Good Morning: It's Tuesday April 24,
2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Leslie Howard, 1893; Howard Penn Warren, 1905; Shirley
MacLaine, 1934; Barbra Streisand, 1942; Vince Ferragamo, 1954.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1704 the first regularly issued American newspaper,
the BOSTON NEWS LETTER, started publication.
On this date in 1800 the Library of Congress was established.
On this date in 1883 Jacob Ebert and George Dulty received the first
patent for the soda fountain.
On this date in 1888 Kodak sold its first camera.
On this date in 1898 Spain declared war on the U.S.
On this date in 1962 MIT executed the first satellite relay of a TV
signal.
On this date in 1970 China launched its first satellite.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: "Kilroy was here" referred to James J. Kilroy,
an inspector for Bethlehem Steel who used it as his certification mark...
The phrase "stone broke" comes from the Middle Ages custom of breaking
stone benches of craftsmen who were unable to pay their debts... "Knuckle
under" comes from the archaic meaning of knuckle or knee. It meant
to fall on one's knees.
TRIVIA: What Apollo astronaut is the father of a soap star?
Here is a Gore Vidal quote to start our Tuesday:
"Never have children, only grandchildren." Hmm...
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"Be discreet in all things, and so render unnecessary to be mysterious"
(Duke of Wellington Arthur Wellesley).
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Thanks to AB: This happened in Michigan (reported on Paul
Harvey's radio program):
A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with guns, dog, beer, and
of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the
ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large
enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land
on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite
with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into
consideration that they need to place the stick of dynamite on the ice
at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee).
But, they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they
run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting
blast. They decide to light this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
(Remember when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns, and the
dog?) Yes, the dog: A highly trained Black Labrador used for retrieving
. . . especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it; the dog takes
off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of
dynamite with the burning 40 . . . second fuse about the time it hits the
ice. The two men yell, scream, wave arms, and wonder what to do now. The
dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots
the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to
stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues
on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused and of course terrified, thinking these two Nobel Prize winners
have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover . . . under the brand new Cherokee.
You guessed it . . . BOOM! Dog and Cherokee are blown to bits and
sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots
standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their
faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosives is not covered. And he had yet to make the first of those
$400+ monthly payments!
. . . And you thought your day was not going well??
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"Danger past, God forgotten." Proverb
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From PackyHumor:
1. How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho
Path.
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
7. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire? Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their
Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's
Gonna Lose A Trailer
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From WARM FUZZY STORIES: 21 BYTES OF WISDOM
1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will
have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in ... make sure you are willing to unload
it.
7. You will never "have it all together."
8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be
happy."
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. He or she who laughs ... lasts.
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities ... not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming ... not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong ... don't go with them.
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"Ceremony is the smoke of friendship." Chinese Proverb
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ANSWER: Michael Collins, left behind to pilot the command module
while his shipmates Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin made history
by landing on the moon, is the father of Kate Collins, who, for many years,
has played Natalie on "All My Children".
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