Good Morning: It's Monday August 13, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Annie Oakley, 1860; Bert Lahr (American actor who played the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz), 1895; Alfred Hitchcock, 1899; Ben Hogan, 1912; Fidel Castro, 1927; Pat Harrington Jr., 1929; Don Ho, 1930; Dan Fogelberg, 1951.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1521 Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortez captured the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan, the site of present-day Mexico City.
On this date in 1656 Virginia's Colonial Assembly ordered all planters to grow at least 10 mulberry trees per 100 acres of property. The goal was to provide food for silkworms and help build a profitable silk industry in the New World. The fine for those failing to comply with the tree-planting regulation was 10 pounds of tobacco.
On this date in 1818 Lucy Stone was born. She married Henry Blackwell and would later become the leader of the 'women's suffrage movement'. She died in 1893 before her goal would be realized, but it was finally accomplished.
On this date in 1870 before starting down the Colorado River into the Grand Canyon, explorer John Wesley Powell wrote, "We are now ready to start on our way down the Great Unknown..."
On this date in 1889 William Gray patented the pay telephone.
On this date in 1961 the East German government closed the border between East and West Berlin. The Berlin Wall was built later that week and stood until 1989.
On this date in 1969 the Apollo 11 astronauts -- Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, and Michael Collins -- flew to New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles on the same day to attend civic receptions in their honor. Michael Collins said, during the course of that day, "We share with you the hope that we citizens of earth who can solve the problems of leaving the earth can also solve the problems of staying on it."
On this date in 1981 President Ronald Reagan signed the largest budget and tax cut in history into law.
On this date in 1984 Richard Burton, at age 58, died.
On this date in 1986 the parents of 13-year-old Deanna Young of Orange County, CA were arrested after the girl shows up at the police station with a bag of marijuana, pills and cocaine from their home.
Headline from the Los Angeles Times, 8-13-88: BUSH OVERTAKES DUKAKIS IN ABC POLL.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Inside each cell of an onion there is a water pressure of 360 pounds per square inch -- sufficient to blow up a steam boiler... There is no such thing as Double Pneumonia. It is Pleural Pneumonia -- not Plural... A common brick soaked in kerosene is the best bait for lobster traps... Believe it, or not.
TRIVIA: What MLB pitcher lost the most games during his major league career?
Here is a thought-provoker to start our day off right: "No one can arrive from being talented alone. God gives talent; work transforms talent into genius" (Anna Pavlova).
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Thanks to PAM for a beautiful one:
"Still He Walked"
(By Carrie McCutcheon)
He could hear the crowds screaming
"crucify," "crucify". . .
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were His chosen people. He loved them,
And they were going to crucify Him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened . . . His heart
was broken,
But still He walked.
He could see the crowd as He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well. He had created
them.
He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger . . .
His heart broke,
But still He walked.
His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed
Him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face and He saw
very few.
Then He turned His eyes to the only One that mattered
And He knew that He would never be alone.
He looked back at the crowd,
At the people who were spitting at Him,
Throwing rocks at Him and mocking Him, and He knew
That because of Him, they would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.
The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes
echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as His hands and feet
Were nailed to the cross, intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice
Inside His heart that whispered "I am with You,
My Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His Son walk.
Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive;
Not to forgive Him,
But to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.
As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable
death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the
crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, His heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels
for each of us.
That is why He walked.
When I forget how much my God loves me,
I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
I remember His walk.
When I need reminder of how to live like Christ,
I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him,
I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to Him,
And I walk.
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From a friend: Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but just don't quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a person turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give us, though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the struggle has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit --
It's when things seem the worst that
You must not quit!
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Thanks to JLH: WHY EVE WAS CREATED(written by Eve of course)
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which day was garbage day.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."
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ANSWER: Cy Young lost 316 games during his 22 year career.
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Good Morning: It's My Dad's Birthday!
BIRTHDAYS: Hans Christian Oersted (Danish chemist and physicist who discovered the principle of electromagnetism), 1777; Ernest Thayer, 1863; Julia Child, 1912; ALice Provensen (children's author), 1918; Russell Baker, 1925; Alice Ghostley, 1926; Buddy Greco, 1926; David Crosby, 1941; jockey Robyn Smith, 1944; Steve Martin, 1945; Susan St. James, 1946; Danielle Steel, 1947; Gary Larson, 1950; Magic Johnson, 1959; Neal Anderson, 1964.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1511 Michelangelo's paintings on the Sistine Chapel ceiling were first exhibited.
On this date in 1658 New Amsterdam established the first police force in the Colonies. The ratelwacht consisted of 10 watchmen who were paid about 50 cents a night -- with money collected monthly from the Dutch settlement's inhabitants.
On this date in 1784 the first Russian Colony in Alaska was founded at Three Saints Bay on Kodiak Island.
On this date in 1894 angry at being fired, Jerry Murphy, the city jailer of Leavenworth, KS, unlocked the prison doors and released all the prisoners.
On this date in 1900 the "Boxer Rebellion ended, after a 56-day-seige of European and American families living in Beijing and other parts of China.
On this date in 1919 a U.S. Aeromarine flying boat dropped a bag of mail on the deck of the liner ADRIATIC. This was the first airmail delivery at sea.
On this date in 1935 the Social Security Law was established.
On this date in 1941 the Atlantic Charter was signed by England and the U.S.
On this date in 1945 my Grandma Smith gave birth to a son, Tommy.
On this date in 1945 also World War II ended (VJ Day). Millions took to the street in celebration and the postwar era began.
On this date in 1976, to raise money for the Monticello, NY Community General Hospital, 2 teams began a marathon softball game.
On this date in 1984 Patti Davis married Paul Grilley in a private ceremony at the Bel-Air Hotel in LA. Her parents (President and Mrs. Reagan) attended the wedding.
On this date in 1985 Japan launched SPACECRAFT-PLANET A on a mission to Halley's Comet.
On this date in 1988 George Bush aides were first reported to be leaning toward Dan Quayle as a running mate for the VP in his bid to follow his boss as Commander-In-Chief.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A ton of gold would weigh nothing in the earth's center... The triangle was the symbol of a happy marriage in ancient Greece... The gar fish has green bones... Believe it, or not...
TRIVIA: What MLB player holds the lifetime record for most times hit by a pitch? A. Ron Santo; B. Don Baylor; C. Ron Hunt; D. Ken Henderson; E. Dwight Evans.
David Hare said, "To those whose God is honor, only disgrace is sin." A happy "my dad's birthday" to each of you!
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Thanks to AK: THE WINDOW
A great note for all to read it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking. Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an
hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."
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Thanks to JLH: Divorce
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up the phone.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "They're not getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
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Thanks to LBS: Laws
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. Yield to temptation....it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy... -- Ambrose Bierce
Idiot: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
Slick's Third Law of the Universe: There are two types of dirt --- The dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and The light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
Do it right the first time, then you don't have to mess with it again.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
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ANSWER: C. Ron Hunt was hit by a pitch a record setting 243 times during his 12-year major league career.
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Good Morning: It's Wednesday August 15, 2001!
SPECIAL ENON BIRTHDAY: Happy Birthday Linda Felix!!!
BIRTHDAYS: Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769; Sir Walter Scott, 1771; Ethel Barrymore, 1879; Edna Ferber, 1887; Turkle Brinton (children's author), 1915; Leonard Baskin (children's author), 1922; Phyllis Stewart Schlafly, 1924; Mike Connors, 1925; Vernon Jordan, Jr., 1935; Linda Ellerbee, 1944.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1057 Macbeth of Moray was mortally wounded by Malcolm near Aberdeen, Scotland. Macbeth had placed his claim on the Scottish throne because he was married to King Kenneth III's granddaughter. In 1047 he had killed his only rival, Duncan, in battle and grabbed the throne. "He who lives by the sword will die by the sword." The events of this day served to inspire a play by some famous Englishter...
On this date in 1865 Sir Joseph Lister discovered the antiseptic process.
On this date in 1888 Thomas Edward Lawrence was born into a middle-class Edwardian family. He studied archaeology at Oxford University and showed great promise. He helped a group of Arab rebels overthrow a Turkish garrison at Aqaba and from that day forward he was known as Lawrence of Arabia. He went on to write Seven Pillars of Wisdom.
On this date in 1914 the Panama Canal was opened. The SS Ancon was the first ship to travel through it.
On this date in 1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post perished in an Alaskan plan crash.
On this date in 1940 President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave the British, who were at war with Germany, 50 WWI destroyers in exchange for the right to 99-year leases on naval and air bases in Newfoundland, Bermuda, the Bahamas, Jamaica, St. Lucia, Trinidad, Antigua, and British Guiana. The exchange marked the beginning of the Lend-Lease program and greater American involvement in the war in Europe.
On this date in 1943 Sergeant Edward Dzuba received the Legion of Merit for his RECIPES FOR USING LEFTOVERS.
On this date in 1947 Great Britain granted independence to India.
On this date in 1948 the Republic of Korea was proclaimed.
On this date in 1963 a total of 2,600 books were selected as the nucleus for an official White House Library.
On this date in 1969 the Woodstock Music and Arts Fair opened in upstate New York.
On this date in 1970 Pat Palinkas of the Orlando Panthers became the first woman to play in a professional football game.
On this date in 1971 "Greenpeace" was founded.
On this date in 1985 Michael Jackson purchased rights to publish the Beatles songs for a reported $47.5 million.
On this date in 1985 also South African President P.W. Botha publicly rejected Western pleas to abolish apartheid.
On this date in 1988 Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff opened the Republican convention in New Orleans.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A "pythoness" is not a snake, it is a witch... A silkworm is not a worm, it is a caterpillar... The Mexican jumping bean is not a bean, it is a hollow shell containing worms or larvae.
TRIVIA: In what city did Jesus perform his first miracle?
Francios De La Rochefoucauld said, "True eloquence consists in say all that should be said, and that only." May your Wednesday be a pleasant one!
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Thanks to LBS: 25 PHRASES OF WISDOM
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will
fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the
one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a
glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion
that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you
probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the
speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other
parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.. Deal
with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the
dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than
coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and
throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you
counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you
to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move
the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice
contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
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Thanks to a friend:
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requested shelter there.
Fortunately, she was just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she'd ever had.
After dinner, she went into the ktchen to thank the chefs.
She was met by two Monks who said, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner.
The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted.
Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: Sayings
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."---Mencius
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend."---Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---dave Matthew's band
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them."
"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw
"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown
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ANSWER: "And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee... This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee..." (John 2:1, 11).
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Good Morning: It's
Thursday August 16, 2001!
SPECIAL ENON BIRTHDAY: Happy Birthday Nell Wiehe!!!
BIRTHDAYS: Gabriel Lippman (French physicist and inventor of color photography), 1845; Menachem Begin, 1913; Matt Christopher (children's author), 1917; Fess Parker, 1927; Robert Culp, 1930; Frank Gifford, 1930; Eydie Gorme, 1932; Julie Newmar, 1935; Lesley Ann Warren, 1946; Madonna, 1958; Timothy Hutton, 1960.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1858 Queen Victoria of England and President James Buchanan of the United States exchanged greetings by means of the New Transatlantic Cable.
On this date in 1861 the federal government prohibited trade between the states of the Union and of the Confederacy.
On this date in 1894 George Meany was born. He grew up to become the American Federation of Labor's vigorous and vital leader. He held the post well into his 80's. (This is one half of the AFLCIO).
On this date in 1911 Aviator Hugh Robinson, flying the world's first practical seaplane, made the first air-sea rescue in history when he landed in Lake Michigan to save a pilot who had crashed. Robinson's plane, the GOLDENFLYER, is equipped with stabilizers and floats under its wing tips.
On this date in 1916 the United States and Canada signed a treaty to protect migratory birds.
On this date in 1920 baseball player Roy Chapmon was hit in the head by a pitched ball and died the following day. He was the only professional ballplayer to have died in that manner, and may still be...
On this date in 1977, while mowing the lawn for an elderly lady, news reached Piggott, AR that the King (Elvis) was dead. We saw pictures of the dead body and all, but the news didn't seem to take; he is still being 'seen' in gas stations and donut shops around the country...
On this date in 1982 the following ad appeared in 2 Memphis, TN daily newspapers: "Elvis official autopsy table for sale, best offer." Hospital spokesmen denied that this particular souvenir was available...
On this date in 1984 John Z. De Lorean was acquitted of cocaine-trafficking charges in Los Angeles, CA.
On this date in 1985, with TV news helicopters circling overhead, Madonna married Sean Penn in Mailbu, CA. It didn't last...
On this date in 1987 New Age cultists gathered at various "sacred sites" and "power points" around the world for the Harmonic Convergence, an effort to prevent a predicted quarter century of catastrophe by holding hands, humming and, in the words of one participant, "meditating our buns off." It must have worked, as we are still here...
On this date in 1996 Binti-Jua, a rare female western lowland gorilla housed at the Brookfield Zoo near Chicago, IL, saved a three-year-old boy who had fallen into the gorilla pen. A similar incident took place at the Great Britain's Jersey Zoo a few years earlier.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: School chalk is not chalk; it is plaster of Paris... Panama hats are not made in Panama; they are made mostly in Colombia and Ecuador... Dry cleaning is not dry, all articles are placed in a washer containing a wet solution and thoroughly saturated.
TRIVIA: At whose feet were the garments of those who stoned Stephen laid?
An unknown speaker said, "Honesty shines like a light through your eyes." I suspect that the opposite would be true also... Enjoy your Thursday!
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Thanks to GB: I asked God to...
I asked God to take away my pain. God said,
"No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."
I asked God to grant me patience. God said,
"No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is
learned."
I asked God to give me happiness. God said,
"No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain. God said, "No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said,
"No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you
fruitful."
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God
said, "No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things."
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as he
loves me. God said... "Ahhhh, finally you have the idea."
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Thanks to a friend: Caller I.D.
The church is called Almighty God Tabernacle. On a Saturday night several weeks ago, the preacher was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The preacher let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away.
He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the preacher received a
call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday
night.
The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd
called on Saturday night. The preacher couldn't figure out what the guy
was talking about.
Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The preacher remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"
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Thanks to PW: Good Husband/Wife Story
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great person." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
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A favorite from a friend:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
"Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around
frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot... "Did you say
that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot
confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar
relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the heck are you?" "Moses,"
replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What
kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a 140 pound Rottwieler Jesus."
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ANSWER: Saul, later known as Paul. Acts 7:58
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Good Morning: It's Friday August 17, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Davy Crockett, 1786; Samuel Goldwyn, 1882; Mae West, 1892; Marueen O'Hara, 1920; artist Larry Rivers, 1923; Myra Cohn Livingston (children's poet), 1926; Francis Gary Powers, 1929; Robert DeNiro, 1943; Guillermo Vilas, 1952; Belinda Carlisle, 1958; Sean Penn, 1960.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1788 the town of Cincinnati (originally named Losantville) was founded.
On this date in 1807 Robert Fulton's steamboat, the Clermont, sailed up the Hudson River from New York City to Albany.
On this date in 1877 American astronomer Asaph Hall sighted the second satellite of the planet Mars, naming it PHOBOS.
On this date in 1896 Gold was discovered in Klondike territory by George Carmack.
On this date in 1933 New York Yankee Lou Gehrig broke the record for most consecutive baseball games played in his 1,308th straight game. Gehrig eventually stretched his record to 2,130 games.
On this date in 1938 Henry Armstrong, the featherweight and welterweight champion, won the lightweight boxing championship to become the first fighter to hold three titles simultaneously.
On this date in 1978 3 American balloonists completed the first successful transatlantic balloon flight, landing their craft, the DOUBLE EAGLE, near Paris. They also set an endurance record of 138 hours, 6 minutes in the air.
On this date in 1982 President Reagan made the following slip when introducing Liberian head of state Samuel K. Doe: "Ladies and gentlemen, Chairman Moe of Liberia is our visitor here today, and we're very proud to have him."
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A firefly is not a fly. A glowworm is not a worm. They are both beetles... A mosquito bite is not a bite, it is a puncture... A dressed chicken is not really dressed, in fact, it is totally undressed.
TRIVIA: In the Bible we read of a place called Akeldama. What was it?
Lillian Carter once said, "Every time I think that I am getting old, and going to the grave, something else happens." Mull that one over as you read these... I hope you have a very nice Thursday!
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Thanks to LBS: Seven Wonders of the World
A group of Geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of that section, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids,
2. Taj Mahal,
3. Grand Canyon,
4. Panama Canal,
5. Empire State Building,
6. St. Peter's Basilica,
7. China's Great Wall.
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.
The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear."
She hesitated a little,
"and then
5. to run
6. to laugh
7. and to love."
It is far too easy for us to look at the exploits of man and refer to them as "wonders" while we overlook all God has done, regarding them as merely "ordinary."
May you be reminded today of those things which are truly wondrous.
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Thanks again to LBS: Founding fathers from Continental Heaven
A parody, yes....but so very on target!
From: The Founding Fathers
To: The current generation of Americans
On this the 225th anniversary of our independence, those of us whom you call the Founding Fathers have assembled in Continental heaven to assess the condition of the republic we bequeathed to you. It's true
America has become the wealthiest, most powerful
nation on earth. But so was the British Empire in 1776.
Before we get specific, we must confess that we are
annoyed by your habit of misinterpreting our words. Take the First Amendment,
where we said Congress shall make no law "respecting an establishment of
religion." You usually neglect the other half of the injunction, "or
prohibiting the free exercise thereof."
As anyone in the first Congress, which passed the amendment, could have told you, "establishment of religion" means an established church, which all are forced to support. We never intended to create a virtue-less republic, by prohibiting public expressions of faith.
In the Declaration of Independence, we acknowledged that rights are endowed by our Creator. Absent a Creator, there are no inalienable rights.
In the Second Amendment, we said the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. In our day, if private citizens hadn't owned guns there would have been no Lexington and Concord.
Why would we bother guaranteeing a collective right to arm state militias? The rights enumerated in the first 10 amendments are restraints on government, not grants of power to it.
If you ever wake up to what's going on, your leaders will have cause to fear an armed citizenry. We viewed elective office as a sacrifice. For your politicians, it's an opportunity. We rid America of a monarchy.
You've established an elected aristocracy. We were farmers, merchants and professionals who resumed our careers after a brief term of service and never lost touch with our constituents.
You are governed by an elite so different from you as to almost constitute a separate species. Your elected rulers hold office for 20 or 30 years, becoming increasingly detached from their roots, while rewarding themselves lavish emoluments and pensions.
We revolted over a modest tax on tea. Your tax burden is staggering. Despite the enormous expenditures of your prodigal politicians, even they can't spend it all. And still, many resist returning the federal surplus to its rightful owners. We rejected taxation without representation. You condone your own serfdom.
In the Declaration, we complained that King George III had "sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance." You complacently tolerate a bureaucracy that resembles all Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Eat out their substance? Today, almost one in 13 Americans works for a branch of government. Harass our people? There are bureaucrats to tell you how to run your business, build on your property and raise your children. Government makes decisions for you regarding your health, safety and welfare.
We envisioned the judiciary as a coequal branch of government that interprets laws based on the clear meaning of language. Your courts have become a law unto themselves -- raising taxes, deciding elections, ordering private relationships and substituting their will for that of legislators.
We warned you against entangling alliances. You are eager to form defensive pacts with postage-stamp countries whose security couldn't conceivably be related to your own. This will only serve to drag you into their petty quarrels, sapping your strength.
We recognized that government and society must rest on divine wisdom. George Washington observed, "Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."
You cultivate national immorality, in the apparent belief that compulsory acceptance of perversion will somehow lead to a society whose citizens have the self-discipline to sacrifice for the common good.
Benjamin Franklin said we gave you a republic "if you can keep it." From our vantage point, it does not look promising. Were we alive today, we'd raise another rebellion.
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ANSWER: According to Acts 1:19, it was the Potter's Field purchased with the money that bought the betrayal of Jesus.
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Good Morning: It's Saturday August 18, 2001!
SPECIAL
ENON BIRTHDAY: Happy Birthday to
Hugh Summerlin!!!
SPECIAL
ENON BIRTHDAY: Happy Birthday to
Alexa White!!!
BIRTHDAYS: Virginia Dare (the first English child
born in America), 1587; Meriwether Lewis, 1774; Marshall Field, 1834; Casper
Weinberger, 1917; Rosalynn Carter, 1927; Roman Polanski, 1933; Roberto Clemente
(Peurto Rican baseball player), 1934; Robert Redford, 1937; Martin Mull, 1943;
Paula Danziger (children's author), 1944; Patrick Swayze, 1954.
THIS
DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1813 the first factory
in the world to use power for the entire process of turning cotton into cloth
-- from spinning to weaving -- was built in Waltham, MA. The man behind the textile factory was
Francis Cabot Lowell, who smuggled secret sketches of British machinery out of
England.
On this date in 1853 Gail Borden,
founder of the Borden Company, patented the milk condensation process.
On this date in 1859 French stuntman,
the Great Blondin, crossed Niagra Falls on a tightrope while carrying a man on
his shoulders.
On this date in 1873 John Lucas,
Charles Begole, and A. H. Johnson became the first climbers to reach the top of
Mt. Whitney, the highest peak in the contiguous United States.
On this date in 1883 Pope Leo XIII
opened the Vatican Archives, saying:
"The first law of history is not to dare to utter falsehood; the
second is not to fear to speak the truth."
On this date in 1902 Major League
Baseball's first unassisted triple play was made by Henry O'Hagen.
On this date in 1914 President Woodrow
Wilson issued his "Proclamation of Neutrality", aimed at keeping the
United States out of World War I.
On this date in 1919 the
anti-cigarette league of America as organized.
On this date in 1976 Gerald Ford was
nominated for president on the first ballot at the Republican National
Convention in Kansas City, MO.
On this date in 1988 George Bush made
the promise that seemingly came back to haunt him: "Read! My! LIPS!
No! New! Taxes!..."
On this date in 1992 Larry Bird
(Boston Celtics) announced his retirement from the NBA.
MEANINGLESS
FACTS: Camphor balls do not
contain camphor, they are made of naphthalene... Shakespeare's MIDSUMMER
NIGHT'S DREAM does not take place in the summer, its time is the spring: April 29 to May 1... A camel's hair
brush is not made of camel's hair, it is made of squirrel fur (a man named
Camel invented it).
TRIVIA: This city was founded in honor of a
Macedonian conqueror, once housed a great library, was the location of the
translation of the Septuagint, and was home to Apollos in the New
Testament. Which city is it?
"Great hearts
steadily send forth the secret forces that incessantly draw great events"
(Ralph Waldo Emerson). May your
Saturday be a good one!
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Thanks
to DA: The Lonely Frog
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic
Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells
him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know
everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is
great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic,
"in biology class."
*****
The
Preacher's Wife
As frequent email users, it's wise to
remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes
unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man
who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife
was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he
reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find
the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best
to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note
was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took
one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a
dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into
the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS Sure is hot down here.
*****
The
Speeder
A minister was forced to stop by a
traffic cop to pull over for speeding.
As the cop was about to write the
ticket, the minister said to him, "Blessed are the merciful, for they
shall obtain mercy."
The cop handed the minister the ticket
and said, "Go thou and sin no more."
*****
Theme
Park
One
of the most endearing traits of children is their utter trust that their
parents will provide them with all of life's necessities, meaning food,
shelter, and a weekend at a theme park.
A
theme park is a sort of ARTIFICIAL vacation, a place where you can enjoy all
your favorite pastimes at once, such as motion sickness and heat exhaustion.
Adult
tolerance for theme parks peaks at about an hour, which is how long it takes to
walk from the parking lot to the front gate. You fork over an obscene amount of
money to gain entrance to a theme park, though it costs nothing to leave (which
is odd, because once you've been inside the walls for a while, you'd pay
anything to escape).
The
two main activities in a theme park are (a) standing in line, and (b) sweating.
The sun reflects off the concrete with a fiendish lack of mercy--you're about
to learn the boiling point of tennis shoes.
Your
hair is sunburned, and when a small child in front of you gestures with her
hand she smacks you in the face with her cotton candy; now it feels like your
cheeks are covered with carnivorous sand.
The
ride your children have selected for you is a corkscrewing, stomach-compressing
roller coaster built by the same folks who manufactured the baggage delivery
system at the Denver International Airport. Apparently the theme of this
particular park is "Nausea." You sit down and are strapped in so
tightly you can feel your shoulders grinding against your pelvis.
Once
the ride begins you are thrown about with such violence it reminds you of your
teenager's driving. When the ride is over your children want to get something
to eat, but first the ride attendants have to pry your fingers off of the
safety bar. "Open your eyes, please, sir," they keep shouting.
They
finally convince you to let go, though it seems a bit discourteous of them to
have used pepper spray. Staggering, you follow your children to the Hot Dog
Palace for some breakfast.
Food
at a theme park is so expensive it would be cheaper to just eat your own money.
Your son's meal costs a day's pay and consists of items manufactured of corn
syrup, which is sugar, sucrose, which is sugar, fructose, which is sugar, and
sugar, which is sugar. He also consumes large quantities of what in dog food
would be called "meat by-products." When, after another couple of
rides, he announces that he feels like he is going to throw up, you're very
alarmed--having seen his meal once, you're in no mood to see it again.
With
the exception of that first pummeling, you manage to stay off the rides all
day, explaining to your children that it isn't good for you when your internal
organs are forcibly rearranged. Now, though, they coax you back in line,
promising a ride that doesn't twist, doesn't hang you upside down like a bat,
doesn't cause your brain to flop around inside your skull--it just goes up and
then comes back down. That's it, Dad, no big deal.
What
they don't tell you is HOW it comes back down. You're strapped into a seat and
pulled gently up into acrophobia, the city falling away from you. Okay, not so
bad, and in the conversation you're having with God you explain that you're
thankful for the wonderful view but you really would like to get down now.
And
that's just how you descend: NOW. Without warning, you plummet to the ground in
an uncontrolled free fall. You must be moving faster than the speed of sound
because when you open your mouth, nothing comes out. Your life passes before
your eyes, and your one regret is that you will not have an opportunity to
punish your children for bringing you to this horrible place.
Brakes
cut in and you slam to a stop. You gingerly touch your face to confirm it has
fallen off. "Wasn't that fun, dad?" your kids ask. "Why are you
kissing the ground?"
At
the end of the day, you let your teenager drive home. (After the theme park,
you are impervious to fear.)
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ANSWER: Founded in honor of Alexander the Great
(of Macedon), home to Apollos (Acts 18:24-26), the city is Alexandria.
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