Good Morning:
It's Tuesday April 3, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Washington Irving,
1783; George Jessel, 1898; Marlon Brando, 1924; Doris Day, 1924; Marsha
Mason, 1942; Wayne Newton, 1942; Michael Cassivitis (Tony Orlando), 1944;
Eddie Murphy, 1961.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1882 Jesse James
was killed by Robert Ford.
On this date in 1936 Bruno Richard
Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping and murder of Lindbergh's baby.
On this date in 1948 Secretary
of State George Catlett Marshall's $5 billion European Recovery Program,
the Marshall Plan, was enacted by the U.S. Congress. Marshall had
proposed the aid package aimed at rebuilding postwar Europe during a Harvard
University speech one year earlier.
On this date in 1978 President
Jimmy Carter decided not to produce the neutron bomb.
On this date in 1982 British Prime
Minister Margaret Thatcher ordered a naval task force to the Falkland Islands.
On this date in 1984 President
Ronald Reagan signed a policy directive designed to combat international
terrorism.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The official
state beverage of Massachusetts is cranberry juice... Jousting is the official
state sport of Maryland... Alaska's state flower is the forget-me-not.
TRIVIA: How is it determined
on what date Easter will occur in any given year?
Here is
an encouraging thought: "When you become senile, you won't know it"
(Bill Cosby). If that is true, what have we to worry about???
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Thanks (sort of...) to M/M Riverrats:
In the hospital the relatives gathered
in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally,
the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer
of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope
left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental
procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The
doctor quickly replied, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female
brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men
in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity,
blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain
so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish
innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing
procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because
they've actually been used."
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Thanks to a friend: He Won't
Let Go:
Some years ago on a hot summer
day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old
swimming hole behind his house.
In a hurry to dive into the cool
water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt
as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam
toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His mother, in the house was looking
out the window, saw the two as they got closer and closer together.
In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as
she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made
a U-turn to swim to his mother.
It was too late.
Just as he reached her, the
alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little
boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs.
That began an incredible
tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than
the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go. A farmer
happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim
and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the
hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred
by the vicious attack of the animal, and on his arms, were deep scratches
where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang
on to the son she loved.
The newspaper reporter who
interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars.
The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said
to the reporter, "But look at my arms, I have great scars on my arms, too.
I have them because my mom wouldn't let go.
You and I can identify with
that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator,
or anything quite so dramatic. But the scars of a painful past.
Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret.
But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.
In the midst of your struggle,
He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God
loves you. If you have Christ in your life you have become a child
of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.
But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations. The swimming
hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting
to attack.
That's when the tug-o-war
begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very
grateful. He did not and will not let you go.
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Thanks to a friend: "Career
Shredder"
A young executive was leaving the
office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder
with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is
a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone
for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the
CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one
copy."
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Thanks to AK for these:
Just in case you all don't have
enough to think about or enough to do, these little thoughts should keep
you occupied for awhile:
Why does the sun lighten our hair,
but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside
of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline,
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long
word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you
can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary
to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what
they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow
falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows
95, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you're driving
and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch
called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there a special name
for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do you need a driver's license
to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
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ANSWER: It is tied to the
lunar cycle. Easter is the first Sunday after the vernal equinox.
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