Good
Morning: It's Wednesday August 1, 2001!
It is International Clown
Week!
BIRTHDAYS: Francis Scott
Key, 1779; Herman Melville, 1819; Arthur Hill 1922; cartoonist Tom Wilson,
1931; Dom DeLuise, 1933; Yves Saint Laurent, 1936; Alfonse D'Amato, 1937;
Jerry Garcia, 1942.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1291 the Republic
of Switzerland was founded.
On this date in 1625 the British
Parliament moved its headquarters to Oxford.
On this date in 1774 British
scientist Joseph Priestley successfully isolated oxygen from air.
On this date in 1790 the first
United States census resulted in a head count of about four million people
(3,929,214)... more than that now work for the government.
On this date in 1805 enterprising
21-year-old Frederick Tudor of Boston shocked the shipping world by making
ice his cargo. He had 130 tons of ice cut from the ponds of New England,
packed it aboard ship in sawdust, and sold what wasn't melted at an enormous
profit on the Caribbean island of Martinique. In the years that followed
Tudor built ice houses and added South America and India to his ships'
destinations.
On this date in 1876 Colorado
became the 38th state.
On this date in 1907 the U.S.
Army established the Aeronautical Division of the Army Signal Corps, forerunner
of the U.S. Air Force.
On this date in 1914 Germany
declared war on Russia.
On this date in 1946 the Atomic
Energy Commission was established to promote peaceful uses of atomic energy.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Each
quill of the porcupine has about 1,000 tiny sharp barbs... A full grown
circus lion consumes about 30 pounds of horse meat a day... A pig always
sleeps on its right side.
TRIVIA: What fateful
contact did the Lincoln family have with the Booth family prior to 1865?
Herman
Melville, author of many books, once said, "An utterly fearless man is
a far more dangerous comrade than a coward." I think he was correct.
*******************************************************
Thanks to LBS: List
of Oxymorons
Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Airline Food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH: OLD GEEZERS!!
"Geezers" are easy to spot;
this is slang for an old man. But at sporting events, during the playing
of the National Anthem, they hold their caps over their hearts and sing
without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. They remember
World War I, the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy
and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the
Korean War, The Cold War,
the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam. If you bump into
a "Geezer" on the sidewalk, he'll apologize, pass one
on a street and he'll nod,
or tip his hat to a lady.
"Geezers" trust strangers
and are courtly to women. They hold the door for the next person and always
when walking, make sure the lady is on the inside for protection. "Geezers"
get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they
don't like violence and filth on TV and in movies. Geezers have
moral courage. Geezers seldom
brag unless its about the grandchildren in Little League or music recitals.
This country needs "Geezers" with their decent values and common sense.
We need them now more than ever. It's the "Geezers: who know our great
country is protected, not by politicians or police, but by the young men
and
women in the military serving
their country in foreign lands, just as they did, without a thought except
to do a good job, the best you can and to get home to loved ones.
THANK GOD for "OLD GEEZERS".
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend for some
old and some new...
More facts for your storehouse
of useless knowledge:
Rubber bands last longer when
refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients
of dynamite.
The national anthem of Greece
has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.
There are 293 ways to make
change for a dollar.
The average person's left
hand does 56% of the typing.
There are more chickens than
people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's
eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word
in the English language is "screeched."
On a Canadian two-dollar bill,
the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie
"Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language
rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English
word that ends in the letters "mt."
All 50 states are listed across
the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the
peach family.
Winston Churchill was born
in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose
name is just one syllable.
There are only four words
in the English language which end in -dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous,
and hazardous.
Los Angeles's full name is
"El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"--and
can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."
A cat has 32 muscles in each
ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger
than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin,
not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, including
newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card
said he was a used furniture dealer.
The only real person to be
a Pez head was Betsy Ross.
When the University of Nebraska
Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third
largest city.
The characters Bert and Ernie
on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver
in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a lifespan
of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span
of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around
the edge.
On an American one-dollar
bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased
in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
It's impossible to sneeze
with your eyes open. (DON'T try this @ home!)
The giant squid has the largest
eyes in the world.
Who's that playing the piano
on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself.
In England, the Speaker of
the House is not allowed to speak.
The name for Oz in the "Wizard
of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing
cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."
The microwave was invented
after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in
his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained
minister.
John Lennon's first girlfriend
was named Thelma Pickles.
The average person falls asleep
in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a
regulation golf ball.
"Stewardesses" is the longest
word that is typed with only the left hand.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: In one of the
strangest coincidences in history, one day in Jersey City a young Robert
Todd Lincoln, Abe's son, fell between railroad cars and was rescued by
actor Edwin Booth, brother of John Wilkes Booth.
*******************************************************
Good Morning: It's Thursday
August 2, 2001!
It's National Catfish month,
National Eye Exam Month, National Water Quality Month and Romance Awareness
Month.
BIRTHDAYS: Architect
Pierre Charles L'Efant, 1754; Myrna Loy, 1905; Gary Merrill, 1915; Beatrice
Straight, 1918; James Baldwin, 1924; Carroll O'Connor, 1924; Peter O'Toole,
1933; Linda Fratianne, 1960.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1776 the patriot
leaders gathered to sign the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock
said, "We must all hang together." Wise and witty Benjamin Franklin
responded with humor, "We must indeed all hang together, or, most assuredly,
we shall all hang separately."
On this date in 1858 the first
on-the-street mailboxes were installed in Boston and New York.
On this date in 1873 the San
Francisco cable car had its first trial run.
On this date in 1909 the U.S.
War Department purchased its first airplane.
On this date in 1909 the first
Lincoln penny was issued.
On this date in 1922 Alexander
Graham Bell died. In honor of his passing, the U.S. phone system
shut down for 2 minutes.
On this date in 1923 president
Warren G. Harding died in office.
On this date in 1943 Navy
lieutenant John F. Kennedy rescued members of his crew after their boat,
PT-109, was sheared in half by a Japanese destroyer.
On this date in 1964 the Gulf
of Tonkin incident took place. The North Vietnamese attacked a U.S.
destroyer within the international waters of the Gulf of Tonkin.
Though there is some controversy as to just what happened, why, and when,
the U.S. Congress adopted the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution a few days later,
giving the President broad powers to use the armed forces without a declaration
of war.
On this date in 1977 Congress
approved a bill to establish a Federal Department of Energy.
On this date in 1978 the movie
Star Wars surpassed Jaws as the all-time leader in box-office receipts.
On this date in 1983 the U.S.
House of Representatives voted to designate the third Monday in January
a Federal Holiday in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr.
On this date in 1990 Iraq
invaded its neighbor to the south, Kuwait.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Asia
is four times the size of Europe... The Sahara Desert is over three times
the size of the Mediterranean Sea... Only three percent of Norway is under
cultivation -- the rest is under ice.
TRIVIA: What nation
used to be the kingdom if Siam?
James
Baldwin wisely said, "Children have never been very good at listening to
their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." Let's
be aware of our responsibility to set a good example for them!
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLH: Hickphonics
Here are excerpts from the
Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
BARD - verb. Past tense of
the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A state just
north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't heard
from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart.
See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool used
for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few
munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based
lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,
that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to
work, your bahs is gonna far
you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
FAT - 1. noun. A battle
or combat.
2. verb. To engage in battle or combat.
ARE - pronoun. Possessive
case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS - noun. Entitled power
or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless
gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted
cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war
fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and
pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City...view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request
for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic
institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
*******************************************************
Thanks to D.A. DOCTOR S SAY
THE DARNDEST THINGS (Real? Transcriptions)
The following quotes were
allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians:
*~ By the time he was admitted,
his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
*~ On the second day, the
knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
*~ The patient has been depressed
ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
*~ She slipped on the ice
and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
*~ The patient had waffles
for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
*~ She is numb from the toes
down.
*~ The skin was moist and
dry.
*~ When she fainted, her eyes
rolled around the room.
*~ Patient was released to
outpatient department without dressing.
*~ Discharge status: Alive
but without permission.
*~ The patient refused an
autopsy.
*~ The patient has no past
history of suicides.
*~ The patient expired on
the floor uneventfully.
*~ The patient's medical history
has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the
past three days.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Thailand used
to be Siam, if you please.
*******************************************************
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