If I could build a mountain
You could call
Your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone

If I could
Take your troubles
I would toss them
In the sea

But all these things
I'm finding
Are impossible for me

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair

But let me be
What I know best
A friend
That's always there

This is a Hug Certificate!!
Send One to All of Your Friends You Think
Deserve A Hug.
 
*******************************************************
Thanks to "lemar":
 
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.
I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners,
my head is a little higher,
my colors a little truer.
I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am saluted.
I am loved - I am revered.
I am respected - and I am feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more than 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appamatox.
I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France,
the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy. Guam, Okinawa, Korea, KheSan, and Saigon, know me, I was there.  I led my troops.
I was dirty, battleworn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me and I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it's by those whom I've served in battle - it hurts.
But I shall overcome - for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter, I am proud.
MY NAME IS OLD GLORY -- LONG MAY I WAVE.
 
*******************************************************
Thanks to D56 for a real tear-jerker:  A DADDY FROM HEAVEN:
 
Her hair up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
 
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.
 
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates,
on this Daddy's Day.
 
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
 
But the little girl went to school,
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
a dad who never calls.
 
There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.
 
One by one the teacher called,
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
 
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them were searching,
for a man who wasn't there.
 
"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
 
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled at her friends.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to begin.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could,
be with me on this day.
 
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
 
He loved to tell me stories,
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
 
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing all alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be here in my heart"
 
With that her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
 
For she stood up for the love,
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
 
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
 
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there placed on her desktop,
was a beautiful fragrant pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only a moment, by the
love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
 
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Miss America, 1922 and 1923.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Saturday June 2, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS:  Martha Washington, 1732; Marquis de Sade, 1740; Sally Kellerman, 1936; Marvin Hamlisch, 1944; Jerry (the Beaver) Mathers, 1948; Diana Canova, 1953.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1896 Great Britain granted Guglielmo Marconi the first wireless radio patent.
On this date in 1924 the U.S. Congress granted Native Americans citizenship.
On this date in 1953 Elizabeth II was crowned in Westminster Abbey.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  In the wintertime squirrels lose about half of their nuts because they forget where they stored them... Meteorologically speaking, partly cloudy and partly sunny mean the same thing... CHOICE COD - Hold this upside-down in front of a mirror (you will need to print it out first if you are reading it on your computer monitor, or things could get ugly -- not to mention expensive) and you'll see that the first two words of this item read the same.
TRIVIA:  What is the longest running prime time network TV program?
     Robert Frost said, "A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."  On with the show...
*******************************************************
Thanks to J&W R:  Good vs. Evil
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of  the evil that was going on.  He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.  So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are wicked and 5% are good.
He thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned she went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are bad and 5% are good."
God was not pleased.  So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because He wanted to encourage them... give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said?
You didn't get one either, huh?
*******************************************************
From a friend:  Church Funnies
1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to get into their pews or their favorite church parking spot.
2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
4. The good Lord didn't create anything without a  purpose, but the fly and mosquito come close.
5. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
6. People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.
7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your door for years.
8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."
10. If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
12. God Himself does not propose to judge a man till he is dead. So why should you?
13. To make a long story short, don't tell it.
14. If your left hand doesn't know what your right one is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.
15. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
16. Peace starts with a smile.
17. I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
18. A lot of church members are singing "Standing on the Promises" while they are just sitting on the premises.
20. Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB:  Some old, some new, all funny --
HELPING EDUCATE THE STUPID
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.....
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how. . . ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops, too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day . . . .)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And you're taking this because . . . .)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food." (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup!  It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine." (Hey kids, no more swimming in the washing machine).
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend:  CHURCH SIGNS
'We're not Dairy Queen but we have great Sundays.'
'Everyone you meet today is on heaven's most wanted list.'
'Free trip to Heaven. Details inside.'
'Throwing mud at someone is spiritual ground lost.'
'A person whose Bible is falling apart usually isn't.'
'Wrapped in self makes a very small package.'
'Shortest sermon -- stay right or get left.'
'Laughter is a smile that bursts.'
'Don't just be good - be good for something.'
'CH___CH -- What is missing? - UR'
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend: (NOTE:  This is just a joke, and is not meant to offend anyone. ts)
Mr. Johnson, the head of a large American firm, called a board meeting just before his holiday to hand out jobs for his time away to the lesser members and staff on the board.  As he was going round the table handing out jobs he came to the new member of staff Mr. Chen and put him in charge of supplies thinking that if he is the new boy we will give him an easy job.
On his return he called another meeting and asked for updates.  After doing a round the table he realizes that Mr. Chen was missing he asks the board if anybody has seen him today and finds out to his dismay that he has been missing for two weeks.  After sending out a message to every employee in the firm, he finds out from a cleaning lady that Mr. Chen has been in the building constantly down in stores.
The board then decides to go down a see what he has been doing, thinking he has rearranged the system and been working his buns off. When they get there they find all the lights out...
...  Just as they are about to leave, Mr. Chen leaps out from behind a box and shouts "Supplies!"
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  On the air since 1968, it's "60 Minutes", still ticking away after all these years.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Sunday June 3, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS:  Jefferson David, 1808; Maurice Evans, 1901; Colleen Dewhurst, 1924; Tony Curtis, 1925; poet Allen Ginsberg, 1926; Chuck Barris, 1929; Deniece Williams, 1951.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
Today is Chimborazo Day in Ecuador!  Equacor's Equatorial mountain, Chimborazo, sticks further out in space than any other point on Earth.
On this date in 1586 the first English settlers in America, after a year of being harassed by both Indians and Spaniards on Roanoke Island on North Carolina's Outer Banks, deserted the New World and hitched a return ride to England with Sir Francis Drake, who stopped at their colony after making a raid on the Spanish West Indies.
On this date in 1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for Nieue Amsterdam.
On this date in 1835 P.T. Barnum's circus made its first tour of the United States.
On this date in 1888 Ernest L. Thayer's "Casey at the Bat" first appeared in the "San Francisco Examiner".
On this date in 1906 Josephine Baker was born.  You may recall that she became a very famous performer in Paris.
On this date in 1916 the National Defense Act was authorized.  Amont other things, this Act established the Reserve Officers Training Corps (ROTC).
On this date in 1937 Edward, Duke of Windsor, married Wallis Warfield Simpson.  If you haven't read The Windsor Story lately (or ever), now might be a good time to do so!
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  In New Brunswick, Canada there is a waterfall that sometimes flows upwards, called the Reversing Falls of St. John... Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world put together... The Sahara Desert is expanding south at the rate of about a half-mile a year.
TRIVIA:  You have ten seconds... The name of which talk show host, spelled backwards, is one of the Marx brothers?
     David Frost supplies our quote today:  "Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home."  Hmm...  since I have a TV show what does that say about me???
*******************************************************
From a friend:  WORST JOKE OF THE WEEK
An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off.  The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it.
"Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation...
... "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes bass solo!"
*******************************************************
Thanks to PW (A Texan):  You're 100% Texan if:
1. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
2. You use the phrase "fixin' to"  almost daily.
3. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
4. You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."
5. You can properly pronounce the town Mexia, Refugio, Huisache, and Mesquite.
6. You remember the name of the last legislator to introduce a bill involving castration & he didn't mean farm animals
7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them  anyway.
8. You can recall hot summers by  the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.
9. You think that people who  complain about the wind  in their states are sissies.
10. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
11.  You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
12. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.
13. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.
14. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
15. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol.  A Ford F350 4x4 is.
17 . You know that everything goes better with Ranch or Tabasco.
18 . You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
19. You know that "y'all" is singular and "all y'all"  is plural.
20 . You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB:  God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."
 
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day
The black was as light as before.
 
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
 
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be."
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me."
 
I asked God why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold, and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."
 
We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life:
 
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends
But the treasure inside for you to see
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.
*******************************************************
From a friend:  These are some of the frivolous lawsuits filed by convicted prisoners across the United States (which are subsidized by taxpayers).
~ A death-row inmate sues corrections officials for taking away his Gameboy electronic game. (Donald Edward Beaty v. Bury)
~ Inmate, calling himself a sports fanatic, complains that, as a result of cruel and unusual punishment, he was forced to miss the NFL playoffs -- especially the "classic games" between Miami and San Diego, San Diego and Pittsburgh, and Dallas and San Francisco.(Arkansas)
~ Inmate complains because his meal allegedly was in poor condition. He claims his sandwich was soggy and his cookie was broken. (Brittaker v. Rowland)
~ Inmate who murdered five people sues after lightning knocks out the prison's TV satellite dish and he must watch network programs, which he says contain violence, profanity, and other objectionable material. (Jackson v. Barton)
~ Inmate sues to be served fruit juice at meals and three pancakes instead of two. (Spradley v. Rathman)
~ Inmate sues to be given Reeboks, Adidas, Pony, or Avia hightops rather than the inferior brand sneakers issued by the prison. (Brown v. Singletary)
~ Inmate sues for not receiving his scheduled parole hearing, though he was out on escape when the hearing was to be held. (Young v. Murphy)
~ Inmate claims discrimination because he was not given a Department of Corrections raincoat like other inmates. (Walker v. DOC)
~ Inmate sues to be served fresh rather than  reconstituted milk. (Gerteisen v. Bowe)
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Time's up!  The answer is... Oprah.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Monday June 4, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS:  George III, 1738; Rosalind Russell, 1912; Robert Merrill, 1919; Gene Barry, 1921; Dennis Weaver, 1924; Bruce Dern, 1936; El DeBarge, 1961; Xavier Maurice McDaniel, 1963; Andrea Jaeger, 1965.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
Today is Old Maids' Day, celebrating Old Maids.  It originated in 1946 and doesn't get much attention anymore.
On this date in 1896 Henry Ford drove the Quadricycle, his very first automobile, onto the streets of Detroit where he made it several blocks before breaking down.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The average person's bones weigh forty pounds... An adult's hair can stretch 25 percent of its length without breaking... According to "Harper's Index", 80 percent of Americans believe in miracles (the other 20 percent have been audited by the IRS...)
TRIVIA:  A few decades ago, George DeMaestral took a walk in the woods.  Afterwards, the cockleburs he noticed sticking to his clothing became his inspiration for what invention?
     Here is a thought-provoking quote from Oliver Herford to get our Monday off and running:  "A hair in the head is worth two in the brush."
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend:  Do Not
Do not ride in automobiles: they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents. . .
Do not stay home: 17% of all accidents occur in the home. . .
Do not walk on the streets or sidewalks: 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians. . .
Do not travel by air, rail, or water: 16% of all accidents happen on these. . .
Only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders. . .
Hence the safest place for you to be at any time is at church! See you Sunday!  author - unknown...
*******************************************************
Thanks to M/M Riverrats: "The Paradox of our Time"
George Carlin:
"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life, we've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say "I Love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to Love, give time to speak, give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
To all my friends in my life, thanks for being there!"
*******************************************************
Thanks again to M/M Riverrats: Growing old is fun
I am a senior citizen.
I am the life of the party even when it lasts until 8:00 p.m.
I am very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I am usually interested in going home before I get where I'm going
I am good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano and antacid.
I am the first one to find the bathroom whereever I go.
I am awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I am smiling all of the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
I am very good at telling stories - over and over and over.
I am so cared for:  long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I am not grouchy - I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, kids and politicians.
I'm sure that everything I can't find is in a secure place somewhere.
I am wrinkled, saggy and lumpy and that's just in my left leg!
I am realizing aging is not for sissies.
I am anti-everything now, anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I am walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
I am sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I am in the initial state of my golden years - SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.
I am wondering if you are only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 160?
I am supporting all movements now by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
I am a walking storeroom of facts - I just lost the storeroom.
I am a senior citizen and I am having the time of my life.
You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.
*******************************************************
Thanks to M/M Riverrats:  How to get a date
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He would love to ask her out, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theatre. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.  She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him for another date. The next evening, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies......... You just happened to catch my eye."
*******************************************************
ANSWER:  Velcro.
*******************************************************
Good Morning:  It's Tuesday June 5, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS:  Economist Adam Smith, 1723; William "Hopalong Cassidy" Boyd, 1898; Robert Lansing, 1929; director Jacques Demy, 1931; Bill Moyers, 1934.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
Today is International Mother's Peace Day, first celebrated in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe!
Today is also United Nations World Environment Day.
On this date in 1783 man achieved sustained flight for the first time as the Montgolfier brothers of France launched their hot air balloon which rose 1,500 feet and drifted about a mile and a half before landing ten minutes later.
On this date in 1884 William Tecumseh Sherman refused the presidential nomination, daying, "If nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve."
On this date in 1915 women were given the vote first in Denmark.
On this date in 1937 Oklahoma City supermarket owner Sylvan Goldman mounts folding chairs on wheels, with baskets above and below the seat, to make it easier for customers to buy more goods.  His is the first shopping cart.
On this date in 1947 the Marshall Plan was proposed.
On this date in 1967 the Six-Day between Israel and its neighboring Arab nations began.
On this date in 1975 the Suez Canal was reopened for the first time since the Six-Day War.
MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Frank Lloyd Wright wore elevator shoes... The odds against flipping a coin head's up ten times in a row are 1,023 to 1... The reason you haven't seen any cashews in a shell is because they don't have any.  A cashew is a seed, not a nut.
TRIVIA:  What music legend's favorite meal was a sandwich of peanut butter and bananas grilled in butter?
     Erma Bombeck had the right idea on this:  "Never eat anything you can't pronounce."  Perhaps we could broaden that to include anything you can't spell???
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB:
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look friend, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years"
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Thanks to a friend:
One day in an elementary classroom, the teacher was explaining that due to evolution, belief in God is unreasonable.  The teacher asked a little boy, "Tommy, do you see that tree outside." "Yes," was the response?
"Do you see the grass outside?" "Yes." "Now. Go outside and look up and see the sky."  When the boy returned and stated that he had, indeed, seen the sky, she asked, "Did you see God?" "No," said Tommy, somewhat disappointed, "That’s my point.  We can't see God because he isn't there.  He doesn't exist." Just then, a little girl spoke up and to ask Tommy some questions, too. "Did you see the tree outside?" "Yes." Tommy repeated. "Did you see the grass and the sky?" "Yes." "Tommy, do you see the teacher?" "Of course," replied Tommy, growing tired of the questions. "Do you see her brain?" "Well, no," he answered. "Okay then,” concluded the little girl, "according to what we were taught today, she must not have one! Author unknown
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Thanks to a friend:  Wash the Cat
Here's a great way to clean the kitty.
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in  the toilet and close the lid.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can  and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the  toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.  Sincerely, The Dog
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Thanks to a friend:
Sin is like a gentle stream, pleasing to the eye.
Cool and quiet, so inviting but the surface is a lie.
Underneath the water rages and soon you're trapped within the flow.
The flow becomes an angry sea, beating you until you know
That on your own you will surely drown in the blackness of the sin.
You strength is gone, you're sinking fast and so you call on Him.
Jesus, the name above all names the one who gave you life.
Jesus, your hope and comfort in the swirling blackness of the night.
And because he loves you child, no matter what you've done
He reaches out his arms of love and brings you safely home.
Because he loves you child, he sets you on dry land
Praying you will walk the path that keeps you safely in His hand.
Copyright 2001 Moffett Music Ministries Sandy Moffett
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From "chaps" --
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"
He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
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From a friend:  The Farmer
A farmer had a very successful rabbit breeding operation for many years.
Suddenly, he liquidated the whole farm and replaced the rabbit cages with nesting towers for bats.
His neighbors asked if he wasn't out of his mind.
"Well, that's the kind of farmer I am," he said,  "Hare today and guano tomorrow."
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Thanks to a friend for an old favorite:  Why Are Fire Trucks Red?
Everyone knows that fire engines have 4 wheels and 8 men.
4 and 8 make 12.
There are twelve inches in a foot.
A foot is a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth, a ruler, is the name of one of the largest ships on the seas.
Seas have fish and fish have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians and Russians are red...
And fire trucks are always rushin'
Therefore, fire trucks are red!
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Thanks to a friend:  The Gas Spill
On Friday morning I was refueling my vehicle at a local station and there was a construction worker at the next pump refueling his truck.
Apparently the nozzle jammed and gasoline spewed out in his direction soaking the left arm of his work coat. He hit the emergency shut off and stopped the gas spill.
It was all sort of surprising to the attendant when we were in the station paying for our purchases, not to mention very pungent.
As it turned out, this guy ended up in front of me while driving away. After the first traffic light, I noticed this guy is driving around with his window open because of the smell of gas coming from his coat (it was 20 degrees outside so this seemed unusual to everyone else).
Not thinking, this rocket scientist apparently lights a cigarette in the truck and yes, his gasoline soaked jacket sleeve is now a two alarm fire.
He was feverishly waiving his arm outside of the window in attempts to put it out.
Just as traffic was pulling over as everyone was witnessing this, a local PD squad stops in traffic and the officer runs over to the now stopped burning man with a fire extinguisher and promptly put him out.
While attempting to provide assistance myself, I witnessed the officer check to see if the man was OK.
After determining only his jacket was burned, the officer placed this guy into handcuffs and informs him that he is now under arrest. What was the charge, you ask, Illegal possession of a fire arm
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ANSWER:  Elvis Presley.
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