BIRTHDAYS: William Henry Harrison (ninth president of the United States), 1773; Ronald Colman, 1891; Gypsy Rose Lee, 1914; Dick Gackenbach (children's author), 1927; Roger Mudd, 1928; Maria de Lourdes Villers (Mia Farrow), 1945; Judith Light, 1949.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1718 New Orleans was born... well, Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne and a small group of French colonists arrived at the mouth of the Mississippi to establish a settlement in the Louisiana bayou country. French-Africans from Haiti -- Creoles -- soon joined them to work on the plantations. 50 years later, a band of French-speaking Acadians who were expelled from Nova Scotia -- Cajuns -- made their home in this thriving port city. The locals would call this day l'Anniversaire d'Orleans Nouveau. Or at least so I am told...
On this date in 1825 the House of Representatives chose John Quincy Adams as president after none of the four presidential candidates received the required majority of electoral votes.
On this date in 1870 the National Weather Service was established. It was originally a branch of the Army designed to gather information and report on the nation's atmospheric conditions and was called the U.S. Weather Bureau.
On this date in 1895 volleyball was invented by W. G. Morgan of Holyoke, Massachusetts.
On this date in 1911 the Lincoln Memorial was approved by Congress.
On this date in 1943 the World War II Battle of Guadalcanal ended with a U.S. victory over the Japanese.
On this date in 1964 the Beatles made their first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. An estimated 73.7 million viewers tuned in.
On this date in 1965 Martin Luther King, Jr., met with President Lyndon Johnson to discuss black voting rights.
On this date in 1969 the first Boeing 747 took off from Seattle, Washington.
On this date in 1975 the Jaycees of Liberal, Kansas, set a record for the largest pancake flipped on a griddle. It was 12 feet in diameter.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A Bloody Mary is a drink made of vodka and tomato juice and takes its name from Mary I, Queen of England (1553-1558), notorious for her persecution of Protestants... The word "gerrymander" means to draw an election district in such a way as to favor a political party and takes its name from Elbridge Gery, who created (1812) just such an election district (shaped like a salamander) during his governorship of Massachusetts... The last word given out in the 1984 spelling bee was "luge.”
TRIVIA: What book in the Bible does not contain the name of God?
"Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer" (Charles Caleb Colton).
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Thanks to my sister -- Safety first -- HOW TO BE SAFE THIS COMING YEAR
Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.
Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.
Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.
Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.
You will be pleased to learn that only. 001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.
Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church! Bible study is safe too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.
FOR SAFETY'S SAKE - Attend Church and Read Your Bible ... IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: The Blonde Painter
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Thanks to JW:
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: God is like BAYER ASPIRIN ...He works miracles. God is like a FORD ... He's got a better idea. God is like COKE ... He's the real thing. God is like HALLMARK CARDS ... He cares enough to send His very best. God is like TIDE ... He gets the stains out that others leave behind. God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC ... He brings good things to life. God is like SEARS ... He has everything. God is like ALKA-SELTZER ... Try Him, you'll like him. God is like SCOTCH TAPE ... You can't see him, but you know He's there. God is like DELTA ... He's ready when you are. God is like ALLSTATE ... You're in good hands with Him. God is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY ... He holds through all kinds of weather. God is like DIAL SOAP ...Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did? Bless someone else with this.
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From a friend: Indispensable .....author unknown
Sometime when you're feeling important,
Sometime when your egos in bloom,
Sometime when you take it for granted,
You're the best qualified in the
room.
Sometime when you feel that your
going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow this simple instruction
And see how it humbles your soul.
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to your
wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's
remaining
Is the measure of how you'll be
missed.
You may splash all you please when
you enter,
You can stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find, in aminute,
That it looks quite the same as
before.
The moral in this quaint example
Is to just do the best that you
can.
Be proud of yourself, But remember...
There's no Indispensable man or
woman.
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These are from Stan Kegel --
The Blonde
Crying her eyes out, the blonde approached the policeman and said that her dog, Fido, was lost.
The officer suggested that she put an ad in the paper.
The blonde replied, "Well, I thought of that, but I decided against it."
"Why did you decide against it?" asked the officer.
"I remembered that my dear little Fido can't read," sniffed the blonde.
*****
The Delivery
Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.
I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual and was addressed to a church. But at first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight.
The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God."
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ANSWER: The Book of Esther does not contain the name of God.
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Good Morning: It's Sunday February 10, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: W. C. Fields, 1880; Jimmy Durante, 1893; Dame Judith Anderson, 1898; Larry Adler, 1914; Leontyne Price, 1927; E. L. Konigsburg (children's author), 1930; Roberta Flack, 1940; Peter Allen, 1944; Mark Spitz (American swimmer who became the first athlete to win seven gold medals in a single Olympics), 1950; Greg Norman, 1955; Lenny Dykstra, 1963.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1763 France ceded Canada to England.
On this date in 1840 Queen Victoria married Prince Albert.
On this date in 1863 Virginia Alanson Crane received a patent for the fire extinguisher.
On this date in 1897 the "New York Times" introduced its slogan, "All The News That's Fit To Print".
On this date in 1933 the first "singing telegram" is said to have been delivered.
On this date in 1936 the Gestapo was given a free hand in Germany.
On this date in 1942 the luxury liner NORMANDIE capsized at pier in New York Harbor. It was being converted by the U.S. Navy into a troopship and had caught fire the day before. Firefighters had poured tons of water into its hull and the waterlogged ship overturned and capsized, like a beached whale.
On this date in 1942 U.S. Auto plants stopped making civilian cars for the duration of WWII.
On this date in 1961 the Niagara Falls Hydro-Electric Project began producing power.
On this date in 1967 the 25th Amendment was ratified. It dealt with vacancies in the offices of president and vice president.
On this date in 1968 figure skater Peggy Fleming became the only American to win a gold medal at the Winter Olympics in Grenoble, France.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: According to THE WORLD ALMANAC AND BOOK OF FACTS, the 5 most "obscure" U.S. presidents are (in reverse order) -- 5. Benjamin Harrison; 4. William Henry Harrison; 3. Chester Alan Arthur; 2. Franklin Pierce; and 1. Millard Fillmore... Ronald Reagan was the oldest man ever to serve as president -- he was 77 when he left office... Theodore Roosevelt, who was only 42 years old when he was sworn in following McKinley's death, is the youngest man to serve as president.
TRIVIA: What mistake in a 1631 edition of the Bible cost the printer 300 pounds?
"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept" (Samuel Butler).
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As the "Day" is fast approaching, here is some insurance for those of you who might forget to buy a card... An old favorite from a friend:
REDNECK VALENTINE
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those fahr
ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: The Track
Bubba was from Alabama and was, a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: Advice for the day:
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Grandchildren are God's reward to you for not killing your children.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!
Be nice to your kids. Someday, they'll choose your nursing home.
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ANSWER: A printer of a 1631 edition of the Bible was fined three hundred pounds for leaving one small word out of the text -- do you believe it? He left the word "not" out of one of the Ten Commandments, so that Exodus 20:14 read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." That version might well find an audience today...
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Good Morning: It's Monday February 11, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: Thomas Edison, 1847; Sidney Sheldon, 1917; Lloyd Bentsen, 1921; Eva Gavor, 1921; Leslie Nielsen, 1922; Mary Quant, 1934; Burt Reynolds, 1936; Jane Yolen (children's author), 1939; Sergio Mendes, 1941.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1254 the British Parliament first convened. Earl Richard of Cornwall summoned two elected knights from every shire and all of the king's barons to meet at Westminster Abbey while his brother King Henry III was fighting in France. They met to... you guessed it - raise taxes.
On this date in 1531 King Henry VIII was recognized as the supreme head of the Church of England.
On this date in 1752 the first general hospital in America, the Pennsylvania Hospital, opened in Philadelphia.
On this date in 1789 Thomas Jefferson's secretary wrote to his boss of buying a Macaroni-Making Machine.
On this date in 1805 Sacagawea, a Shoshone who served as guide to the Lewis and Clark expedition gave birth to a son in the expedition's winter camp.
On this date in 1808 Anthracite coal was first burned on an experimental basis.
On this date in 1929 Italy signed the Lateran Treaty with the Vatican, officially giving it independence from Italy. It continues to exist as a separate nation.
On this date in 1958 one of the most spectacular Auroras ever reported spread 1,250 miles across the Arctic.
On this date in 1960 Jack Paar walked off his show in protest of the network's censoring of a mild "water closet" gag he had done the night before. After almost a month of negotiations, the show was back up to "Paar" as the host returned to his post.
On this date in 1975 Margaret Thatcher became the first female head of the British Conservative Party.
On this date in 1984 the space shuttle CHALLENGER returned to earth.
On this date in 1989, after 27 years of imprisonment, South African black leader Nelson Mandela was released.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The tallest U.S. President was Abraham Lincoln, at 6 feet 4 inches (he weighed 180 pounds)... The shortest U.S. President was James Madison, at 5 feet 4 inches (he weighed about 100 pounds... William Howard Taft and John F. Kennedy are the only two presidents buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
TRIVIA: On what date and in what city did Lyndon Baines Johnson die?
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master" (Phineas Taylor Barnum).
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Thanks to Chadlex: Collection Plate
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."
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Thanks to Chadlex: Simple Math
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats -- Blonde Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.
Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
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Thanks to LBS: Accidental deaths
Number of physicians in the US: 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician.... 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year: 1,500 (all age groups) Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188. Therefore, statistically, Doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor."
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. So, remember: guns don't kill people - doctors do.
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Thanks to LBS for a cute favorite -- The Ring Bear
A little boy was in a relative's
wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps,
stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put
his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, ROAR; step,
step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd
was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being
the Ring Bear."
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Thanks to Chadlex: Minister
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: I'm A Senior Citizen
* I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts until 8PM.
* I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
* I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
* I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
* I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
* I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
* I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
* I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
* I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, politicians.
* I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
* I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
* I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...
* I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
* I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
* I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
* I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the storeroom.
* I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more!
I haven't sent it to you before, have I?
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ANSWER: President Lyndon Baines Johnson (in office from 1963-1969) passed away January 22, 1973 in San Antonio, TX.
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