my sons and my wives, leaving only Jehoahaz, my youngest son. Finally, the Lord smote me with an incurable disease in my bowels, with which I suffered 2 years. my bowels fell out by reason of the sickness and I died at the age of 40. My people didn't even mourn for me. Who am I?
Today is "Old Inauguration Day". Until 1933, Presidential terms began and ended on March 4. How about a Will Rogers quote to get us going: "Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie", until you can find a rock." Sounds about right... Have a good Lord's Day.
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Thanks to JLLH and LBS for this one: Blind Pilot?
A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs"
Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they were trying to change airlines!
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Thanks to LBS for these: Did you know...
The first couple to be shown on TV in bed was Fred and Wilma Flintstone
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%, The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
That San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David; Clubs -Alexander theGreat; Hearts - Charlemagne; Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2nd, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "The whole 9 yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
(Ewwwww!) The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosy" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosy"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").
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ANSWER: My name is Jehoram, and this part of my life-story may be seen in II Chronicles 21.
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Good Morning: It's Monday March 5, 2001!
SPECIAL MENTION: This was the birthday of my late Grandmother Beatrice Smith. It is with fondness that I remember her and offer the poem (below) in her honor. Tim
ENON BIRTHDAY: Norma Deal!
BIRTHDAYS: Rex Harrison, 1908; Jack Cassidy, 1927; Dean Stockwell, 1936; Samantha Eggar, 1939; Eddie Hodges, 1947; Eugene Fodor, 1950.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1770 the Boston Massacre took place.
On this date in 1946 Winston Churchill coined the famous phrase "Iron Curtain" in a speech in Fulton, Missouri.
On this date in 1953 Soviet Premier Joseph Stalin died in Moscow. His funeral was one of the largest affairs in Russian history.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: In the writings of Arthur Conan Doyle, at no time did Sherlock Holmes utter the phrase, "Elementary, my dear Watson"... There are no photographs which show Abraham Lincoln smiling... There is no word in the English language which rhymes with purple.
TRIVIA: Who was Sherlock Holmes named after? Actually, it's elementary, my dear Watson...
Here is a quote from comic-actor Steve Martin to get our Monday off and running: "I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." On to the real ones...
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..........Her Silver Hair..........

Her loving smile, her tender way,
Her voice so warm and kind;
Like gentle breezes cool the day
She lives on in our mind.

This world she left -- she had to go,
Her body filled with pain;
In mem'ry now her love we know,
She lives in mem'ry’s lane.

We visit oft when troubles come,
We look back o'er the years;
We see beyond the troublesome,
Painful dying tears.

We see her strength, her wisdom true,
We see her silver hair;
The old front door we're passing through,
We see her sitting there.

Up to her feet -- a warm hello,
Her love so full and free;
A hug like none e'er known below,
A precious memory.

She wants to know -- "What's going on?
How have my babies been?
What have you seen? What have you done?
Please, won't you come again?"

We part refreshed, we're made to know,
She loves us now as then;
And as through life we onward go,
We'll often come again.

For in her arms, so kind and true,
Her smile, her voice, her way:
A greater love one never knew,
Her love still lights our way.

...........H. L. Gradowith..........
3-10-97
This was written in memory of Beatrice Smith, my grandmother. She passed away several years ago, and obviously I miss her and often think of the impact she had on my life. My grandmother and I shared the same birthday, and when I decided to preach (or attempt to preach) she had a long and encouraging talk with me that I will never forget. I hope this brings precious memories (her favorite song) to you, and if you can, call your mother or grandmother this weekend and let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Tim
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A "repeat" from a friend, honoring godly educators: 21st Century Teacher

Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with love for learning. Not only that, I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and T-shirt messages.
I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem. I'm to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.
I'm required by my contract to be working on my own time summer and evenings at my own expense toward advance certification and a master's degree; and after school , I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my employment status.
I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority.
I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics, and to my current administration. I am to incorporate technology into the learning, and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student.
I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.
I am to make sure all students pass the state and federally mandated testing and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned. Plus, I am expected to make sure that all of the students with handicaps are guaranteed a free and equal education, regardless of their mental or physical handicap.
I am to communicate frequently with each student's parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade card. I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile, all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states. Is that all?
And you want me to do all of this and expect me NOT TO PRAY?
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Another Gradowith Poem –

……….Do You Think Of The Savior?……….

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

When temptations and trials block the road,
And you fear that you're falling 'neath the load,
Do you think of Him as up to Calv'ry
With His cross He did go to set you free?

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

When your anger is raised at a brother
Who has treated you worse than another:
Stop and think of the kiss that did betray
Jesus Christ in Gethsemane that day.

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

When you're tired and don't know if you'll make it,
And you fear your poor heart cannot take it:
Do you think of His prayer: God, not my will…
Then He bore His own cross up Calv'ry's Hill.

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

When your life isn't going as you planned,
There's so much that you just don't understand;
Think then of Him who said, "I am the Light…"
He'll lead you in the way that's always right!

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

When a loved one has gone home to glory,
Do you think of that wonderful story?
Won't you come to the Lord, hear His request:
Come to me, weary one, I'll give you rest!

Chorus:
Do you think of the Savior ev'ry day
As you press along on the Narrow Way?
Does His great sacrifice motivate you?
Are you being to Him faithful and true?

……….H. L. Gradowith……….
03-03-01
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ANSWER: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle borrowed the name of his favorite American poet, Oliver Wendell Holmes.
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