Good Morning:  It's Thursday January 17, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  Leonhard Fuchs (German botanist), 1501; Benjamin Franklin, 1706; Noah Beery, 1884; Jerome Kern, 1885; Betty White, 1925; Robert Cormier (children's author), 1925; James Earl Jones, 1931; Shari Lewis, 1934; John Bellairs (children's author), 1938; Cassius Clay [Muhammad Ali] (American boxing champion), 1942.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in AD 46 "St. Anthony the Abbot" was said to have died.

On this date in 1773 the English explorer James Cook became the first person to sail across the Antarctic Circle.

On this date in 1871 Andrew Hallidie was issued a patent for the first cable car.

On this date in 1919 "Popeye" made his first appearance in E.C. Segar's comic strip "Thimble Theatre".

MEANINGLESS FACTS: Butane is a Hydrocarbon gas... John Nance Garner was a member of the U.S. House of representatives from Texas in 1932 when he was elected vice president of the United States to serve with President Franklin D. Roosevelt... Epsom salts is named after the city of Epsom, England which is known for its mineral waters.  (Thanks to LM!)

TRIVIA:  Where (in the Bible) is "hammock" mentioned?

     "The story - from Rumplestiltskin to War and Peace - is one of the basic tools invented by the human mind, for the purpose of gaining understanding. There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories" (Ursula K. LeGuin).

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Time for the OLD WIVES' TALE OF THE DAY:  DON'T PICK A BABY UP EVERY TIME HE CRIES.  HE'LL GET SPOILED... IT'S A GOOD FOR A BABY TO CRY, IT EXERCISES THE LUNGS...  This is sort of 2 tales in one (like TRIX, I guess).  Doctors and psychologists are now reassuring parents that there's no way a young baby (up so six months or so) is capable of scheming to manipulate helpless parents with the idea, "If I cry long enough and loud enough, I'll get picked up."  According to respected pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, "You can never spoil a baby with too much love and attention.  Your baby is helpless, and when she needs you, she communicates in the only way she can, by crying.  You teach her trust and security with lots of loving attention."  Studies have also been done on the effects of picking a baby up even when she's not crying.  By six weeks of age, babies who had been carried around and cuddled an extra hour or two a day were observed to cry less.  This was particularly evident during the late afternoon and evening 'fuss periods'.  Crankiness and crying were actually cut in half.  This one, then, would be NOT TRUE.

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Thanks to LBS:  A $100,000 Speeding Fine??

HELSINKI (Reuters) - A senior executive of the world's largest mobile phone maker Nokia is appealing a record $103,600 fine for speeding because his income has dropped, Finnish media and officials said Monday.

Millionaire and Harley Davidson enthusiast Anssi Vanjoki was caught racing his motorbike down a Helsinki street in October at 47 mph in a 31 mph zone, the newspaper Ilta-Sanomat reported.

Unlike in many other countries, Finnish traffic fines vary according to the offender's average income.

The fine was based on Vanjoki's 1999 income which was boosted by big options sales. But Vanjoki's income dropped drastically last year as Nokia's share price fell alongside other tech shares, making option sales uneconomical.
Vanjoki's fine is believed to be the largest ever traffic penalty in Finland, beating a fine of more than $71,000 handed down to Internet millionaire Jaakko Rytsola and one of $31,200 given to Vanjoki's colleague, Nokia president Pekka Ala-Pietila.
A Helsinki district court official confirmed to Reuters that Vanjoki's appeal would be heard on May 15.

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Thanks to LM:  Rules For Men:

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

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Thanks to LM for another one of those I like so well --

The Age Barometer -- Count how many you remember...
 
1. Blackjack chewing gum

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles

5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes

6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines

8. Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive -6933)

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S&H Green Stamps

16. Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with levers

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulbs

20. Beanie and Cecil

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

--- Lamar Mcdade

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Thanks to LM:  You know you're getting old when....

Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.

You look forward to a dull evening

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today."

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

Your back goes out more than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you get excited.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

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ANSWER:  Isaiah 24:20 (In the RV) -- "The earth shall stagger like a drunken man, and shall sway to and fro like a hammock..." (The AV has "cottage.")

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Good Morning:  It's Saturday January 19, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  James Watt, 1736; Isaiah Thomas, 1749; Robert E. Lee (commander in chief of the Confederate armies), 1807; Edgar Allen Poe (one of my favorite poets and authors), 1809; Robert MacNeil, 1931; Paul Cezanne (French impressionist painter), 1839; Phil Everly, 1939; Susan Dodson (children's author), 1941; Shelley Fabares, 1944; Dolly Parton, 1946; Desi Arnaz Jr., 1953.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1825 tin cans were patented.

On this date in 1840 Lieutenant Charles Wilkes sighted Antarctica and claimed it as a U.S. possession.

On this date in 1861 Georgia seceded from the Union.

On this date in 1898 Brown shut out Harvard, 6-0, in the first official college hockey game.

On this date in 1903 President Theodore Roosevelt sent the first greeting telegram, to King Edward VII in London.

On this date in 1903 the first transatlantic radio broadcast took place.

On this date in 1918 the Bolsheviks dissolved the Russian Constitutional Assembly.

On this date in 1922 a Geological survey predicts that the U.S. oil supply will be depleted in 20 years (1942).  Of course, science is never wrong...

On this date in 1955 President Dwight Eisenhower held the first televised presidential press conference.

On this date in 1966 Indira Gandhi became prime minister of India.

On this date in 1977 President Ford pardoned Tokyo Rose.  She had been convicted of treason for her broadcasts during WW II.

On this date in 1982 Coca-Cola announced an agreement to buy Columbia Pictures for $750 million.

On this date in 1983 the American Psychiatric Association urged a tightening of the rules for the use of the insanity plea in criminal trials.

On this date in 1989 the Reagans spent their last night in the White House.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Benjamin Franklin invented the bifocal lens in 1780... The Korean War began in June of 1950... A Mansard Roof is one that slopes twice on each of its four sides, with the lower slope steeper than the upper. (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  What job did Robert E. Lee turn down to accept command of the Confederate forces?

     "Happiness isn't the easiest thing to find, but one place you're guaranteed to find it is in a friend's smile" (Allison Poler).

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OLD WIVES' TALE:  YOU HAVE TO WARM A BABY'S BOTTLE BEFORE SERVING IT.  This one was most likely laid down at the beginning of the century when formulas were first developed for use in bottle feeding.  Before then, a mother either breast-fed her baby or hired a wet nurse.  Obviously, the reasoning went, since breast milk was served up at body temperature, bottles needed to be warmed to the same degree.  Many gave the warning, "The milk will chill the baby's tummy."  This one, the warnings notwithstanding, is NOT TRUE.

What no one took into consideration was that while breast milk is available immediately in a warmed state (one of the many advantages of breast-feeding), bottles need to be heated, tested, then usually cooled a little.  All this takes time, during which you have a hungry baby screaming at the top of his lungs -- especially frustrating at 3:00 A.M.

Pediatricians now tell us that many hospitals don't even warm the bottles for newborns!  As for the "chilled tummy theory", doctors point out that the milk is warmed on the trip down to the baby's tummy.  If you want to warm the formula, feel free to do so -- it won't hurt anything.  However, if you do not want to do so, it won't hurt anything either!

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This one came from M/M Riverrats with the following prologue:

Have you got nerve to use this? If not I wouldn't blame you. Thought you would like to read it anyway. Hope everything is going good with all of you...

I thought it was funny, so here it is:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the Archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it.

I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will  be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and climate. The people from Florida are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God?" You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see who I'm sending them from the North every winter!"

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There is nothing like a good "woman joke" on a Saturday... well -- here is one from LM:

The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a going'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

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ANSWER:  Lee declined command of the Union forces.  He apparently felt his loyalty was to his home state of Virginia.

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Good Morning:  It's Friday January 18, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  Peter Mark Roget (English scholar and thesaurus author), 1779; Daniel Webster (American orator and statesman), 1782; Daniel Hale Williams (Black surgeon credited with performing the first successful open-heart operation), 1856; A.A. Milne (children's author and creator of Winnie-the-Pooh), 1882; Oliver Hardy, 1892; Cary Grant, 1904; Danny Kaye, 1913; Raymond Briggs (children's author), 1934; Curt Flood, 1938; Kevin Costner, 1955.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1535 Lima, Peru, was founded by Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro.

On this date in 1778 Captain James Cook, British explorer, "discovered" the Sandwich Islands.  These islands were inhabited upon his arrival and he gave them the name "Sandwich" in honor of the Earl of Sandwich.  We know these islands as the Hawaiian Islands.

On this date in 1911 Lieutenant Eugene Ely became the first person to land a plane on a ship, the USS Pennsylvania.

On this date in 1912 Captain Robert Scott reached the South Pole!  Unfortunately for him, Roald Amundsen had reached the pole a month earlier.  The Amundsen team not only beat the Scott team to the Pole, they survived to tell their story.  Scott and his party died shortly after reaching their goal.

On this date in 1919 the Peace Conference at Versailles began.  The conference eventually settled World War I but set the stage for World War II.

On this date in 1943 bakers in the United States were ordered to stop selling sliced bread for the duration of World War II.

On this date in 1944 E.B. Kan became the first Chinese person granted U.S. Citizenship.

On this date in 1986 it was the first observance of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birth as a legal public holiday.

On this date in 1989 the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame inducted Dion, Otis Redding, the Rolling Stones, the Temptations, and Stevie Wonder.

Today is also Pooh Day.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Utah was the last state admitted to the Union in the 19th century. It was admitted in 1896 and became the 45th state... What is believed to be the oldest trees in the world are Bristlecone pines. Many of which grow in the White Mountains of California. Some are believed to be between 4,000 and 5,000 years old... "Tokay" is a large and sweet grape. (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  Does a zebra have white or black stripes?

     "The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by. The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of the world, himself a light" (Felix Adler, 1851 - 1933).

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Today's OLD WIVES' TALE:  THE LATER A BABY'S TEETH COME IN, THE BETTER THEY'LL BE.  Though often repeated, this one is NOT TRUE; Speculation is that it was started by mothers or grandmothers whose small ones were a little late in sprouting teeth...  In the long run, it doesn't matter when the teeth come in.  Usually, the first tooth breaks through the gum at around five to six months of age, but some infants are born with a tooth.  Others may not get the first tooth until after their first birthday.  The quality of the teeth isn't decided by the time they come in, but rather the care they receive thereafter.

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Thanks to LM:  Thoughts:

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When someone tells you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in...what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted or musicians denoted?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered...what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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Some blonde jokes from a friend --

ONE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some  woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

TWO

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.  She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

THREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FOUR

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.  Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"O My!" the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.  "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ........"

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

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ANSWER:  It has black stripes on a white or tawny body.

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Good Morning:  It's Sunday January 20, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  Andre Ampere (French scientist who made important contributions to the study of electricity and mangetism), 1775; George Burns, 1896; Joy Adamson (wildlife conservationist and author of BORN FREE), 1920; Federico Fellini, 1920; Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin (American astronaut), 1930; Arte Johnson, 1934; David Lynch, 1946; Lorenzo Lamas, 1958.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1265 the first English Parliament was called to session.

On this date in 1654 the lowest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was recorded at Rogers Pass, MT -- seventy degrees below zero!

On this date in 1892 the first basketball game was said to have been played.  Though there is some controversy about it (there usually is with "firsts"), James Naismith was said to have introduced the game at the YMCA at which he worked.

On this date in 1937, well, at least since this date in 1937 this has been Presidential Inauguration Day.

On this date in 1945 President Franklin Roosevelt was inaugurated for an unprecedented fourth term.

On this date in 1952 Patricia McCormack made her debut as America's first female bullfighter.

On this date in 1965 Lyndon Johnson broke tradition by asking his wife, instead of a government official, to hold the Bible during his presidential inauguration.

On this date in 1980 the Pittsburgh Steelers posted their fourth Super Bowl victory in as many attempts.

On this date in 1980 President Jimmy Carter announced that the United States would boycott the Summer Olympics in Moscow because of the Soviet Union's invasion of Afghanistan.

On this date in 1981 Ronald Reagan became president of the United States.

On this date in 1981 the Iranian crisis ended with the release of 52 American hostages.

On this date in 1987 over-the-telephone advice helped 13-year-old Clayton Ary save his grandmother's life.  The eighth-grader became frightened when his grandmother fell and started turning blue.  He dialed 911 for help but only received a recorded message saying 911 service was not available in his community.  Next, he called the operator, who explained how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  Clayton followed her directions, and his grandmother started breathing on her own.

On this date in 1993 Bill Clinton (formerly of Arkansas) was inaugurated as the 42nd president of the United States.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  The world's largest lake is known as a sea. It is the Caspian Sea, which is 760 miles long and has an area of more than 143,000 square miles... 0.45 converted to the lowest numerator and denominator fraction is 9/20ths... Henry Clay, in an 1850 speech said; "Sir I would rather be right than be president." (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  Don't get a headache over it, but can you figure out the common name for C9H8O4?

     "A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy, the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother's love" (Thomas C. Haliburton).

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OLD WIVES' TALE:  NEWBORNS CAN'T SEE.  One of the most touching moments in life is when your newborn looks intently at you with such clear and trusting eyes...  Then someone comes along and says, "You know, he/she can't really see you."

Well, there's no need for disappointment, this one is NOT TRUE.  Research has, indeed, confirmed what mothers have long suspected -- babies, right from birth, can see very well, at least up to 12 inches away.  Interestingly, that's the usual distance between a nursing baby and the mother's face.  It's nature's way of helping the bonding process.  Dr. T. Berry Brazelton has observed that infants can recognize their mothers' faces by the time they are two weeks old.  For fathers, it is thought to take a little longer.

These findings also impact on the way newborns' eyes are treated.  For years, it's been routine hospital procedure to use silver nitrate drops soon after birth to help prevent serious infections.  However, silver nitrate is very irritating to the eye and can blur the infant's vision.  The American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Society to Prevent Blindness have approved the alternative use of the antibiotics erythromycin and tetracycline.  They're less irritating and more effective against chlamydia infections.

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Thanks to BC:  Thought

Being defeated is often a temporary condition.
Giving up is what makes it permanent.

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A favorite from M/M Riverrats And LM: -- REMEMBER....

When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the banquets were in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and all the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits for the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12 p.m.

When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car. . to cruise, peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so it would fit her finger.

And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.

Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..."

And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a psychological group learning experience-it was a game.

Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.'

And...with all our progress...don't you just wish... just once...you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace..and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's ....

So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive by shootings,drugs, gangs,etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we all survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

And was it really that long ago?

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ANSWER:  Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid)

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Good Morning:  It's Monday January 21, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS:  Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson (confederate general), 1824; Wolfman Jack, 1939; Jack Nicklaus, 1940; Placido Domingo (Spanish tenor), 1941; Mac Davis, 1942; Jill Eikenberry, 1947; Robby Benson, 1956; Geena Davis, 1957; Akeem Olajuwon (Nigerian basketball star), 1963.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1799 Edward Jenner's smallpox vaccination was introduced.

On this date in 1861 Jefferson Davis of Mississippi resigned from the U.S. Senate after his state seceded from the Union.

On this date in 1908 New York City passed a regulation making it illegal for women to smoke in public.

On this date in 1930 the comic strip "Buck Rogers" premiered.

On this date in 1950 Alger Hiss was convicted of perjury.  A confessed Communist, Whittaker Chambers, accused former State Department official Alger Hiss of being a Communist agent.  Hiss was convicted of perjury.  This trial featured and made famous a young California Congressman:  Richard M. Nixon.

On this date in 1954 the first atomic-powered submarine, the U.S.S. NAUTILUS, was launched at Groton, CT.

On this date in 1976 the supersonic Concorde passenger jet was put into service in England and France.  When a second jet was completed service was expanded to include New York City.

On this date in 1977 president Jimmy Carter (of Georgia) pardoned all U.S. draft evaders.

On this date in 1979 the Pittsburgh Steelers became the first football team to win three Super Bowls.

On this date in 1988 Felix, a cat trapped for 29 days in the cargo hold of an airplane, was reunited with her owners.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Abiology is the study of nonliving things... The oldest American city is, St. Augustine, Florida, it was settled by the Spanish in 1565... John Jay (1745-1829), was the first Chief Justice of the United States... (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  What real life situation inspired the character of the Mad Hatter in "Alice in Wonderland"?

     "Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. What do we live for if not to make the world less difficult for each other?" (George Eliot. (Mary Ann Evans), 1819 - 1880).

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OLD WIVES' TALE:  SIT A BABY UP AFTER HE EATS, AND HE WON'T SPIT UP.  One of the least endearing attributes of young babies is their habit of 'spitting up'.  It happens just when you're least expecting it, usually when you, or the baby, are freshly dolled up in clean clothes.  When this happens, there is usually some know-it-all who says, "You didn't burp the baby properly," or "Why don't you sit her up after she eats?"

Babies usually spit up because they have eaten too much or swallowed air during the feeding.  Some recent studies have indicated that sitting a baby in an upright position may, instead, make the condition worse by increasing the pressure in the stomach.  The current advice is to place a baby on his/her stomach with his/her head slightly elevated by raising the head of the crib mattress.  This old wives' tale is NOT TRUE.

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Thanks to LM:  Princess And Her Frog

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess's lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, while dining on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't think so!"

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Thanks to LBS and M/M Riverrats:  Is this politically correct? Real Life Math

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED: Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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From AndyChaps:

**  "Stay focused on the goal, keep your eye on the destination, but take off the blinders and enjoy the path you have chosen.  It's not just getting there, it's what you learn along the way."  ~~~Bob Perks  **

**  "Give yourself an even greater challenge than the one you are trying to master and you will develop the powers necessary to overcome the original difficulty." -- William J. Bennett  **

**  Within us all there are wells of thought and dynamos of energy which are not suspected until emergencies arise.  Then oftentimes we find that it is comparatively simple to double or triple our former capacities and to amaze ourselves by the results achieved. ~~~~ Thomas J. Watson  **

**  When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in a stationary one, and do without change. - George Bernard Shaw  **

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ANSWER:  The phrase "as mad as a hatter" was very common at the time the book was written.  The reason was that mercury was used in the production of felt hats and since it can be absorbed through the skin, many in the industry became afflicted with mercury poisoning which can cause nerve damage and mental breakdown.

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Good Morning:  It's Tuesday January 22, 2002!

Happy Birthday David Summerlin!!!

BIRTHDAYS:  Sir Francis Bacon, 1561; poet Lord Byron, 1788; Brian Wildsmith (children's book illustrator), 1930; Piper Laurie, 1932; Bill Bixby, 1934; Joseph Wambaugh, 1937; John Hurt, 1941; Linda Blair, 1959.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1789 THE POWER OF SYMPATHY, by William Hill Brown -- considered by some to be the first American novel -- was published.

On this date in 1879 King Cetewayo and 20,000 Zulu warriors overwhelmed a well-trained British military regiment led by Lord Chelmsford at Isandlwana, South Africa.  Only 40 British soldiers managed to escape.

On this date in 1901 the Victorian era ended when the Queen died at the age of 82.

On this date in 1905 the "Bloody Sunday" massacre occurred in St. Petersburg, Russia.  The Russian Czar's soldiers fired on a group of peaceful demonstrators in from of the St. Petersburg palace.  Not only were many killed, thousands more were arrested and sent to prison or to Siberian labor camps.  All of this led to the Bolshevik revolution...

On this date in 1926 the Children's Museum, the world's largest museum for kids, opened in Indianapolis, IN.

On this date in 1930 excavation for the Empire State Building began.

On this date in 1970 the jumbo jet era began as Boeing 747s took to the sky in commercial flights for the first time.

On this date in 1987 a labrador retriever named coco saved his 2 1/2-year-old master from freezing to death by curling up on top of him.

On this date in 1995 Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy, mother of President J.F.Kennedy etc., died at the age of 104.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Botanically, a tomato is a fruit because it has seeds inside its pulp. It is actually considered a berry... The oxidation of the ethyl alcohol in wine causes it to take on a sour or vinegary taste... 0.03125 converted to a fraction is, One-thirty-second. (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  A man rode his horse from New York to Los Angeles.  He left on Wednesday and arrived on the very same Wednesday.  How is that?

     "If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest" (Kin (Frank McKinney) Hubbard, 1868 - 1930).

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OLD WIVES' TALE:  CHILDREN NEED TO GET TEN HOURS OF SLEEP EACH NIGHT.  Parents, you might not want to let the kids read this one...  While children do need to get enough sleep, and while many admittedly do not, the general advice of pediatricians is that the average six- to eight-year-old should get 12 hours of sleep a day; nine- to twelve-year-olds require 10 to 11 hours; and 13- to 15-year-olds need nine to ten hours sleep.  The critical word here is "average".

Children, just as adults, differ in their sleep requirements.  Some can manage very well, even as toddlers, on eight hours or less a night.  So, instead of setting a firm time to go to sleep, doctors say parents should consider how the child wakes up.  If he/she is wide awake and fresh in the morning, is alert in school, and doesn't get tired and cranky during the day, he/she is probably getting enough sleep.

This old wives' tale is NOT TRUE.

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Thanks to J&W R for an old favorite:  Ya Gotta Love the South ..........
 
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink." and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."
*****
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Georgia to 25? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
*****
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
A documentary.
*****
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Mississippi. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
*****
A Mississippi State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-55. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout What?"
*****
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
*****
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
*****
What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
I-40.
**
Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray,what'cha got in the bag?" "Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK, Ummmmmm.....five?"
*****
What does a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
*****
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here, my house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
*****
Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
That's all folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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From SUSQUEHANNA SENTINEL EDITED BY Clarence R. Johnson ([email protected])

CAN WE LEARN A LESSON?

The Ohio Dept. of Rehabilitation and Correction has a list of rules governing those who visit inmates of their institutions. I want to share the rules they list about appropriate clothing to be worn when visiting. They are very instructive.

1. No see-through or tight fitting clothing.

2. No Shorts (Shorts will be permitted for children 12 years of age or less).

3. No Skirts or Dresses higher than the middle of the knee.

4. No clothing with gang/club insignia or obscene gestures and/or language.

5. No tank tops, Tube tops or Muscle Shirts and no Bare midriffs.

6. Shoes and Shirts must be worn.

7. Appropriate undergarments must be worn (example: Bra, Slip, underwear).

8. Any other attire found to be potentially disruptive, or offensive may result in the termination of the visit.

In other words, dress modestly and sensibly. Often, Christians need to learn this lesson. You won’t learn it from TV or the movies, but you can learn it from God’s Word. 1 Tim.2: 9-10. "And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do." NLT

The officials who operate Ohio’s correctional institutions know what is immodest and enticing. So do we, if we are honest with ourselves and with God’s word. -- Larry Devore

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From a friend:  What Kind Of Fool Am I?

What are a few common characteristics of the fool? Without referencing the exhaustive list, most are listed in the book of Proverbs. Try these on for size.
 
A prating fool will fall
Whoever spreads slander is a fool
To do evil is like sport to a fool
The fool will be servant to the wise of heart
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes
A fool's wrath is known at once
A fool lays open his folly
The mouth of a fool is a rod of pride
A fool rages and is self-confident
A fool despises his father's instruction
Excellent speech is not becoming to a fool
The father of a fool has no joy
A fool has no delight in understanding
A fool's lips enter into contention
A fool's mouth is his destruction
Any fool can start a quarrel
Honor is not fitting for a fool
A rod is readied for the fool's back
As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly
He who trusts in his own heart is a fool
Whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace
A fool vents all his feelings
The fool walks in darkness.
 
Notice how many times when a characteristic of the fool is listed, it has to do with his mouth? For out of the overflow of our hearts, our mouths speak. God says, in James 1:26, "If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless." So what kind of fool am I? A fool for Christ. Whose fool are you?

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ANSWER:  The horse's name was Wednesday...

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Good Morning:  It's Wednesday January 23, 2002!

NATIONAL HANDWRITING DAY:  Today celebrates good penmanship, in honor of John Hancock's birth!  I am trying to type today's list very neatly...

BIRTHDAYS:  John Hancock, 1737; Edouard Manet (French impressionist painter), 1832; Randolph Scott, 1898; Humphrey Bogart, 1899; Ernie Kovacs, 1919; Rutger Hauer, 1944; Richard Dean Anderson, 1950; Princess Caroline, 1957.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1542 King Henry VIII took the title of King of Ireland.

On this date in 1849 Elizabeth Blackwell became the first female medical doctor, well, she received the first M.D. awarded to an American female.  She was, by the way, a native of Bristol England and received the degree from the Medical Institution of Geneva, New York.

On this date in 1916 a 100 degree temperature variation (144 F to 56 F) occurred during a 24-hour period in Browning, Mont.

On this date in 1918 the Soviet government officially severed relations with the Russian Orthodox Church.

On this date in 1937 Soviet leaders confessed to an anti-Stalinist conspiracy allegedly led by Leon Trotsky.  Out of this process grew a greater understanding of "brain washing".

On this date in 1950 the Knesset, Israel's parliament, proclaimed Jerusalem as that nation's capitol city.

On this date in 1960 the U.S. bathyscaphe TRIESTE I made a record-breaking descent to 35,820 feet.

On this date in 1964 the "Poll tax" was barred in U.S. Federal elections by the ratification of the 24th amendment to the Constitution.

On this date in 1968 the U.S. Navy Ship Pueblo and its 83 man crew were seized by North Korea.

On this date in 1988 Bob Beniot became the first person to bowl a perfect game in a televised title match.

MEANINGLESS FACTS:  Mount Everest is about 29,000 feet, or 5 ½ miles high... Dried salted fish for food is called Bombay Duck... London is five hours ahead of America's Eastern Time. (Thanks to LM!!!)

TRIVIA:  Everyone knows that Humphrey Bogart's character in "Casablanca" was named Rick (right???), but what was his last name?

     "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy" (Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh).

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OLD WIVES' TALE:  NEVER TAKE A SICK CHILD OUTSIDE.  This dictum passed into history along with doctor's house calls, and every mother nowadays knows it just isn't true.  Indeed, this one is NOT TRUE.

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From SUSQUEHANNA SENTINEL EDITED BY Clarence R. Johnson ([email protected])

WALKING, TALKING BIBLES

Members of churches of Christ were once known for their knowledgeable acquaintance with the Scriptures.

Years ago a court convened in West Tennessee and the time came for the first witness to be sworn in. The swearing in called for him to place one hand on a Bible, lift the other in the air and repeat the oath to tell the truth. But no one could find a Bible. The judge was not fazed at all. He asked if there was a member of the "church of Christ" in the courtroom. A man on the jury raised his hand. Quick as a wink the judge instructed, "Then have the witness place his hand on the head of the man and take the oath. Members of churches of Christ know the Bible from cover to cover. This fellow-citizen will be our Bible until a real one is found."

True story? Maybe so; maybe not! But the very appearance of the story tells us something. It tells us that there was a time when "we" knew the book. Yes, even from cover to cover.

Would there be occasion today for such an event to occur or is our reputation such as to suggest even the making up of such a story? H-m-m-mmm. --Max Johnson, Biblical Messenger, October 30, 2001

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Thanks to LBS:  AAADD

IF YOU CANT RELATE TO THIS, DON'T WORRY....IT IS COMING SOON!!

From I think I have AAADD: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it goes...

I decide to wash the car and start toward the garage when I notice the mail on the table.

I figure I might as well go through the mail before washing the car.

I lay my keys down on the desk, sort the mail and discard the junk mail.

As I discard the junk mail, I see that the garbage can is full.

I lay the bills down on the desk and pick up the trash can.

Then I figure that since I'll be going near the mailbox while taking out the trash, I may as well pay these few bills first.

Now where did I put my checkbook?

Ah, here it is! Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in the other room.

Oh! There's the soda I was drinking earlier. Hmmm, I guess I'd better take it out to the kitchen and discard it.

On the way to the kitchen, my flower arrangement catches my eye, and I realize it needs more water.

I pour the soda down the sink.

As I wipe a spot off the counter, I see my glasses on the window sill. It's about time. I've been looking for them all morning.

I guess I'd better go put them away so I can find them again later, but first I see the remote, and what's that doing in the kitchen? Aaaaagh!

I'd better take it to the living room because we'll never think to look for it in the kitchen tonight.

I take the remote out to the coffee table and find that the living room is a bit untidy, so I go around arranging cushions and throw pillows.

I'm off down the hall, to... to... what the heck was I planning to do?

End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the flowers aren't watered, the checkbook still only has one check, and now I can't seem to find my car keys or glasses! I don't seem to have gotten anything done today and I can't figure out why because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!

I realize this is a serious condition and that I'd better seek help. But first, I think I'll check my e-mail....

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From AndyChaps:  A Few...

**  An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.  -- Will Rogers  **

**  "If you can stand up and speak eloquently with confidence, or at least stagger to your feet and say anything at all you will be head and shoulders above your competition." -- ~~~Patricia Fripp  **

**  I had the honor to speak to one of my favorite groups of people today, people who work for the government.  What a difficult job with little respect and acknowledgment.  They make decisions everyday knowing that they cannot please everyone.  But in their hearts they know that the job they are doing and the decisions they are making are for the good of us all.

Like being a parent.  Like being a leader.  Like being...God.  Can you imagine for a moment hearing all the prayers of the world and having to answer them?

One is saying, "Thanks God!"  Another is crying, "Why have you abandoned me?"

Life isn't easy.  But nothing of great value is.

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ANSWER:  You must remember this... the name was Blaine.

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