Good
Morning: It's Friday August 3, 2001!
SPECIAL ENON BIRTHDAY: Happy Birthday to
Jimmy Taylor!
BIRTHDAYS: Ernie Pyle, 1900; John Scopes,
1900; Delores Del Rio, 1905; Leon Uris, 1924; Tony Bennett, 1926; Martin
Sheen, 1940.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1460 James II of Scotland was
killed. He and his army were laying seige to the English garrison
at Roxburgh Castle. His wife, Queen Mary, sent word that she was
coming for a visit. The king, ever the gentleman, ordered a cannon
salute. As the queen made her way to camp, the salute began.
Unfortunately, James was standing in front of one of his own cannons and
was instantly killed.
On this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus set
sail from Spain on his way to the New World and the "discovery" of "America".
The voyage cost about $7,000 which included his personal salary of $300
a year.
On this date in 1610 Henry Hudson entered the
inland sea that was later named "Hudson's Bay".
On this date in 1635 Roger Williams, "pastor"
of the church at Salem, is ordered banished from the Massachusetts Bay
Colony for spreading his "new and dangerous opinions," including his belief
in the separation of church and state and his insistence that fair title
to land can only be obtained by purchasing it from the Indians. Escaping
capture and deportation, Williams bought land from the Indians in Rhode
Island and established the city of Providence.
On this date in 1852 Harvard defeated Yale in
the first intercollegiate rowing race, on Lake Winnepesaukee, N.H.
On this date in 1882 congress passed a law to
restrict immigration, imposing a fifty cents tax on all new arrivals.
On this date in 1923 Calvin Coolidge became the
30th president of the United States after the death of Warren G. Harding.
On this date in 1948 Whittaker Chambers accused
Alger Hiss.
On this date in 1984 Mary Lou Retton became the
first American woman to win the Olympic Gold Medal in the all-around gymnastics
competition.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Over one million drawings
went into the movie production of "Pinocchio"... The largest single edition
of a newspaper was the "New York Times", dated Sunday October 10, 1971.
There were fifteen sections with a total of 972 pages; each copy weighed
over seven pounds... "Esquire" named Tiny Tim 'Bridegroom of the year'
in 1969.
TRIVIA: A boy borrowed a book from the
library with the words "How to Hum" printed on it. When he opened
it at home, he discovered it was not about humming at all. What was
it?
Ernie Pyle said, "If
you go long enough without a bath, even the fleas will let you alone."
I trust no one out there is planning on a practical trial of this one...
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Thanks to LBS for some favorites: Wisdom
Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would
have in-laws.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age
comes alone.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember,amateurs
built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else
feels so good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get
run over if you just sit there.
There will always be death and taxes; however,
death doesn't get worse every year.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing
at the tempting moment.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old;
you grow old because you stopped laughing.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible
world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
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Thanks to LBS: (No offence intended)
A Detroit woman is in the welfare office filling
out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has. "Ten
boys", "And their names?" "Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy,
Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy." "All named Leroy?" Why would you name them
all Leroy?" "That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard I
just yells LEROY, and when I wants them to come in for dinner I just yells
LEROY!" "What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"
"Then I calls him by his last name!!"
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Thanks to LBS: HELLO
Do you know that a simple "Hello" can be a sweet
one? I received one recently from a friend. Here is what it
said:
The word HELLO means:
H = How are you?
E = Everything all right?
L = Like to hear from you.
L = Love to see you soon!
O = Obviously, I miss you...
So: HELLO !
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Thanks to LBS: BRAINSTORMING PHRASES
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...I didn't look up the
original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...These data are
practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE
ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS" ...An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope
to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED
STUDY"...The other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...This is the prettiest
graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...I
might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...Once.
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...Twice.
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...Thrice.
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...A couple of
others think so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"...Wrong.
"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...Rumor has
it.
"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS"...A wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...Three
pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE
REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...I
don't understand it.
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...They
don't understand it either.
"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH
THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr. Blotz
did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...A
totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER
INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD" ...I quit.
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Thanks to LBS: Quotes
"It is hard to believe that someone is telling
the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place."
"We cannot direct the winds but we can adjust
the sails."
"Don't lose hope - when it gets darkest the stars
come out."
"Every exit is an entry into somewhere else."
"Good intentions are not good enough..........
ultimately we are measured our actions."
"Have the courage to live. Anyone can do
nothing or die."
"Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued,
is always beyond our grasp; But, if you will sit down quietly, it may alight
upon you."
"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."
"Listen to your heart, because in the end, it
is your heart that counts."
"Stand up for what you believe in, even if your
standing alone."
" Don't put the key to your happiness in someone
else's pocket."
" The grass is always greener on the other side....until
you jump the fence and see the weeds up close."
"You don't love someone because they are beautiful;
they are beautiful because you love them."
"Courage is doing what you are afraid to do.
There can be no courage without fear."
"A friend is someone who dances with you in the
sunlight and walks with you in the shadows."
"When one door closes another door opens; but
we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we
do not see the ones which open for us."
"We do not remember days, we remember moments."
"Doubt sees the obstacles
Faith sees the way.
Doubt sees the darkest night.
Faith sees the day.
Doubt dreads to take a step.
Faith soars on high.
Doubt questions,'Who believes'?
Faith answers,'I'."
"Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no
more to give."
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ANSWER: Uh hmm. It was part of a
set of encyclopedia.
*******************************************************
Good
Morning: It's Saturday August 4, 2001!
SPECIAL ENON ANNIVERSARY: Happy Anniversary
to J.D. and Catherine White!!!
BIRTHDAYS: Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1792;
Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, 1900; Raoul Wallenberg, 1912; journalist Helen
Thomas, 1920; Maurice Richard, 1921; Kristofer Tabori, 1952; Roger Clemens,
1962.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1693 Dom Perignon "invented"
champagne.
On this date in 1735 John Peter Zenger was acquitted
of charges growing out of his critical remarks in NEW YORK WEEKLY JOURNAL.
He had been charged with libel. This affirmed the right to freedom
of expression and of the press.
On this date in 1790 the Revenue Marine Service
(Coast Guard) was founded.
On this date in 1872 blacks, for the first time,
participated as delegates to a major national party convention as the Republicans
gathered in Philadelphia to nominate Ulysses S. Grant to a second term
in the White House.
On this date in 1875 Hans Christian Andersen,
Danish writer, died.
On this date in 1914 England declared war on
Germany, and the United States declared its neutrality.
On this date in 1916 the United States bought
the Western Virgin Islands from Denmark.
On this date in 1944 the Nazis captured Anne
Frank and seven others who were hidden with her in a house in Amsterdam.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Former astronaut John
Glenn and baseball great Ted Williams were co-pilots during Korean War
bombing missions... It costs the U.S. Mint .77 cents to make a penny...
Manhole covers are made round because they can't fall through the manhole
itself. Other shapes can.
TRIVIA: Where are 85% of all the plants
in the world located?
Someone once said, "If
there were any justice in the world, people would be able to fly over pigeons
for a change." Maybe...
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Thanks to LBS: The silent treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 A.M. for an early flight to Sydney.
Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, Please wake me at 5:00 A.M.
The next morning the man woke up, only
to discover it was 9:00 A.M., and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed....it
said... It is 5:00 A.M., wake up!
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Thanks to JLH: The taxi ride
Taxi Ride A taxi passenger tapped the driver
on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost
control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped
centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the
cab, then the driver said "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You
scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said
he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The
driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day
as a cab driver - I've been driving 'hearses' for the last 25 years!!!!!"
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Thanks to our friend LBS: Some of these
have been around. It wont hurt to read them again! L. B.
Church marquee signs:
"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1"
"Under same management for over 2000 years"
"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil
will always take you back"
"Soul food served here"
"You can give without loving but you cannot
love without giving"
"Never give the devil a ride. He will always
want to drive"
"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church
this Sunday!"
"Reputation is what people think about you.
Character is what people know you are"
"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!"
"Come early for a good Backseat"
"Seven days without prayer makes one weak"
"No Jesus - no peace, Know Jesus - know peace!"
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it
is due"
"A man's character is like a fence. It cannot
be strengthened by whitewash"
"Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!"
"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if
necessary"
"Delay is preferable to error"
"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your bible"
"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your
knees"
"What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you
understand?"
"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow"
"The wages of sin is death. Repent before
payday"
"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams"
"Christians, keep the faith... But not from others!"
"Satan subtracts and divides. God multiplies
and multiplies"
"If you do not want to reap the fruits
of sin stay out of the devil's orchard"
"May is God's apology for February"
"To belittle is to be little"
"A baby is God's opinion that the world
should go on."
"God answers kneemail"
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Thanks to JLH: Seven wonders
A group of Geography students studied the Seven
Wonders of the World. At the end of that section, the students were asked
to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though
there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids,
2. Taj Mahal,
3. Grand Canyon,
4. Panama Canal,
5. Empire State Building,
6. St. Peter's Basilica,
7. China's Great Wall.
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted
that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she
asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.
The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't
quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well,
tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven
Wonders of the World are:
1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear . . . She hesitated a little,
and then
5. to run
6. to laugh
7. and to love
It is far too easy for us to look at the exploits
of man and refer to them as "wonders" while we overlook all God has done,
regarding them as merely "ordinary."
May you be reminded today of those things which
are truly wondrous.
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Thanks to Chadlex: The Worth of $20 Dollars
A well known speaker started off his seminar
by holding up a $20 bill in a room of 200 people, and asked, "Who would
like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going
to give this $20 bill to one of you, but first let me do this...." He proceeded
to crumple the $20 up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air. "Well"...
he replied, "What if I do this?"..and he dropped it on the ground and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled
and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" he asked.
Hands still shot up! "My friends, you have all
learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you
still wanted it..because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth
$20." Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into
the dirt, by the decisions we make, and the circumstances that come our
way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened
or what will happen, you never lose your value!
Dirty...clean...crumpled...or finely creased...you
are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes
not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special....don't
ever forget it. Count your blessings.......not your problems.
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ANSWER: In the ocean.
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