Good
Morning: It's Tuesday July 17, 2001!
NOTE: Today is Wrong
Way Corrigan Day. In one of the biggest goofs ever, Douglas Corrigan
took off in his plane from Brooklyn in 1938 intending to land at Los Angeles.
A little over 28 hours later, he arrived at Dublin, Ireland and discovered
that he had been following the wrong end of his compass needle.
BIRTHDAYS: Erle Stanley
Gardner, 1889; James Cagney, 1899; Phyllis Diller, 1917; Diahann Carroll,
1935; Donald Sutherland, 1935; David Hasselhoff, 1952.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1941 Joe DiMaggio's
record 56 game hitting streak to an end when he went 0-3 against the Cleveland
Indians.
On this date in 1955 Arco,
Idaho became the first city to have atomic-powered electrical service.
On this date in 1955 also
Disneyland opened in Anaheim, California.
On this date in 1975 the SOYUZ
19 linked with APOLLO 18 in space. The first cosmonaut to walk in
space, Alexei Leonov, and his crew member Valery Kubasov not only met astronauts
Thomas P. Stafford, Donald K. Slayton, and Vance D. Brand, they worked
together over a period of 44 hours to conduct scientific and technical
experiments that were of mutual benefit.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Dorothy's
pet cow in "The Wizard of Oz" was named Imogene... Great Danes come from
Germany, not Denmark... Albert Einstein's brain is in a mason jar in a
Wichita, Kansas laboratory.
TRIVIA: In honor of
Erle Stanley Gardner's birthday, here is a Perry Mason question:
What was the major casting shake-up which took place just before the long
running series debuted on CBS?
Phyllis
Diller said, "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." I received
advice similar to that before my wedding, though I am not sure it was exactly
that...
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Thanks to AB for a beautiful
one: The Old Old Story
His last three years were
lovely;
He could no more be hid.
Time and strenght would fail
me.
to tell all the good He did.
He did kind things so kindly
It seemed His Heart's delight
To make poor people happy
From morning until night.
He gave away no money,
For He had none to give.
But He had the power of healing
And He made the dead to live..
He always seemed at leisure
For anyone who came
However tired or busy,
They found Him just the same.
He heard each tale of sorrow
With an attentive ear,
And took away each burden
of suffering sin and fear.
Such was the man-Christ Jesus,
The friend of sinful man.
But Hush! The tale grows sadder.
I'll tell it-if I can.
This gentle holy Jesus
Without a spot or stain
By wicked hands was taken,
Crucified,and slain.
Look! Look! If you can bear
it.
Look at your dying Lord!
Stand near the cross and watch
him,
Behold the Lamb of God!
His hands and feet are pierced,
He cannot hide His face,
And cruel men stand staring
In crowds about the place.
They laugh at Him and mock
Him,
They tell Him to come down,
To leave the cross of suffering,
And exchange it for a crown.
Why did He bear their mocking?
Was not He the Son of God?
Couldn't He have destroyed
them,
With one almighty word?
Yes, Jesus could have done
this!
But, let me tell you why
He would not use His power,
But chose to stay and die.
For He had become our
surety!
And what we could not pay,
He paid instead for us
Onthat one dreadful day.
For our sins He suffered
For our sins He died;
And not for our's only,
But for all the world's beside.
And now the work is finished!
The sinner's debt is paid!
Because on Christ, the Righteous,
The sin of all was laid.
Oh! wonderful redemption!
It's God's remedy for sin.
The door of heaven is open,
And you may enter in.
For God received our surety
To show the work was done.
And Jesus resurrection
Declared the victory won.
Now He has ascended!
He sits upon the throne.
To be our Prince and Saviour,
And claim us for His own.
But, when He left His people,
He promised them to send
The "Comforter" to teach them.
And guide them to the end.
And that same Holy Spirit
Is with us to this day,
And is ready now to teach
us
The New and Living Way.
This is the Old Old Story!
Say! Do you take it in?
This wonderful redemption
Is God's remedy for sin?
Do you at heart believe it?
Do you believe it's true?
And meant for every sinner;
And, Therefore, meant for
you?
Then take this Great Salvation
Which Jesus loves to give.
Believe, obey, then receive
it!
Believe, obey and live!
Now, if this simple message
Has brought peace to you,
Make known the OLD OLD STORY;
For others need it too!
Let everybody see it-
That Christ has made you free;
And it sets them longing,
Say, "Jesus died for thee!"
Someday our eyes shall see
Him!
And in that home above,
We'll sing the OLD OLD STORY
Of Jesus and His love.
Author Unknown (edited)
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats:
A touching dog story
Mary and her husband
Jim had a dog, Lucky. Lucky was a real character. Whenever
Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn
their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would
help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably someone would
forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go
to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be,
amid all of Lucky's favorite toys.
Lucky always stashed
his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay
in the box.
It happened that Mary found
out she had breast cancer.
Something told her she was
going to die of this disease... she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled
the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before
she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck
her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three year old dog
liked Jim he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die Lucky will
be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want
to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own
death.
The double mastectomy was
harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized
for over two weeks.
Jim took Lucky for his
evening walk faithfully but the dog just drooped, whining and miserable.
But finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she
arrived home Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the
steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch
and left her to nap.
Lucky stood watching Mary
but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad
but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second
she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and
her body felt heavy and hot. Panic soon gave way to laughter though
when Mary realized the problem....she was covered, literally blanketed
in every treasure Lucky owned!
While she had slept the sorrowing
dog had made trip after trip to the basement and back bringing his
beloved mistress his favorite things in life. He had covered her
with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began
living again, walking further and further together every night. It's been
12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals
treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest
treasure. Take care - and God Bless!
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Originally Raymond
Burr was to play hapless D. A. Hamilton Burger, but when Erle Stanley Gardner
saw him, he insisted Burr was the man to play Perry.
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Wednesday
July 18, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: S. I. Hayakawa,
1906; Clifford Odets, 1906; Hume Cronyn, 1911; Red Skelton, 1913; Nelson
Mandela, 1918; John Glenn, 1921; Dick Button, 1929; Dion DiMucci, 1939;
Martha Reeves, 1941; Ricky Skaggs, 1954; Elizabeth McGovern, 1961.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in AD 64 Rome
burned and Nero fiddled, or at least that is what we are told...
On this date in 1940 President
Franklin D. Roosevelt was nominated for a third term.
On this date in 1969 Edward
Kennedy's car plunged off the Chappaquiddick Bridge killing passenger Mary
Jo Kopechne.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: In
the 19th century, nine pins were used in bowling... U.S. presidents U.S.
Grant, William Howard Taft, Herbert Hoover and Dwight D. Eisenhower never
held ano other elective office... Alligator shirts have crocodiles on them.
TRIVIA: June 21, the
first day of summer, is called the longest day of the year. What
day is actually longer?
Dave
Edison said, "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots
wore helmets." As we ponder that great issue, let's read these...
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Thanks to D.A. who has opened
up his archives to share with the list! Why Are We Here?
So we were lying on our backs
on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 14-year-old
son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, "Dad,
why are we here?"
And this is what I said.
"I've thought a lot about
it, son, and I don't think it's all that complicated. I think maybe we're
here just to teach a kid how to bunt, turn two and eat sunflower seeds
without using his hands.
"We're here to pound the steering
wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, 20 minutes after
we pulled into the garage. We're here to look all over, give up and then
find the ball in the hole.
"We're here to watch, at least
once, as the pocket collapses around John Elway, and it's fourth-and-never.
Or as the count goes to 3 and 1 on Mark McGwire with bases loaded, and
the pitcher begins wishing he'd gone on to med school. Or as a little hole
you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly opens in front of Jeff Gordon
with a lap to go.
"We're here to wear our favorite
sweat-soaked Boston Red Sox cap, torn Slippery Rock sweatshirt and the
Converses we lettered in, on a Saturday morning with nowhere we have to
go and no one special we have to be.
"We're here to rake on a jack-high
nothin' hand and have nobody know it but us. Or get in at least one really
good brawl, get a nice shiner and end up throwing an arm around the guy
who gave it to us.
"We're here to shoot a six-point
elk and finally get the f-stop right, or to tie the perfect fly, make the
perfect cast, catch absolutely nothing and still call it a perfect morning.
"We're here to nail a yield
sign with an apple core from half a block away. We're here to make our
dog bite on the same lame fake throw for the gazillionth time. We're here
to win the stuffed bear or go broke trying.
"I don't think the meaning
of life is gnashing our bicuspids over what comes after death but tasting
all the tiny moments that come before it. We're here to be the coach when
Wendell, the one whose glasses always fog up, finally makes the only perfect
backdoor pass all season. We're here to be there when our kid has three
goals and an assist. And especially when he doesn't.
"We're here to see the Great
One setting up behind the net, tying some poor goaltender's neck into a
Windsor knot. We're here to watch the Rocket peer in for the sign, two
out, bases loaded, bottom of the career.
We're here to witness Tiger's
lining up the 22-foot double breaker to win and not need his autograph
afterward to prove it.
"We're here to be able to
do a one-and-a-half for our grandkids. Or to stand at the top of our favorite
double-black on a double-blue morning and overhear those five wonderful
words: 'Highway's closed. Too much snow.'
"We're here to get the Frisbee
to do things that would have caused medieval clergymen to burn us at the
stake.
"I don't think we're here
to make SportsCenter. The really good stuff never does. Like leaving Wrigley
at 4:15 on a perfect summer afternoon and walking straight into Murphy's
with half of section 503. Or finding ourselves with a free afternoon, a
little red 327 fuel-injected 1962 Corvette convertible and an unopened
map of Vermont's backroads.
"We're here to get the triple-Dagwood
sandwich made and the football kicked off at the very second your sister
begins tying up the phone until Tuesday.
"None of us are going to find
ourselves on our deathbeds saying, 'I wish I'd spent more time on the Hibbings
account.' We're going to say, 'That scar? I got that scar stealing a home
run from Consolidated
Plumbers!'
"See, grown-ups spend so much
time doggedly slaving toward the better car, the perfect house, the big
day that will finally make them happy when happy just walked by wearing
a bicycle helmet two sizes too big for him. We're not here to find a way
to heaven. The way is heaven. Does that answer your question, son?"
And he said, "Not really,
Dad."
And I said, "No?"
And he said, "No, what I meant
is, why are we here when Mom said to pick her up 40 minutes ago?"
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB: An actual
article from Housekeeping Monthly May 13, 1955 (They HAD to be kidding,
right?)
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead,
even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return.
This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and
are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and
the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15
minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up,
put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a
lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little
more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your
duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make
one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband
arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of
the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your
husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will
give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you
with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the
time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.
Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile
and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have
a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is
not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation
are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints
and problems.
Don't complain if he's late
for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared
to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have
him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have
a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer
to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about
his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the
master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness
and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her
place.
Tomorrow we'll look at an
updated version...
*******************************************************
ANSWER: The day the
clocks are turned back to end Daylight Savings Time, which is 35 hours
as we mark time.
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Thursday
July 19, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: George McGovern,
1922; Rosey Grier, 1932; Vicki Carr, 1941; Illie Nastase, 1946.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1813 the Sisters
of Charity was founded.
On this date in 1848 the first
women's rights convention convened.
On this date in 1860 Lizzie
Borden was born.
On this date in 1941 the "V"
for victory theme was introduced by Winston Churchill.
On this date in 1990 baseball
great Pete Rose was sentenced to 5 months in a halfway house, plus 1,000
hours community service and a $50,000 fine for cheating on his taxes.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: If
you think you eat like a bird, think again. Birds eat from one quarter
to one half their body weight every day... The Roman Colosseum was formerly
called the Flavian Amphitheater... Every single hamster in the U.S. today
comes from a single litter captured in Syria in 1930.
TRIVIA: Can you name
the TV character who was so popular when she died of a stroke in 1980,
"Newsweek" ran a half-page obituary?
Mark
Twain said, "Never run after your hat -- others will be delighted to do
it; why spoil their fun?" On with the real stuff!
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Thanks to D.A. for one from
his archives: THE COLON AND THE SEMICOLON
I have a friend who just bought
a computer and was instructed to load a program by typing "A:" and then
the name of the program. My friend told me it would not work because his
keyboard was no good. He said he couldn't type the "dot over dot thingie"
and that every time he tried to type the "dot over dot thingie" he got
the "dot over comma thingie" no matter how careful he was to press only
the very top of the key.
When I told him about the
shift key he thought I was a genius.
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Thanks again to AB:
From yesterday --
An updated version of "The
Good Wife's Guide"... for the Women of the 21st Century
Have dinner ready. Make reservations
ahead of time.
If your day becomes too hectic
just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you'd like to eat and
at what time. This lets him know that your day has been a bad one and gives
him an opportunity to change your mood.
Prepare yourself. Stopping
at the "Chanel" counter on your way home will do wonders for your outlook
and will keep you from becoming irritated every time he opens his mouth.
(Don't forget to use his credit card.)
Clear away the clutter. Call
the housekeeper and tell her that any miscellaneous items left on the floor
by the children can be placed in the Goodwill box in the garage.
Prepare the children. Send
the children to their rooms to watch television or play Nintendo. After
all, both of them are from his previous marriages.
Minimize the noise: If you
happen to be home when he arrives, be in the bathroom with the door locked.
Some DON'TS:
Don't greet him with problems
and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get
more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain
if he's late for dinner, simply remind him that the leftovers are in the
fridge and you left the dishes for him to do.
Make him comfortable: Tell
him where he can find a blanket if he's cold. This will really show you
care.
Listen to him: But don't ever
let him get the last word.
Make the evening his: Never
complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment;
go with a friend or go shopping (use his credit card). Familiarize him
with the phrase "Girls' Night Out!"
The Goal: Try to keep things
amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around
him. Obviously he's wrong. The world revolves around you.
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A favorite from D.A.:
NO EXCUSE SUNDAY: DEDICATED TO MISSING CHURCH ATTENDERS!
To make it possible for everyone
to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse
Sunday":
Cots will be placed in the
foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section
with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available
for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets
for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished
for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say
it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available
for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends will
be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp
Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking
for money.
One section will be devoted
to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be
in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated
with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have
seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids
for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool for those who think
he's too loud!
Hope to see you there!
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Here is another one from D.A.'s
archives:
A panda walks into a diner,
sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun,
and shoots out the restaurant's windows.
As the panda stands up to
go, the owner shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter
and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the
owner, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The owner opens his dictionary
and sees the following definition for "panda":
"A tree dwelling marsupial
of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats
shoots and leaves."
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Thanks to D.A.: MEDICAL
DAFFYNITIONS
~ Artery: The study of painting
~ Bacteria: The back door
of the cafeteria
~ Barium: What doctors do
when their patients die
~ Bowel: A letter like A,
E, I, O or U
~ Caesarean Section: A neighborhood
in Rome
~ CAT Scan: Searching for
a kitty
~ Cauterize: To make eye contact
with a girl
~ Coma: A punctuation mark
~ Enema: Someone who is not
your friend
~ Fester: Quicker
~ Fibula: A small lie
~ Labor Pain: When you get
hurt at work
~ Nitrates: Cheaper than day
rates
~ Node: Was aware of
~ Outpatient: A patient who
fainted
~ Pelvis: An Elvis impersonator
~ Recovery Room: A place to
do upholstery
~ Secretion: Something you
don't want anyone to know
~ Seizure: A Roman emperor
~ Tablet: A small table
~ Terminal: Where the planes
land
~ Urine: Opposite of "you're
out"
~ Varicose: Nearby
~ Vein: To be conceited
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Another good one from D.A.:
There was a lady who was visiting
a church one Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on
forever, and many in the
congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social,
she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in
greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman yawned,
"I'm glad it's done too!"
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ANSWER: Edith Bunker
of TV's "All in the Family."
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Gradowiths
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