Good Morning:  It's Saturday January 12, 2002!

Happy Birthday Chase Weed!!!

BIRTHDAYS:  Charles Perrault (French writer who collected such favorite fairy tales as "Cinderella," "Sleeping Beauty," and "Little Red Riding Hood"), 1628; Edmund Burke, 1729; John Hancock, 1737; Jack London, 1876; Ray Price, 1926; Joe Frazier, 1944; Kirstie Alley, 1955.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1773 the first U.S. museum opened in Charleston, SC.  It was dedicated to the preservation of knowledge.

On this date in 1812 the steamboat NEW ORLEANS became the first boat to deliver cargo by steam on the Mississippi River.

On this date in 1876 John Griffith Chaney was born in San Francisco, CA.  His parents were not what one might call "normal", one being a roving astrologer (father) and the other a "spiritualist".  He quit school at the age of 14 and explored the San Francisco Bay area in a sloop.  He rode the rails as a hobo and was even jailed for vagrancy.  At the age of 19 he crammed a four-year high school course into one year and entered the University of California at Berkeley.  After one year, he went on the road to seek his fortune in the 1897 Klondike gold rust.  He didn't find his fortune, however, until he began writing.  Because he wrote, we all became richer.  We know him, not as John Griffith Chaney, but by his pen name -- Jack London.  He wrote, among other things, THE CALL OF THE WILD, WHITE FANG, TO BUILD A FIRE...

On this date in 1896 Dr. H.L. Smith made the first X-Ray photograph in the United States.

On this date in 1915 the House of Representatives rejected a bill giving women the right to vote.

On this date in 1932 Hattie Caraway of Arkansas became the first female U.S. Senator.

On this date in 1935 Amelia Earhart completed her historic flight (see yesterdays history).

On this date in 1966 the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder debuted on ABC.

On this date in 1970 the Boeing 747 made its first transatlantic flight.

On this date in 1971 Archie, Edith, Meathead and Gloria began visiting living rooms in America as "All In The Family" debuted on CBS.

On this date in 1990 American astronauts aboard the space shuttle Columbia retrieved an 11-ton floating science lab.  It was a rescue mission that kept the faltering satellite from plunging to earth.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  In 1814 the British burned public buildings in Washington, D.C.. That was the final year of the war of 1812. That was also the year of the bombardment of Fort Henry in Baltimore, and the year when Francis Scott Key wrote the words to "The Star-Spangled Banner."... The U.S. population first exceeded 200 million in the year of 1970 when our nation's population topped 203 million. It was about 179.3 million in 1960... (Tradition states) The dance performed by Salome before Herod was a dance of seven veils. (Thanks to LM!)

TRIVIA:  In the Bible, whose hair stood up when he saw a ghost?

     "The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones" (Chinese proverb).

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The OLD WIVES' TALE OF THE DAY:  SOLID FOODS WILL HELP A BABY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.  This one is NOT TRUE.  In fact, the only people helped by this advice are the manufacturers of baby food...  Until the 1980's infants were started on solid food (usually cereal) at about four weeks of age.  The seemingly defenseless child would sit, propped up in a corner of an infant seat, while you patiently spooned the food into his little mouth.  Then, through a phenomenon known as "extrusion reflex" (a self-protective mechanism that prevents infants from swallowing anything but liquids), he would push the food back out.  In some frustration you scraped it off his chin, tried again, and maybe eventually some food ended up inside the baby.  "Experts" now recommend waiting until a baby is at least 4 months old -- preferably 6 months -- to give them solid food.

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Thanks to a friend:  Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head...

You know that all potatoes have eyes.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, whom they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato, either.

She would get plenty of exercise and lift weights so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. When she began to travel, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France.

And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just a... Common Tater .

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From ANDYCHAPS:  What's The Difference???

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.

The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."

The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

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From ANDYCHAPS:  Losing a foot

A woman was not feeling well, so she visited her doctor.

The good doctor, after giving her a thorough examination, said grimly,  "Mrs Goode, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot."

"What!?! You mean my foot has to be amputated?"

"Oh, no, no..." replied the good doctor, "I mean you have to lose a foot from around your waistline!"

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ANSWER:  The hair of Eliphaz, one of Job's friends, Job 4:15-16 -- "Then a spirit passed before my face, the hair of my flesh stood up:  It stood still, but I could not discern the form thereof..."

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Good Morning:  It's Sunday January 13, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  Salmon Chase (American statesman and Supreme Court chief justice), 1808; Horatio Alger, 1834; Sophie Tucker, 1884; Robert Stack, 1919; Gwen Verdon, 1925; Michael Bond (children's author), 1926; Charles Nelson Reilly, 1931; Rubber Ducky (Sesame Street character), date unknown.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1733 James Oglethorpe and 130 colonists arrived at Charleston, SC on their way to settling what would become the state of Georgia.

On this date in 1794 Congress passed legislation increasing to 15 the number of stars and stripes on the flag.

On this date in 1854 Anthony Faas patented the Accordion.

On this date in 1864 Stephen Foster died with only $0.38 to his name.

On this date in 1888 the National Geographic Society was founded.

On this date in 1920 a "New York Times" editorial opined that rockets would never fly.

On this date in 1943 "Victory Sausages" (meatless hot dogs) were introduced to make rationing easier during World War II.

On this date in 1966 Robert Weaver became the first black appointed to a cabinet post, secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

On this date in 1967 the U.S. population made it over the 200 million mark.

On this date in 1990 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev said he was prepared to accept a multiparty system in the USSR.

On this date in 1996 Michael Jordan become one of 13 NBA players to accumulate at least 23,000 career points.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The White Cliffs of Dover are composed of a type of chalk which is responsible for their color...Before Morocco became independent in 1956, it was a protectorate of two European countries; France and Spain...The pistil and stigma are parts of flowers....(Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA: EWR, LAX, DFW and ORD are flighty abbreviations for what?

     "All the best stories are but one story in reality - the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape" (Arthur Christopher Benson).

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From Stan Kegel -- Fifty Rules for Writing Good

1.      Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.
2.      Between you and I, pronoun case is important.
3.      A writer must be sure to avoid using sexist pronouns in his writing.
4.      Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
5.      Don't be a person whom people realize confuses who and whom.
6.      Never use no double negatives.
7.      Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. That is something up with which your readers will not put.
8.      When writing, participles must not be dangled.
9.      Be careful to never, under any circumstances, split infinitives.
10.     Hopefully, you won't float your adverbs.
11.     A writer must not shift your point of view.
12.     Lay down and die before using a transitive verb without an object.
13.     Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
14.     The passive voice should be avoided.
15.     About sentence fragments.
16.     Don't verb nouns.
17.     In letters themes reports and ad copy use commas to separate items in a series.
18.     Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
19.     "Don't overuse 'quotation marks.'"
20.     Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (if the truth be told) superfluous.
21.     Contractions won't, don't, and can't help your writing voice.
22.     Don't write run-on sentences they are hard to read.
23.     Don't forget to use end punctuation
24.     Its important to use apostrophe's in the right places.
25.     Don't abbrev.
26.     Don't overuse exclamation marks! ! !
27.     Resist Unnecessary Capitalization.
28.     Avoid mispellings.
29.     Check to see if you any words out.
30.     One-word sentences? Never.
31.      Avoid annoying, affected, and awkward alliteration, always.
32.     Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
33.     The bottom line is to bag trendy locutions that sound flaky.
34.     By observing the distinctions between adjectives and adverbs, you will treat your readers real good.
35.     Parallel structure will help you in writing more effective sentences and to express yourself more gracefully.
36.     In my own personal opinion at this point of time, I think that authors, when they are writing, should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that they don't really need.
37.     Foreign words and phrases are the reader's bete noire and are not apropos.
38.     Who needs rhetorical questions?
39.     Always go in search for the correct idiom.
40.     Do not cast statements in the negative form.
41.     And don't start sentences with conjunctions.
42.     Avoid mixed metaphors. They will kindle a flood of confusion in your readers.
43.     Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
44.     Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
45.     Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
46.     Be more or less specific.
47.     If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement, which is always best.
48.     Never use a big word when you can utilize a diminutive word.
49.     Profanity xxxxxx (edited).
50.     Last but not least, even if you have to bend over backward, avoid cliches like the plague. (By Richard Lederer)

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From Nancy at Friday's Humor -- Computer  Chips

A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100,000. The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would put it in trust until he was released.

The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a computer. The warden said "sure" and got him a computer. A brand new Compaq computer. After a few weeks the warden visitied him in his cell to see how he was doing. To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the floor.

The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would not even complete the simplest task.

The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the computer. One simple task and it could not do it.

The Hillbilly said, "I hit the escape key and nothing happened, I hit the key again and still nothin, I am still here. I think I will sue Compaq."

MORE:  Hunting

There was an Indian, a caveman, and a cowboy. One day they ran out of food and decided to go hunting. The Indian went out and got a bear, and the caveman and the cowboy said, "How did you get that?" He said, "Me find tracks me follow tracks me get bear". So the next day the cowboy went out and got a deer, and the caveman said, "How did you get that?" He replied, "Me find tracks me follow tracks me get deer". The next day the  caveman arrived back from his hunt all bloody and disfigured. The Indian and cowboy said, "How did that happen?" And the caveman replied, "Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get hit by train".

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ANSWER:  Airports -- EWR is Newark Airport; LAX is Los Angeles; DFW is Dallas-FortWorth; and ORD is for O'Hare in Chicago (from the old Orchard Field).

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Good Morning:  It's Monday January 14, 2002!

Happy Birthday Winnie Capps!!!

BIRTHDAYS:  Benedict Arnold, 1741; Matthew Fontaine Murray (American naval officer and pioneer in modern oceanography), 1806; Albert Schweitzer, 1875; Hugh Lofting (English author who wrote the Dr. Dolittle books), 1886; Andy Rooney, 1919; Julian Bond, 1940; Faye Dunaway, 1941; Jason Bateman, 1969.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1639 the "Fundamental Orders of Connecticut" were adopted, establishing a government by laws rather than by men.

On this date in 1734 Thermometers in Yeneseisk, Siberia, registered 120 degrees below zero.

On this date in 1784 the Revolutionary War formally ended.

On this date in 1794 Dr. Jesse Bennett of Edom, VA, performed the first modern-day successful Cesarean section.  It was performed on his own wife!

On this date in 1914 Henry Ford started his first manufacturing assembly line.

On this date in 1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first president to fly in an airplane while in office.

On this date in 1952 the "Today" show premiered on NBC.

On this date in 1957 actor Humphrey Bogart died at the age of 57.

On this date in 1969 Soviet cosmonauts made the first linkup of two orbiting spaceships, Soyuz 4 and Soyuz 5.

On this date in 1980 Iran's Revolutionary Council expelled all American news correspondents from the country.  The Shiite Muslim government felt they had the might of religion on their side as they proclaimed a new national order that excluded any other country.

On this date in 1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin signed the Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The Little League World Series is played annually in Williamsport, Pennsylvania where Little League began in 1939...0.125 converted to a fraction = 1/8...The name of the Greek temple dedicated to all the gods is, Pantheon. "Pan" meaning "all" and "theos" means "god." (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  During the course of a lifetime, the average American...
A. eats 269 gallons of ice cream
B. makes nearly 200,000 phone calls
C. sleeps about 23 years
D. all of the above
E. none of the above.

     "The whole earth is the tomb of heroic men and their story is not graven only on stone over their clay but abides everywhere without visible symbol, woven into the stuff of other men's lives" (Thucydides).

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"Out of clutter, find Simplicity. From discord, find Harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies Opportunity." -- Albert Einstein

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"Eagles in a Storm"

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks?  The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.

When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm.  While the storm rages, below the eagle is soaring above it.  The eagle does not escape the storm.  It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us ... and all of us will experience them...we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.

The storms do not have to overcome us.  We can allow God's power to lift us above them.  God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives.  We can soar above the storm.  Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.

--Unknown

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From Nancy (via Saturday's Humor) -- to be taken with a grain of salt... Creation

In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.  And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good. And the Devil said, "There goes the neighbourhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?"  And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the
Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance.

Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And man gained another ten pounds.

And God created the life-giving tofu.

And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"

And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.

And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counsellor.

MORE:  Advice

Father: Why don't you get yourself a job?

Son: Why?

Father: So you could earn some money.

Son: Why?

Father: So you could put some money in a bank and earn interest.

Son: Why?

Father: So that when you're old you can use the money in your account...and you would never have to work again.

Son: I'm not working now.

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It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be
prepared. - Whitney Young, Jr.

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"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." - Dale Carnegie

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ANSWER:  D -- and they take about 10,000 multiple choice tests!!!

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