Good Morning: It's Monday April
2, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Hans Christian Anderson, 1805; Buddy
(Jed Clampett) Ebsen, 1908; Sir Alec Guiness, 1914; Jack (Joe Friday) Webb,
1920; Leon Russell, 1941; Emmylou Harris, 1948.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1513 Ponce de Leon landed in Florida.
On this date in 1792 Congress established the United
States Mint in Philadelphia, PA.
On this date in 1978 "Dallas" rode into prime time and
became one of CBS's top guns through the 80's.
On this date in 1978 also Velcro was first marketed.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Fairy Tale writer Hans Christian
Andersen was dyslexic. Others afflicted by dyslexia include Thomas
Edison, Woodrow Wilson, Tom Cruise and Henry (the Fonz) Winkler... Three
out of four Americans like to doodle... Aesop was believed to have been
a dwarf.
TRIVIA: 4 U.S. State capitals are named after presidents.
How many of them can you name?
Erma Bombeck said, "Never go
to a doctor whose office plants have died." You might think twice
also about a doctor whose patients are all sick... On to the real
stuff...
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Thanks to LBS for this: I've found it...
I have looked and looked and am proud to say I have finally
found it. You will be relieved to know it exits. Go to this
world wide web address, you probably did not think it existed either:
http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm
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Thanks to PW: Dear Abby:
My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me,
but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many
friends and supporters.
They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the
issues. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him.
Every time he gets caught he first denies it all, then he admits that he
was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long
that everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don't know what to do. Signed:
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Why don't you move to New York
and run for political office?
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Thanks again to PW and welcome back to the web -- I missed
you! WHY CHURCH?
A Church patron wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper
and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.
"I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that
time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life
of me I can't remember a single one of them. So I think I'm wasting my
time and the preachers are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the
Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks
until someone wrote this clincher: "I've been married for 30 years now.
In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of
me, I cannot recall what the menu was for a single one of those meals.
But I do know this: they all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed
to do my work. If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be dead
today."
No comments were made on the sermon contents anymore.
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats: Mother of Six
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man
decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is
ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go
home now Mother of Six?
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion
shouts back...
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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Thanks to a friend: "I wish for you..."
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Gentle hugs when spirits sag,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Faith so that you can believe,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
And love to complete your life.
God Bless you!
I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today
To guide you and protect you
As you go along your way....
His love is always with you
His promises are true,
No matter what the tribulation
You know He will see us through
So when the road you're traveling on
Seems difficult at best
Give your problems to the Lord
And God will do the rest.
Author Unknown
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Thanks to LBS: If You Can Walk -
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair.
and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
~ Author Unknown ~
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Thanks to JLLH: I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN
1. I'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until
8 p.m.,
2. I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
3. I'm usually interested in going home before I get
to where I am going.
4. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my
aspirin, beano, antacid.........
5. I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I
go.
6. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get
up.
7. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word
you're saying.
8. I'm very good at telling stories.....over and over
and over and over.
9. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not
as bright as mine.
10. I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private
care, dental care....
11. I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting,
crowds, wild children, politicians...........
12. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
13. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left
leg.
14. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like,
huh.........
15.I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies....
16. I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise,
anti-inflammatory.....
17. I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it
less.
18. I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors......absolutely
nothing!
19. I'm sure they are making adults much younger these
days.
20. I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS,
CD's, IRA'S, AARP.....
21. I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel,
how could I be alive at 150?
22. I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost
the storeroom.
23. I'm a [RETIRED] SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having
the time of my life!!!!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would
send it to many more! You didn't, did you???????
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ANSWER: Jackson, MS; Jefferson City, MO; Lincoln,
NE; Madison, WI.
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