BIRTHDAYS: Mary, Queen of Scots, 1542; Eli Whitney, 1765; Diego Rivera, 1886; James Thurber, 1894; Sammy Davis Jr., 1925; Maximilian Schell, 1930; Flip Wilson, 1933; David Carradine, 1936; James MacArthur, 1937; James Galway, 1939; Red Berenson, 1941; Jim Morrison, 1943; John Runinstein, 1946; Kim Basinger, 1953.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
CORRECTION: Yesterday we had President Lincoln running for congress in 1874 -- it should have read 1847.
On this date in 65 BC Horace was born in Venusia. He left many (Latin) works behind which have been studied for generations. One quote: "Brevis esse laboro, obscurus fio." Translation -- "It is when I am struggling to be brief that I become unintelligible."
On this date in 1801 Ebenezer Cobb, who lived in three centuries, died at the age of 107.
On this date in 1840 Dr. David Livingstone set sail for Africa.
On this date in 1863 President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the reconstruction of the South.
On this date in 1886 the American Federation of Labor (AFL) was founded.
On this date in 1896 J.T. White invented the lemon squeezer.
On this date in 1903 a heavier-than-air flying machine, designed by engineer Samuel Langley, crashed into the Potomac River.
On this date in 1909 the American Bird Banding Association was formed.
On this date in 1941 the United States formally entered WWII.
On this date in 1979 a cat named Sherry was reunited with her owners after she spent 32 days and traveled 225,000 miles in the hold of an airliner.
On this date in 1980 John Lennon was gunned down in New York.
On this date in 1991 the Soviet Union ceased to exist.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Computers at the Bird Banding Laboratory in Laurel, MD. hold six decades of information on over 43 million banded birds... Cats usually live to be about 15... Dogs usually live to be about 13.
TRIVIA: In the Bible, who changed dust into lice?
"Science is the knowledge of consequences, and dependence of one fact upon another" (Thomas Hobbes).
*******************************************************
Great site for quotes -- www.qotd.org.
*******************************************************
Today's Old Wives' Tale -- FEED A COLD, STARVE A FEVER. Some have it FEED A FEVER, STARVE A COLD. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as the source we consulted indicates that the saying, to be true, should read: Feed a Cold, Feed a Fever! Rather, Drown them both. Both fevers and colds are helped by liquids. Fever is a condition that dehydrates the body, and therefore fluids should usually be ingested. When a person has a cold and is hungry, by all means he should eat. I wouldn't even hurt if he ate a lot of foods containing Vitamin C. The really important thing is -- don't starve either a fever or a cold! Feed them if you wish, and by all means -- plenty to drink! This one is FALSE.
*******************************************************
From our Archive --
From aGrinaDay: (My apologies in advance) Who Was It?
Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?"
"Yes, Father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you, for I do not wish to tarnish her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says, "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins.
Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Tommy goes back to his pew and his friend slides over and asks, "What happened?"
Tommy replies, "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
*******************************************************
From SportsJokes: TOP 10 BLONDE INVENTIONS
1. Water-proof
towel
2. Solar
powered flashlight
3. Submarine
screen door
4. A
book on how to read
5. Inflatable
dart board
6. A
dictionary index
7. Ejector
seat on a helicopter
8. Powdered
water
9. Pedal-powered
wheel chair
10.
Water-proof tea bag
*******************************************************
From M/M Riverrats -- Friends:
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."' -- Winnie the Pooh
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."
"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." --- Mencius
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." ---Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---Dave Matthews Band
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them"
"Everyone hears what you say. Best Friends listen to what you say, and don't say."
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere" --- Tim McGraw
"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown
*******************************************************
From
Andy Chaps --
**
If you can learn from hard knocks, you can also learn from soft touches.
-- Carolyn Gilmore, writer, sent in by Michael
=============
** "Difficulties exist to be surmounted." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
** "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." -- Margaret Thatcher
=============
** "You
are today where your thoughts have brought you;
you
will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." ~~James Allen
=============
**
Great thoughts reduced to practice become great acts.
--William
Hazlitt
=============
** "Never take counsel of your fears." -- Andrew Jackson
=============
** "The worst sorrows in life are not in its losses and misfortunes, but its fears." -- Arthur Christopher Benson
=============
** "Half our fears are baseless; the other half discreditable." -- Christian Bovee
============
**
"Think continually about what you want, not about the things you fear."
-- Brian Tracy
*******************************************************
From a friend -- Latest USMC Bumper Sticker
"IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN... IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING! United States Marines
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Aaron changed dust into lice -- Exodus 8:17 -- "...for Aaron stretched our his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout Egypt."
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Sunday December 9, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: John Milton, 1608; Joel Chandler Harris, 1848; Clarence Birdseye, 1886; Emmett Kelly (American Circus Clown), 1898; Jean de Brunhoff (French author and illustrator who created Babar), 1899; Margaret Hamilton (American actress who portrayed the Wicked Witch of the West in THE WIZARD OF OZ), 1902; Doublas Fairbanks Jr., 1909; "Tip" O'Neill, 1912; Kirk Douglas, 1916; Redd Foxx, 1922; Beau Bridges, 1941; Dick Butkus, 1942; Tom Kite, 1949; John Malkovich, 1953; Otis Birdsong, 1955; Donny Osmond, 1958.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1621 the first sermon was delivered in New England. Plymouth, Massachusetts preacher Robert Cushman's topic for the day: "The Sin and Danger of Self-Love."
On this date in 1793 Noah Webster established New York City's first daily newspaper, THE AMERICAN MINERVA.
On this date in 1842 the first Christmas cards were created in England.
On this date in 1884 Ball-bearing roller skates were patented by Levant Richardson.
On this date in 1907 the Wilmington Post Office sold the very first Christmas seals.
On this date in 1926 the first National Christmas Tree Service took place in Kings Canyon National Park in California.
On this date in 1960 the Sperry Rand Corporation introduced Univac 1107, the first computer to operate in nanoseconds.
On this date in 1965 one of my all-time favorites -- A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS -- became the first "Peanuts" TV show.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The giant sequoia is the largest kind of tree in the world. Its trunk can grow up to 270 feet tall (taller than a 25 story building)... Redwoods can grow up to 365 feet high... Tortoises have lived for over 150 years!
TRIVIA: What horses, in the Bible, had a queen's blood sprinkled on them?
"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept" (Samuel Butler).
*******************************************************
The Old Wives' Tale of the day -- CHICKEN SOUP IS THE BEST MEDICINE FOR A COLD. This one seems to warrant at least a MAYBE... In fact, in tests conducted by the Mt. Sinai Medical Center it was found that either the smell or the taste of Chicken Soup "appears to possess an additional substance for increasing the flow of nasal mucus." This helps remove germs from your system and gets you on the way to a speedy recovery. It is hard to say "yes, chicken soup is the best medicine for a cold", but it is much harder to discount it totally. Our answer, then, is: Maybe -- it is at least very good for a cold...
*******************************************************
From our Archive -- From JokeDuJour: "Procrastination"
P is for the popcorn you pop so you have something to eat in your hands so you can't type your paper.
R is for all of the reading that you are afraid to start because you know that you won't remember it tomorrow anyway.
O is for the overwhelming amount of time that one can manage to waste in an evening instead of doing work.
C is for the crying you will do when you realize what types of grades you are going to get because you haven't done your work.
R is for the radio dial that you are playing with so that you know when you do start your work there will be good tunes on.
A is for the grade that you won't be getting on the paper that you are trying to avoid writing.
S is for the soup that you make when you are done with the popcorn so you continue to have something to occupy your hands.
T is for the test that you have at 9:00 am tomorrow and you haven't yet began to study for.
I is for the insane amount of time that you are wasting by reading this email.
N is for the nodding off in class that you will be doing tomorrow after staying up all night avoiding your work.
A is for the amazing typing skills that you have developed since you have become an email freak.
T is for the terrible grade that you know that you are going to get anyway, so why bother studying.
I is for the inevitable fact that you just know that your work isn't going to get done tonight.
O is for the outstanding organization of your desk that you have managed to accomplish while "getting ready" to work (we all heard that one before!)
N is for never giving up on the belief that you will eventually do all the work that needs to be done.
*******************************************************
From Andy Chaps: Just If
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done, and what I haven't done. I could have done more, I should have done more.
If I harmed you, yelled at you, ignored you, or didn't care... I'm sorry.
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say Thank you.
If me and you were the best of friends, thank you for always being there.
If me and you only talked once and a while, and didn't go to the same parties, and were....not good friends... thank you for humbling me. You are not perfect, but I am not either, but thank you for having a part in my life.
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say everything I never had time to.
*******************************************************
3 From AndyChapps --
You Know You Need A New Car When
You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.
You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.
The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risks".
You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
Needing A Physical Check-up
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"One-seventy." he says.
The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-eleven." he says.
The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.
The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and fat!"
How To Tell If You're Over The Hill
You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.
The only reason you're still awake at 2 a.m. is indigestion.
People ask you what color your hair used to be.
You enjoy watching the news.
Your car must have four doors.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You have a dream about prunes.
You browse the bran cereal section in the grocery store.
You start worrying when your supply of Ben Gay is low.
You think a C.D. is a certificate of deposit.
You have more than 2 pair of glasses.
You read the obituaries daily.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Jehu's horses had queen Jezebel's blood sprinkled on them (II Kings 9:30; 33).
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Monday December 10, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Thomas Gallaudet, 1787; Emily Dickinson, 1830; Melvil Dewey, 1851; Ernest Howard Shepard (children's book illustrator), 1879; Chet Huntley, 1911; Dorothy Lamour, 1914; Harold Gould, 1923; Gloria Loring, 1946; Susan Dey, 1952; Mark Aguirre, 1959.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1607 Captain John Smith was rescued by Pocahontas.
On this date in 1799 the length of a meter was set to equal 1/10,000,000 of the distance between the North Pole and the equator.
On this date in 1817 Mississippi became the 20th State.
On this date in 1901 the first Nobel Prizes were awarded.
On this date in 1906 Theodore Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
On this date in 1913 Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, the MONA LISA, was recovered 2 years after it was stolen.
On this date in 1927 the Grand Ole Opry hit the airwaves with its first broadcast from WSM in Nashville.
On this date in 1931 Jane Addams became the first American woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize.
On this date in 1964 Martin Luther King, Jr., received the Nobel Peace Prize.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The earliest know measurement unit was the cubit -- an Egyptian measure referring to the length of an arm from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger... The mile was established as a measurement in Rome, and was the distance covered by a Roman legionnaire taking a thousand double steps... The span of a Viking's arms was called a fathom, and King Henry I of England decided that the distance from the tip of his nose to his fingertips was a yard.
TRIVIA: In the Bible, what animal was reported to have drunk up a river?
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master" (Phineas Taylor Barnum).
*******************************************************
Time for the Old Wives' Tale -- AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY. For starters, the statement is misleading. These days, nobody has a doctor to "keep away" -- they don't make house calls! Perhaps one should say, "An Apple a day keeps you away from the Doctor..." Either way, is it true? Apples do help keep one healthy, but with a long list of qualifiers. If Dr. Linus Pauling was correct in suggesting that vitamin C can prevent colds, seeing that apples do have some vitamin C, they could help prevent colds. But by comparison, apples are not our best source of vitamin C. Oranges, grapefruits, lemons, cantaloupe, guava, papaya, berries, broccoli, green pepper, tomatoes, spinach, collard greens, potatoes, asparagus and parsley have more vitamin C than apples. What about the fiber argument? If dietary fiber keeps one regular, seeing that apples do have fiber, then they would help keep one regular, right? Yes, but once again, apples trail the pack in fiber. The American Health Association rates baked beans, wheat germ, kidney beans, navy beans, lima beans and bran-rich cereal higher than apples. When eaten with the skin apples are considered as good a source of fiber as other fruits. There is no proof that apples help prevent cancer. In a segment on CBS News called "Meals That Heal", it was revealed that cherries and raspberries are good for osteoporosis, grapefruit oranges and borccoli are good for relieving arthritis pain, bananas are good for decreasing blood pressure when under stress, licorice was good for ulcers, and passion fruit fro insomnia. The apple didn't make the cut. Maybe we should say, An Apple a Day Makes a Delicious Non-Fattening Snack, and You Get Some Fiber, a Little vitamin C, and potassium In The Bargain. If you bite the apple itself (instead of slicing it up) it is good for cleaning your teeth... Given the following the saying has had through the years, we must declare this one FALSE (with the qualifications above).
*******************************************************
From our Archive -- From JokesEveryDay: Support
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
*******************************************************
Thanks to J.L.H. -- Star Trek
The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets his American counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America"
The American says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you I will do."
The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
The American laughs and leans over. "That's because it takes place in the future."
*******************************************************
Thanks to BC: Thought: Things are only impossible until they're not.
*******************************************************
Here is a great link sent to me by my cousin in Arkansas -- give it time and prepare to relax and enjoy something beautiful -- http://dailymotivator.com/memberflash/rightnow.html
*******************************************************
From Lemmons Aid -- [email protected] (His source, cited in his email, BEACON, Vol XXX, #46, 11/19/2001)
RULES FOR MAKING EVERY VISITOR FEEL WELCOME
THE THIRTY SECOND RULE... Most guests will make a judgment about us during the first thirty seconds after they enter the building. Greet others with a handshake and a friendly smile as soon as you see them.
THE FRONT-DOOR RULE... Help people find their classes or a seat in the auditorium. If they have trouble, they may not return.
THE TEN-FOOT RULE... Greet anyone with whom you are not familiar who comes within ten feet of you. Make eye contact. Be friendly.
THE FIVE-MINUTE RULE... Take the first five minutes after services to seek out guests and greet them. Encourage them to return and thank them for being here. After you have greeted our guests, you will still have opportunity to talk to your friends. Our attitude will often determine if visitors return. Do your part to make sure they really feel welcome and appreciated.
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH for an old favorite --
"CHURCH FOOTBALL" - THE OTHER SUNDAY SPORT:
--QUARTERBACK SNEAK: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
--DRAW PLAY: What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
--HALF-TIME: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.
--BENCH WARMER: Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
--BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making a trip to the back (rest room or water fountain) during the service.
--STAYING IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.
--TWO MINUTE WARNING: The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
--INSTANT REPLAY: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.
--SUDDEN DEATH: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".
--TRAP: You're called on to pray and are asleep.
--END RUN: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
--FLEX DEFENSE: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
--HALFBACK OPTION: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
--BLITZ: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: The Behemoth did the deed, as told in Job 40:15, 23.
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Tuesday December 11, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Astronomer Annie Jump Cannon, 1863; Fiorella La Guardia, 1882; Carlo Ponti, 1913; Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, 1918; Rita Moreno, 1931; Tom Hayden, 1940; Donna Mills, 1943; Jermaine Jackson, 1954.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1620 103 Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock.
On this date in 1719 the first recorded sighting of the Aurora Borealis, the northern lights, occurred in New England.
On this date in 1816 Indiana became the 19th state.
On this date in 1844 Nitrous Oxide was first used in dentistry -- by Dr. Horace Wells.
On this date in 1888 the French Panama Canal Company failed.
On this date in 1919 a monument to the boll weevil was erected in Enterprise, AL.
On this date in 1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States.
On this date in 1946 the United Nations General Assembly established UNICEF, the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund.
On this date in 1946 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller, Jr., donated land for the United Nations' World Headquarters.
On this date in 1972 APOLLO 17 landed on the moon.
On this date in 1980 America got its first look at the latest "Hawaiian Eye" as Magnum, P.I." premiered on CBS. Diehard fans still celebrate the series at a yearly convention called "Magnum Memorabilia".
MEANINGLESS FACTS: More than 10% of Americans claim to have seen UFO's, including one former president, Jimmy Carter... Your chances of being a guest on "The Tonight Show" are 1 in 490,000 (somewhat better if you're already famous)... The average Human walks 19,000 steps a day.
TRIVIA: In what Bible verse is the chamois mentioned?
"If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves. You can gain more control over your life by paying closer attention to the little things" (Emily Dickinson, 1830 - 1886).
*******************************************************
DAILY OLD WIVES' TALE: MILK IS GOOD FOR AN ULCER. Though this one has been around for a while, and though many believe it to be true, the truth is that this old wives' tale is NOT TRUE. The thinking went something like this -- milk is easily digestible (even a baby can digest milk) and therefore would be good for one suffering a stomach ailment. However, research has now shown that, instead of soothing an ulcer, milk actually aggravates the condition. An ulcer occurs in the stomach or duodenum when acid secretion wears away an area of the protective mucous lining. Milk, while it may seem to be a bland food, actually stimulates the production of gastric acid...which only increases the irritation and pain. Other culprits creating excessive acid include stress, smoking, caffeine, alcohol, poor nutrition, lack of sleep and the use of some medications, like aspirin. A bland diet may help relieve the symptoms during an acute attack, but it doesn't heal an ulcer... or prevent one from occurring. The good news -- new research at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston indicates that nearly all ulcers are caused by a common bacterium, HELICOBACTER PYLORI. In their study, taking a combination of two anitbiotics (to kill the bacteria), an ulcer drug and over-the-counter medication for an upset stomach, did more than just heal the ulcers. 95 percent of patients with gastric ulcers had no recurrence in the next two years. So if you are one of the 10 million Americans who suffer from ulcers, check with your doctor.
*******************************************************
From our Archive --
An Oldie but a goodie -- from a friend:
If a
child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a
child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.
If a
child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a
child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a
child lives with encouragement, he learns to be self-confident.
If a
child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a
child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative.
If a
child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a
child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a
child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal.
If a
child lives with fairness, he learns what justice is.
If a
child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a
child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith in himself and those
around him.
If a
child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place to
live.
*******************************************************
Thanks to M/M Riverrats -- Life's little Lessons
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.... but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
*******************************************************
From a friend -- There is no quality more god-like than humility.
Humility is an attitude -- of heart and of mind.
It is knowing your proper place.
It is never talking down or looking down on someone of lower estate.
It is knowing your role and fulfilling it for God's glory and praise.
It's not a phoney-baloney style of fake piety.
It's utting the other person first.
It's being like Christ.
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: City Workers
Two guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole - he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole - fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't understand what they were doing.
He says to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replies, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Deuteronomy 14:5 includes the chamois among the animals which might be eaten -- "...and the wild ox, and the chamois."
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Wednesday December 12, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS:
John Jay, 1745; William Lloyd Garrison, 1805; Gustave Flaubert, 1821; Frank
Sinatra, 1915; Bob Barker, 1923; Ed Koch, 1924; Barbara Emberly (children's
author), 1932; Connie Francis, 1938; Dionne Warwick, 1941; Cathy Rigby,
1952; Tracy Austin, 1962.
Today
is Poinsettia Day, in honor of Dr. Joel Robert Poinsett, an American diplomat
who introduced the Central American plant to the U.S. in the early 1800's.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1787 Pennsylvania became the second state.
On this date in 1792 Ludwig Van Beethoven, age 22, paid 19 cents for his first music lesson with Franz Joseph Haydn.
On this date in 1800 Washington, D.C. was established as the capital of the U.S.
On this date in 1851 Dr. Joel Robert Poinsett, an American diplomat for whom the Poinsettia was named, died.
On this date in 1899 the golf tee was patented by George Grant.
On this date in 1901 Italian inventor Guglielmo Marconi received the first transatlantic radio signal.
On this date in 1913 the MONA LISA was recovered by Italy from France (Naopleon had taken it...)
On this date in 1925 the world's first motel, the Motel Inn in San Luis Obispo, California, opened for business. It was designed by Arthur Heinman who also coined the term "motel".
On this date in 1953 Chuck Yeager reached Mach 2.43 in a Bell X-1A rocket plane.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The largest bird in the world is the ostrich. It weighs about 300 pounds and can grow to about 9 feet tall... Penguins cannot fly. But the gentoo penguin can swim under water at 22 miles per hour... One parrot has learned more than 1,000 words.
TRIVIA: When did God keep dogs from barking?
Here is one for those facing final exams... "Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer" (Charles Caleb Colton).
*******************************************************
Time
for the old wives' tale -- PUT BUTTER ON A BURN RIGHT AWAY.
Once again, the wisdom of the ages missed it on this one -- Rubbing butter,
oil, or ointment immediately on a burn only helps to keep the heat in and
increases the damage to tissue and blood vessels. Later on as it's
beginning to heal, for a minor burn, it's fine to use bacitracin ointment,
juice from an aloe vera leaf or vitamin E oil.
The first thing you should do is to cool the area. Remember, even
if the skin looks only a little red, burns are usually worse than they
appear because the heat is still penetrating below the surface. Here's
what the experts say to do immediately for scalds and flame burns.
1. If the burned area is covered with clothing, first pour cool water on
the burn, then remove the soaked or scorched clothing, unless it's stuck
to the skin.
2. Immerse the area in cool water or apply cool wet compresses for 10 to
15 minutes. If the compresses get warm, pour cold water over them.
Never put ice directly on the skin because it can cause further damage.
3. If the injured area is larger than a half inch, or the burn has destroyed
the skin, call your doctor.
4. In cases of extensive burns, after cooling the areas, wrap the victim
in a clean sheet, then a blanket to prevent losing body heat. Get
help or go to an emergency room at once.
In keeping with the spirit of a Daily Humor bit of advice, I should point
out that if you can prevent a burn you are advised to do so -- it is better
not to be burned at all than to be burned and treat it properly.
However, should you choose to be burned anyway, follow these steps to minimize
the damage... The old wives' tale on this matter is FALSE.
*******************************************************
From our Archive -- From GCFL:
The minister and the church board called a special meeting of the congregation to explain some desperate needs of the building that had to be fixed before winter set in - roof, boiler, etc. "The board approved that we should take a special offering today to get these repairs underway right away. As they pass the plates to you, I promise that the one who gives the greatest offering will be allowed to pick 3 hymns for next week's service."
The plates
were passed and brought to the minister, who discovered a $1,000 bill on
top.
"Oh
my!, how wonderful! Who gave this $1,000 bill?"
A little old lady in the back shyly raised her hand.
"Oh Mabel, how generous you are! How blessed we are! Come up and let us thank you!"
When Mabel got to the front with all the applause of the congregation, the minister invited her to select the hymns she wanted.
Mabel slowly turned around to face the congregation, stretched out her arm and said, "I pick him! And him! And him!"
*******************************************************
From an old bulletin of mine -- Footprints in the Sands of Time are not made Sitting Down.
*******************************************************
From an old bulletin of mine -- "I Gave Him Half Of Mine."
He's
just a little orphan,
Who goes to school with me;
And
ain't got any parents, cause,
His folks is dead, you see.
And
when he sees my toys and things,
My, but his eyes just shine;
And
he ain't got any marbles,
So I have him half of mine.
And
one time I just told my Ma,
How he don't have much fun,
Cause
he ain't got no Ma and Pa,
Or aunt or anyone.
And
when I told her how I thought,
That it would be just fine,
Cause
he ain't got no Mother,
If I'd give him half of mine.
He ain't
my brother, really true,
He's just an orphan, so,
My Ma
she took him cause she knew
He had no place to go.
I'm
awful glad we've got him and
My Ma thinks it just fine
He didn't
have no mother, so,
I game him half of mine!
Author Unknown
*******************************************************
Thanks to PW: Cowboys and an Indian!!
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, and one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Yep, sucker ran over me about a half hour ago."
*******************************************************
ANSWER: At the time of the last "plague" of the Egyptians, the plague of the death of the first born, Exodus 11:7. "But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the Lord doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel." Moffatt translates: "But not even a dog shall bark against any of the Israelites, against man or beast of them..."
*******************************************************